I'm as impressed as I am bored with your knowledge of wine.
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Let's drink on the beach until we're no longer ashamed to show our bodies on the beach.
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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 11, 2013
Why could today be big for hookers and cocaine dealers? What rad song is sort of like the horrific Asiana plane crash? Who's admitting their client is a psychotic murderer? The answers to all that and more in 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today.
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You put the fun in functioning alcoholic.
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Our friendship has a better benefits package than my job.
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Let's discuss fine wines while drinking a crappy bottle that we can afford.
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Let's drink to alcohol.
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Thank you for letting me overstay my welcome at your summer house.
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Let's go on a wine tasting tour of the nearest dive bar.
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My workout routine consists of sweating out alcohol so I can go drink again.
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You make me want to be a better alcoholic.
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Technically, you're not drinking alone if your kids are home.
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Sorry there's no Instagram filter that makes your cloud photos good.
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Let me know if there's anything I can bring to your summer house so I can feel better about staying there for free.
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I hope my half-assed attempt at washing a few dishes helped justify my stay at your summer house.
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Thanks for the impressive bottle of wine that I assume someone else picked out.
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Your knowledge of wine is almost as impressive as your use of it to disguise your alcoholism.
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My happy hour begins as soon as you leave the office.
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The more I drink, the more I realize how much more I still want to drink.
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Whenever you're feeling lonely, I'll always be there for you unless I'm out doing something fabulous with my awesome boyfriend.
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