She's helping lift the debt load, one lonely Starbucks lover at a time.

The pop star that saved higher education. (via Getty)

If you're having trouble paying off your debt load, might be time to stop relying on your indie cred and buy a damn Taylor Swift record. Girlfriend is the new Payday Loans!

On Monday, Rebekah Bortnicker, a diehard Swift fan (They're "Swifties" right? Or was that for the John Kerry Swiftboat thing? There's probably crossover between the two.) received a giant box in the mail full of Swift-gifts.

SOME PICTURES OF WHAT I GOT TODAY pic.twitter.com/9MiCM5QdiG
— Beks (@noitsbeks) January 13, 2015

THE REST OF MY GIFTS FROM TAYLOR pic.twitter.com/NJEItIIctI
— Beks (@noitsbeks) January 13, 2015

But while the hand-made cards and jewelry and whatnot were all super-sweet, Taylor went the extra mile and sent Rebekah the one gift that never goes out of style. No, not a red lip classic thing. Cash!

(Via Twitter)

The fan was stunned by the whole box, but when she saw the Taylorbucks (soon to be our national currency if the Fed ever wises up), she really lost it. Here's the video of her opening the box (the check is spotted at around 1:45).

During the holiday season, Tay-Tay was giving back to her fans with her own preferred superfan rewards program called "Swiftmas." If she found you going nuts for her on Tumblr she'd drop a little Santa emoji on your page, which let you know she'd be sending you a hand-crafted gift soon. That's how she found Rebekah and discovered she was having trouble paying off her school debt. The holidays may be over but it looks like she's still crossing people off her shopping list.

Taylor if you're reading this, I just downloaded "1989." Pay my car payments!

They met after being apart for most of her childhood, and they discovered they were both into each other. Yes, in that way. Also, they're engaged!

A stock photo silhouette that is nonetheless skeevy given the context of this article.

In an interview with New York Magazine's Science Of Us that's been grossing the Internet out for the past 36 hours, an 18-year-old woman from the Great Lakes region gave her account of what it's like to have a romantic—and sexual—relationship with her own biological father. Feel free to read the rest of this while peeking through your fingers if need be.

It's called Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA). Heard of it? Or worse, felt it? If not, consider yourself blessed. According to NYMag, GSA was coined in the 80s by the founder of a support group for adopted children to describe "the intense romantic and sexual feelings that she observed" amongst adopted children reconnecting with their biological relatives.

Apparently this kind of thing happens a lot when relatives who've been separated for a long time are reunited as adults. The research is unclear, but suffice to say that feeling of somehow "belonging" to each other gets taken kind of the wrong way. So attach one of those Tile thingies to your brothers and sisters to keep everyone on the up-and-up.

"I told him I wanted him to be the first person I made love to."

In the NYMag interview, the anonymous woman claims that her father was in her life only sporadically when she was very young, between the ages of 2 and 5, and then not at all for the next twelve of her developing years. She reconnected with him at age 17.

We chitchatted online for a few days and found out we were similar. We shared the same favorite TV shows — The Simpsons and The Big Bang Theory— and we both love to draw. He came to see me about a week later. You wouldn't have believed we hadn't been around each other for 12 years. The idea of "getting to know him" seemed strange because we are so much alike.

We both think Sheldon is a real goofball. Let's boff.

She identifies as bisexual, but claims that when she met her father, she had not yet had sex with a man. Her only experience was with a girlfriend in school:

I had a girlfriend in middle school and that was the most major sexual experience I'd ever had. But she was very religious and every time we were intimate she would sob and read me verses out of the Bible.

We all have our pillow-talk.

When asked about her first encounter with her dad, she says the attraction was somewhat immediate:

He's so good-looking! And then I was like, What the hell are you thinking? What is wrong with you? I saw him as my dad but then also part of me was like, I'm meeting this guy who I have been talking to over the internet and really connecting with and I find him attractive.

Thank God my dad never learned how to use Facebook to connect with whatever secret kids he's scattered around the tri-state Philadelphia area.

In case you were wondering when you're going to start really gagging, the interview kicks into high gear right around the first mention of "morning wood":

The second night I had him sleep on the couch again and then the third night I fell asleep with him on the floor lying on his chest, in his arms. The fourth night rolled around and we ended up on the floor again. This time we actually cuddled. When he woke up, we were spooning. I didn't know this at the time but later, after we admitted our feelings, he told me he had had "morning wood" and had gone to fix it.

Don't worry. She claims by "fixing it" he just went to pee.

Then later that night she porked her dad.

That night we were play-wrestling in the room I was going to sleep in and I bit him. He was wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a tank top and after I bit him I could see goose bumps pop up from his toes to his shoulders. Then he pinched my inner thigh and I got goose bumps.
We stopped and said that we didn't know what was going on but admitted that we had strong feelings for each other. We discussed whether it was wrong and then we kissed. And then we made out, and then we made love for the first time. That was when I lost my virginity.

Don't judge! Like your first-time story was a fairy tale?

Head over to NY Magazine'sScience Of Us to read more details of this match made in absence, such as how long they had sex for that night, and how some family members support them and "can't wait for us to have babies." I'm going to spend the rest of the evening shivering in the dark.

Related: A guy sent a woman what may be the craziest breakup text ever.

At long last, cats have been given the means to play with water without getting wet.

Since the dawn of the '70s, waterbeds have been delighting and confusing felines and residents of Florida with its groovy undulations.

For Floridians, water bed owners don't have to worry about the size of their boat when they have the motion of the ocean. For a cat, there might be something in there!

Enjoy two and a half minutes of cats trying to figure out what might be in there while their owners pray their pet doesn't spring a leak during the ferocious attacks.

Prepare to feel inadequate as a parent and as a human.

Someone get this man an early Father's Day mug, because he's a strong contender to actually winning "World's Best Dad" for his performance in the crucial "Performing Everyday Tasks When You're Crazy From Sleep Deprivation And Carrying A Baby All The Time" category. I don't think I could do this while sticking both my arms out for balance, let alone carrying a fragile baby creature in my arms. I have to think seriously about whether I have the requisite flexibility before I consider ever having kids.

That is a person's body, not a brick wall.

Wow! It's been, like, a while since we've seen some crazy hot mom pop up online and piss off large swaths of the regular-looking public by flaunting her obscenely toned body in an effort to make us norms feel bad. 2013 gave us both Maria Kang and Caroline Berg Eriksen, but 2014 came and went with nary a self-righteously Instagrammed washboard ab. I was actually starting to worry about the safety of our smug fitness freak moms—maybe they were trapped under heavy Bowflex machines!—until this story came along.

Does "cookie dough ice cream" count as an excuse?(via)

Abby Pell (a.k.a. @superabs) is a 33-year-old British mother with negative-5% body fat and abdominal muscles that could cut a diamond. She posted the above photo of her two favorite things in the world—her daughter and her muscle definition—along with the phrase "I have a kid, a six pack and no excuse" to her Instagram account back in February, but people have been getting way too angry about it just recently. The Mirror quotes one angry commenter as calling it "fat shaming, pure and simple," and another characterizing it as "so demeaning."

What Pell also has, and doesn't mention in the photo, is a job as a trainer and nutritionalist, as well as some experience competing onstage for World Beauty Fitness & Fashion titles. So, maybe she's in a slightly better position for staying in shape than someone who sits behind a desk all day. That said, I'm sure there are plenty of super-fit office workers in the world, along with a decent amount of pudgy nutritionalists/trainers (though probably not many fat WBFF competitors—that's kind of a self-selective group).

Once she started to get a lot of press for the offending Instagram pic, she reposted it, along with this half-hearted apologetic message: "I've been accused of adding to unnecessary pressure put on women and more specifically mums to lose weight. I would like to clarify that this is not my objective whatsoever."

I'm not even buying the half-heart. I'd guess she's got one-fifth a heart of remorse in her at best. But whatever. Who cares? 78 percent of the reason that people spend five hours a day torturing themselves in the gym is so they can post mostly naked pictures of themselves online and feel superior to people who look like me. Meanwhile, people who look like me get to enjoy Mint Oreos and pure bliss of sitting on the couch binge-watching Agents of S.H.I.E.LD. (How come nobody told me it actually got good?)

To sum up: Yes, this person wants you to feel bad. Yes, she thinks she's better than you. No, you should not pay her any attention. Yes, I too am shocked about what AoS did with Ward.

Scottish pervert and ukulele player Dean Gilmartin was caught masturbating in public. Don't worry, he got off.

His junk might have been more covered up if he'd air-played something bigger, like a guitar.

Some residents of his neighborhood in Scotland complained that he was masturbating while naked in the window of his home that faced the street multiple times.

25-year-old Gilmartin says he isn't sure exactly what they saw.

"It would be speculation," he told Perth Sheriff Court. "I have no definite explanation, but I play a lot of musical instruments and I'm a bit of a tapper."

"My hands are always jittering about. I could have been tapping away."

He went on to explain that "I play keyboard, guitar and ukulele. I move my hands about. I do that a lot. It's the only reasonable explanation I can think of. There is a chance they could have seen me in a state of undress. I was putting away washing."

Come on, puritans! You've never seen a man playing air ukulele... naked... in a window??? This is why we need funding for the arts.

According to STV News, "one witness told the court she had clearly seen Gilmartin with his genitals in his hand from almost 100 yards down the street."

What is this woman doing on the street? She should be up in the air in a fighter jet with that vision.

Another witness said she had seen him making a "side-to-side" motion with his hands.

If it would please the court, that is not how you please yourself. No one jerks off like that. She must have meant something more diagonal.

In any case, Gilmartin said he would not expose himself in public and bought himself some curtains.

The judge, moved by his testimony, said that although she believed the neighbor's testimony, she would "give him the benefit of the doubt."

I think that's judge code for "I don't want to think about this anymore."

Personally, I'd put up with a few wank sessions if my neighbor promised to never actually play a ukulele.

The Internet is many things, including a really good canvas.

Art imitates lifelessness in Yung Jake's portrait of Kim Kardashian. (via Yung Jake)

Rapper and artist Yung Jake has been called "the art world's favorite rapper" and is the creator of the "anti-social network" Unfollow, but he may ascend to the level of full-blown regular celebrity (or at least a Twitter and Instagram one) now that his emoji portraits of some of the biggest stars in the world have gone viral.

Whiz Khalifa, presumably seen through a heavy fog of his weed brand, Khalifa Kush. (via)

Yung Jake graduated from CalArts before starting a rap career because, as he told LA Weekly (via text), "Every time I made a painting it was about being black of da sudden. So I started making raps about pretty-hoe-bitches and suddenly, blackness wasn't an issue anymore." In both his music and his art now, though, the theme is the all-encompassing viral culture in which we live and breathe here on the Internet.

This is the single most tasteful image of Miley Cyrus on the Internet. (via Yung Jake)

For example, his portrait of Jerry Seinfeld is actually labeled "What if Jery was emojis" on Instagram and is really a portrait of the famed parody Twitter account @Seinfeld2000 (and uses the same image from that account's profile photo). Need more proof?

just think what if wait guys think 4 a sec @Seinfeld2000 what if Seinfeld was made out of emojis? pic.twitter.com/SKIfosTbND

— black hoodies (@yungjake) January 16, 2015

Check out more of Yung Jake on Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr or YouTube. You can make your own emoji portraits at emoji.ink.

The clip below was posted yesterday to the YouTube channel for the Dover Delaware police department, purportedly capturing one of their uniform officers surrendering himself to the authority of Tay-tay's "Shake It Off."

"While reviewing our in-car cameras we tend to see some interesting things," the preface to the video state. The department has decided to share these things in a new series they're calling "Dash Cam Confessionals."

Whether the cop was really "caught" or this was all staged for a goof is left to your own Internet heart to decide. They certainly got the too-perfect "Hank from Breaking Bad" looking cop to portray their Swiftie, which might mean staged. But normally for these kinds of things, the person would at least take the time to learn all the words (he sits out some of the opening verses). However, his acting chops are evident at around 1:18 and 1:50 when he gets spotted by pedestrians and slips back into stoic civil servant mode.

I vote staged. Delightfully so.

Pregnancy hormones are a hell of a drug.

I'm going to go ahead and assume that this guy got his nine-months-pregnant wife's permission before he uploaded a video of her emotional breakdown to YouTube. If not, he's probably dead right now. If this is how her hormones are making her respond to a questionable food storage strategy, just imagine how she'd react to finding out the video is being spread across the Internet.

As for the actual content of the video, I have to say I'm Team Crying Wife here. Storing your remnant vegetables in multiple ziplock bags like that is not only inefficient, but it's a great way to turn them into a mushy goo. My heart goes out to those poor leftovers.

You know what they say: desperate guys call for desperate measures.

"I'm outside the graveyard now with a shovel. Tell me which grave is hers."

Okay, so just imagine this: You've gone out on a few dates with a guy, but you're just not feeling it. Certainly not as much as he's feeling it with you. So, you try dropping a few hints, slowly backing away from the situation. But he seems not to be taking the hint.

Then, one night he texts you with a somewhat unnerving announcement:

"I think we need to have a date tonight! I will be around your house in 30 minutes."

Uh oh. What do you do? Endure another interminable night with a terminably uninteresting guy? Or do you do as 29-year-old British woman Anna Gray did and pretend that you've contracted a terrible disease? Seems like a no-brainer to me:

What did I tell you about not taking a hint. At this point, though, you're kind of stuck in the lie. It'd be awkward to say, "She just came out of the coma and will meet you at the Olive Garden at 8:30."

So, you'd probably better keep it going:

Well, that should do it.

Unless...

Shit.

The only thing left for you to do now is shut it all down. Not the lie—the make-believe respirator that's pretend keeping you alive:

And that's how you get rid of a guy who does not want to be gotten rid of.

However, here's something to consider: though Gray's tenacious suitor did ultimately take "dead" for an answer, she did wind up running into him a few months later on a dating website.

"He sent me a horrid message!" she told the Mirror. "Can't say I blame him, really. I am currently engaged to be married and not dead!"

Maybe not, but she'll always be dead to him.

A BBC presenter turned her double mastectomy into a cause for celebration.

Thanks for all you've done, ladies. (via Instagram)

Only three more days until "Double D Day."

When Claira Hermet, a 27-year-old radio and TV presenter, found out she was a carrier for the BRCA 1 breast cancer gene, she knew she'd eventually need a double mastectomy. She'd already lost her mother to the disease, and in 2012, she lost her sister as well. Being a carrier of the gene means Claira has an 85% chance of contracting breast cancer herself.

(via Instagram)

Still, Hermet was reluctant to make the decision. It didn't happen "overnight," but over several years. She told the Daily Mail:

"I had to change myself first, to recognise that my breasts didn't define me and if a man was going to leave me it wouldn't be because I'd lost them."

She realized that giving up her breasts was a small sacrifice compared to what her mother and sister lost. "Of course," she told the paper, "there have been times when I've got out of the shower, sat in front of the mirror and said, 'Ah, I'm going to miss you two.' But that's not constructive and I don't dwell on it."

So to keep things positive, last week Hermet held a "Goodbye Boobs" party, complete with boob cupcakes, drinking, and celebrating. Hermet also had a series of professional photos taken to celebrate her body, and the Double D breasts she loves, pre-surgery.

The one and only @KupKase made BOOBIEKAKES which were amazing! @LiteSwitchTV filmed it all. The love & support is pic.twitter.com/HQztDwJKzc

— Claira Hermet (@ClairaHermet) January 11, 2015

As she writes on Instagram: "Life throws us punches & sometimes knocks us clean out but those knocks can be learnt from. I have never felt so strong, positive and on purpose."

Related: Woman holds dance party to Beyonce's "Get Me Bodied" in hospital room before having double mastectomy

To be fair, you can probably get away with only using 95 or 96 frying pans.

Traditional Japanese culinary technique.

This Japanese commercial for FlavorStone non-stick cookware shows the proper way for you and 99 of your friends to prepare a pancake with 100 frying pans. It is unclear to me whether or not the French maid outfits are vital. I'd opt on the side of caution and use them.

Obviously, if you want two pancakes, you'll need 200 frying pans and 199 friends.

"C'mon! C'mon! The sooner you finish, the sooner we go for a walk."

As far as personal trainers go, this one's not bad. Both encouraging and insistent. I wonder how he is when it comes to spotting on the weight bench.

No internal skeleton, no problem.

This thing must have been the inspiration for Robert Patrick's character in Terminator 2.

Watching this Octopus escape from a boat through the narrowest of crannies is inspiring and makes we want to go try on jeans. I've put on enough weight this weekend that you'd have trouble finding any bones in me too.

This is you except the jar would be full of whiskey and you're not as fuzzy.

Rough day?

This is what it's like to be a down-on-your-luck kitten, holding down two kitten jobs while looking for a third, just trying to keep your kitten head above water. Except sometimes you need to just rest your eyes for a second, take a break from the kitty grind and just get a few seconds of damn peace while all of your weight is propped against the mouth of a mason jar full of water. Just a few seconds of peace before a human comes by and snaps his fingers demanding you wake up and be cute again.

Who wished you could go through the screen and play with that dog in the video? Josie the Golden Retriever knows how you feel.

Josie is all of us right now. Josie just wants to live in the simple world of fun and joy that all YouTube dog videos take place in, even this meta/recursive YouTube dog video of a dog watching a dog video.

Confession: I accidentally got my family's Jack Russell addicted to nature videos. It made me feel better about leaving the house if I left them on, but now the dog will walk onto anyone's laptop and start pawing at the screen in the hopes that we will magically transport her to a David Attenborough-narrated paradise. Unless there are eagles or wolves on screen. Those scare the crap out of her and are the only way to turn it off.

I'm glad Josie has a much healthier form of addiction.