Chosen knowledge.
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Hoax confirmed: fake third boob is fake!
It was three good to be true. (Via Facebook)
The beautiful dream we've held so dearly to her chest is over.
Jasmine Tridevil, the Tampa woman who found immediate Internet fame after claiming to be the first mentally unstable woman to have a third breast implanted between her two real ones has been exposed, and no, we don't get to see that third nipple.
Earlier today, TMZ revealed Jasmine Tridevil for the hoaxer she is. Her secret squeezed out accidentally when her luggage was stolen at an airport. According to a document retrieved from the Tampa International Airport Police Dept., a whole bunch of luggage was stolen from an American Airlines conveyor belt, including Miss Tridevil's (actual name Alisha Hessler) black nylon roller bag. The thieves were caught after being able to ID them from surveillance video, and police inspected each stolen bag as they built their case to prosecute. What was found in Tridevil's bag? Some clothes, stilettos heels, some paperwork, a hairbrush, and...
A "3 Breast Prosthesis." (Via TMZ)
Horror of horrors. Now, not only is it clear that Jasmine Tridevil's fake third boob was fake, her other two real ones were fake as well.
Questions abound. Who made her prosthetic that she told cops cost her $5K? What's that line just below her phone in the above picture? Is that part of the prosthetic? Is her hair covering the other line? Did we have the evidence all along and didn't notice because we were all hypnotized by her third fucking tit? How long did the police hold onto her fake jugs for "safekeeping?" And what, for the love of anything, do her real boobs look like???
I'm hoping, nay, begging, she will show her two real boobs, along with the episodes of the reality show she paid for and shot herself, Jasmine's Jugs, on her new Facebook page. The page was created just this Monday, September 22nd, under her real name Alisha Hessler (Actor/Director), and instead of simply linking, I am going to spell out the URL here, so you can see it in all its glory:
https://www.facebook.com/Jasmine.Tridevil.Tits
Dot tits indeed, Miss Hessler, dot tits indeed.
(by Myka Fox)
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iPhone 6
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Eye
The eye is the part of the body in charge of taking sunsets for granted.
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Second Cousin
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You bent your iPhone 6 Plus? Big deal. The Samsung Galaxy had that technology two years ago. #BendGate #bendghazi
CrutnackerWed, 24 Sep 2014 11:03:19 EDTYou bent your iPhone 6 Plus? Big deal. The Samsung Galaxy had that technology two years ago. #BendGate #bendghazi
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Someone forgot their iPad on a plane, drove around for 10 days, and got it back with a nice surprise.
"Let me show you the selfie of my people."
Iceland seems like a nice place, or at least a place where you can forget your iPad on an plane at Reykjavík's Keflavík Airport, drive around the country for 10 days, and then come back to the airport to find your iPad loaded up with adorable pictures from the IcelandAir crew members who have been diligently protecting your easily resold consumer technology item in anticipation of your return. So, yeah, it seems like a nice place.
"We may be having our morning coffee, but it's never too early to be friendly in Iceland!"
Redditor EarlySpaceCowboy did exactly that recently when he flew overnight to the tiny Scandinavian island nation and watched way too much The Walking Dead on his flight over (hopefully he didn't also leave a new iPhone in his pocket). The groggy Cowboy must have left it in his seat, where it was found by the cleaning crew (the dudes in first picture), who then passed it to the two women from the gate/reception staff (commenters were adamant that those are not flight attendant uniforms), who then passed it to airport police (who didn't take a picture). Since apparently the airport police in Iceland do more than just threaten to take people behind a one-way mirror, they hung on to it until EarlySpaceCowboy got back to the airport. But not because they were going to arrest him for terrorism, just because it was nice. Look, I can't explain it either, they have weird customs over there.
(by Johnny McNulty)
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Empty chest.
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Two 30-year-old guys lip sync a random conversation between a 60-year-old mom and aunt.
"Can you believe my son would do this to me?"
Two 30-year-old guys act out a recorded conversation between two 60-year-old women in this, the third episode of The Kloons' web series, "Sisters." They're made by Nik Kazoura, Mitch Lewis, and Greg Washburn, who record conversations between Nik's aunt and his mom, and then act them out. Topics covered in this episode include: more details about garden decor, who in the family has perfect pitch, and whether Vince Vaughn is a comedic actor. It's funny and surprisingly sweet.
Here are "Sisters" episodes one and two in case you missed them.
(by Shira Rachel Danan)
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Adorable dog brings you whatever you left on the plane before you even realize it's missing.
Leave whatever you want behind, this dog HAS to sniff it!
There's nothing worse than enduring a battle royale to retrieve your carry-on from the overhead bin in order to be the first to emerge from your winged chariot, only to realize you left your iPhone or headphones nestled in the seat cushions you just occupied for a 15 hour international flight.
Enter this dog. This dog has been trained by KLM to sniff out whatever appliance you used to ignore your fellow passengers, and race it over to you in a knapsack while you are still stepping over sleeping tourists waiting for their connecting flights.
And he's so cute!
There is pretty much no reason that dog should be sliding down the baggage carrousel.
The best part is, even if you didn't lose anything, you can still bend down to pet the dog and get a brand0new gently used iPhone full of pictures of people you don't know!
(by Myka Fox)
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Turned on.
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Bragging rights.
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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - September 24, 2014
1. Fake Emma Watson Nude Website Somehow Part Of Brilliant Plan To Take Down 4chan
It turns out that the website EmmaYouAreNext.com—which was ostensibly threatening to release naked photos of Emma Watson in retaliation for her United Nations speech on feminism—was really just a hoax, perpetrated by a company that supposedly trying to get the 4chan website removed from the Internet. Good news for fans of not terrorizing women, bad news for fans of First Amendment rights.
4chan hacked Biden's computer and filled it with pics of spooky skeletons and now he's too afraid to log in
— Eli Yudin (@eliyudin) September 4, 2014
2. Waitress Gets Back At Rush Limbaugh For Giving Her $2,000 Tip By Donating It To Charity He'd Hate
A former Texas waitress recently revealed that she paid talk radio star Rush Limbaugh back for his disgusting generosity by getting him to inadvertently support abortion rights. After the conservative activist twice left Merritt Tierce $2,000 gratuities at the steak house where she was working, she took the money and gave "a sizable chunk" of it to to the Texas Equal Access Fund. "He’s such an obvious target for any feminist or sane person. It was really bizarre to me that he gave me $2,000, and he’s evil incarnate in some ways." He'll think twice before sharing his money with hardworking people again.
Today in 1983, Rush Limbaugh was bitten by a radioactive fucking loudmouth idiot, giving him all the powers of a fucking loudmouth idiot.
— Disalmanac (@Disalmanac) July 17, 2014
3. India One Step Closer To Filming Bollywood Musical On Surface Of Mars
A spacecraft launched by India successfully entered the orbit of the planet Mars today. They somehow managed to achieve this feat for only $74 million, which is less than the cost of the movie Gravity. Though, to be fair, their space program did not have to work George Clooney's fee into budget.
Maybe it’s time to outsource space exploration to India? http://t.co/cc8GgHEBYapic.twitter.com/v918ryyEu9
— Matt Yglesias (@mattyglesias) September 24, 2014
4. So, Apparently It's Now Necessary To Warn People Not To Microwave Their iPhones
After at least a few very gullible iPhone users fell for a 4chan hoax supposedly informing people that Apple's new io8 operating system allows people to recharge their phones by placing it in a working microwave—you should probably be told that you should not place your phone in a working microwave.
USE WAVE THEY SAID. IT'LL CHARGE YOUR IPHONE IN THE MICROWAVE THEY SAID.
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A woman was alone in a cabin when a bear decided to pop in for a visit.
"Is that the new iPhone?" (via)
There's a good reason that being alone in the woods is such a popular theme for horror movies. Because the wilderness is full of all kinds of creatures that could potentially kill you, cell service is spotty at best, and your closest neighbors are unlikely to hear you scream things like, "There's a bear climbing through my window!" That's the situation one woman found herself in while staying in Wyoming's Grand Teton National Park recently.
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"Could I interest you in feeding me Girl Scout cookies?" (via)
Because the Cinnamon black bear didn't appear to be overly aggressive, so she decided to use the opportunity to capture the (hopefully) rare photos.
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"C'mon, you watch too many movies." (via)
She didn't have a gun, so began banging on pots and pans while the bear scoped out the perimeter, which may have given the hungry bear the idea that she was cooking up some grub. Because that's when he invited himself in by way of a non-bear-proof screen window.
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"Hey, honey." (via)
She felt safer inside the cabin while the bear was outside, but once he came through the window, she decided it was a good time to make an exit. If you'd prefer this story with a happy ending, stop reading this and check out an awesome video of a bear cub playing with a flagstick on a golf course. Too cute! Right? Good times.
Because, sadly, this bear returned after being transported forty miles away and had to be put down. The full encounter is explained in greater detail here.
(by Jonathan Corbett)
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Everyone is saying iOS 8.0.1 knocks out cell service. At last, the iPhone is perfect.
Tim SiedellWed, 24 Sep 2014 14:11:37 EDTEveryone is saying iOS 8.0.1 knocks out cell service. At last, the iPhone is perfect.
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The Matrix redesigned as an old-school video game: the peak of civilization.
Whoa.
The folks at CineFix have created a very satisfying Nintendo-esque version of The Matrix, complete with training and Matrix modes, played out as though Neo himself were using the controllers.
It's the perfect expression of art imitating art: a video game version of a movie that theorizes that all of existence is just a giant video game. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony. Instead of just adding the video game sound effects to the original movie, the film-game gets a full arcade makeover, complete with non-existent spoons, déjà-vu cats, and subway-penetrating agents.
Go ahead and watch it; to deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human.
They had to remake the Matrix as 8-bit; you should never send a human to do a machine's job.
(by Myka Fox)
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Safety first.
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Another year.
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A bunny wandered into the African savanna habitat at the zoo and attracted a curious crowd of giraffes.
Interspecies prodding.
A bunny wandered onto the African savanna exhibit at the Dublin Zoo recently, which was the most exciting thing to happen to a bunch of giraffes since the invention of acacia trees. At first, one giraffe sniffs at the bunny, and then a few of the giraffe's friends trot over to check out the weird furry thing in their midst. You just know this bunny was repeating to himself, "Oh god. Just remember they're herbivores. Herbivores!"
(by Shira Rachel Danan)
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A ridiculously smart dog figured out how to open a window so he could go outside and play.
"Hmmm... I wonder if this makes the invisible wall go away."
I don't mean to alarm any of you unnecessarily, but I'm beginning to get the impression that dogs are starting to figure stuff out. Like, they might be getting dangerously smart. Just yesterday, I posted a video of a German Shepherd who taught himself to open his puppy friend's crate. And now we have this footage of a completely different dog working out the mechanics involved with opening a latched window:
I love dogs. I have two of them. But I am not down with this development. Look, they've already got speed on us, plus biting power and a complete disregard for what they'll consider food. If they catch up with humans in intelligence, I don't think things are going to end well for us. Sure, they're subservient now. But that's just because they still don't know how to open the lid on the dog food canister. Once they figure out that all you have to do is lift the—
Wait a second! If there's any dogs reading this, nice try! However, we won't giving up our information quite so easily. Now get off the computer and stay off the couch!
(by Dennis DiClaudio)
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