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Science answers life's greatest mystery: how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

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The answer is finally in our hands despite Tootsie Roll's haunting warning that "the world may never know."

Scientists have finally replaced owls in matters of serious inquiry.

In a study led by Jinzi Huang, a doctoral student at the Courant Institute at NYU, a number has finally been determined in answer to the question, "how many licks?"

As reported by Science Daily, "by formulating a theory for how flows cause dissolving and shrinking, the researchers calculated an estimate of about 1,000 licks."

That's for a regular lollipop.

The NY Post got the real answer we want out of Huang, who said that a Tootsie Roll pop "would need to be licked about 2,500 times for someone to successfully make it to the middle."

This is a lot more than the studies Tootsie Roll has published on their website, which cite two universities and one junior high school, which reported 364 licks, 411 licks, and 125 licks, respectively.

These universities and the junior high school made their observations by creating licking machines and by actually licking, while Huang and his crew studied how liquid flows affect erosion and dissolution.

Whatever the case, I'm hoping this will free up some scientific minds to tackle the issue of how that turtle seems to have human feet.


New Zealand residents are miffed about some ballsy new public art.

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>INSERT "THAT'S A PENIS!" GIF HERE<


Is that a public art installation, or is Auckland just happy to see tourists?
(via chrisyonget on Instagram)

Clouds can look like a lot of different things, even to adorable people who lay right next to each other on a grassy hill. So, it's pretty unusual when people agree on one. Granted, this wire sculpture is only supposed to represent a cloud, but it clearly represents a cloud that looks like a dick. That has gotten a rise out of the locals in Auckland, New Zealand who are as eager to complain about it as they are to post photos on social media.

Our embed isn't working for Instagram. Don't be a floating cloud sculpture about it.
(via emsoncharlottexo on Instagram)

No wee-wees for Kiwis.

I wouldn't say they're offended, per se, since the headline in the New Zealand Herald was arguably more explicit than the actual penis cloud:


Why even print the rest of the article? I think you summed it up with that quote.
(via the New Zealand Herald)

Auckland is in the midst of installing a four-part public art series, Transit Clouds, consisting of aluminum and fiber-optic cloud-like sculptures suspended above tile mosaics on the ground. Here's what it's supposed to look like:


I "get it" now, but I still can't stop seeing a mathematical representation of ghosts boning.
(via the artists/HyperAllergic)

The work is a collaboration between artists Gregor Kregar and Sara Hughes, and architect Davor Popadich. Apparently, there were delays in construction, which Kregar blames for the current phallic controversy:

The work got delayed, stopped and started many times which meant that we were forced to install it in stages (after the buildings were completed) and the public could start reacting before it was finished. Therefore aspects of the work have been taken out of context and there has been a lot of attention to one view of one of the forms.

That would be a distinctly understated way of putting it. As far as what Transit Clouds is really supposed to mean besides "dicks gotta get to work," Kregar spoke to HyperAllergic about the installation and explained it this way:

Clouds are part of our environment, they are extremely beautiful forms that we usually don't even notice (with our heads down racing about our busy lives). To me they are like complex flying structures that are in constant state of flux, they travel, change, and transform all the time.

That certainly explains the balance between the airy sculptures you would need to stop and look up at to appreciate and the tile mosaics you can admire while you scurry to work. It still fails to address the question of how he thinks that one cloud doesn't look like two testicles and a penis, but I suppose that kind of mystery is what makes it "art."

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - February 11, 2015

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1. Goodbye, Jon Stewart And Brian Williams — America Bids Adieu To A Great Newsman And A Fantastic Entertainer (You Decide Which One's Which)

The genre of journalistic entertainment/entertaining journalism is losing two of its biggest hitters after NBC announced the six-month suspension of its nightly news anchor Brian Williams and Jon Stewart disclosed his imminent retirement from the Daily Show later this year. Will we ever again find performers so adept at blurring the line between what we need and want to hear?


2. Perplexed Congress Forced To Choose Between Opposing President And Supporting War

President Obama is asking the United States Congress to formally authorize the use of military force against ISIS. Legislators are currently trying to figure out a way that they can self-righteously oppose this request while approving it at the same time.


3. Little League Baseball Team Forced To Relinquish Championship Trophy Thanks To Childish Coaches

Chicago-based Little League baseball team Jackie Robinson West has been stripped of its National Championship status after it became clear to league officials that its coaches had recruited players who did not live with the team's geographic area in an effort to build the kind of championship team into which it was successfully built.


4. Calm Down, Internet, Your Sriracha Ketchup Has Arrived

No longer will you be forced to pour both ketchup and Sriracha onto your scrambled eggs and cheeseburgers like a chump. Heinz is finally releasing a ketchup flavored with the Internet's favorite hot sauce. Now, all we need is bacon-flavored Heinz and Jennifer Lawrence-flavored Heinz, and we'll finally know some peace.



5. Physicists Peer Deep Into Universe To Discover The Secret Of Why Popcorn Pops

A team of French physicists have used high-speed cameras recording at 2,900 frames per second to determine once and for all the exact mechanics of how and why a corn kernel pops into popcorn. According to their highly important study, when a corn kernel is heated, the moisture within turns to steam, which raises the atmospheric pressure inside to ten times what can be found around its exterior. When the shell cannot hold out any longer, it pops. It is henceforth transferred to a bowl and devoured while you guiltily watch the newest episode of Scandal.


Anonymous genius spices up his local bookstore with entertaining new categories.

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Finally, a section created just for you.

A lot of you may not be familiar with these things called "books" that people would hold in their hands and read with their eyes. They were kind of like Kindles, but they didn't require a wifi connection and they only held one document. Anyway, you could buy these things at places called "book stores," which were sort of like real world versions of the Amazon website.

Apparently, some of these places still exist. Redditor obviousplant stumbled upon one of these archaic locations in his neighborhood and decided to have some fun rearranging its book selection into brand new sections:


...and apparently almost all of their hair.



Also known as "Possible Last Minute Mother's Day Presents."



You might want to reconsider penguins. They're slippery, and they stink of fish.



Don't worry. This is right next to the home brewing section.



Daddy, read the sign again!Again!!!



Isn't using Regis Philbin and orcs kind of redundant?



Where's Writing Books for Dummies for Dummies?



There should be one book here, and it should be called My Home Bathroom.



"On second thought, maybe just go to the frozen food section of your local 7-Eleven."

Little League team stripped of World Series Championship because of lying adults.

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Sometimes, there is crying in baseball.


Back when they thought they were champions just cause they won.(Getty)

Jackie Robinson West, a team of 12-year-old athletes from the South Side of Chicago, won the Little League World Series back in August. But their reign has been cut short. This morning, Little League Baseball International officially stripped them of their title.

It turns out the organizers of the team falsified the map of their district to recruit talented players from other parts of the city. The kids had nothing to do with this, but they're the ones who have to pay the price. Who knew that Little League was this cynical and corrupt? It seems like everyone did, except the players from Jackie Robinson West.

Incidentally, the practice of altering a map like that is called "gerrymandering," and politicians get away with it every day. But they just use it to disenfranchise voters and steal elections. Not something important like Little League.

Only you.

Your favorite emojis in famous movie scenes.

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A frowny face you can't refuse.



He's so happy to be out of that dinosaur.



Why'd it have to be cartoon snakes?



Can you ear me now?



Scarier than the original movie.


Letting it out.


Taylor Swift registered the website ITaughtTaylorSwiftHowToGiveHead.com.

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Taylor Swift is always one step ahead.


Let the Photoshop artistry commence. (via Getty Images)

When you're a celeb, you gotta prepare for the inevitable, like someone trying to claim that they taught you how to give head.

Taylor Swift (and her myriad of teams) just brought down Ronnie Cremer's website ITaughtTaylorSwift.com, even though he was actually her former guitar teacher. After he registered his domain, Swift and her rights management team TAS brought legal action to stop him because it "incorporates the famous Taylor Swift trademark in its entirety and suggests TAS's sponsorship or endorsement of your website"

Gasp!

To prevent further abuse of TayTay's good name, she (and her rights management company and the brand-protection domain name registrar MarkMonitor) bought up any domain name that anyone who has ever taught her would think to obtain.

Most head-turning of the bunch?

itaughttaylorswifthowtogivehead.com.

Domain Wire obtained proof of the registry, in case you think this is a subtle plot devised by Katy Perry:


Despite the legal block, whoever actually taught her that skill probably still feels pretty good about it.

The red band trailer for the Amy Schumer and Judd Apatow's movie is the opposite of a train wreck.

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Drink up!

If you're a fan of Amy Schumer's stand-up or sketch comedy, today is a good day for you. Universal just released the trailer for the upcoming movie, Trainwreck, which she wrote and stars in alongside people like Bill Hader, Tilda Swinton and LeBron James (not a typo). Lest you think it's just some shitty knockoff comedy full of poop and dick jokes, you should know that this was directed by Judd Apatow. So, it's a high-end comedy full of poop and dick jokes.

Be forewarned: This is the red band trailer for the movie, so you're gonna hear some cursing and see some dude butt. If you're at work—or simply opposed to the naked male form—skip on down to the slightly more puritanical version at the bottom:

Come to think of it, even if you're not at work or opposed to the naked male form, you should watch this alternative version. It's got a bunch of variant gags in it, including the best Mark Wahlberg joke I've heard all week:


The "Post-Marriage Sex Hotline" gives you the full non-experience.

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I'm surprised the hotline picks up instead of just texting back "what?"

People don't call sex hotlines just because they're horny. A lot of them call because they're lonely and want to talk to someone. What better way to feel connected than to call a sex hotline that lets you simulate feeling so connected that you don't even need to have sex anymore? Enter the Post-Marriage Sex Hotline, brought to you by YouTube's fatawesome.

Also from fatawesome: Proof that the scariest part of any movie happens before the movie even starts.

Some married couples have very happy sex lives. Much like where you end up after you die (if you end up somewhere), whether or not you and your spouse will become a Borscht Belt comic's punchline is something you only find out after the fact. Some couples bone a lot. I mention this because I have been married for a year and like all newly-married people, I'm still in the part of my contract where I have to make it sound great. Which it is! But I would still say that if it wasn't.

Wondering where you've seen that guy before? Probably in this video:

This teen fell asleep in a taxi and ended up with a surprising new friend and Internet fame.

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This is the face of a man destined for great adventures.


I promise I won't puke.(via Manchester Evening News)

Many people would think that falling asleep in a taxi is a one-way ticket to Murdertown. But for 18-year-old Mike Allison of Cheshire, UK, it was a gateway to new friends and Twitter fame.

After celebrating a friend's birthday in Manchester, Mike and 19 of his friends hired a minibus taxi to take them home. For whatever reason (drunk), Mike nodded off in the backseat, and then amazingly (drunk), none of his friends noticed he wasn't with them when they left the bus.

Mike didn't wake up until he heard the doors locking after the driver had parked at his home in Stretford, 25 miles away. He got the driver's attention, and rather than being mad, the man invited him in for a beer and some TV. That's when he fired off this tweet that became a viral hit:

That's British hospitality for you. You're our drunken teenage hero of the day, Mike!

Pretend you watched the Best Picture nominees with this 4-minute summary.

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Digg created this handy four-minute spoiler montage. A spoilertage, if you will. What I'm saying is if anyone complains about spoilers, I'll be cranky.

Have you seen the 8 Academy Award nominees for Best Picture of 2014? Boyhood, American Sniper, Birdman, Selma, The Imitation Game, The Theory of Everything, The Grand Budapest Hotel, and Whiplash? I have! (No, I have not.) I can tell you all about their plots, because I saw them so much. (This is a lie. I watched this video from Digg.) Isn't it great being super in touch with current cinema? (I have no idea.)

Who wants to taste this woman's vagina yogurt?

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Honey, come into the kitchen, you gotta try this.


Unfortunately, the strawberry just came from the store.

The only thing worse than knowing there is an entire book of recipes that uses semen as an ingredient is finding out there isn't even one recipe on all of google that uses fe-men (female semen).

Aware of the nutritional benefits contained within vaginal secretions—femen—and offended by the lack of applications,Cecilia Westbrook, an MD/PhD student at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, set about to eat-a her own excreta. And if anyone knows about how to do dairy, it's gotta be someone in Wisconsin.

Her friend Janet Jay wrote of Westbrook's culinary adventure for Vice on Motherboard. Per her article:

"Every vagina is home to hundreds of different types of bacteria and organisms. These organisms—collectively known as the vaginal community—produce lactic acid, hydrogen peroxide, and other substances that keep the vagina healthy. The dominant bacteria is called lactobacillus, which also happens to be what people sometimes use to culture milk, cheese, and yogurt."

Now I wonder where our cheese-makers got their original strain of lactobacillus if not the vagina. They've probably always gotten it from the vagina, and just never said.

According to Jay, the "collection method" for Westbrook's sample was "done with a wooden spoon."

Ummm... splinters? I supposed sticking a straw up there like you are tapping a maple tree is out of the question.

[Westbrook] set up a positive control (made with actual yogurt as the starter culture) and a negative control (plain milk with nothing added), and combined her own home-made ingredient to the third batch of yogurt. Left overnight, the magic of biology created a respectably-sized bowl.

A "respectably-sized bowl" could just as easily describe the amount of new yogurt as it could its source, but lets not get into semen-tics... how did it taste???

"Her first batch of yogurt tasted sour, tangy, and almost tingly on the tongue. She compared it to Indian yogurt, and ate it with some blueberries."

Oh yeah? Well, Hannibal Lechter at a human liver with some fava beans.

Despite the suspect "tingly" properties, I'm going to try this. Only, I'm not going to be duped into using the patriarchy's cow milk when I am perfectly capable of making my own.

UPDATE: Don't eat stuff that comes out of your vagina. The FDA warns that "vaginal secretions are not considered 'food', and they may transmit human disease, a food product that contains vaginal secretions or other bodily fluids is considered adulterated."

There goes your social life.

Dashcam captures exploding meteor over place that isn't Russia.

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When you wish upon a fireball…

This dashcam footage captures a meteor exploding in the sky over Auckland, New Zealand last night. It's not nearly as big as the meteor that hit Russia in 2013, but it is the most exciting thing to happen in New Zealand since the last Hobbit movie wrapped. (Except the exciting new public art in Auckland that looks like a floating phallus.)

An expert claims that this is not technically a meteor, but just a fireball. Just an everyday, ho-hum fireball. I guess since Gandalf rolled through, nobody's impressed by a fireball.


Booo-ring. (via Aaron Dunnett)


Here's an adorably clever way to make a crude request of your loved one.

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Awwwwww


Does love make people kinda dumb, maybe? (via redditor ayweenie)

Redditor ayweenie posted this initially-romantic note today writing, "I thought he was being cute when he left this note for me but.." But, indeed. It turns out that this romantic baby talk was in fact a code for a very adult (but polite) request. Of course, this encryption is indecipherable to any without the decoder sheet that came with it.

Ewwwwww


No, it turns them into geniuses.
(via redditor ayweenie)

What a tease: Netflix uploads House of Cards season 3 early, then takes it down.

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If this is a marketing ploy, it's worthy of Frank Underwood himself.


Is this too evil even for me?(via Time)

Spaceyheads went nuts today when Netflix accidentally uploaded season three of its hugely popular drama House of Cards more than two weeks early. Then, as soon as they realized their mistake, all thirteen episodes came down. There was barely time to binge-watch at all! Netflix acknowledged the mixup in a tweet:

Well, that's cute. Maybe Lilyhammer fans would stand for this kind of crap, but Netflix should watch out. The House of Cards crew will have you killed.

Hotter than ever.

Man creates online dating site where he is the only possible match.

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Registering now.

Two more days to find a Valentine, singles in this area. We're all hoping to meet that special someone, so one man made a website where he's the only special someone available. Brandon Scott Wolf is 25, a bartender and he likes hanging out. Still not sold? Joke's on you, because he's probably still gonna get laid. As of now, Brandon's gotten over 80 people creating profiles on Date Brandon Scott Wolf, the #1 online dating site for Brandon Scott Wolf.

Brandon is a bud of mine, so I asked him what in the hell he is really hoping to get out of this. He replied, "A girlfriend and a manager. If they're the same person – even better." When pressed for more sincerity (being pressed for more sincerity is a euphemism for torture), he added, "I honestly think it would be incredible to meet someone who I really click with."

How is this guy still single? Fill out your online personality quiz to see if Brandon Scott Wolf has got a match for you!

Too much.

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