"Excuse me, barista, but there seems to be a bug in my coffee."(via)

When I used to work in a coffee shop during college, I was extremely proud of my ability to make something that kind of resembled a four-leaf clover in the milky foam of favored customers' cappuccinos. Then I'd hand the drink over and say, "This is for good luck," and they'd say, "What is?" and I'd say, "That four-leaf clover there," and they'd say, "Oh, is that a four-leaf clover?" and I'd say, "Yeah, can't you tell?" and they'd say, "I guess it does kind of look like a four-leaf clover."

Anyway, long story short: This Japanese latte artist Kazuki Yamamoto is considerably more talented than me:

To be fair, I only worked at that coffee shop for a few years. I think if I stayed a little longer, I might have caught up.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

"You think this human contraption can stop me?! Hahahaha!"

I said it before. Don't pretend like I didn't say it before! I warned you, and I warned you, but nobody listened. And now I'm afraid it's too late. The dogs have figured out how to open our baby gates:

Look, we've already seen dogs opening each other's crates, unlocking their friends' kennel doors and unlatching windows to the outside world. But the baby gate was supposed to be the pinnacle of anti-dog technology, and this Great Dane named Bambi decodes its secrets in about 45 seconds.

None of our couches are safe, people! Nor our beds, nor our recliners, nor our fancy carpets in that one room we keep pristine for entertaining people we don't like that much! The world will be sprinkled generously with a pervasive layer of wiry dog hair. No piece of dropped food will go uncovered by the sheddings of our canine oppressors.

The future is here!

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Welcome to the future, guys. Don't ever change.

Finally, we as a peorple have a new #1 jam to listen to, and no longer need to scrape dope rhymes off the kitchen floor. Despite the fact that the first video uploaded to the site in years was on April Fool's (below), Homestar Runner appears to actually be back, with the Brothers Chaps (the series' creators) promising new Strong Bad Emails throughout the fall and winter, but they're kicking it off with "Fish-Eye Lens," a full-length cartoon. If you're not familiar with the Flash-based animation series that started in 2000, uh, well, congratulations on having a great way to kill a lot of time while watching pre-YouTube Internet comedy (and They Might Be Giants videos). If you are familiar, fortunately this won't ruin any of those memories either.

Here's the April Fool's Day video, so you can see why fans were nervously optimistic at first:

(by Johnny McNulty)

"Oh, CanadAAAGGHHHH!!!"

To call Mark Donnelly a professional singer seems like a half-truth. Really, he's more like a professional singer of the Canada's national anthem. He might know some other songs. Okay, I'm sure he knows some other songs. Probably. But the only song he's really known for singing is "Oh Canada." Conservatively speaking, he's probably sang that song before about a bazillion hockey games. If there's a hockey game happening somewhere in Canada, I think he just shows up.

You'd think that at some point, during all those hockey games he's attended, he'd have learned that ice skates work much better on ice than they do on carpet. You'd be wrong:

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

"Release the lady from the confinements you have orchestrated against her wishes!"

Nearly 100 of cinema's most prominent renegade cops, masked vigilantes, international spies and swashbuckling archeologists have issued a joint statement—via this video from the Huffington Post's pop-culture collagist Oliver Noble—calling for amoral antagonists across multiple genres to "Let her go!"

"This is between you and me," NYPD Detective John Shaft declared while brandishing a Glock 19 semi-automatic pistol at arm's length. "Let her go!" Impossible Missions Force agent Ethan Hunt concurred, adding "She doesn't belong here. Let her go." Dozens of other cooly confident and selfless action movie heroes from across the globe and spanning decades of film history added their voices to the call, stating variously, "Let her go," "Let her go now," "Just let her go," and "You have to let her go."

A psychopathic supervillain from Gotham City known only as The Joker issued a brief statement in response, "Very poor choice of words," before happily acquiescing to the demands. 

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Hard to say if that dog is bored or in love. 

This big dog just wants to make friends with the tiny kitten on his mat. The kitten, meanwhile, keeps looking imploringly offscreen toward his human, asking with his eyes: "Can't someone take care of this snout that keeps attacking me?" Typical cat. 

The video is from a couple of years ago, but it was revived this week by some very smart Internet people who knew we all needed more of this.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Not as long as his buddy lets him watch NFL games on his belly. (via)

At this point there isn't a moment of human experience that isn't photographed and instantly uploaded to Facebook for all to share. Life is contained in the Facebook photo albums now, so when you comment on a Facebook photo you're essentially commenting on life itself. You can choose to resignedly click "Like" on life like so many over-medicated cult members who are lying to themselves. Or you can do like the commenters gathered here, who deserve awards for their attention to detail and their willingness to turn a glimpse of another person's existence into something we can all laugh at.

Or maybe a walrus? (via) 

No, your life is not significant. Get offline. (via)

At work? You have the best job ever. (via)

He enjoyed what he did. (via)

That would have offended non-toilets. (via)

Updated 9/2/14: 

So much more powerful than a promise ring. (Via)

 
Bae caught me fakin'.(Via)

.

Use every part of the Facebook. (Via)

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Way to look past the darkness.(Via)

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Dog couldn't even wear a tux to his own wedding? That's bad luck! (Via)

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Maybe she's just avant garde, d-bag. (Via)

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Updated 8/4/14:

Someone send a life-raft. (Via)

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Ken's a big reader. No canned spaghetti meal is going to make him give that up. (Via)

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You must be more compassionate in your oil changes.(Via)

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Prepare for ye credit card offers and Valpaks to be pillaged. (Via)

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Still, at least she Googled it herself. Very talented Googling. (Via)

A sunset has to be really beautiful to get Heather to stop obsessing over poop shots. (Via)

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Updated 6/30/14:

Why old Photobomb Phil's been dead for decades now.
You got photobombed by a g-g-g-ghost! (Via)

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Like you've never gotten excited after taking a really good butt-selfie.(Via)

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Least they're not sitting around doing math!(Via)

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Or, he died before achieving his dream of Jurassic Park being operational.(Via)

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I think he just asked you out to dinner!(Via)

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Guys don't need a lot of inspiration in that activity. (Via)

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Updated 6/3/14:

I certainly hope the tiny cat tipped well. (via)

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You should see the pyramids. (via)

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Wake up, sheeple! Why do you think there are so many cans? The aluminade! (via)

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It looked like a salami. (via)

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When will you grow up, Shannon? (via)

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Updated 5/2/14: 

Spike knew. She always knew. (via)

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That was very, very dangerous. But cool. (via)

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I only hump American-made cars. (via)

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The tattoo artist only knew how to do glittery spiders for some reason. (via)

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If not great responsibility, at least more responsibility than that, surely. (via)

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What if they mutate but they're still not that good at martial arts? (via)

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Updated 4/2/14:

I'm guessing this is the last time anyone makes the mistake of trusting you. (via)

   .

I dunno, $20 still seems like a good deal. (via)

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Well, that seems irrelevant, but good to know. (via)

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Nope, not what that means. (via)

 .

Updated 3/4/14:  

All the rest have 31, except February which has 52. (via)

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It's just a very sad photo all around. (via)

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I give them a week before they're posting photos of each other slippin. (via)

   .

Why do I have the feeling this will take a while to explain? (via)

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Updated 2/4/14:

Also sometimes people are just sleepy. (via)

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Unfriend this person before their posts become upsetting. (via)

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Good thing I have my smart phone to document this. (via)

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Philip Seymour Hoffman would probably have thought this was funny. (via)

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A bargain at half the price. (via)

Updated 1/6/14:

He's going to the great cardboard box in the sky. (via)

   .

A.O. Scott does most of his reviews this way, too. (via)

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"Oh!!! Pretty!" was the last words of many a gladiator. (via)

   .

Reason #43,239 never to friend your mom, or son, on Facebook. (via)

The greened-out name is Santa, obvi. (via)

This is why the aliens will easily be able to overtake us. (via)

Updated 12/5/13:

Kids today don't watch enough VHS's.

"Superficial aesthetic characteristics" = "She has giant boobs."

I always grew too attached to the sausages we raised on my farm as a child.

Why would you want to avoid a place with a ball pit?

It's true! M.J. really was out of this world!

Ow.

Updated 11/7/13:

ERECTION! How many times must I scream "ERECTION"?!

Could be anyone's ass, really.

Don't forget the Holey Bagel.

Earth is destroyed every year.

SMMTH. (Shaking my mutant turtle head.)

LOL why would someone invent a non-cordless phone?

Updated 10/7/13:

Pics or it didn't happen.

Mr. Darren Buble has a nice ring to it.Swoon.

   .

Oddly enough, that book IS junk.
 

Updated 9/11/13:

Could lose a bit more if he put down the phone for a second.

   .

Sells puppy to get better phone to take pictures of puppy on.

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No, no, Timmy. Camels have humps.

   .

Same basic shape, you know-it-all!

   .

Rob may be a pussy, but he's no fool.

Updated 8/8/13:

In case you were wondering, her account number is 3771-1745.

   .

There are no awkward silences around that grasshopper.

   .

Children our are future.

   .

Seriously, 5 acres isn't even that many!

   .

If your phone's in a smoothie, what did you take the photo with??

Updated 7/12/13:

This commenter is now in a relationship with Youtube.

   .

They were chillen' together. Cyberchillen'.

Tonight on Fat Cops, a young boy who's just killed a man seeks help from his mama...

This is actually why they picked her for the summer internship.

Their lizard fucking is truly beautiful though.

   .

Updated 6/12/13:

Remember when Neil DeGrasse Tyson had that ugly feud with 50 Cent at the planetarium?

Ew, drinking Union Jack sounds dusty.

And...if you're lazy?

Time to go back to your original profession as a taxidermist.

Every mother dreams of her toddler turning out sexy.

Honestly, that's what "Granddaughter" gets for posting that statistic.

Updated 5/13/13:

They can be the same. Liking your own status on Facebook is a form of fapping.

Also, why did you marry such a heavy, finger-giving man in the first place?

No, stupid, the Italian flag says "Viva Italy!"

The only fun fact about Nazism, actually.
 

Screw white ghosts for oppressing all the minority ghosts.

It's a meta caption of a meta photo. Whoa.

Updated 4/18/13:

Dogs have patience. Human dogs, less so.

What the hell did that bunny leave in your basket?
 

It's the legend of the ghost bridge! The bridge has returned from the dead for vengeance!

Looks like he took a break for some refreshment, and to steal your wallet.

The real tragedy is Walt letting his legotism control his decisions.

Welcome to your kitchen for the very first time. Now make some really spicy coffee.

Updated 3/19/13:

Um, I've been leading a double life. I'm really a cheezy stock photographer.

This horrible relationship is making us hungry!

The GOP has decided to run a citrus in 2016.

His balls are really good listeners.

Thought you meant congrads on my bomb new lid, brah. But that marriage shit, yeah, LOL.

Updated 2/19/13:

You have a new friend request from Galileo (Galileo) Galileo Figaro.

Bobby's obviously never done mescaline.

We usually name our pimple, Gus. Short for Disgusting.

Can we just switch our order to the spaghetti? If no one's had sex in it?

Even the cat looks angry that someone brought Blue Moon.

It's cool. He has a vagina underneath his left knee.

Updated 1/23/13:

They're lucky he didn't just tie pistols to their feet.

Game of Thrones is bound to use this as a plot-point eventually.

   .

She should end it with him. He clearly wishes he was dating Spider-Man.

   .

The best way to stop forest fires is with a crapload of "likes."

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Just having a pet dolphin would be enough for us. Or an Xbox, for that matter.
 

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What would humans and ducks ally against? Swans?

   .

Updated 12/17/12:

Wrong. It's a framed picture of a mirror being photobombed by a ceiling fan.

   .

Commenters love to shout at a hat out on a ledge.

   .

We feel bad for twin girls. They can't ask kids on the playground to "come and play with us" without scaring the hell out of them.

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"Don't miss Kohl's holiday blowout!" -John 3:16

   .

Our grandma used to make a great soul loaf. So tender, so eternal.

   .

We'd go with the Bieber. Just to learn the sequence of terrible decisions that led to him getting the same haircut as our sister's girlfriend.

   .

Your Facebook friends: Misunderstanding deep-throating hamsters since 2006.

Updated 11/26/12:

In nature you're never more than two inches away from poo. And by "nature" we mean "our office."

   . 

People aren't that impressed when you train a man-parrot to talk.

   . 

Peace in the Middle-East won't be achieved unless we all bond over the new C-class.

   . 

He had to introduce himself to all the Taco Bells in the neighborhood.

   . 

Still waiting for the day when this country will elect its first teensy president.

   .

Oh the humanity.
   .

No wonder his personals ad seeking "Women into baseball glove material" always went unanswered.
   .

Updated 10/26/12:

Looks like a girl in a bikini committing suicide to us. Eye of the beholder?

   .

Another episode of "Blame Autocorrect Or Call Social Services?"

   . 

We're hungry and nauseous all at once.

  . 

Seriously, who are they flipping the bird at? The Bravo channel?

   . 

Like you'd still be able to see the top of the bridge.

   .

Why does this racist sexual inadequacy panic quiz have to implicate Gamestop?

   . 

We thought every page on the internet was kind of called "Fapping."

. 

Updated 9/4/12:

   .

Updated 8/7/12:

Updated 7/16/12:

Updated 6/28/12:

Updated June 5, 2012:

Updated 5/7/12:

Updated 4/20/12:

Updated 3/29/12:

Updated 2/28/12:

“Well, Dr. French isn’t American, so what does he know?”

"And who are you looking for?" asks Christine Weber Livingston, mother of Cody Lanphere, a heavily sedated teen just coming out of dental surgery. She already knows the answer, she just wants to get it on video. This mom is out to humiliate her son. 

It works. Cody immediately crumples into tears.

"Where's Beyonce?" wails cody from his cotton-stuffed and bleeding mouth.

"Beyonce couldn't make it," the mom responds comfortingly. This woman is putting a band-aid on the emotional scab she just picked, and it is too late. Cody is headed for a meltdown.

"She told -- she told me she’d be here. She lied to me! She lied to me, mommy!”

This kind of blubbering and nonsense continues on for 12 minutes while mom simultaneously films her son and, hopefully, watches the road. 

His post-surgery amnesia is alarming; he doesn't remember the surgery at all. At one point, he asks why he has gauze in his mouth, and then freaks out when mom tells him he had his teeth removed. The poor kid thinks he is completely toothless.

Later, his mom reminds him that they live on a farm with pigs, and he says, "We live on a farm? I don't want to be Old MacDonald." 

On Thursday night, ABC News interviewed him about his video. He says he didn't remember being filmed at all, and he was shocked when he saw it.

“My reaction was complete bewilderment … I couldn’t even believe that that’s how I was acting because I don’t remember any of it,” he said.

The only part that made sense to him was his drunken devotion to a certain pop star. He is an aspiring hip-hop dancer, so of course he is obsessed.

“Ah, Beyonce,” he said. “Who doesn’t love her? I love her -- I mean, she’s amazing. I love what she stands for, all about independence … I’ve loved her since Destiny’s Child.” 

Historically, these videos are taken by the patient, a self-documentation of druggedly completing the Ice Bucket Challenge or craving Ryan Gosling's "white dick," but this poor kid got drugged and then taken advantage of by his own mom. She originally put the video on Facebook for family and friends, but was quickly convinced to extend the embarrassment to ends of the Internet. 

As she explained to ABC, “My son likes to tweet about me … you know, I was like, this is mommy’s ultimate revenge.”

Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there: don't trust your moms.

And when it comes to dental surgery, just say no.

(by Myka Fox)

If he wasn't guilty, why would he call Saul?

You're not the only one excited for Better Call Saul, the Breaking Bad spin-off that follows the adventures of lawyer Saul Goodman (Bob Odenkirk). This is a show that's already been renewed for a second season, despite the fact that it hasn't even aired yet. 

AMC just released this music video, featuring country singer Junior Brown, to whet our appetites. With lyrics like "Saul, Saul, you better call Saul / He'll fight for your rights when your back's to the wall / He'll stick it to the man, justice for all / Better call Saul," the music video is as funny, weird, and genre-bending as we're sure the show will be when it airs in February. 

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

In Soviet Russia, pug puppies climb on you.

I don't speak Russian, but I'm pretty sure what this guy is saying at the beginning of this video is, "Come here, little pugs! Come climb all over me in a cuddle pile of pugtastic proportions!" I was only slightly distracted from the joyful wonder that is this video by the fact that this maniacally laughing, bald Russian guy in a prison-stripes shirt evokes so many villain stereotypes I can't help but feel like he'd be the bad guy in 101 Pugs.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

All penises will be exposed to skeptical glares from women to ensure their resilience.

That's right, researchers at the Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine in North Carolina have finished the animal-testing phase of bioengineered penises and are ready to start grafting them onto human men, who, in turn, will test them on women, other men, couch cushions, pastries, and themselves. By the way, you heard that first part correctly: up until now, research was limited to the growth and reattachment of rabbit penises. That was a job someone had, and it was a job their peers probably envied.

"Wow, Mike! Have you ever seen one this big?" "Shut up, Deborah."

The penises are grown using cells from the host, which is done to avoid the body rejecting it. Basically, the cells grow in a petri dish for a few weeks, and then once there's a critical mass of penis cells, they're slathered onto a collagen penis-shaped scaffold (different types of cells in different areas), where they will finish growing into the finished penis product. No, there is no news yet about the range of scaffold shapes you can choose from.

The fact that the phalluses are grown from the patient's own cells does limit the market for lab-grown penises to people with XY chromosomes. Otherwise, the cells won't have a penis blueprint to begin with. Therefore, this is not currently promising to be an option for female-to-male transgendered persons. Rather, this is currently aimed at people born with ambiguous genitalia (which often results in a male-to-female sex-change operation) or veterans injured in war.

"Well, it beats OKCupid."

It's also not guaranteed to work, since the process of erection involves a number of different tissue types, blood-flow, and connections to specific parts of the brain. Whether or not it will "feel" normal is something else that's unclear, so don't expect this to become a plastic surgery option where dudes pop into the dick shop for an upgrade (yet). For people in these traumatic situations, however, it seems like a really good option. They are working on all of that, though. 

Let's just head off a few types of commenters at the pass and point out that no, science is not only working on this type of thing for penises. In fact, the first lab-grown vaginal transplant (made by the same team) happened back in 2005, and they have also done bladders and are interested in non-groin-area organs such as the kidney and heart.

"Ew."

(by Johnny McNulty)

How is there already not a show on American television called Russian Dash-Cam? They've created more interesting footage this year than all three major networks combined. The clips are often fascinating, sometimes bat-crap crazy, but almost always amusing in some way. Like this clip of a potential road rage incident being settled peacefully by a large dog riding in the backseat of the offending party's truck. Who knows what the driver did, but whatever it was, the guy he pissed off with his driving came to the wise conclusion that it wasn't worth fighting a giant dog in the rain over.

(by Jonathan Corbett)