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Shutdown threat.


O Come All Ye Faithful

Giant Panda mom reunites with her triplet cubs, cuddles them.

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Mom, you're embarrassing me! (Getty)

The world's only triplet panda cubs were reunited with their mother, Juxiao, at a Chinese zoo on Tuesday. Juxiao became pregnant through artificial insemination, and since pandas only have one cub at a time in the wild, she needed a little help caring for three.

The zoo has taken care of the cubs since July, so they weren't sure what Juxiao would make of them. They were happy that she responded by giving them big hugs "like humans do," according to a manager at the zoo.

Here's the ridiculously adorable video of their reunion:

Music to my ears.

Real talk.

The Grand Canyon got filled with clouds yesterday because nature is magical and stuff.

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Good work, Nature. Looks totally sweet. (via @GrandCanyonNPS)

Every few years, the Grand Canyon experiences something called a "total cloud inversion." Due to recent rain in the area, there has been a lot of fog in northern Arizona. Without any wind to move it out, the fog has been building up in the canyon. Warm air holds down the picturesque clouds, trapping them inside the canyon, and the result is that the Grand Canyon looks like a soothing hot tub for giants.

That iPad also looks majestically large.(via @GrandCanyonNPS)

The phenomenon usually lasts for a few days, which is plenty of time for tourists from across the world to wish they could see how it looks normally.

Here's a video from the National Park Service showing the clouds rolling in and back out again in a timelapse.


It looks like the Dementors are taking over, and then some benevolent wizard we can't see sends in his Patronus and saves us all.

Blue Christmas.

Heavenly meal.


NASA interns set record for the most delightfully nerdy pop parody ever with 'All About That Space.'

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I'm all about those apes, 'bout those apes, no robots.

If you thought NASA's biggest achievement of 2014 was finding yet more evidence of liquid water in Mars' past, or sending the Orion space capsule on a test flight 3,600 miles above the Earth (almost 6 times the maximum altitude of the Space Shuttle, and a mere fraction of how far it's slated to go), you obviously haven't seen this parody of Meghan Trainor's "All About That Bass" created by a bunch of NASA space geeks at the Johnson Space Center. Granted, those other missions might have gone a bit more smoothly than this nerd-packed video, but their dweeby delight and enthusiasm more than makes up for any shortcomings in the performance department. Plus, there's lots of cool space stuff throughout the video, and I'm all about that.

This video was created by Pathways Interns at the Johnson Space Center (Pathways Interns are like normal interns if normal interns got paid and were actually preparing for a real job after school), who wanted to bring more attention to NASA's upcoming Orion missions, and the test flight they just successfully finished. Since that's what they want, here's a short video talking about that mission.

And finally, here are the lyrics in case you're smart enough to have already gotten this stuck in your head:

Because you know
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space, space travel.
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space, space travel.
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space, space travel.
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space

Yeah, it's pretty clear, I ain't commercial crew
But I can launch it, launch it
Like I'm supposed to do
'Cause I got that boom boom that all the Astros chase
And all the space flight to all the right places

I see Orion crew workin' that ship nonstop
We know we goin' far
Now put that LAS on top
If you got boosters boosters, just raise 'em up
'Cause every spacecraft needs propulsion
From the bottom to the top

Hey, they're working so hard, don't you love these NASA guys?
They will take us so far the first time that Orion flies.
You know we travellin' to deep destinations 'fore too long,
So if that's what you're into then join in and ride along.

Because you know I'm
All about that space
'Bout that space, space travel
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space, space travel
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space, space travel
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space
Hey!

I'm bringing rockets back
Go ahead and tell the whole world that
We're doing exploration. Come on, board it stat
We're ready for liftoff
Every spacecraft needs propulsion from the bottom to the top.

Hey they're working so hard, don't you love these NASA guys?
They will take us so far the first time that Orion flies.
You know we're travellin' to deep destinations 'fore to long,
So if that's what you're into then join in and ride along.
Because you know I'm
All about that space
'Bout that space, space travel
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space, space travel
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space, space travel
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space

Because you know I'm
All about that space
'Bout that space, space travel
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space, space travel
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space, space travel
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space

Because you know I'm
All about that space
'Bout that space, space travel
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space, space travel
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space, space travel
I'm all about that space
'Bout that space
'Bout that space, 'bout that space
Hey, hey, ooh
You know you love that space.

Eternal struggle.

French Bulldog singing along to "Let It Go" makes it worth listening to this song one more time.

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Could also be screaming for them to stop. Hard to tell with dogs.

You've put in the hours of watching—or being forced to watch—videos of people singing Frozen songs in their cars. Now, you shall have your reward.

This French Bulldog, Junior, is quite musical and no doubt also sick of the soundtrack. He must be, because it's pretty clear his two handsome dads play it constantly. But damn, those tunes are catchy, even for a pup.

Just click play. There will be plenty of time for regretting getting this song back in your head later.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - December 12, 2014

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1. Ben Affleck's Penis Has Popped Up On The Internet

Due to the sudden existence of a high-quality, pirated copy of Gone Girl online, you are now free to observe the aesthetic nuances of Ben Affleck's penis—which made an exceedingly brief cameo in David Fincher's critically acclaimed thriller—at your leisure. Happy Friday, people of Earth.



2. Rick Perry Wisely Points Out That Running For President Is 'Not An IQ Test'

Outgoing Texas Gov. Rick Perry—who is expected to make another run for the White House in the next election cycle—pointed out in a recent interview that "running for the presidency's not an IQ test," as should be plainly obvious to anyone who observed the 2012 Republican primaries. Oddly, this is the smartest thing that Perry has ever been quoted as saying.



3. Federal Government Gives Native American Tribes The Right To Grow And Sell Pot Until They Discover How Valuable It Is And Then Come Back And Take It Away From Them Again

The U.S. government has announced that it will not interfere with Native American tribes who opt to grow and sell marijuana products on their land, which means that people all over the country are right now hitting Google to find out how close they are to the nearest reservation.



4. Pope Francis Gives The All-Clear To Allow Dogs And Cats Into Heaven

Pope Francis was recently heard comforting a small child whose dog by saying that "one day, we will see our animals again in the eternity of Christ. Paradise is open to all of God's creatures." Due to the Catholic Church's policy of Papal Infallibility, this means that the Kingdom of Heaven is now obligated to admit entry to all pets. Recently deceased people should expect long lines at St. Peter's Gate, as an enormous backlog of dogs, cats, hamsters and iguanas queue up to get inside.



5. Study: Dumber Half Of Society Much More Likely To Die Stupid Deaths

According to new study in the British Medical Journal, men are far more likely to die due to easily preventable and embarrassing circumstances than women. This is being seen as proof of the "male idiot theory," which theorizes that males are idiots.


Colbert has a studio-destroying interview with Smaug the dragon from 'The Hobbit.'

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Smaug is actually the one behind all the gold commercials on Fox News.

With the Colbert Report's end now depressingly close, Stephen Colbert is getting all the guests he always wished for. On Monday, President Obama not only appeared for an interview, he even sat down and hosted the show for a segment of 'The Word.' But for Colbert, the ultimate Tolkien fan, this guest might have been even more exciting than the Commander-in-Chief. Voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch, the fact that this interview is semi-fictional (uh, spoiler alert?) makes it one of the funniest the show has ever had, with lots of actual, well-written jokes touching on politics, Hollywood, and race (or at least human-dragon) relations. Granted, they kind of smashed the studio a little bit, but hey, they're only using it for another week.

I'm still in denial that Colbert will end next week. At least with the announcement that David Letterman will be stepping down on May 18, 2015, I can rest easy knowing it will only be a few months before a new Stephen Colbert will appear on TV. He won't be the same Colbert, obviously, but he'll still be a huge Tolkien nerd.

This is what can happen when you mount a laser pointer to your dogs collar.

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It's an official stand-off.

He loses his laser-pointer-chasing mind.

This video, uploaded by Shane Stott, was put up a few years ago but has only recently started making the rounds. The pooch was fitted with his laser pointer collar in 2009, and it is unknown if his owner ever took pity on him and let him "catch the dot."

Warning: only try this at home on dogs with a strong mental constitution and the intelligence to know that a red dot is not worth jumping over a balcony.

Bonus round: could also work on cat collars. Not such a great idea with snakes.

(by Myka Fox)

Woman who was arrested for shouting "F*ck the police!" wins $100,000 settlement.

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Amy Barnes with Georgia State Senator Vincent D. Fort. (via AtFirstSite.us)

Good news, fellow Americans: we can still shout "F*ck the police!" whenever we find it necessary.

You probably thought shouting stuff was your First Amendment right, and you were correct. Amy Elizabeth Barnes, a political activist, was arrested in Cobb County, Georgia in the spring of 2012 for shouting "Cobb police suck!" and "F*ck the police!" at a group of officers interrogating an African-American man outside a convenience store.

Barnes then sped off on her bicycle, and the cops abandoned the dude and went after her. She was arrested and held for 23 hours, including 6 hours in solitary confinement. Barnes was charged with "inciting an immediate breach of the peace." Barnes' lawyer, Cynthia Counts, told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution that the police, "argued that it was a bad neighborhood and you shouldn't disrespect the police because it could create issues." But this not-super-Constitutional excuse was struck down in federal court by a judge who also awarded Barnes $100,000.

Barnes isn't necessarily the First Amendment hero America wants, though. She was arrested in 2013 after her four and five-year-old children were found playing alone on a playground a few blocks from her home. Police investigated and found "raw sewage, feces, dirt, moldy food and dog food on the floors, exposed electrical wires throughout the house," and a "German Shepherd in dire need of medical care."

Dammit, if we can't trust the police and we can't trust the people who yell expletives at them, who can we trust?


Some new 'Star Wars' character names were just revealed on vintage-style trading cards.

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We know too much! (via)

So, Lucasfilm and Disney just released some fake, old-school-looking trading cards for the much-much-much-much-anticipated Star Wars: The Force Awakens, which should hit theaters a year from now. Aside from them their design being kind of nostalgia-inducing for old nerds like me, the fake cards are just rehashing images from the trailer that blew up the Internet over Thanksgiving weekend.

However, they do contain a little bit of new information: character names! For example, we now know that John Boyega is playing someone named something Finn or Finn something. As this is a universe of George Lucas's crafting, it's probably something like Finn Planethopper or N. Tegrity Finn.

Anyway, here's a bunch more:

I hope it's on its way to get a better name. I'm sorry, but BB-8 is a terrible name for an astromech droid. I would have called it CC-12.

This is clearly a reference to Dadaist artist Man Ray. Or possibly Ray Romano.


I'm pretty sure I had a 13th level Elven mage with this name at one point. If this guy dies falling into a pit full of Displacer Beasts, we'll know that J.J. Abrams is plagiarizing my D&D campaigns.


Very excited for this! Big fan of this guy's Take Offs and Landings album.


Oh! That's what that ship is called! I've been wondering that for years!

You can see more cards over here.

A reminder to parents with babies on flights that there is a way to avoid being despised.

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We'll ignore this baby's blatant request for "Happy Birthday" wishes.(via reddit)

Ah, the joys of a baby's first flight! The screaming, the crying, the blissful moment where you think it finally fell asleep, followed by the inevitable realization that no, it didn't and neither will you. Is there anything that could make it better?

Yes! This! This is how you bring a baby on the flight: with a pre-emptive apology and the gifts of candy and earplugs. Granted, these parents aren't the first to come up with this idea. But since humans will always be reproducing, and since they'll always be bringing their offspring on planes until we invent teleportation devices (or run out of fossil fuels and collapse into primitivism), we're always happy to remind breeders out there that there are steps they can take to prevent their spawn from ruining everyone else's day.

Here's the original note someone brought on a plane two years ago, which I was hoping would become more of a trend:


I gotta say, even though you need to ask for earplugs, the Jolly Rancher puts this on top.
(via reddit)

5 people who will probably be looking for work this week.

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5. The person responsible for the Best Buy Twitter joke about a murder investigation.


(via Twitter)

People go to Best Buy for a lot of things. Original comedy, however, isn't one of them. Everyone was reminded of that fact this week when the person who handles Best Buy's Twitter account posted a joke that referenced Serial, a crime procedural podcast about a murder that supposedly took place at a Best Buy store. That Tweet: "We have everything you need. Unless you need a payphone. #Serial" I'm not sure if any fans of the podcast from the creators of This American Life also follow Best Buy on Twitter, but enough people got the reference for the joke to go viral. The tweet was deleted pretty quickly and replaced with one that read, "We deeply apologize for our earlier tweet about Serial. It lacked good judgment and doesn't reflect the values of our company. We are sorry." Safe to say, anytime a corporation is "deeply apologizing," someone is getting canned.


4. The high school guidance counselor who probably threatened to shoot people on Facebook.


(via Thinkstock)

Looks like Pennsylvania high school guidance counselor MaryKate Blankenburg is getting a jump on her Christmas break. Normally people are thrilled when one of their Facebook posts goes viral, except when it's one that involves you threatening to kill people. Blankenburg was unhappy that demonstrators taking part in a "die-in" to protest recent police shootings might make her daughter late to a Philadelphia Eagles game. She wrote, "If my child cannot get to the Eagles game due to protesters, I will personally SHOOT every one of them. You've been warned idiots!!" When confronted about the post by school officials, she claimed her daughter wrote it. I don't know which is worse, calling other people "idiots" in a post that dumb, or being a guidance counselor with a child who threatens to kill people. In any case, she's been placed on administrative leave while school officials investigate.


3. The London Uber driver who asked a female passenger to blow him.


(via Thinkstock)

Where do you look for work when you can't cut it as an Uber driver? That's what one British man might be asking this week, because he was just canned by the company for getting uber-sexual with a female passenger from London. The incident came to light this week after the woman released an email exchange with the company in which they offered her a refund for the ride and £20 in her account after complained. She wrote, "Towards the end of the journey he was asking if I liked blow jobs, saying that he was very good at going down on girls or giving "sucky sucky" to girls and did I want him to do it to me. " Uber says the guy was already being investigated for being a "sucky sucky" driver, and has been fired.


2. The boozing lawyer who drove her car into a Forever 21 store in Manhattan.


(via Thinkstock)

Stella Mednik may have transitioned from being a "suspended attorney" to "former attorney" this week, after drunkenly crashing her car into a Forever 21 store in Manhattan's Herald Square. After the crash, Mednik managed to hit five people while trying to make a getaway in her car, which came to an end when she crashed into a bunch of cars across the street. The people she hit were sent to the hospital with severe injuries but are expected to recover. Mednik had already been suspended from practicing law for mixing client's funds with her own, before mixing drinks with driving on an already suspended license. Mednik was charged with drunk driving, fleeing the scene of an accident, and possession of a controlled substance. Namely, a crack pipe cops found in her car.


1. The 'Sons of Anarchy' actor arrested for killing and eating his ex-girlfriend's rabbit.


(via Getty)

Sons of Anarchy actor Dimitri Diatchenko was arrested this week after he allegedly killed, cooked and ate his ex-girlfriend's pet rabbit. The two had been romantically involved and were still living together in North Hollywood after they broke up. When the ex suggested they go their separate ways, Diatchenko lost it, and took out his anger on the woman's rabbit. He sent her pictures of himself doing the grisly deed, and threatened to do the same thing to her. On Tuesday, he was arrested and charged with felony animal cruelty and making criminal threats, and is now facing four years in prison. Actors can get away with a lot of bad behavior in Hollywood, but certain crimes leave a lasting impression that's hard for people to look past. Skinning and eating a bunny in an attempt to push your ex's buttons is one of those crimes.

A little kid learns a valuable lesson about combing his hair with electric clippers.

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"Comb" is not a synonym for "shave."

When you come right down to it, growing up is really just a long series of lessons. We learn not to touch the burner on the stove. We learn not to run with abandon on ice-covered sidewalks. We learn how many times we can get away with poking the dog in the face. And we learn not to attempt combing our hair with electric clippers. Well, some of us do. A lot of us don't need that particular lesson. This kid does, apparently. And that's fine. He'll wake up tomorrow a slightly wiser and considerably balder person:

Thank god we have parents around in those formative years to pick us up when we fall, dust us off and post incriminating video of our shame to the Internet.

As far as we know, this is what's inside the 1795 time capsule from Paul Revere and Sam Adams.

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Workers at Boston's Old State House trying to fix a water leak accidentally unearthed a time capsule from 1795 that they believe was put there by none other than Paul Revere and Sam Adams, as well as William Scollay (all Massachusetts Governors). They plan to x-ray the box on Sunday, but so far no one knows exactly what's inside.

If we had to guess, here's what historians will find:

  • A 220-year-old fart that Adams put there right before shutting the box.
  • Dick portraits from our horniest founders.
  • Revere's 143 pristine hoop-and-stick collector's cards, including a rare All Star Hoop Roller Arthur Marshall.
  • A political cartoon against (people without) money in politics.
  • Small portrait of an adorable cat titled "Don't Tread on Meow."
  • An IOU from Benedict Arnold.
  • A copy of a newspaper from 1795, including an op-ed titled "22 Awesome Reasons Why Boston Will Only Keep Getting More Important" by a Mr. B. Feed, esq.
  • One 1795 penny that already wasn't worth shit.
  • A roll of film with priceless photographs of our nation's founding fathers predating the first known photo by 31 years, which no one today will be able to get developed anywhere.
  • An angry rant about how if women want to play board games, they should learn to deal with verbal harassment.
  • A map to the poets homes.
  • A time capsule from 1595 that no one could pry open back in 1795, but which they hoped strong men of the future would be able to break the lid off of.
  • Decoded versions of the Constitution and Declaration of Independence with the treasure maps pointed out, in case somehow people were too dumb to find it.
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