They're waiting for Prince Charming to come wash their mouths out with soap.

These sweet little girls in princess costumes aren't afraid to say the f-word, so wear headphones if you're watching this at work. The girls, ages six to thirteen, were brought together by FCKH8.com to promote gender equality in a video titled "F-Bombs for Feminism." FCKH8 is a t-shirt company that makes anti-racism, anti-sexism, and pro-LGBT rights products they hope act as "mini-billboards for change."

The girls in the video curse for a reason: to demand social justice for girls and women, including equal pay, an end to rape culture, and not to be treated differently just because they don't have penises. 

While the video's message is spot on, it's a little heavy-handed in its attempt to be shocking. The question the video addresses: "What's more offensive? A little girl saying f*ck or the sexist way society treats girls and women" is kind of meaningless. Only the video is asking us to choose! Still, the image of little girls throwing around f-bombs is pretty fun, and it's all for a good cause.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Buy your own and make him knock today! (via Change.org)

After a Florida mom started a petition to get "Breaking Bad" action figures pulled from Toys "R" Us, the store announced today that the toys are going on "indefinite sabbatical." 

The Walter White and Jesse Pinkman action figures come with detachable bags of cash and meth, which apparently Susan Schrijver doesn't think aligns with family values. Any true fan of the show knows Heisenberg was all about family, but fine. The dolls were supposed to be shelved in a section of the store that's marked for "ages 15 and up," but Schrijver thinks their presence in a store that mostly sells toys for younger kids is detrimental.

Initially, the store said they wouldn't pull the action figures, but today they reversed that decision.

Cranston weighed in on the controversy on Twitter before Toys "R" Us made their announcement.

"Florida mom petitions against Toys 'R Us over Breaking Bad action figures." I'm so mad, I'm burning my Florida Mom action figure in protest

— Bryan Cranston (@BryanCranston) October 20, 2014

Do not cross him. He will really do it. (He's going through this mid-life crisis thing.)

It looks like Toys "R" Us is trying its best to avoid offending angry parents, but if the Florida mom did decide to sue, there's one lawyer who'd be the obvious choice for Toys "R" Us to call. 

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Compass, you're fired!

Great news! If you ever find yourself in a situation where you're required to draw a perfect circle freehand–say you're in a job interview at a graphic design firm that can't afford computers, or you're in a terrible fight with your significant other that can only be saved by a last minute note with a perfect smiley face at the bottom and there's no time to grab a jar from the fridge–you'll now be able to create one with this easy trick. 

This guy's technique is so simple that every one of us should have learned it in kindergarten. Have art teachers been keeping this trick a secret for job security? Well, their secret's out! Now you can walk into that job interview and pick a fight with your SO with complete confidence.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

“You're still in prison if you do nothing better in freedom.” ― Toba Beta
(Image via Metro)

To avoid being trapped in prison, a man pretended to be trapped in his own body.

Alan Knight stole more than £40,000 (about $64,000) from his elderly neighbor, who suffered Alzheimer's. Then he managed to top this disgusting act by pretending to be paralyzed from the neck down and afflicted with frequent comas in order to avoid prison.

An Alzheimer's patient may have been an easy target, but how he managed to convince doctors that he was a quadriplegic is unexplainable. Knight is clearly skilled at being the worst person ever. There are few things worse than prison, but being paralyzed has got to be one of them. 

Stand bedside your man. (Via Metro)

He kept the miserable charade going for two years, with his wife getting in on the scam by pretending to care for him until, eventually, and unsurprisingly, he got caught.

The Metro reports that doctors witnessed him "eating, wiping his face and even writing."

It's a miracle!

I guess the doctors had also been letting him convalesce at home, because Tesco security cameras caught Knight on a shopping trip, walking around like he wasn't paralyzed, pushing a shopping cart around, and even driving himself to the store. It really makes you wonder what kind of tests the doctors did to prove he was paralyzed in the first place. 

Shop till you pretend to drop. (Via Metro)

Det. Con Paul Harry from South Wales Police said, "In my entire career this is the most calculated, long-term deception of a vulnerable, elderly neighbor I have ever seen."

Knight was going to stand trial for 19 counts of fraud, but instead of standing (lol), he just plead guilty, and will be sentenced November 7th.

As long as they are looking into frauds, someone should take a long look at the wife, as well as Knight's primary care physicians. With all those sharp hospital instruments, you'd think someone would have been able to adequately prove he wasn't in a coma, but that he was just an asshole.

(by Myka Fox)

Oh, sorry. You haven't heard about this? Huh. Wow. Well...Ummm, what do you do?

Cyberbullying is pretty much anything other than letting us know how much you like this entry.

Warning: Not sold at your local probation office.

I'm not one to judge. If you're a convicted criminal out on probation who wants to risk his freedom by getting stoned and watching X-Men: Days of Future Past in the privacy of his home, that's on you. You're an adult; go live your life. That said, you've got to set some solid ground rules for yourself.

Take this guy Alvin Cross, Jr. in Albany, Georgia. He's heading right back into jail for a full year because he accidentally texted "You have some weed?" to his probation officer. Next to "I have three heads in freezer! I want more!!!" that's got to be the worst thing to text to a probation officer. No matter how cool the guy is, he kind of has to follow up on it. It's his job.

Now, this all could have been avoided if Cross had simply listed his P.O. in his phone as "DO NOT ASK THIS MAN FOR WEED." If that's too long for your phone, "NO WEED NO" will work fine. He probably had the dude listed as "PO," which is really easy to text instead of "POT GUY." Total rookie mistake.

Next rule: Don't have cocaine in your house when the cops come to search you for your stupid text message! What an important rule! Maybe even more important than the first. The moment that you realize you accidentally texted your probation officer about ganja, make certain your next thought is, "Do I have any cocaine in my house?" If the answer is yes, then do everything in your power to get that cocaine out of your house as fast as possible! 

 Please, take this blog post to heart. I'm sure Alvin Cross, Jr. wishes he'd read it last week.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

"Do not violate my airspace, human. This is my circle all the way up to the sky."
(via redditor admancb)

Acquiring a cat is easy, getting it to do literally anything besides exist and eat is difficult. This week, however, a powerful new spell was revealed to the Internet that can be used to control these mercurial feline beings inhabiting our homes: the cat circle. This all-powerful enchantment was discovered by redditor admancb, after his cat (a rare male calico) accidentally cast it on himself using a looped electrical wire. Then, as you can see from the photo at top, admancb learned how to recreate the spell himself using simple tape.

"Did you know that there was a whole other room over here inside this wire? It's mine."
(via redditor admancb)

The formula for the spell is as simple as it is powerful: form a circle on the floor (tape is recommended, but pretty much anything works) and wait. Eventually your cat will enter it. The cat will then be trapped by the magic of the circle, giving you extended, blissful periods of not having to worry whether your cat is knocking stuff off high shelves.

A belt can give a cat that special "I'm sitting in a container" feeling they love.
(via redditor MrWood94)

This phenomenon has blown up so quickly that it already has its own subreddit, r/catcircles, with all the best hits of the genre and advice for newbies. 

"Human, fetch me a portable DVD player and a copy of the Hudsucker Proxy. Now!"
(via redditor RainbowDildo)

One piece of advice? Make enough circles for your cats.

This is clearly the only part of the rug worth even considering sitting upon.
(via redditor supaplex)

The peace is fragile, held together merely by tape. (via redditor boogab)

It even has its own genre-breaking in jokes. Here's "Another Kind Of Cat Circle"

These cats are already so over this meme. (via redditor jaycrew)

Why does this work? Well, that's a good question, but basically I think it harnesses cats innate dickishness and uses it against them. It doesn't appear to be the circle shape, per se.

That dog's all like "I knew the cat was in the Illuminati!" (via redditor Shuleek)

If a cat sees a new space or object that did not exist before, it will sit on it and claim it as their own, especially if they think it is something you created or belongs to you. 

Note: Using "Magic" cards will not make the spell more magical. A diet might.
(via redditor solarbuttburn)

Combine this with cats' irresistible urge to see if they can fits in a space like a box and then sits in it, and you have a handy little loophole in the laws of cat physics that allows you to trap them at will. 

"It is not a giant kingdom, but it is mine. So is the rest of the house, just FYI."
(via redditor undeservinghonesty)

For the record, some owners tested the circle against the traditional box, and the old method still holds up.

If I fits, I sits...for science! (via redditor nxnxnx)

Cat circles.

Cats, like other beings that dwell on the Internet, often get stuck in 90s kitsch nostalgia.
(via redditor wtfunks)

The Internet: still full of new ideas.

(by Johnny McNulty)

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

People love Taylor Swift! How much do they love Taylor Swift? I'll tell you how much they love Taylor Swift! They love Taylor Swift so much that when her label accidentally made the eight-second-long "Track 3" available online yesterday, so many people plunked down their $1.29 to buy it that it immediately rose to the tippy top of the Canadian iTunes chart:

Take note: four Taylor Swift songs, and at least two of them are actual music.(via)

Unfortunately, most people didn't check first to make sure the mini-track wasn't just a snippet of randomly generated noise, like the sound a radio would make if it was tuned between stations (and if anybody actually listened to the radio anymore). To be fair, I'm sure some percentage of them actually did check first, but decided to buy it anyway because it's Taylor Swift-branded randomly generated noise. 

"Track 3" has since been pulled from iTunes for reasons that are moderately obvious. This is where I was going to embed a YouTube video of that eight-second white noise track, but it just got pulled down as I was writing this post. I'm guessing Universal Music Group took umbrage with the idea of people pirating its tape hiss. So, to get an idea of what it sounded like, just pretend that this is an extended remix:

I honestly kind of dig that. I find it rather soothing. I'm telling you, you throw an Iggy Azalea rap bridge in at around the seven-hour mark, and I think you've got a bonafide hit on your hands.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

At least SOMEONE liked Renee Zellweger's new face. (Via Shanghaiist)

Scientists have finally discovered why it's so hard to get Pandas to mate in captivity: they've already released a batch on their own in the wild.

Researchers with the World Wildlife Federation have been filming pandas in the wilds of Sechuan to study their habits, and happened to get some exclusive footage of one of their bears giving himself the old "Panda Express."

This is the first time anyone has recorded evidence of pandsturbation, so it is scientifically progressive, not perverted, for you to watch and share this with your friends.  

Please enjoy these moments of privacy provided by Shanghaiist respectfully entitled "Wanking Panda."

If we can learn anything from this video (and I'm trying not to), it is to remind us to cover those cameras embedded in our laptops. You never know who is watching what in the name of science.

(by Myka Fox)

If you're so smart, then how come you're still holding your camera vertically?

Deric Peace kept bragging on reddit that he put candy in his ice cube dispenser so that it would dispense frozen candy, and even put up a picture of the his totes brillz idea to prove it. 

Brillz? Totes. (Via Imgur)

But no one believed him because this is the Internet, and the Internet is full of skeptics and liars. So, Peace did the unthinkable and showed his redditor face to the public proving that A) he is a real human and not a computer generated bot, and B) his candy dispensing method is legit. 

This is the perfect solution for anyone who hates ice AND opening the freezer to retrieve frozen candy. 

Great job, real human! Now get to work on getting the water dispenser to dole out red vines. 

(by Myka Fox)

Jon Gosselin, seen here entering an event for warmth, shelter, and attention. (via Getty)

Jon Gosselin, a man who became famous after putting 8 children into a woman named Kate, was recently evicted from a $299,000 rent-to-buy home in Pennsylvania after falling 4 months behind on the rent. And he abandoned a kitten.

That's right: Jon Gosselin, the man who defined "terrible reality star" by relentlessly exploiting his offspring and then very publicly (probably) cheating on their mom. The man who held up their divorce in court and got out of child support payments by agreeing to waive his share of his kids' income from TLC. The guy who then tried to claw that income back by threatening to spread rumors about how unhappy the kids were about being filmed (probably better than being left alone with their parents). The guy who shut down the show his kids were earning their college funds from because he was mad at their mom and TLC for kicking him off the show. The guy who, after his divorce, got dumped by the woman he was accused of cheating with...because he was also having an affair behind her back with a tabloid reporter. The man who initially tried to buy an apartment in Donald Trump's building. The man who most recently got dumped by VH1 "Couples Therapy" star Liz Janetta (who probably figured she'd never last on a show with that title if she stayed with him). The man who only this year finally got a real job, doing stints at as a waiter in his home town of Robeson Township, PA. The guy who only held those jobs until May, when he was fired for skipping work. Jon Gosselin, everyone. Jon Gosselin.

Yup. That guy. (via Flickr/KathyRittyRats)

Sounds like a bit of a scumbag right? Well, that's before you hear what his landlord had to say about him after he left. Said Linda Eways, Jon's former landlord, to Star magazine, "I showed up to take a look at the house after Jon was supposed to have been entirely moved out, and what I found completely shocked and infuriated me." She described trash everywhere and walls damaged and discolored by Jon's dog.

Worst of all, of course, was the kitten they found. "We called Jon and asked him about the kitten, and he seemed unconcerned, saying it belonged to his ex-girlfriend Liz [Janetta], who left in September. He just left her there. It broke my heart, but we adopted her," said Eways.

The detail about him sounding unconcerned may be what's key here, because it looks like he's gone completely cuckoo. As I mentioned, he waived all rights to his kids' income (and input on what jobs they take) in exchange for not having to pay child support. Still, despite his clear money troubles (and isolation and obvious depression and narcissistic personality disorder), he kept insisting to his landlords, the Ewayses, that everything was fine and that if he really wanted to, he could buy their house with cash. This even after he lost his job as a waiter in town, was extremely late on rent for May and June, and had checks bounce for his rent in July and August (and nothing whatsoever for September or October). 

Now, apparently, he's in an apartment nearby that's too small for his kids to visit. Is the man concerned? Well, when reached by reporters, Jon "nonchalantly" told them that everything they heard was a lie and that he would be taking the landlords to court for their remarks.

Stay tuned for the next episode of Jon + No One, Because You've Pushed Everyone Away And Need To Accept Rock Bottom, Jon.

So, how's Kate doing? Well, the show returns to TLC this Fall for 6 episodes at a reported $40,000 a pop. On the other hand, she's having a massive yard sale that is mostly clearing out the kids' stuff. I can't wait for the 2022 series "The 8 Escape."  

(by Johnny McNulty)

"No, I am not related to the Charmin bear, and I'm offended that you would even ask."

A little bear cub decided to enter the human world last weekend, and it looks like he may stay with us for good. The little bearling was spotted in Ashland, Oregon over the weekend. He first appeared at a hotel, which apparently bored him, so he jumped out the window and headed over to where the real action is: Rite Aid. While there, locals created this adorable video of his visit. It ended when police officers (OMG I almost can't even type it, it's so cute) picked him up with a little shopping basket (squeeeeeeeee!!!).

The little ursine buddy's mother was nowhere to be found, so it's possible something happened to her or the cub was otherwise abandoned. Because he's had all this interaction with humans, he can't go straight back to the wild. He either has to go to rehab (for any possible addition to humans and their damn feeding and loving) in order to become wild-ready again, or he'll end up in a zoo. Either way, I'm sure he'll stay cute and tiny and lovable forever.

(by Johnny McNulty)

"Shirtless? Check. Headlight out? Check. Let's do this!"

This video of two young knuckleheads battling a metal gate with their car is so fresh, it hasn't even been set to "Yakety Sax." So there's no information which might explain what the hell the driver could've possibly been trying to accomplish by repeatedly ramming the car into the barrier. It's as if the guy was angry at the gate for not getting out of the way on his first pass, so he decided to teach it a lesson by ramming it in reverse. After nearly decapitating his lady friend and getting the auto-equivalent of a wedgie, he's somehow convinced that his problem was not going fast enough. In the end, he winds up with an upside-down car and an angry date. Final score: Gate 2, Shirtless Idiot 0.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

The circus: where grown people go to use playground equipment
like it was truly meant to be used.

The only thing missing from this video is the "hup hup hup" sound we like to think turn-of-the-20th-Century strongmen make in cartoons. These two are David James Rimmer and Stéphane Beauregard, who are training for Cirque du Soleil's Corteo production. The video is from earlier this year, but it has bubbled to the Internet's attention today. I've seen trampoline acrobats and trapeze artists, and even though these guys don't go as high, I still got very nervous when one of them would land off-target and take their foot off the board, leaving a slack piece of wood under the man in the air and a host of painful outcomes of physics when he lands on it.

So, the next time you see a seesaw and get sad that your childhood is over, remember this video and get sad instead that you used such a small fraction of the seesaw's possibilities when you were a kid. Not me, though. I was the lightest boy in my grade for all of elementary school, so I know full well the wonders of parabolic trajectory that can occur when a fat kid jumps on the other end. 

(by Johnny McNulty)