Friday I'm in love.
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Guy tries to enter stadium with enough beer to get everyone in his section drunk.
Have way more than one on me.
Whatever bullshit the Internet throws at us, we owe it to you guys to find out the truth! Or at the very least, offer some baseless speculation. This is Happy Place Investigates.
This video shows a Turkish football fan sneaking an entire crate of beer into a game, using a homemade vest-and-pants smuggling combo. He is, of course, busted—hard. It's almost too good to be true. Are we seeing genuine bro shenanigans interrupted by party killers, or a cheap ploy for Internet fame?
Here are the arguments for and against this video being real:
Arguments for it being real:
- That guy looks genuinely shifty—the sweating, the nervous laughter, the downward glances—so it's hard to believe he's acting.
- If this was an ad for beer, we'd be able to see what kind of beer it is.
- Who knows what goes on in Turkey?
Arguments against it being real:
- Everyone in the video seems to know something is up (okay, maybe that should go under reasons it's real).
- The way the security guy lines up the beer bottles is a little too staged.
- There is absolutely no reason for anyone to be filming this moment unless they know what's about to happen.
In conclusion, we think it's FAKE. That said, we could be wrong.
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Watching a fox and Rottweiler be BFFs is way more fun than "The Fox and the Hound."
Who says you can't teach old dogs new vix?
Spartan the 12-year-old Rottweiler has spent the last four years building a friendship with Ruby the vixen after she was taken in as a baby and hand-reared at Swampy's Wildlife Rescue.
Ray Allibone runs the rescue from his home in Sheerness in the UK and, as he told Kent Online, he brought Ruby in as a cub with the expectation that she would eventually be released back into the wild. Unfortunately, by the time he got her into good enough health, she was too "humanized" to be able to survive on her own.
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe its Rottweiler spit. (via Swampy's Wildlife Rescue)
Also, she would probably miss her friend, Spartan, who Ruby "pesters" because she likes to get the dog to "wash her face." It's safe to assume this washing includes lots of friendly licking.
The dog and fox also go out for walks together, and Ruby even behaves on a leash.
Despite Spartan and Ruby's great friendship, Allibone says you shouldn't try to keep a fox as a pet.
"You have to know what you are doing." Allibone tells Kent Online. "You can't train them as you would a dog. You could look at them more like a cat. They do whatever they like."
Yes, whatever, great. I'll take two cat-foxes, please.
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Lucky you.
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China's Internet censors made this hilarious anthem for themselves. Now they're trying to censor it.
Man, they are good.
This video comes from Chinese TV, and features real workers from the government's Cyberspace Administration singing an original song dedicated to how great and noble their job is.
That job: to censor the Internet and curb free speech for the Chinese people. China has the world's most sophisticated online censorship operation, nicknamed the Great Firewall. It's so thorough, in fact, that this video has been disappearing from sources all across the Internet. Nobody knows why they decided they don't want people seeing it anymore, but enjoy it while you can. It's strangely catchy, and it ought to be. The Chinese government went all out on it: the music was arranged by pop icon Zhao Jialin, and the lyrics were written by Wang Pingjiu, who was also behind the Beijing Olympics anthem.
Check out the translated lyrics to this disappearing masterpiece, called "Cyberspace Spirit," below:
Devotedly keeping watch over the space every day,
Taking up our mission as the sun rises in the east,
Innovating every day, embracing the clear and bright,
Like warm sunshine moving in our hearts.
Unified with the strength of all living things,
Devoted to turning the global village into the most beautiful scene.
An Internet power: Where the Internet is, so is the glorious dream.
An Internet power: From the distant cosmos to the missing home.
An Internet power: Tell the world that the Chinese Dream is uplifting China.
An Internet power: I represent my nation to the world.
In this world all rivers flow to the sea,
Assuming the measure of Chinese civilization.
Five thousand years of history condensed to illuminate innovation,
Integrity is the clear ripple of a nationality.
We are unified between heaven and earth,
Faith and devotion flow like the Yellow River and Yangtze.
An Internet power: Where the Internet is, so is the glorious dream.
An Internet power: Thinking of home from the distant cosmos.
An Internet power: Tell the world that the Chinese Dream is uplifting China.
An Internet power: I represent my nation to the world.
Good luck getting it out of your head, and be careful where you hum it.
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Amy Schumer tweeted a mostly-naked photo of herself to annoy Internet trolls.
Pictured: Human female comedian, Amy Schumer. (via)
Now I hope this doesn't come off as too much of a brag for my gender, but dudes are pretty damn good at being awful when they put their minds to it. And very few dudes put their minds to being awful with as much gusto as dudes on the Internet.
So, when the trailer for Trainwreck—a movie written by and starring comedian/non-fashion-model Amy Schumer—landed on the Internet the other day, a lot of dudes did their thing and got to work bitching about how gross it is to make a movie about woman of normal-looking human dimensions who has sex with men without making sandwiches for them first.
I couldn't deal with the prospect of spending more than 45 seconds combing though YouTube comments, so here are just a few examples of their handiwork:
"But Dennis," you might say, "those are just random YouTube idiots. Surely, no mildly-reputable film critics would be shameless enough to title a post about the trailer something like 'Apatow's Funny-Chubby Community Has New Member." Well, you'd be surprised:
"She's obviously sharp and clever and funny as far as the woe-is-me, self-deprecating thing goes, but there's no way she'd be an object of heated romantic interest in the real world. And yet that's the apparent premise of Apatow's film." - Jeffrey Wells, Hollywood Elsewhere
What a good point! What a smart and clever guy! Can you even imagine someone in "the real world" harboring a romantic or sexual interest in a woman who looks like Amy Schumer?! What a preposterous notion! Not nearly as believable as mostotherromanticcomedies.
Anyway, this is all just a super long way of introducing the fact that instead of being annoyed by online dummies, Amy Schumer decided to annoy them by posting a photo of herself in her underwear, along with a promise that she will not be changing to meet their standards anytime soon:
I am a size 6 and have no plans of changing. This is it. Stay on or get off. Kisses! pic.twitter.com/6IsEfFOwAD
— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) February 12, 2015
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What not to wear.
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Leaked unretouched photo of Cindy Crawford is so stunning it might as well be used in magazines.
Crawford is still such a beauty and a total bad-ass.
Cindy Crawford's April spread in Marie Claire features 100% non-retouched photos. Take a bow Ms. C. pic.twitter.com/ttQz2BcRfg
— Charlene White (@CharleneWhite) February 13, 2015
The photo came from the Twitter account of broadcaster Charlene White, who seemed to believe this picture was intended—as is—for a Marie Claire spread in April.
It turns out the photo was actually taken at a 2013 shoot for Marie Claire's sister magazine for Mexico and Latin America, and was somehow leaked. Intentional or not, people are loving the photo.
What else would you expect from one of the original supermodels?
Marie Claire posted today about the leak, writing "we've always known Crawford was beautiful, but seeing her like this only makes us love her more."
And the timing is just right. Only a week ago, Crawford, who turns 49 next week, spoke to Marie Claire about body image at the premiere of her new documentary.
"I was never one of the skinny skinny girls who could eat whatever they wanted, so I certainly exercise and try to eat right. But at the same time, I try to be a good role model for my daughter in terms of just accepting myself, not saying 'Does this make me look fat?' or 'I can't eat that' or 'I'm on a diet.' I just trying to lead by example."
She continues on about confidence:
"I really think—at any age—it's learning to be comfortable in your own skin. ...If women would treat themselves with the same kind of love they give to their friends, that would be such a great gift we could give ourselves. ...What makes you the most attractive is self-confidence. That's what people see."
Of course, if you're a famous beauty, people will also see un-retouched photos of you in your underwear any chance they can get.
Here's a video from the campaign where the photo originated:
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Put a ring on it.
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Sure thing.
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Too soon.
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Thighs matter.
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Graphic love.
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Cheap date.
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Hot or not.
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Time and a place.
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Great expectations.
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14 ways to tell someone from the opposite political party how you feel on Valentine's Day.
Having trouble finding the words to tell that special someone across the aisle how you feel?
This Valentine's Day, consider some of these lines designed to move bleeding hearts and rock ribs alike. Let's all come together...or at least in pairs.
(written by Johnny McNulty, images by Cole Mitchell, Johnny McNulty, Matt Nedostup, and Jake Currie)
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Anything goes.
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Healthy relationship.
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