While not a complete dud, the December 9, 2014 edition of the Internet was largely forgettable. Awash in Sony Hack documents and dudes who may or may not have ratted out a cheating wife, even a cameo from British royalty wasn't enough to elevate this Internet day above the merely passable. Were this day of Internet a film, it would be a good one to fast-forward through on a plane, but that's about it. Were it a Blur album, it would be "The Great Escape;" not nearly an essential like "Parklife," but far more listenable than "13". Were today a "Becky from Roseanne," it would definitely be Sarah Chalke.

In short, don't look for the December 9, 2014 edition of the Internet to pop up come awards season.

(by Bob Powers)

A battle continues apace.

Just when it seemed like millennials might actually emerge victorious from the war of escalation between shameless parents and mortified children—what with their newfound ability to retreat completely into hidden online communities wholly unpopulated by meddling moms and dads—a technological breakthrough has been achieved: the Awkward Dad Dance Cam.

The San Antonio Spurs unveiled fatherhood's newest weapon during the timeouts of a recent game against the Minnesota Timberwolves, and broadcast its devastating effects onto the AT&T Center's Jumbotron. The humiliating footage has since been uploaded to the Internet, where it is sure to be found by the teenage friends of the dads' kids:

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

"Not cool, bro!"(via ThinkStock)

The first half of this story out of Arnold, Maryland sounds like a scene from a wacky teen sex comedy, where a teenage boy is sharing a pot brownie with his girlfriend when a teacher approaches them and asks for a bite. In the movie version, the hot teacher would wind up twerking during an assembly in front of the entire student body. The boy would kiss the girl, then high five his bros as they walked past the stodgy principle trying to conceal a boner to the sounds of LMFAO's "Party Rock Anthem."

In real life, the Broadneck High School teacher was taken to the nurse after other teachers noticed her acting disoriented and complaining about feeling ill. The unidentified teacher told school officials that she'd eaten a piece of brownie given to her by a student, and it didn't take a CSI Team to put the pieces together.

When school officials sat the kids down for what must have been one bummer of a conversation, the stoned teens admitted to dosing the teacher. The boy said he was only planning on sharing the brownie with his girlfriend, but panicked when the teacher approached them and asked for a bite.

Why a teacher would ever take a bite of brownie from a teenage student is the most puzzling thing about this story. Forget about the risk of getting unintentionally baked, who knows where this kid's hands have been? He eats pot brownies at school, so the odds of him being meticulous about washing his hands after using the bathroom are pretty low.

The lightweight teacher was examined and released from a local hospital. The boy has been hit with a laundry list of charges—including possession of a controlled dangerous substance, CDS distribution, assault and reckless endangerment—before being released to a guardian to begin celebrating the worst Christmas of his young life.

The situation was summed up best by police Lt. T.J. Smith, who told WBAL, "This wasn't a smart day of decision-making here." Worst of all, it wasn't even funny.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Fancy beast.

This cat is evil. Not just because of the dead eyes and the howling that sounds like something coming from the woods at night in a slasher movie. But because he's also a total dick! He stands on the rail and wails as if he needs to be let in, and when the nice lady approaches to open the door for him, he hisses and tries to scratch her. He's not saying, "Let me in," or "I'm hungry." He's saying, "Come outside and fight me, lady! My heart is full of hate and my only desire is to get close enough to scratch your eyes out! Hail Satan!"

If I were her I'd dump his belongings in the back yard. I'd also consider getting a dog and a gun for protection.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Your 2014 tantrum champion.

Keep your eye on this little golfer named Peter, because he seems to possess the passion for golf that usually takes years and years of frustrating failure to develop. The mini golfer sinks the first putt easily, earning him a "nice shot" from his coach. But when he's instructed to attempt the same short putt a second time, his form falls apart completely, and a wild swing sends the ball four feet past the cup, which sends Peter into a foot-stomping, fist-pounding, tear-soaked tailspin for the ages.

Even Tiger Woods, one of the best tantrum throwers in the game, hasn't displayed moves like that since his wife went through his cell phone in 2009.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

This teacher is quite suggestible.(Via)

Forget studying, schoolkids. Just appeal to your teachers' irrepressible need to complete any and all puzzles that would be considered too simple to be printed on a family restaurant's place mat.

The teacher who shared this on reddit claims that to have stumbled upon this student's attempt at grade control after several days of grading papers and thought, "Oooh. Wait a second..."

Sounds like exhaustion aided the teacher's compliance. In comments, the teacher assures everyone getting up in arms that it was "a legitimate 100," and to everyone chiding the teacher for possibly having given the student a perfect grade simply because a simple children's puzzle game said to do so, "you need to relax. Seriously."

If it was legit, then the kid deserves a few points taken away for being cocky. Teachers are our only hope to take that generation down a peg!

(by Bob Powers)

Left: Professor Edelman, Harvard Business School
Right: Ran Duan, "America's Most Imaginative Bartender" / Sichuan Garden manager.
(via Twitter and Facebook)

Normally, when a customer and a business get in a fight about overcharging, we're 110% on the side of the customer (if it's a fight over tipping, however, we're usually at least 20% over the bill including tax on the side of the server). In the case of Harvard Business School professor Ben Edelman, however, there may be such a thing as overkill in the pursuit of economic justice. Edelman recently ordered food online from local Boston-area eatery Sichuan Garden. Unfortunately, since Sichuan Garden had failed to update its website to reflect new prices, Edelman placed an order for $53.35 worth of food, but was charged $4 more than that. Charging different prices than are listed is a major no-no, and Edelman was totally right to get pissed, demand they fix it, and ask for a refund. Or, as it turns out, demand a penalty fixed at three times the overcharge:

Look, Sichuan Garden is in the wrong. They listed the wrong prices. It doesn't sound like they're fleecing anyone at a rate that would make such an obvious ploy worthwhile (what with Edelmans out there, waiting), but it is illegal. That being said, we all know that the companies that actually get away with ripping off entire towns are much bigger than Sichuan Garden. Edelman, however, refuses to treat Sichuan Garden any different than Comcast (if, you know, anyone could actually make Comcast do anything).

Yes, Sichuan Garden has opened up a second location since it was founded by immigrants in the 1990s. Yes, Ran Duan, the son of those immigrants (who moved here with them when he was 3) and the man who is answering these emails now runs an upscale bar that's attached to their second restaurant. Yes, he's been on the cover of GQ as "America's Most Imaginative Bartender" (he won a nationwide competition and represented the US globally in, uh, making drinks). It still seems to me like he's an immigrant kid who runs a small business, and indeed he says that despite the restaurant's growth, they don't have the budget for public relations or full-time website maintenance.

"I personally respond to every complaint and try to handle every situation personally," Duan told Boston.com. "I have worked so hard to make my family proud and to elevate our business. [The emails with Edelman] just broke my heart."

Professor Edelman does usually set out to fry bigger fish than Sichuan Garden. Actually, he usually helps big companies like Microsoft, the NFL, and Universal Music prevent against online theft...which now that I write it out, sounds a lot like he helps them sue people who have infringed on their property. "I mostly look for malfeasance by larger companies," Edelman told Boston, "It certainly seems like a situation that could call for legal redress. But this is a small business in the town where I reside."

A local business for now, anyway. Edelman alerted Brookline town authorities, although they apparently are unlikely to do anything about this. Shocking. He plans to "take a few days" to decide whether or not to take Sichuan Garden to court. Here's hoping those are nice, sunny days that put him in a good mood. Oh, wait...it's Boston.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Happy pepperoni.

Redditor tulogit was trying to decide what to put on a hood wrap for his white '97 Grand Marquis. But how does one embellish a car that's already so perfect?

Tulogit reached out to Facebook friends and held an informal vote online. It came down to a cat using a pizza as a turntable and Bob Ross painting. Then someone had the brilliant idea to combine the two options, and that obviously won the day.

In case you're wondering if this is real or photoshopped, here's the car from another angle. Tulogit works at a place in Salt Lake City that does hood wrapping, so he got this done for free, but he says a customer would have to shell out $250-300 for a similar look.

Small price to pay.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

The most romantic dog breed.
(file photo of the most corgis in one photo I could find, which isn't even close to six)

Every bride wants her wedding to be the most magical day ever—totally unique and one-of-a-kind. Some brides wear eye-catching dresses. Other brides book a resort for a destination wedding in the Bahamas. And still other brides complete their ceremony with a buttload of corgis.

This Boston bride falls into the last category. She posted an ad on Craigslist titled "looking for six corgi rental for wedding." In it, she describes her need to "rent six corgis for roughly two and a half hours" so that her bridesmaids can hold corgis during the ceremony instead of bouquets.

Here's the ad:

Will the bride's bouquet be a Great Dane? Also, are there people out there renting out corgis by the half dozen? I would like to know more about this and whether the prices are reasonable.

Though the bride promises the corgis "would be treated perfectly," we all know what happens to the bridesmaids' bouquets after the ceremony. They're tossed aside on the nearest table or chair so the bridesmaids can double fist champagne and try to forget how much they've been abused by the psycho former friend who made them carry around corgis all afternoon.

(by Shira Rachel Danan)

Step 1: Lower your expectations and stop wrapping. Step 2: you're done. Just kidding.

It's Christmas time, and you know what that means: it's time to slowly and painfully rediscover how embarrassingly bad you are at wrapping gifts. Personally, my style consists of rolling a DVD up in enough paper that people think I am giving them a rugby ball, but I may be saved from that now that I have watched this incredibly effective gift-wrap lifehack.

Save yourself a lot of hours (and gain a lot of bragging points) this year and for all the years to come by learning this speed-wrapping method from Todd Tripp, who filmed this at the Takashimaya Department Store.

This is almost as revolutionary as the potato-peeling trick which remains perhaps the existence-hacking genre's greatest work to date.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Make this the Aquaman movie poster, please.

It's the annual year-end get-together for the Justice League, and no office holiday party would be complete without the workplace sad sack getting drunk and telling everyone off. In this spandex-clad group, that depressed drunk is definitely Aquaman, whose main power seems to be enduring decades of abuse at the hands of comic fans (cue comic fans telling me how badass Aquaman is in 3, 2, 1...). Apparently, his coworkers give him about the same amount of respect, and all that frustration comes out in this epic speech that Aquaman will probably really regret the next day. Except for what he said to Wonder Woman.

Alan Starzinski is a comedian and Upright Citizens Brigade Theater NY performer, but after this, he may be in the running to take over the upcoming Aquaman movies from Jason Momoa if Warner Bros. ever decides one day to do a gritty sad reboot. This clip is also the season 2 premiere of Characters Welcome on UCB Comedy, a show featuring many of the best character sketches performed on stage at UCB.

(by Johnny McNulty)

1. Ebola Fighters Narrowly Edge Taylor Swift As Time's 'Person Of The Year'

The heroic medical practitioners who risked infection and death to halt the spread of Ebola in Africa and give aid to the virus' ailing victims just barely managed to beat pop singer Taylor Swift for the honor of being named Time Magazine's 'Person of the Year.' With all due respect to the men and women who deal with Ebola on a daily basis, I doubt their version of 'Welcome to New York' would have been met with nearly as much glee.

Can't believe the Ebola Fighters are Time's Person of the Year after all the heroic work the Foo Fighters did stopping the spread of Foo.

— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) December 10, 2014

2. The Pirate Bay Pulled Down By Swedish Police Raid, Leading Many To— And It's Back Up Already

Swedish police yesterday raided the offices of the Pirate Bay—a controversial bittorrent site which has been notoriously difficult for authorities to shutter—seizing its servers and effectively bringing its website offline. This represents an enormous victory for media sources who have been trying to stop online piracy, and wait a minute, no, never mind, it's back up. Go about your business downloading unauthorized copies of Game of Thrones episodes.

Pirate Bay is down! SUDDENLY EVERYONE STARTS PANICKING AND RUNNING TOWARD MUSIC STORES

— Drinking Quest (@DrinkingQuest) December 9, 2014

3. GOP Turns Its 2016 Hopes Toward Young Upstart Named Mitt Romney

In an effort to reign in the clown show that is a presidential primary, top Republican donors are reportedly focusing the bulk of their money on three candidates that they think might have a chance of not losing too badly to Hillary Clinton in 2016. Those candidates are scandal-ridden New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, Bush dynasty member Jeb Bush, and failed 2012 candidate Mitt Romney. So, as you can clearly see, they've got a really good feeling about this one.

mitt romney running for president again would be like "american hustle" trying to get nominated for another oscar

— blaine capatch (@blainecapatch) December 7, 2014

4. 'Sons Of Anarchy' Ends Its Long Run With An Even Longer Episode

FX's hit series Sons of Anarchy—which has, in recent years, tested its audience's patience for overlong episodes, overwrought melodrama and extended motorcycle chase sequences—ended its seven-season run last night with a finale episode that succinctly wrapped up the final seven minutes of plot in a two-hour episode.

Sons of Anarchy was basically a seven-season Lynyrd Skynyrd song.

— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) December 10, 2014

5. Guy Sent To Jail For Punching Hole In Monet Painting, Probably Because He Thought It Was A Manet

A man who was caught on the National Gallery Ireland's security camera punching a hole through Claude Monet's "Argenteuil Basin with a Single Sailboat," worth a reported $10 million, has been sentenced to five years in prison, where he will have the opportunity and time to take up painting as a hobby and punch as many of his original works as he pleases.

Guy that punched a hole in a Monet was sentenced to 5 years in prison, making me rethink my plan to give Starry Night one right in the snoot

— Joe Garden (@joegarden) December 8, 2014

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

This man's joy is powered by the humiliation of his family. (Via)

Selfie stick (n.) - a device that lets you proudly declare, "I'm not ashamed that I want to take a picture of myself."

One of the many ways your parents can embarrass you is when they try to adopt the younger generation's culture. Another is when they try to take your picture while you're eating. Redditor blue_acorns' dad managed to do both at the same time by taking his "selfie stick" out with him to family dinner and insisting they take a group shot. You can tell by the photo how well that went over. Even mom is embarrassed.

Not sure what to get your dad for the holidays this year? Consider a seflie stick: it is the gift that keeps on taking.

(by Myka Fox)

by Myka Fox

As 2014 comes to a close, it is time we take a look at what made this year great. We landed on a comet, the pope became gay-friendly, and Jay Leno stopped hosting the Tonight Show. But we would be remiss to not reflect on all the wonderful contributions criminals gave to the mugshot community. 2014 was a great year for mugshots, so lets take a moment to look at the eight best ones of the year.

8. Frowny Face Guy

No quiero taco jail.

This is the face of a drunken blue haired man who was denied a Taco Bell fourthmeal when he and his lady friend rode up through the Daytona Beach TB on bicycles. The cops were called when they refused to leave without their chalupas, but only got arrested when cops noticed he had a swiss army knife on his belt buckle and then threw him to the ground. Hard to say if the frown is for the unnecessary roughness, or from drunken munchies.

7. Drunk Guy

The thirteenth step is into a jail cell.

Hahahaha, classic. 21-year-old Ross McMakin of Oregon wore his "Drunk as Shit" shirt the night he got picked up for a DUI. Odds are, he wears that shirt every day, and was just hoping to follow in the footsteps of his famous 2011 predecessor who picked up for a DWI while wearing a shirt that says "I'm a drunk."

6. Crazy Face Guy

Come out with your eyebrows up!

Fun, whimsical, angry. What else can be said about this mugshot of Willie Tatum III? This photo is the culmination of a 4-hour standoff with the SWAT team for what the Columbus police department says was "breaking and entering" and what Tatum claims was "entering his mom's house with a key." Surely he will have his day in court, but his mugshot with have an eternity on the Internet.

5. Murder Guy

He loves to kill people who are looking in a mirror.

Jeffrey Chapman loves permanent things, like tattoos and murder. Like many tattoos, however, not a lot of forethought went into his giant backwards murder neck tattoo, because surely if he had known he was going to get caught murdering someone he would have left his neck a little more mysterious. His lawyer says he wants to have it removed so that it won't influence the jury, but his fierce stare in the camera indicates that the tattoo may go, but he will always be the neck murder tattoo guy on the inside. Literally on the inside, because that neck tat is definitely going to send him to jail.

4. Monopoly Shirt

He should have worn his Sorry! shirt instead.

Micah Daley did not pass go before top-hatting his way into the mugshot hall of fame. Little did he know when he walked out of his house with about 20 grams of weed that his Monopoly shirt would that he would pull the bad luck card and be sent directly to jail. Even worse, he didn't collect that $200 for his stash.

3. Eyeshadow Lady

Caught red eyelid-ed.

Coming in a number three is Brandy Allen, with the eyes of a criminal but the eyelids of 80's punk band bassist. Her crime was— can you guess it?— stealing eyeshadow from an Ulta cosmetics store. She claimed innocence, but the mugshot is all the evidence we need to convict. Shine on, you crazy diamond.

2. Inception Guy

This is why jails should have gift shops.

At the tender age of 19, Robert Burt got arrested for a DUI, and when he showed up for his two days of court-ordered incarceration, he came guns blazing with his homemade t-shirt proudly displaying the mugshot taken from his original arrest. This is the official Bud Light sponsored shirt of his family reunion, as he likely has relatives waiting for him on the inside. A move like that is almost as bold as the three caterpillars crawling across his face.

1. Hot Convict

I could stare at Meeks for weeks.

Ahhhh, Jeremy Meeks, it had to be you. You, with your icy blue eyes, soft pouty lips, and sensitive teardrop tattoo, you won America's thirsty heart. Within hours of his headshot being released to the public this summer, he became known to all as the "hot convict" and inspired the trending hashtag #FelonCrushFriday. With the chiseled face of a model and the grizzled history of six felony convictions, you have assaulted your way into my number one slot. Pun intended.

Honorable mentions:

1. Cleveland Browns defensive end Desmond Bryant

Maybe if I can retract my head into my neck, they'll send me to the hospital instead.

Cleveland Browns defensive end Desmond Bryant's mugshot was taken in 2013, so he can't officially be part of the '14 Hall of Fame. However his mugshot wasn't made into a meme until this year when his mug went viral again thanks to r/PhotoshopBattles, and some of these are too great to not look at one more time:

2. 2nd Hot Convict

Hot, but not hot enough.

After assaulting a dude who was dressed as a FOX news anchor on Halloween because he believed him to be a real FOX news anchor, Sean Kory made the rounds as being a really hot mugshot guy. But since Kyle Meeks cornered the hot convict market, Kory didn't quite make the cut. Still, he has his fans. Better luck next year, Kory!