5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — August 1, 2013

August 1, 2013, 7:07 am

≫ Next: I'd like your Vine video better if it was shortened from six seconds to zero seconds.

≪ Previous: Going on vacation with my children makes me realize how much I hate vacations and my children.

$

0

0

Who's being racist? Who's leglizing it? Where's the [recalled] beef? Find out in 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today.

Pretending is fun! >>

---

I'd like your Vine video better if it was shortened from six seconds to zero seconds.

August 1, 2013, 8:50 am

≫ Next: It takes a special kind of talent to create a video that bores me in under 6 seconds.

≪ Previous: 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — August 1, 2013

$

0

0

It takes a special kind of talent to create a video that bores me in under 6 seconds.

August 1, 2013, 9:32 am

≫ Next: May you spend less time stuck in an airport this summer than Edward Snowden did.

≪ Previous: I'd like your Vine video better if it was shortened from six seconds to zero seconds.

$

0

0

May you spend less time stuck in an airport this summer than Edward Snowden did.

August 1, 2013, 9:57 am

≫ Next: Dad, I think I'm going to enjoy your uncomfortably honest old guy stage.

≪ Previous: It takes a special kind of talent to create a video that bores me in under 6 seconds.

$

0

0

Dad, I think I'm going to enjoy your uncomfortably honest old guy stage.

August 1, 2013, 1:43 pm

≫ Next: Happy birthday to a wife who is still as beautiful as the day she got Botox.

≪ Previous: May you spend less time stuck in an airport this summer than Edward Snowden did.

$

0

0

Happy birthday to a wife who is still as beautiful as the day she got Botox.

August 1, 2013, 2:08 pm

≫ Next: I'm going to be so mad at you once my mood elevators wear off.

≪ Previous: Dad, I think I'm going to enjoy your uncomfortably honest old guy stage.

$

0

0

I'm going to be so mad at you once my mood elevators wear off.

August 1, 2013, 2:58 pm

≫ Next: There's no one else I'd rather make regret the day he met me than you.

≪ Previous: Happy birthday to a wife who is still as beautiful as the day she got Botox.

$

0

0

There's no one else I'd rather make regret the day he met me than you.

August 2, 2013, 6:32 am

≫ Next: 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — August 2, 2013

≪ Previous: I'm going to be so mad at you once my mood elevators wear off.

$

0

0

---

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — August 2, 2013

August 2, 2013, 6:54 am

≫ Next: I hope your vacation is better than your job performance.

≪ Previous: There's no one else I'd rather make regret the day he met me than you.

$

0

0

Why is Texas having trouble killing people? Who's asking for Trayvon Martin's hoodie? How many people has Bob Filner sexually harassed? Find out those three things plus exactly two more things for a grand total of 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today!

Do it now >>

I hope your vacation is better than your job performance.

August 2, 2013, 7:10 am

≫ Next: Allow me to politely suggest this be the year you start lying about your age.

≪ Previous: 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — August 2, 2013

$

0

0

Allow me to politely suggest this be the year you start lying about your age.

August 2, 2013, 7:40 am

≫ Next: Sorry your summer vacation is in New Jersey.

≪ Previous: I hope your vacation is better than your job performance.

$

0

0

Sorry your summer vacation is in New Jersey.

August 2, 2013, 8:56 am

≫ Next: Sorry I slept naked in your bed while you were on vacation.

≪ Previous: Allow me to politely suggest this be the year you start lying about your age.

$

0

0

Sorry I slept naked in your bed while you were on vacation.

August 2, 2013, 9:36 am

≫ Next: I hope your summer vacation will be as full of joy as the ocean is full of pee.

≪ Previous: Sorry your summer vacation is in New Jersey.

$

0

0

I hope your summer vacation will be as full of joy as the ocean is full of pee.

August 2, 2013, 12:09 pm

≫ Next: I was attracted to you from the moment I realized how desperate I am.

≪ Previous: Sorry I slept naked in your bed while you were on vacation.

$

0

0

I was attracted to you from the moment I realized how desperate I am.

August 3, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Please tell me less about yourself.

≪ Previous: I hope your summer vacation will be as full of joy as the ocean is full of pee.

$

0

0

---

Please tell me less about yourself.

August 4, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Shark Week has reminded me that we really need to discuss your oral sex technique.

≪ Previous: I was attracted to you from the moment I realized how desperate I am.

$

0

0

Shark Week has reminded me that we really need to discuss your oral sex technique.

August 4, 2013, 9:30 am

≫ Next: May your latest relationship last longer than a seal during Shark Week.

≪ Previous: Please tell me less about yourself.

$

0

0

May your latest relationship last longer than a seal during Shark Week.

August 4, 2013, 6:23 pm

≫ Next: Let's celebrate Shark Week by drinking like fish and making people run away from us.

≪ Previous: Shark Week has reminded me that we really need to discuss your oral sex technique.

$

0

0

Let's celebrate Shark Week by drinking like fish and making people run away from us.

August 5, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: You're my favorite person to complain about life with over a glass of wine.

≪ Previous: May your latest relationship last longer than a seal during Shark Week.

$

0

0

You're my favorite person to complain about life with over a glass of wine.

August 5, 2013, 7:03 am

≫ Next: 5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today — August 5, 2013

≪ Previous: Let's celebrate Shark Week by drinking like fish and making people run away from us.

$

0

0