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May you travel as far and often this summer as Anthony Weiner's crotch shots.


I almost sent you a real birthday card but thankfully my Internet connection came back.

I've yet again caught myself sending dirty pictures to my own phone.

It's not drinking on the job if you weren't planning to do any work.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 29, 2013

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What's dooming the Anthony Weiner campaign now? How did the new Wolverine movie no one was clamoring for do? What's going on with that other whistle blower guy? Find out in 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today.

Live, laugh, learn >> 

Censored: Let's see more of each other.

Good luck on the bar exam to someone who's already a better lawyer than the George Zimmerman prosecutors.

Good luck passing the bar exam and practicing law somewhere besides Florida.


Let's celebrate a guy who walks around in flamboyant robes and necklaces all day for not judging homosexuals.

Hoping you can give me some legal advice on how to sue you for the emotional distress of hearing you relentlessly whine about the bar exam.

Your wedding was an important milestone in me not hearing about your wedding diet anymore.

I hope you're not dreading the bar exam as much as I'm dreading your bragging about being a lawyer.

Censored: Thanks for being someone I can open up to.

Censored: Just wanted you to know how comfortable I feel around you.

13 ways to encourage someone taking the bar exam this week!

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someecards.com - Good luck on the bar exam to someone who's already a better lawyer than the George Zimmerman prosecutors
 

The Bar Exam starts tomorrow! It's a great time of year where anyone douchey enough to want to be a lawyer is feeling as horrible and scared as we want lawyers to always feel. It's the last step in a long process that leads to the beginning of the even longer process of feeling even more horrible and scared every day about making partner. Oh, and the anxiety of keeping your clients out of jail, of course. So send as many cards as you can to those future lawyers-to-be in the hopes that they'll give you a break on their fee after your inevitable drunk driving arrest or murder trial of an unarmed 17-year-old black person.

See them all >>


The perfect letter to send to your parents letting them know that you failed the bar exam.

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Her family business sounds like a much safer career than law these days.

This dude hasn't even taken the bar exam yet, but like any good aspiring lawyer, he already has a plan to reduce his punishment if the decision turns against him. Millions of would-be esquires will be taking the exam over the next two days, which will put a significant strain on the nation's plumbing systems as all those law students spend their test breaks sobbing in the bathroom. Many will pass, many will fail, but most of them will probably wonder why they didn't just move to South America to find a nice farmer's daughter to settle down and begin a cocaine factory with, in a less-ethically-challenged business than the one they're currently choosing.

We hope this guy passes his exam and doesn't have to send this, but we're betting that even if he doesn't need this letter, several thousand less-original failures will end up copying and pasting it to their parents when the results come back in November. In which case, that newly-minted lawyer should sue them all for copyright infringement.

Cards to send to anyone making the mistake of trying to enter the legal profession >>

May your day be filled with consensual sexts.

Censored: I hope your birthday is filled with surprises.

I have the same expectations for men as I do for Mondays.

You're the reason I wake up every morning and start drinking.

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