1. Suge Knight Goes Full Month Without Being Accused Of Murder— REDACTED

Hiphop mogul Suge Knight nearly made it all the way through the first month of the new year without being involved in the killing or attempted killing of a human being. Unfortunately, the co-founder of Death Row Records was arrested and charged with murder early this morning after a fatal hit-and-run incident following a heated altercation on a film set. Next month only has 28 days in it, though, so he's got a much better shot.

The single most shocking thing about Suge Knight being charged with murder today is that he's not already in jail for murder
— Greg Johnson (@theGregJohnson) January 30, 2015

2. Mitt Romney To Step Aside And Let Other Candidates Make Fools Of Themselves

Mitt Romney announced to supporters this morning that he will in all likelihood not be pursuing the Republican nomination for president again. "After putting considerable thought into making another run for president, I've decided it is best to give other leaders in the party the opportunity to become our next nominee," Romney said during a conference call. And it will give many others the opportunity to ruin their political legacies trying in vain to please the party's hardcore conservative base.

Mitt Romney announcing he's not running for president is like Johnny Depp announcing there won't be a sequel to Mortdecai.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) January 30, 2015

3. Katy Perry To Use Super Bowl Halftime Performance As Opportunity To Show World How Petty And Unlikable She Is

Performing during halftime at the Super Bowl is perhaps the biggest opportunity any performer can have to present him or herself to the world. Pop singer Katy Perry will apparently be using that opportunity to make some kind of a petty jab at her professional rival Taylor Swift. "She wants to make a statement with her performance and show that she is the biggest female act in the world and she wants to show that to everyone including Taylor, who she has a feud with. In Katy's eyes, no one can compete on her level," according to a source of Hollywood Life. Carpe diem!

If Katy Perry's halftime show doesn't end with fireworks forming the image of Bradley Cooper holding a rifle then we should all be ashamed.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) January 29, 2015

4. Senate Passes Keystone Bill So That Obama Can Veto It

The Republican-controlled U.S. Senate has finally finished a process of long deliberations on its controversial Keystone Pipeline bill and the piece of legislation has passed 62-36. Once the particulars are squared with a similar bill that was recently passed by the house, it will proceed to the President's desk, where it will promptly be vetoed and dropped into a trashcan.

Hey babe wanna veto my pipeline?
— Sarah Meyer (@sarahjeanious) January 7, 2015

5. Study Finds Link Between Burnt-Tasting Coffee, High Property Values

Economists have recently discovered a "Starbucks Effect" in real estate, which seems to show that chain coffee shops with subpar coffee and Norah Jones music playing on a perpetual loop drive up the property values of nearby homes.

I now live exactly one block south of a Starbucks and one block north of an indie coffee shop. I have to make a political decision everyday.
— Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) January 28, 2015

Don't cross Eagles fans.

The ups and downs of the radio business can sometimes be a blur.

Eagles fans threw ice at Santa. You think a fat guy who only rules New Jersey will scare them?

As you may have heard, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie spent the NFL playoff season hanging out in the owner's box of the Dallas Cowboys' Jerry Jones. Considering that he could have chosen from three teams to root for in New Jersey (the Eagles, the Giants, or the Jets), this went down well with nobody. (Oh, right, it was also a major ethics violation given the contracts Christie awarded Jones as Governor.) When it comes to getting actual revenge, however, always count on Eagles fans.

This morning was the Wing Bowl, a competitive hot wing eating contest that is as much of a proud and venerated Philadelphia tradition as being listed among the fattest cities in the country. It is where competitive eating champ Joey Chestnut scored his first major victory. As the host of the event, sports radio station 94WIP invited Christie and Jones impersonators (whom you can see at the beginning of the clip), but more importantly, they leaked this amazing video of the biggest Governor in the country sliding off his chair like so many greasy wings off of Joey Chestnut's fingers.

I bet it was Varys.

So, uh, trailer spoilers? As you can tell from the shoddy picture quality and slightly angled shot of the screen, this is a recording of an as-yet-unreleased HBO trailer for Game of Thrones Season 5. The next season might not revisit all the characters (there are two books—no spoilers—that happen at the same time but follow two separate sets of characters), but the ones who are in this trailer, particularly Daenerys, Varys, Tyrion, Cersei, Arya and Jon, look like they're in for dangerously exciting levels of plot.

Feeling like you want to relive previous seasons all of a sudden? Check out our episode recaps: If 'Game of Thrones' took place entirely on Facebook.

1. The Elegant Gentleman

Hide your baby's junk behind the top hat of a dapper man-about-town.

2. Reverse Carmen Miranda

Pile a large amount of fruit on your baby's pelvis. Avoid bananas.

3. The Nostalgia

Hide your baby's junk behind a VHS copy of Ferris Bueller's Day Off, the Hamburglar, or a woman wearing legwarmers.

4. The Angler

Place a fresh-caught sockeye salmon on your baby's lap.

5. When You're Here, You're Family

Hide your baby's junk behind an Olive Garden salad bowl.

6. The New York Minute

Cover your baby's lower half with a pigeon, large soft pretzel, and Rudolph Giuliani.

7. The Souza

Put your baby in the bell of a marching band tuba.

8. The Humble Baby Brag

Let your child play with your Oscar, diploma from Harvard, glass of Master Cleanse juice, or any other item you'd like to use to casually show that you're better than most people.

9. Scandal!

Position your baby behind Kerry Washington's head in a screenshot from hit TV drama Scandal.

10. Baby: Infinity Squadron

Place a baby in front of your baby's crotch. Place another baby in front of that baby's crotch. Do so until you run out of frame space or babies, whichever comes first.

(design by Cole Mitchell)

We're looking at a future billionaire here.

You've got to respect this little girl. She identified a flaw in the Chuck E. Cheese arcade system and then she relentlessly exploited it. You might say that she's taking an unfair share of the global pool of arcade tickets, but I say that she's exercising her inner John Galt.

"Hewwo!"

This is a cute video and all, but it's kind of bumming me out how this dog continuously mocks the way this poor guy says "Hello." I don't care if you are a dog, it's just not cool to make fun of people with speech impediments.

No prizes for guessing murder.

From the guy who brought you Murder Was The Case,we present: murder. (via Getty Images)

Death Row Records founder and guy-who-was-behind-the-wheel-of-the-car-that-Tupac-got-shot-in Suge Knight was arrested for murder for a fatal hit-and-run.

Knight got into a fight with old friend and now victim Terry Carter on the set for NWA's upcoming biopic "Straight Outta Compton," when TMZ reports that security asked Knight to leave. When Terry and his friends left to go to a restaurant, Knight allegedly followed them there, and then ran them over in his red pickup truck.

Witnesses told The Los Angeles Times the truck hit the men, then backed over them before fleeing the scene. The incident is being investigated as a homicide.

Carter was behind the car when he was struck and killed, while two other men were injured in the incident, including Cle "Bone" Sloan, who appeared in Training Day.

Knight turned himself into police after Southern California law enforcement put out a bulletin to "be on the lookout" for him, all the while insisting his innocence.

Knight's attorney stated that "…In an effort to escape [being attacked] he unfortunately hit two individuals. He was in his car trying to escape."

Knight's bail has been set at $2 Million, and Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department Capt. John Corina told reporters, "The people we talked to say it looked like it was an intentional act."

If the witnesses prove credible, this may be the first murder Knight was involved with while behind the wheel that ends up being solved.

Next time you struggle to climb out of bed, think of Will Gadd.

Before today, I was unaware that "world-renowned ice climber" was a even a title humans could have, but then I saw world-renowned ice climber Will Gadd ascend the frozen face of Niagara Falls. Gadd himself is from Alberta, Canada and is also a world-renowned paraglider (sure, why not?). Red Bull created this one-minute video of the event, since they apparently have a corner on the market for videos of the achievements of people who probably consume far healthier things than Red Bull. Frankly, I think Gadd missed an opportunity to do both his hobbies and paraglide back down. Instead, he climbed back down the ice.

Gadd was not boastful afterwards (what a Canadian, this guy), but talked about how difficult it was to climb a structure made of many separate layers of snow and ice that formed at different times with different levels of structural integrity. "That climb beat me up," Gadd told reporters, "I may have reached the top, but Niagara won the war. At the end of the day I was hypothermic."

I was going to say that due to the position of the falls to his right, Gadd actually accomplished this feat on American territory and not on his native soil. After reviewing Google Maps, however, I've concluded that he might have actually been standing right on the border when he reached the top.

Niagara Falls flows south-to-north as Lake Erie empties into Lake Ontario.

Hurry up before Chinese takes over the globe!!!

Now you know this word forever.

Ok, so it isn't really likely that Chinese will ever replace English as the international business language, but it couldn't hurt to learn it, you lazy American. Besides, a rudimentary knowledge of the language will help prevent you from ordering soup at a Chinese restaurant when you meant to order delicious, delicious snails.

ShaoLan Hsueh has created this really easy way to memorize the over 10,000 characters that comprise the Chinese language by creating visual pictures to remember along with them. I definitely know, like, at least five words now for sure. This is the one for woman:

Simple, right? Plus, you can learn really fun ways that the language is misogynistic! Did you know that two characters for the word "woman," when placed together, means "argument?"

So watch this video, then go grab your best gal-pal and argue over that in Chinese!

2016 Republican Presidential Candidate and man whose name rhymes with "F*ckabee" Mike Huckabee was on Megyn Kelly's Fox News show Wednesday, and he got schooled.

Last week, Huckabee appeared on an Iowa radio show, and told the host he couldn't take all the swearing women did at the Fox News office. "In New York, not only do the men do it, but the women do it!" he said, before pulling down his derby over his ears and telling the carriage driver to move along.

It's bad enough for men to swear, but when women do it, it's just "trashy," said Huckabee.

Listen to the whole clip if you really want to be inspired to swear!

Huckabee came on Kelly's program to clarify his point. A visibly annoyed Megyn Kelly had this sign-off for him:

"Well, I do have some news for you. We're not only swearing. We're drinking, we're smoking, we're having premarital sex with birth control before we go to work, and sometimes boss around a bunch of men."

Uh oh. Something someone said on Fox News just made me go, "Hell yes!" Next thing you know I'll be toting a firearm and dyeing my hair blonde.

Across the Pond, they don't call them pits.

Ball pits are up there near the top of the list of lost childhood joys. Most of us just assume adults can't re-create the experience of a childhood ball pit.* It's like drinking Crystal Pepsi or having your first cigarette—it's never coming back. We're too big now, the pits aren't deep enough to jump into, and plus it's nearly impossible not to look like a perv. All those problems have been solved now at Jump In!, the adult "ball pond" in London run by the ad agency Pearlfisher (ugh, "ball pond"). Playing in the pond costs one pound, all of which go to benefit the charity Right To Play, a group supporting educational and recreational opportunities for children in war-torn and impoverished regions across the globe.

So, if you needed an excuse before spending a few hours in the pond, now you have one. To make a reservation in the ball pond, email jumpin@pearlfisher.com.

*You really wouldn't want to get back into a kids' ball pit, anyway. Comedian Chris Gethard once ruined ball pits for me by telling me about his experience of working at Chuck E Cheese. Let's just say there's a good reason that kids' ball pits have dark colored balls instead of white ones.

This couple decided to shoot a Save The Date engagement photo to reflect their love for each other, as well as their shared love of elk hunting.

Awww! Now skin him. (via Joshua Rainey Photography)

According to photographer Joshua Rainey's post about this photo on his website, it was shot on the couple's family expanse of land near the Siletz River in Oregon. The couple, Stevie and Brady, are avid elk hunters and presented the concept for the photo to Joshua during the shoot. Once the photo was shared on the Facebook page for the Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation, it started spreading across the web, with 100,000 likes in the first day.

Rainey spoke to Happy Place about the shoot that produced the photo.

"I hadn't shot engagement photos like this one but the couple's idea was perfect and I was able to capture their vision on camera," said Rainey. "This was actually just one part of a longer shoot. There are a lot of traditional and artistic images too. And, at the end of the evening we got to shoot photos of the couple in front of a heard of elk. It was amazing!"

Take a good look. This is the face of a man in love, people!

UGH.

Today's the day!! Let's all show him some love!! @ClayTravisBGID
A photo posted by DeMarcus Cousins (@boogiecousins) on Jan 30, 2015 at 6:51am PST

THERE'S A 100% CHANCE THIS GUY ENDS UP WORKING FOR FOX.

This is a pretty straightforward story, so let's get to it. Sacramento Kings center DeMarcus Cousins is well known for receiving a lot of fouls on the court, but he leaves all that aggression on the hardwood.

He's never been arrested for his behavior in the real world, which must come as some surprise to FOX Sports reporter Clay Travis, who five years ago tweeted the above prediction about Cousins' 100% chance of being arrested. Today, Cousins celebrated Travis' comeuppance on Instagram.

At the time, Cousins was still playing for the University of Kentucky. Some have pointed out that maybe Travis was just mad on that day because Cousins was in the middle of handing Vanderbilt University their asses. Clay Travis went to Vanderbilt, if you couldn't already tell by the fact that he's a guy from Nashville named Clay Travis.

Don't make predictions like these. You sound like a moron, and it doesn't help when you congratulate yourself by "giving him something to work towards," which Clay did from his offices at FOX today.

Long story short, a guy from a preppy southern school completely lived up to cultural stereotypes.

Oh, the catmanity!

Isn't it enough of an affront to cats' sense of dignity that they are forced to share a planet—and sometimes a home!—with dogs. Must these pitiful individuals also suffer the humiliation of being sat upon by their larger, more oafish fellow members of the Carnivora Order?

I'm telling you, one day when the cats have their inevitable uprising, these dogs' heads will be the first ones on the chopping block.

"Guys! I thought I was never going to kill with you again!"

I'm not going to lie to you, this video of a lioness in South Africa's Kruger National Park who somehow got herself separated from the rest of her pride starts out as kind of a bummer. I don't care what your feelings are concerning lions, the sight of one hiding in the bushes, crying out in grief for the loss of her family is gonna be a bit difficult to watch.

However, I promise you that things turn around quickly. Don't be surprised if, by the end, you experience some excess dampness in the eyes:

Some dads won't let their kid get a tattoo. Others get their tattoos designed by their kid.

Redefining what it means to be a cool dad.(Chance Faulkner Photography)

Keith Anderson of Peterborough, Ontario, is a pretty cool dad—and not only because of his tremendously admirable beard.

(Chance Faulkner Photography)

Every year, Anderson gets a tattoo on his right arm of a doodle drawn by his son, Kai. He got the first when Kai was 5 (of a daisy drawing from when his son was 4) and now Kai is 11. Over the years, Anderson has gotten a robot, a seahorse (below), a maple leaf, an abstract stained glass image (above), and more.

(Chance Faulkner Photography)

Photographer Chance Faulkner recently interviewed Anderson and took these photographs capturing Kai's art and Anderson's awesome project. Anderson told Faulkner: "No one I know has ever heard of tattooing original kid art before, and it's a lot of fun."

(Chance Faulkner Photography)

(Chance Faulkner Photography)

Not only does Anderson let his son design his tattoos, recently Kai has gotten to help with the actual process of tattooing. "He loves it," says Anderson.

If that doesn't sound like an 11-year-old boy's dream, I don't know what does.

(Chance Faulkner Photography)

Anderson says people ask him when he'll stop the project. He's not worried about running out of space—"I'll just get him to draw smaller pictures"—so he plans to keep getting the tattoos for as long as his son thinks it's fun.

I'm guessing that's a long time.

(Chance Faulkner Photography)

Occupy Living Room.

It's a tale as old as time: Millie has a ball, and Goggles has no ball. Goggles wants Millie's ball, but Millie does not want Goggles to have her ball. This leads to a lot of loud barking, fevered stamping and earnest posturing, but the ball ultimately does not change hands and the status quo is maintained.

I think the only fair way to end this situation is for the person of the house to intervene, cut the ball with a hacksaw and give half to each dog. That way, everybody loses.