Quantcast
Channel: someecards.com
Viewing all 38991 articles
Browse latest View live

This lawmaker wants to ban people from wearing yoga pants in public because he hates comfiness.

0
0

Your right as an American to be comfortable all the time is under attack.


What if our butts look especially good in them?(Thinkstock)

Surprise, surprise: a man is trying to restrict the right of women (and men too) to dress however they like.

Montana State Representative David Moore (R) introduced a bill that would make it illegal for people to wear clothing he deems indecent. This includes: "any nipple exposure, including men's, and any garment that 'gives the appearance or simulates' a person's buttocks, genitals, pelvic area or female nipple."

"Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway," Moore told reporters.

Moore's pelvic-area-simulating tighty whities are in a bunch because this summer, a group organized a bicycle event where people rode nude through downtown Missoula. I'm sure this event came as a shock, especially because who knew so many people lived in Montana? But his reaction is madness.


Uh oh, I see some appearance of genitals. (Thinkstock)

The ability to wear the same pair of pants to bed, while running errands, at work, and—on rare occasion—while actually doing yoga, contributes hugely to the productivity of American workers. Specifically, the girl ones, who find black stretchy pants flatter pretty much everybody.

In conclusion, #YesAllAsses.


If all that swiping right and left is getting old, let this Tinderbot decides who's ugly for you.

0
0

Just in time for Valentine's Day.


Maybe, kinda blurry.(via crockpotveggies)

Who hasn't been using Tinder while sitting on the toilet and thought, "I'm gonna get hand cancer?" A number of people have dealt with this very legitimate anxiety by building bots that continuously swipe right, optimizing the number of potential matches.


That's a FINGER, okay?(via Metro)

Programmer Justin Long took this already very upsetting premise a step further. Tinderbox is a bot that uses facial recognition software to swipe both right and left, rejecting all those uggos. Or what you think constitutes an uggo – the bot is able to read all your past account information and make an 'average' hot face based on your previous matches.

And THEN, if it matches you with someone new, it will start the damn conversation! Long writes on his blog:

Using a "message tree", the bot selects from pre-programmed chat messages as a response based on the sender's sentiment. This continues up to 3 replies until the user is notified that a chat is ready to enter. The advantage of this? It removes the time involved in filtering new Tinder matches since a lot of people tend to drop off and "go dark" early in the process. Extended conversation is a strong indicator of interest.

Could this be why I get so many unimaginative "Hey"s?

Apparently, the bot is so effective he had to turn it off because it was interfering with work. Too much automated sex, probably.

Sexless marriage.

Don't mind the toxic orange cloud hovering near Barcelona today.

0
0

Unfortunately, this isn't a trailer for a new Stephen King TV movie.

This cloud hovering near Barcelona, Spain today definitely does not have a silver lining. That's a good thing, because this orange toxic cloud was formed when nitric acid and ferric chloride were accidentally mixed and exploded. Nitric acid, obviously, is an acid and ferric chloride is...also an acid, used to rip apart sewage at a molecular level. Adding silver to the mix would just create fun new poisons.

The cloud led authorities to order 40,000 residents of the Catalonian towns of Igualada and Odena to stay indoors. According to reports, the accident that formed the cloud occurred while crews unloading chemicals at a warehouse for Simar, a chemical distribution company. Two people were slightly injured in the accident.

The cloud has since begun to dissipate and is now more of a "fine mist," which is not scarier at all. Just a fine mist settling down and covering everything with a rust-bleach acid dew. Yum.

So, basically, your commute this morning wasn't that bad. Y'know, because you weren't being menaced by a giant cloud of angry sewage-treatment chemicals.

Although part of me did hope it was a viral trailer for Half-Life 3.

12 awesome romantic gestures that will make your Valentine's plans look pathetic.

0
0

Valentine's Day is almost here, and if you're still scrambling to make plans, you're not alone. You're probably pulling your hair out, worrying that whatever you do won't measure up, and you're right. No matter what you come up with, it won't compare to the creative, memorable, and tearjerking romantic gestures in this list. So don't beat yourself up. And if you want to feel like you're doing OK, check out this list of romance gone horribly wrong.

1. This news anchor who read her own proposal on air.

I just hope he didn't put "yes" in the prompter, too.

2. This man who put a love letter in the paper for his 61st anniversary.


(via HappyPlace)

Traditionally, the first anniversary is the paper one. He's just 60 years late.

3. This guy who got his girlfriend a bag of oysters containing 54 pearls.


(via redditor SarahKatherine)

I bet you never even thought of getting someone jewelry they can shuck themselves.

4. This man who spent 50 years carving his wife 6,000 steps to make her walk easier.


(via DaveSource)

How convenient, now she just has to walk 6,000 steps to go anywhere.

5. This woman who cooked her boyfriend a month's worth of meals before she went away.


(via redditor InventorWhenIGrowUp)

He's the luckiest manchild on Earth.

6. This man who posted a missed connection from 1973.



(via HappyPlace)

Are you willing to wait 40 years to find a lost love? I didn't think so.

7. Heart-shaped eggs.


(via Wizzley)

They'll keep the memory in their heart forever, next to the cholesterol.

8. Heart-shaped pizza.


(via reddit)

This is literally the most romantic thing we've ever seen.

9. Heart-shaped deforestation.


(via The Daily Mail)

A tribute that will distract pilots for decades to come.

10. This guy who proposed with a custom Pictionary card.


(via redditor justmli)

If you want this to not work, try it with Settlers of Catan.

11. This woman who made a cake for her software engineer boyfriend.


(via redditor Orange_Penguin)

We'd never have the patience to test this cake on a live server.

12. This guy who proposed by painting a mural.

The memory will last until it's tagged over by a graffiti artist who hates pugs and Scrabble.

Woman donates kidney to stranger, they get engaged, and now she'll win every argument forever.

0
0

Here's looking at you, kidney.


She'll never have to do the dishes again.(via AZ Central)

This story is so sweet and heartwarming, it's difficult to believe at almost every turn. But it's all real.

Ashley McIntyre first heard about Danny Robinson from her mom, who heard his story on the radio. At age 25, Danny needed a new kidney. Ashley was so moved by the story, she decided to see if hers was compatible.

Right there, this is incredible. If it were me, I wouldn't even have listened to my mom finish that story.

Amazingly, the kidneys were a match, and Ashley didn't get cold feet. The operation went through, saving Danny's life. They decided to stay in touch and meet regularly to swap kidney stories. Not long after that, they began a relationship.

Now, they're engaged, and Ashley is pregnant with a baby girl. Two things are for sure: that kid will have the best story of how her parents met, and she'll never see her dad win an argument.

Bottled up.

This 109-year-old man knits tiny sweaters for penguins, which is delightful as hell.

0
0

Ow, my ovaries!


Thought these were real, brain deactivated by cuteness.(via Penguin Foundation)

"Put a sweater on it" is the new "put a bird on it." The picture above shows some of the excess sweaters on plush penguin dolls, created by volunteers at The Phillip Island Penguin Foundation. The foundation, amongst other things, knits tiny sweaters for real, live, tiny oil soaked penguins. One of their volunteers is Alfred "Alfie" Date, who at 109 is likely Australia's oldest man.


Please be my grandpa.(via Daily Telegraph)

Where to begin. That a 109-year-old man who can knit exists? That fate brought him to a foundation dedicated to dressing up penguins? That there are pictures like this out in the world?


Now THIS is the good (real) stuff.(via Tatiana_Danger)

What use is there to putting a penguin in a sweater? Well, aside from being DELIGHTFUL AS HELL, the sweaters minimize the amount of oil penguins ingest while preening themselves. Oil also mats the penguin's feathers, which makes it hard to regulate their body temperature and makes them less buoyant in the water, so they need to wrap up snug as they're rehabilitating.

Since they have people with more than a century of life experience on the case, the Philip Island Penguin Foundation has got plenty of sweaters for now, but remember their patterns can be adapted for your cat, toaster, or any other household object/animal that's vaguely cylindrical.


See through the eyes of a racing drone and nothing else will seem fun ever again.

0
0

Now this is podracing.

After watching this video, I went from being afraid of drones to needing my own kick-ass racing drone right now. Radio-controlled airplane racing is nothing new, but the virtual reality goggles add a whole new dimension of cool. These racers have a first-person POV for every death-defying stunt and high-speed crash. I'm sure this is an expensive hobby (especially with all the wrecks), but I probably wouldn't need to eat if I had this to look forward to.

Forever yours.

Cutting it close.

Middle schoolers given '50 Shades of Grey' word search because they have to learn sometime.

0
0

I wonder if the teacher was a sub.


Can you spot the seven yearnings in this picture?(via ABC 7)

Back when I was in school, and someone handed me a word search puzzle, it meant one thing: the teacher was hungover. Not so for five eighth graders at Montessen Middle School in Pennsylvania, who got a word search based on the bestselling book 50 Shades of Grey, by E.L. James. For anybody who doesn't keep up with the erotica scene, 50 Shades of Grey is all about BDSM, and this puzzle did not hold back:


The blurred words make the puzzle more challenging.(via NY Daily News)

The parents are in an uproar, but the school has declined to comment until they've conducted a more thorough investigation. A thorough, raw, passionate investigation of every possible angle, no matter how uncomfortable. Only then will they be satisfied.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - February 12, 2015

0
0

1. Philadelphia To Be Beset By America-Hating Liberal Hippies... More So

The Democratic National Committee announced today that it has selected Philadelphia as the location of the 2016 Democratic Convention. Voters nationwide are now bracing themselves for a flood of publicity photos of their legislators pretending to enjoy themselves while eating cheesesteaks.


2. Charlie Sheen Just Came To Brian Williams' Defense, In Case You Were Still On The Fence About All That

As if having your career implode before nationally televised audience was traumatic enough, poor Brian Williams now has to deal with the indignity of being defended by former Two and a Half Men star Charlie Sheen. In an open letter posted to Twitter, Sheen told the news that he believes him to be "the victim of a transparent and vile witch hunt! Erroneously "staged" by hooligans, non coms, cowards and oligarchs."



3. Middle Eastern Censors Checking To See If They Can Find Three Or Four Minutes Of 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Suitable For Audiences

Censors in the extremely conservative Islamic country United Arab Emirates are currently reviewing the film adaptation of E.L. James' BDSM novel Fifty Shades of Grey to determine whether it is acceptable for their audiences. No, really.


4. Heroic Johnny Measleseed Spreading Healthful Virus To All Of San Francisco Via Commuter System

Some unsung infectious hero has reportedly done his or her part in weakening the city of San Francisco's herd immunity for measles by traveling back and forth to work on the city's commuter train system and breathing all over the goddamned place, possibly infecting tens of thousands of people. What marvelous news! Congratulations, San Franciscans!


5. Montana Asses To Continue Legally Stretching Yoga Pants To Their Limits For A Long Time To Come

Proposed legislation which would have banned the wearing of yoga pants in public in Minnesota has been unanimously voted down by members of the state's House Judiciary Committee who, let's face it, are also human beings with regular human urges.

Picked for me.

Process of elimination.


A mom went viral by letting her toddler dress her for a week. She just looked like a hipster.

0
0

Dressing like a total hipster is as easy as turning 3 years old.


Sharing quality looking-in-different-directions time with her sons.
(via Instagram)

Summer Bellesa is a 34-year-old mom (slash actress, slash fashion blogger, slash art director) who decided that, after three years of dressing her oldest boy Rockwell (Sam or Norman?), she would give him the opportunity to dress her for a week.

"I thought it would be fun to turn the tables and let him pick my outfits out for a few days." she wrote on Babble.com. "How crazy could it be?"

Turns out, not too crazy. She ended up looking like every other adult in a state of arrested development who dresses like a child.

Plus, all the clothing was from her wardrobe, and she admittedly likes "everything in my closet."

Here she is on day one.


Williamsburg ready.

She loved the grey skirt/Bob Dylan tee combo. The real wild turn of events? Nude shoes!!! Who is this baby???

"I walked down the stairs to show off my outfit to my husband," she wrote. "I waited for a laugh, but he didn't notice anything different."

That's probably because those are your clothes.

How about day 2?


Perfect to check out that band you've never heard of.

Rockwell picked out a Mickey tee and some polka-dot leggings. She said this was her favorite outfit of the week.

I think now is a good time to point out that Summer is a former model. You can put any kooky outfit on a model and it will look polished and fun. That's why models exist.

For a counterpoint, I Google image-searched "ugly woman, polka-dot leggings," and you know what I found? Beautiful women in polka-dot leggings. (Also a toddler, but Google does its best.) The lesson here? Don't try this look at home unless you are a model.

Day three takes us to what is probably the craziest outfit.


This look says, "I'm the one that brought the Four Loko."

Yes, that sock and shoe combo is ridiculous. Mind you, those socks were her "new Woven Pear socks" that she had just bought, so I feel like any ridiculousness is on her, not the tot.

Plus, on Wiki-How's "How to be a Hipster Girl," they specifically instruct women that "it is always appropriate to wear high socks or colorful tights. Always." Nevertheless, this is the first (and I think only) outfit that made her feel insecure.

As she wrote on Babble,

"I was a little self-conscious running my errands that day, but again, to my surprise I didn't get one double-take or stare of curiosity. Instead, I got a woman who stopped me to tell me she liked my socks!"

Whew. It all worked out.

From there on, she just coasts.

Day four.


Shirt don't hurt.

The kid picked out three shirts, no pants. Common decency made her instruct Rockwell that pants would have to be chosen, and her elevated fashion sense layered her shirts in an interesting way.

Bonus points for wearing two different leopard print shoes.

Day five, the final outfit.


Two different boots!

The most mundane outfit, although Summer notes that Rockwell would have had her put on some pants with arrows on them if she had them. Of course, she didn't have them. Once again, mis-matched shoes. Children are crazy dressers!

Summer wrote that the lesson she learned from this experiment is that no one is really paying attention to what you are wearing, so you should just have fun with it, and also that "silliness is good for your kids and for your heart."

The lesson I learned? It impossible to wear a bad outfit if all of your clothes are great and you look like a model.

Want to get really silly? Let your kids pick out the clothes from the store.

(All images via Babble/Summer Bellessa)

Leaked 'Hot Tub Time Machine 2' clip predicts the next 'Daily Show' host, and we hope it's right.

0
0

In 2025, who will be the new host of The Daily Show? Only time and this clip of Hot Tub Time Machine 2 will tell.


Every since Jon Stewart announced he's retiring from The Daily Show, everyone wants to know who his replacement will be. (My personal dream team is Samantha Bee and Jason Jones co-hosting, because how adorable would that be?)

Then, a missive came from The Future!

Hot Tub Time Machine 2 doesn't open until February 20, so Uproxx must have done some time traveling themselves to bring us this clip. In it, Rob Corddry (a former Daily Show correspondent himself), Craig Robinson, and Clark Duke go into the future and watch TV.

And guess who is the new host of The Daily Show in 2025? Current correspondent Jessica Williams. Nice choice, writers. Also, Neil Patrick Harris is president. Sounds like a blissful time.

Related: Watch Jon Stewart announce he's leaving The Daily Show forever and try not to cry

Very single.

Alabama man reports zero homosexual activity in his pile of junk following Gaypocalypse.

0
0


Note the lack of homosexuals being homosexual in the woods behind him.

As you've no doubt heard by now, same-sex marriage became legal in Alabama this week. Despite the Herculean efforts of the state's Chief Justice Roy Moore and other morally upright Southern gentlemen, it appears as though this scourge of equality is settling in for the long haul.

Obviously, we're all very concerned about how the prospect of familial stability for gay couples is going to affect the good people living in the Heart of Dixie. And you know we can't rely on the Anderson Coopers, Rachel Maddows or Sean Hannitys* of the lamestream media to give us the full truth, so we turn now to citizen journalist Jeremy Todd Addaway as he provides an unfiltered report of how gay marriage is affecting the sanctity of his back yard in Blount County, Alabama:

There's been an update since this video was originally posted. Sadly, the pile of brush upon which there were no homosexuals doing things is no more:

Addaway explains: "The brush pile is in ashes. Either there was an out break of hot smoking homosexual activities or I drank a bunch of Busch beer and listened to waylon."


* Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

Watch a dad torture his daughter by singing 'Do You Want to Build a Snowman' all wrong.

0
0

This might be a violation of the Geneva Convention.

Make it stop!

As any parent knows, nothing is more agonizing or intolerable for a young child than having to deal with stupid, ridiculously minor bullshit. I think your average three-year-old would more easily accept the loss of a limb than the wrong-colored cereal bowl.

So, while it may look like this dad is just having a bit of fun by purposefully singing the wrong lyrics to Frozen's "Do You Want to Build a Snowman," what he's actually doing is engaging in some high-level psychological torture with his daughter.

Somebody should call Child Protective Services on this guy.

Viewing all 38991 articles
Browse latest View live




Latest Images