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Home star.


This S.M.A.R.T. acronym may be the dumbest thing ever written.

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Here in Georgia, we grow only the finest Sproduce.

Ok, so this is bad. Not only do none of the sentences in the acronym start with the letter to which they're assigned (pretty much all you have to do with an acronym), there are also the issues of the font, which itself will make you dumber for looking at it, and also the fact that they accidentally wrote "Tit's good for you!" as the last line. While that may not be incorrect, I doubt that's what they meant to say.

To top it all off, according to the person who posted this to reddit, this comes from the cafeteria of a high school in Georgia. Well, at least we can rest assured knowing that one of them will win a movie ticket, and therefore have a small chance of accidentally learning something semi-accurate at the cinema.

(by Johnny McNulty)

A clueless TV station angered many with a tweet about the Ferguson decision's impact on "Dancing With The Stars."

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I do not think that hashtag means what you think it means. (screengrab via @knifesex)

Tensions were running high last night all over the country. After the Ferguson verdict came in, and a grand jury revealed they would not indict Darren Wilson, a lot of people were looking for somewhere to direct their anger.

Luckily, they had ABC affiliate WTVC out of Chattanooga, Tennessee. At 9:15pm, the station tweeted "Don't worry, Dancing with the Stars will be back on after the special report. #Ferguson." Some people set fire to buildings; other people tweeted at WTVC.

The station apologized a bunch of times:

But the damage was done, and annoyed viewers were not feeling very forgiving. Whoever coordinates the station's social media feeds definitely had a rough night. On the plus side:

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Faith no more.

Two guys playing a game of fake ping pong dazzle a crowd in a London subway station.

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The subway series.

If you enjoy friendly competition but lack the motivation or competitive spirit to play actual sports, then fake ping pong might be for you. You may never be as good as these two Brits whose epic late-night game of imaginary table tennis played in the London underground has set the world of mimed athletics on fire.

The riveting match began around midnight in London's Chancery Lane subway station, ideal conditions for a game of pretend ping pong. The action starts off with a slow volley, but within a minute becomes what many are saying is the greatest game of fake ping pong ever played. It's the only one most people have ever seen, but still, it's pretty entertaining.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

This is why it's always a good idea to park as far away from a demolition site as possible.

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Hopefully they have a Snickers on hand.

Whenever you have an opportunity to film a demolition crew at work, do everyone else a favor and keep the camera rolling. Because it seems like there's about a 50-50 chance of it becoming a spectacular fail video. What makes demolition clips so fun to watch is trying to figure out where it will all go wrong. You know something terrible is about to happen—because otherwise you wouldn't be watching it—you just don't know what it will be.

Does the crane fall over? Is the cameraman knocked out by flying debris? Will an oblivious pedestrian stroll through unscathed while texting and twerking? Or none of the above. Take a guess!

If you guessed that a car parked way too close would be wrecked by a massive block of concrete, you win. And the owner of the black car in need of a tow is our Grumpy Commuter of the Week. Thanks for playing!

(by Jonathan Corbett)

A woman tried to take a selfie with Bill Clinton. He was a little distracted.

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He was known for his laser-like focus on the details.

William Jefferson Clinton was the 42nd President of the United States. Serving from January 20, 1993 to January 20, 2001, he oversaw the rise of the Internet, the fall of American defense spending following the end of the Cold War, and the longest economic boom of the post-World War II era. There was also this thing with an intern, and also lots of rumors of other things, and even charges of sexual harassment from his term as Governor of Arkansas.

Anyway, someone went to take a selfie with the former leader of the Free World this weekend, but he didn't seem to notice what was going on with the camera. He was a little distracted. For some reason, this seemed to remind people a lot of classic Clinton. I don't know why. Must be because it was posted on the Internet.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Cranberry sauce


5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - November 25, 2014

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1. Nation Shocked And Saddened To Discover That Ferguson Incident Ended As Depressingly As Everyone Expected It Would

After last night's depressing grand jury decision against indicting Ferguson, Missouri police officer Darren Wilson and the community's equally depressing response to it, many U.S. citizens woke up this morning feeling exactly as depressed as they were afraid they were going to feel when they learned yesterday that a decision was pending. However, things are now getting even more depressing, as news comes that more U.S. troops are being sent into Ferguson to supposedly quell continued civil unrest. Plus, President Obama's depressingly uninspiring statement on the matter didn't help any.



2. Next Secretary Of Defense Might Not Even Have A Penis

The Pentagon may soon smell like lavender and perfume, if President Obama has his way. Former Department of Defense undersecretary Michèle Flournoy—who not only is a woman, but also is not a man—is reportedly sitting daintily at the top of a short list of people to replace Chuck Hagel as Secretary of Defense. Is America ready for all of its F-15E Strike Eagles to be painted a nice shade of pink? Guess we'll find out.



3. HBO Hires Football Stadium Full Of Lawyers In Preparation For Upcoming Scientology Documentary

In case you're wondering where your subscription dollars are going, premium cable network HBO is reportedly hiring "probably 160 lawyers" to deal with an assumed onslaught of lawsuits that will accompany their upcoming film adaptation of Lawrence Wright's exposé of the highly litigious Church of Scientology. Once the aftermath of the Going Clear documentary abates, it is presumed that the team of lawyers will be dropped into a volcano by a fleet of DC-8 aircrafts.



4. 'Wonder Woman' Finds A Director And Immediately Becomes 3,000 Percent More Interesting

Warner Bros. has announced that it has hired respected television director Michelle McLaren—who has helmed some of the most popular episodes of both Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad—to bring their big budget adaptation of Wonder Woman to the screen, thus sending a message to fans that they might actually try to make this one into something worth watching.



5. Rachel McAdams Joins Cast Of 'True Detective: Season 2,' Probably As The Purple Queen Or Something

Rachel McAdams has been confirmed as the female lead in the second season of HBO's critically acclaimed neo-noir show True Detective. Fans are currently unsure if this revelation plays into the Carcosa mythos or if it is simply an illustration of a facet of the philosophical writings of Thomas Ligotti.



(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Jennifer Aniston pranked an interviewer into thinking he was doing a horrible job.

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Horrible boss is horrible.

Last year, Chris Stark of BBC Radio 1 interviewed Mila Kunis, and his awkward, off-script style won everyone over. So Chris was excited to try out the same style on Jennifer Aniston, who is currently making the rounds to talk about Horrible Bosses 2.

Chris's (horrible) boss, DJ Scott Mills, thought it would be hilarious to make the interview a disaster by getting Jen to be the worst interviewee ever. She agreed, and the results are extremely uncomfortable.

The poor guy thinks his career is over when Aniston calls his questions about her dating life "inappropriate." By the time Mills comes in to reveal it was a prank, Aniston looks like she genuinely feels horrible for agreeing to do this.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

An airline changed one of its flight numbers after a psychic predicted the plane would crash.

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Final Hesitation. (Via Getty Images)

Brazilian airline TAM changed the flight number of a flight scheduled to fly from Sao Paulo to Brasilia after a psychic predicted that flight JJ3720, set to depart Wednesday the 26th, would run into engine trouble and crash along Sao Paulo's Paulista Avenue.

Despite the fact that flight JJ3720 was not scheduled to fly above flight Paulista Avenue at any point, TAM embraced the superstition and changed the flight number to JJ473 after receiving "indispensable information," reported the AFP.

That information was so indispensable because it wasn't just coming from any psychic, it was coming from Jucelino Nobrega da Luz, who claims to have predicted the death of Princess Diana, Brazilian racing legend Ayrton Senna, and most recently the August plane crash death of Brazilian presidential candidate Eduardo Campos.

According to Portuguese website R7 Noticias, TAM claims that the psychic's predictions are not why they changed their flight information, but they did not make clear what other information could have inspired them to make any changes.

Despite the shocking realization that people think they can predict the future, passengers for the flight have not been scared away at all. The Telegraph reports that while only half the flight was booked when the soothsayer pronounced his sooths, at this time the flight is full.

Maybe no one has been scared off this flight because Nobrega da Luz bombed with his failed prediction of a 2008 AIDS vaccine, or maybe it's because everyone booked on that flight is a Capricorn. Capricorns are totally lucky travelers.

(by Myka Fox)

The trailer for 'Jurassic World' has been released, so at least that's good.

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Years of watching psuedoscience on the Discovery Channel have prepared me for this.

Boy, not much in the news today, huh? Well, as luck would have it, Universal has put out the trailer for the much-anticipated return to the Jurassic Park franchise, Jurassic World. If you weren't already aware, it stars Chris Pratt (I was not aware! Did he clone himself to make this movie? I ask because I don't know how he has time to be charming and suddenly in-shape in all these different franchises), a mystery dinosaur, and what appear to be a pack of "good" velociraptors. In other words, this is not a gritty reboot. This is a full-fledged return to see how much crazier Isla Nublar could have gotten since it was last seen (being napalmed by the American military, which seems like a bit of underkill to me).


The movie comes out on June 12, which should be plenty of time for Universal to suck out the excitement I currently feel.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Grumpy little boy tells dad it's impossible to whistle.

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Watch out, he spits.

You're right, Spencer. Whistling is impossible. There's a mass conspiracy among adults and older kids to trick you into trying to whistle, so you'll forever feel frustrated and inadequate. We carry around recordings of a flute on our phones and purse our lips while hitting "play." It's simple, but effective. And that's not the only skill that's impossible. Have you tried snapping?

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

This 80s yearbook photo of Paul Rudd rocks pretty hard.

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Apologies to Karl Myers.(via)

No doubt being famous has its perks, but it must be a pain in the ass sometimes. Like when celebrity websites and gossip columns claim to have an embarrassing photo of you, which they tease just a portion of to go along with a snarky headline knowing it will get people to click on the article. The latest victim of this despicable practice is actor Paul Rudd. A "totally 80s" yearbook photo from his days at the University of Kansas that was recently posted to reddit is now making the rounds on sites like Gawker, Buzzfeed, BroBible, and yours truly, just to name a few.

Paul Rudd is a naturally gifted performer who seems like the kind of guy who pursued acting out of love for the craft, rather than as a means to become famous. Besides, the hairdo he's rockin' isn't even that silly-looking, especially when compared to some other celebrity haircuts from the same era.

Like David Schwimmer!


That jacket looks like it has a volume knob.(via)

#80sFail!

(by Jonathan Corbett)

The east coast is getting covered in snow just in time to mess up the busiest travel day of the year.

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Trust me, dad. It looks much worse from the inside of this bar.(Via The Weather Channel)

Good news for everyone on the east coast who is dreading their holiday family reunions, the best of all excuses is coming your way! And for everyone who is really looking forward to traveling to see the family the suspiciously moved so far away from, who are you? What is your family like? Can I have Thanksgiving with you guys?

The National Weather Service has declared that the east coast is getting its first major snowstorm of the year (Buffalo's lake-snow debacle doesn't count, I guess), and it is coming just in time to ruin everything. They are calling this nor'easter Winter Storm Cato, and he is my new best friend.

Gawker is reporting that there will likely be cancellations and delays, so if you haven't given your family your flight information yet, just tell them you were on one of the ones that was cancelled. Call them from the airport (with the right mood, any bar can be an airport) and tell them you are hustling from desk to desk trying to get on the next flight out of town but, wouldn't you know it, everything is just so packed because it is Thanksgiving. Darn. You really wanted to go this year.

Snow will touch down Wednesday morning in Washington D.C. and hit NYC by mid afternoon. Major hubs like New York and New Jersey can expect six to eight inches of snow by end of day Wednesday, and up to a foot by Thanksgiving, as well as a "trace of ice."

What is that ice tracing?

The inside of my cocktail glass as I toast my friends — whose travel plans were also cancelled, and to whom I will not be forced to explain why my hair "looks like this."

Also, there's a slight chance of a severe thunderstorm in Florida, so if you do get a chance to get out of this mess, don't go there.

(by Myka Fox)


CNN

Christmas comes early for family who rescued a puppy with a jug stuck on its head.

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Have you helped a jug puppy today?

It's the holidays, and that means it's time to consider the neediest. No, not homeless humans—I'm talking about lost puppies with jugs stuck on their heads. Audra Bohannon lives near Houston, TX, and for weeks, she saw a skittish puppy running around her property with a jug stuck on its head, but she was never able to catch it (there's a lot of land in Texas, in case the phrase "was unable to find something on her property" is mind-boggling to you). The jug, open on both ends, was originally part of a pet feeder in Bohannon's barn, but she says that the dog (now called Bucky, short for bucket) must have snuck into the barn and got its head stuck in it.

At long last, they found the pooch under a bridge and lured it out with snacks. Once it trusted them enough to come near, they caught him and brought him to a vet to remove the bucket. The dog is now safely living with the Bohannons until they can check whether it has a microchip and belongs to anybody. If he's not microchipped, Bucky will live with Audra's relatives, who will give it all the food it wants in a nice, safe, open bowl.

(by Johnny McNulty)

A dog in a teddy bear costume running on a treadmill is as delightful as it sounds.

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Animal, training.

Last time we saw Munchkin was a few weeks ago after she somehow failed to win Halloween with her ridiculously cute teddy bear costume. It looks like the little shih tzu isn't taking the loss lying down, because she's already started training for next year's festivities.

Happy Place has obtained this non-exclusive video of Munchkin running on a treadmill under the guidance of her owner/strength and conditioning coach Cindy Roth. In the competitive world of dogs wearing costumes, there are no guarantees. However, one thing is certain: Next Halloween, Munchkin will be ready to make a run at the title.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Kirk Cameron tried and failed to game the Rotten Tomatoes system for his new movie.

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Saving "Saving Christmas."

As I'm sure you're aware, Kirk Cameron's newest movie Saving Christmas is out in theaters now. This is the kind of movie that seems destined to become a holiday classic, along the lines of It's a Wonderful Life or Miracle on 34th Street. Actually, it should probably be way more of a holiday classic than either of those two movies, because it has waaaaaay more Jesus in it. That's how the movie is marketing itself anyway, as an attempt to "put the Christ back in Christmas." Here's the trailer:

Unfortunately, all of the "haters and atheists" out there—who, as bad luck would have it, are disproportionately employed as film critics—have colluded to give the movie an abysmal Rotten Tomatoes score. Why? Because they harbor a deep disdain for anything which aspires to glorify the purity and goodness of Christianity. And also because the movie is pretty much just an hour of didactic, fact-averse conversation about the origins of Christmas, bolstered by a twenty-minute hip-hop dance-off finale. (Seriously, the movie ends with a hip-hop dance number.) But mostly it's the hating goodness thing.

It currently has an 8% approval rating among All Critics and a 0% approval rating among Top Critics. There's nothing that Cameron would be able to do to bring either of those scores up, short of trying to make a movie that aspires to be enjoyable for all audiences and doesn't feel like a video of a guy reciting a religious tract.

But what he did do was try to inflate the movie's Audience Score, which is "the percentage of Rotten Tomatoes users who have rated this movie 3.5 stars or higher." So, he invited all of his Facebook followers to help him "storm the gates of Rotten Tomatoes" and give the movie positive reviews, regardless of whether or not they genuinely enjoyed their viewing experience. This, he believed, would "send the message to all the critics that WE decide what movies we want our families to see!"

Somewhere, Gallagher is crying.

And it worked! For a little while. He and his followers managed to raise the Audience Score all the way up to "an all-time, soaring high of 94%" (up from what is unclear). However, there was some bad news. "Now the haters and atheists are coming out of the woodwork, attempting to hammer your good work," Cameron told his followers the other day. "They are attempting, once again, to ruin Saving Christmas for everyone."

Unfortunately, it is my sad duty to inform you that the haters and atheists have achieved their goal. Once they caught wind of Cameron's ploy, they flooded the site with un-Christianishness and hammered the movie down the 36% Audience Score at which it currently rests, battered and bloody. So, sadly, there will be no Christmas this year, or ever again.

I leave you now with a sampling of the "language, vulgarity, and spirit of hate" that brought down the greatest Christmas movie ever made:


Oof! Harsh one, God. That one can't feel good for Cameron.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

This guy probably had the scariest air travel moment anyone will have this week.

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It still beats sitting in a middle seat.

We're all about to travel this week, so it seems like a really good time to freak everyone out about flying. Redditor Skips_LegDay went online today to post this picture with a terrifying title/explanation:

"So about halfway through my flight I heard a loud POP, looked out my window at a bolt that flew off the prop and broke through the outer pane."

That's right, a bolt flew off of the propeller engine right at where his head would have been had the window's double panes not stopped it. I wonder if he saw any World War II-era Looney Tunes gremlins scurrying around the wing.


As much crap as plastic gets for filling the world with crap, plastic is pretty awesome.

The good news is that if YOU hear a POP, and by the time you realize it you're not plummeting through the air at terminal velocity, the safety glass has worked! Skips_LegDay hung around after the flight to talk to the pilot, who explained that it was one of 12 "spinner bolts" holding the engines together. Although people around him were nervous when they heard the sound, fortunately Skips_LegDay kept his head and quietly informed a flight attendant what had happened, who informed the pilot, who was like "it's cool." That being said, the pilot said they had never heard of that happening in 25 years of flying. The plane was a 20-year-old (middle-aged for a commercial plane) Dash 8.


Artist's reenactment.

So, what did Skips_LegDay do next? Well, he had a layover in Vancouver before he had to board the exact same type of plane. So, he got drunk. In other words, this couldn't have happened to a more level-headed traveler.

(by Johnny McNulty)

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