5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 30, 2013

July 30, 2013, 7:22 am

≫ Next: Censored: Love your new profile pic.

≪ Previous: You're the reason I wake up every morning and start drinking.

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Massive explosions! Sinking cities! Eliot Spitzer scolding Anthony Weiner! Those and more signs of the apocalypse in 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today.

The end is nigh >>

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Censored: Love your new profile pic.

July 30, 2013, 8:26 am

≫ Next: Censored: I feel so empty when you're not around.

≪ Previous: 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — July 30, 2013

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Censored: I feel so empty when you're not around.

July 30, 2013, 9:09 am

≫ Next: I need a hug that results in wild sex.

≪ Previous: Censored: Love your new profile pic.

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I need a hug that results in wild sex.

July 30, 2013, 11:18 am

≫ Next: May your performance on the bar exam make up for how boring you were while studying for it.

≪ Previous: Censored: I feel so empty when you're not around.

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May your performance on the bar exam make up for how boring you were while studying for it.

July 30, 2013, 11:59 am

≫ Next: As a show of support while you study for the bar exam, I'll barely mention my many leisure activities.

≪ Previous: I need a hug that results in wild sex.

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As a show of support while you study for the bar exam, I'll barely mention my many leisure activities.

July 30, 2013, 12:38 pm

≫ Next: The best part about drinking outdoors is we can't get thrown out.

≪ Previous: May your performance on the bar exam make up for how boring you were while studying for it.

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The best part about drinking outdoors is we can't get thrown out.

July 30, 2013, 1:39 pm

≫ Next: Just wanted to wish you luck on the bar exam and remind you it's still my dream to marry a doctor or lawyer.

≪ Previous: As a show of support while you study for the bar exam, I'll barely mention my many leisure activities.

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Just wanted to wish you luck on the bar exam and remind you it's still my dream to marry a doctor or lawyer.

July 30, 2013, 2:26 pm

≫ Next: Hopefully two miserable days of taking the bar exam results in several torturous decades of being overworked.

≪ Previous: The best part about drinking outdoors is we can't get thrown out.

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Hopefully two miserable days of taking the bar exam results in several torturous decades of being overworked.

July 30, 2013, 5:01 pm

≫ Next: Your birthday means so much to me I've taken time out of doing nothing to send this.

≪ Previous: Just wanted to wish you luck on the bar exam and remind you it's still my dream to marry a doctor or lawyer.

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Your birthday means so much to me I've taken time out of doing nothing to send this.

July 31, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Every time you upload pictures of your amazing vacation to Facebook, I wonder how easy it would be to burglarize your empty apartment.

≪ Previous: Hopefully two miserable days of taking the bar exam results in several torturous decades of being overworked.

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Every time you upload pictures of your amazing vacation to Facebook, I wonder how easy it would be to burglarize your empty apartment.

July 31, 2013, 8:51 am

≫ Next: There's no better vacation than my boss being on vacation.

≪ Previous: Your birthday means so much to me I've taken time out of doing nothing to send this.

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There's no better vacation than my boss being on vacation.

July 31, 2013, 9:52 am

≫ Next: I hope our communicating only via Facebook and Gchat isn't impacted by you moving.

≪ Previous: Every time you upload pictures of your amazing vacation to Facebook, I wonder how easy it would be to burglarize your empty apartment.

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I hope our communicating only via Facebook and Gchat isn't impacted by you moving.

July 31, 2013, 10:09 am

≫ Next: Here are all the vanity plates deemed too offensive or perverted by the New York DMV. Some of them might surprise you.

≪ Previous: There's no better vacation than my boss being on vacation.

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Here are all the vanity plates deemed too offensive or perverted by the New York DMV. Some of them might surprise you.

July 31, 2013, 10:55 am

≫ Next: A guy regularly took up two spots when parking his Jaguar at work. One day, his fellow parkers got revenge.

≪ Previous: I hope our communicating only via Facebook and Gchat isn't impacted by you moving.

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Sadly, this artist's rendering is the closest you'll get to such a pithy plate.

Have you been saving up the $60 (plus the $31.25 annual fee) to finally get buy that personalized "SEXHOG" vanity plate for your Jetta? If you live in New York, we're sorry to inform you that the DMV has preemptively crushed your dreams. Same goes for anyone hoping to let their fellow motorists know they're a fan of "HOTDIK," "B00BS," or anyone who wants to use their plate to get God's attention via the personalized exclamation, "HEYGOD."

The DMV has a list. They know how to use it to make sure the Lord above isn't distracted by your license plate.

See the rest >>

A guy regularly took up two spots when parking his Jaguar at work. One day, his fellow parkers got revenge.

July 31, 2013, 11:28 am

≫ Next: I'd like to exclusively date you once summer is over.

≪ Previous: Here are all the vanity plates deemed too offensive or perverted by the New York DMV. Some of them might surprise you.

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Next time, spring for the sunroof.

This video captures the slow-building exasperation of one sportscar owner who learned the hard way not to take up two spaces at his office parking lot. Per the YouTube description: "Sick of this guy taking up two spots every day, so we showed him you can actually still fit another car beside his." 

See the rest >>

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I'd like to exclusively date you once summer is over.

July 31, 2013, 11:56 am

≫ Next: Just a heads up that you're running out of time to use my toned beach body before I ruin it for fall.

≪ Previous: A guy regularly took up two spots when parking his Jaguar at work. One day, his fellow parkers got revenge.

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Just a heads up that you're running out of time to use my toned beach body before I ruin it for fall.

July 31, 2013, 12:52 pm

≫ Next: Congratulations on making it to August without wearing a swimsuit in public.

≪ Previous: I'd like to exclusively date you once summer is over.

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Congratulations on making it to August without wearing a swimsuit in public.

July 31, 2013, 2:34 pm

≫ Next: Sorry your resistance to Facebook meant missing out on my divorce, remarriage, child's birth, second divorce, drunken rampage, and cute vacation pictures.

≪ Previous: Just a heads up that you're running out of time to use my toned beach body before I ruin it for fall.

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Sorry your resistance to Facebook meant missing out on my divorce, remarriage, child's birth, second divorce, drunken rampage, and cute vacation pictures.

July 31, 2013, 5:01 pm

≫ Next: Going on vacation with my children makes me realize how much I hate vacations and my children.

≪ Previous: Congratulations on making it to August without wearing a swimsuit in public.

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Going on vacation with my children makes me realize how much I hate vacations and my children.

August 1, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — August 1, 2013

≪ Previous: Sorry your resistance to Facebook meant missing out on my divorce, remarriage, child's birth, second divorce, drunken rampage, and cute vacation pictures.

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