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9 hero weathermen who are making a long, dreary winter less horrible.

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This winter has been the worst. Most of the US is freezing in icy temperatures and buried under snowstorm after snowstorm. If you're like us, there's probably nobody you know who isn't feeling the winter depression. In fact, there's only one group of people in the country who are doing OK right now: weathermen. After all, this is how they make their living. Not only that, they have years of experience putting a positive spin on the worst of winter weather. Here's our hall of fame for these green screen heroes.

1. Jim Cantore, who lost his mind over thundersnow.

2. Mike Sobel, who had to fend off an exuberant dog named Ripple during his report.

3. John Ziegler, who gave in and played fetch with a dog named Griffey on live TV.

4. William Hallman, the 9-year-old Jim Cantore.

5. Jim Cosek, who had the opposite reaction to a blizzard.

6. Mike Seidel, who may or may not have peed in the snow on camera.

7. Henry DiCarlo, who was pranked into making an anus joke on air.

8. Nick Kosir, the rapping weatherman.

9. Charles Coon, who made a tacky joke at his coworkers' expense.


Turns out you can replace Oscar-winning movies with stock footage with no major difference.

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I think this is how they made Crash in the first place.

It's eerie how perfect these stock footage pastiches of Oscar-winning movies are. In less than 10 seconds of generic film featuring none of the original actors, there's no doubt what movie you're meant to imagine.

It's actually perfect advertising for Dissolve, the stock footage company who put these together. I almost want to buy a subscription of my own and use it to replace my home movies.

Tattoo removal cream may soon be available, but they're still working on a cream to fix all your other mistakes.

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You can finally undo at least some of the things you did while you were drunk.

Alex Falkenham, a PhD student at Dalhousie University in Halifax, is developing a cream that could someday help people erase one of their many mistakes.

Falkenham hasn't tested the tattoo-removal cream on humans yet, but he has used it on the tattooed ears of pigs. The cream works by activating a person's macrophages—white blood cells that carry away debris under the skin—so their own body gets rid of the ink in a totally natural way.


Regrets? I've had a few.(via)

It's potentially much less painful than normal tattoo removal, and it's cheaper, too.

Getting rid of a 10 cm by 10 cm tattoo with Falkenham's cream would only cost $4.50 per treatment, compared to hundreds of dollars for laser removal.

That means these people who thought they'd be in love forever can finally get on with their lives, and you and I can get out there and make some new mistakes!

Related: The most painfully obvious spelling and grammar mistakes in tattoos >>

Your Mom's Oscar Predictions

Steve Martin posted a picture of Martin Short doing Coke before SNL's 40th.

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He certainly does look alert.

Steve Martin just posted this picture to his Facebook page, blowing up Martin Short's spot in the dressing rooms backstage at for SNL's epic 40th anniversary show.

Clearly, the joke he's making is that he's drinking a can of Coke, the soda, not doing lines of cocaine, despite the fact that there is probably four decades of coke residue on every flat surface in SNL's legendary Studio 8H at Rockefeller Center.

Either that, or Short really was snorting that soda, which must have hurt like hell.

To eat one's own.

Imported holiday.

This heroic cat jumped through a wall of snow to rescue food from not being eaten.

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"Oh yeaahhhh!"

Even a four-foot snowfall won't keep this kitty from a fresh bowl of kibble. Ann Got, the video's uploader, is quick to point out that the cat did this of its own volition:

"No animal abuse here and no one throw the cat , it's our dog you see behind the cat , not someone throwing the cat ."

Although we're not sure if it counts as animal abuse to re-upload the video with audio from 300:

I guess it depends on how the cat feels about shirtless Greek warriors.


Serving sighs.

This is why you should never tell a stranger on public transit to go F himself.

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When you're subjected to public transportation, everyone's an a-hole. But that's just something you've got to keep to yourself.


A suit jacket would really cover up those pit stains. (stock photo)

Londoner Matt Buckland was just trying to suffer through the hell that is often a morning commute on public transportation Monday morning, when a totally rude bozo did not honor the unspoken rules of civility and order for entering and exiting the train. In an interview with BuzzFeed, he said,

"At Monument station, I stood to one side to let someone else off the train first and I think he thought I was just standing in his way. He pushed and I turned, I explained I was getting off too but he pushed past and then looked back and suggested I might like to fuck myself…which might have been true but not before a few cups of coffee."

A familiar encounter for anyone in a heavily populated city. When it happens to me, I have a lengthy argument with the transgressor in my head until I find something new to be angry about, but what happened with Buckland was so much better.

Ah hahahahahahah! Hahah! Sweet, sweet revenge! Why don't you go F yourself?!

Of course, Matt was a perfect gentlemen about it, albeit a little coy.

"At first he didn't recognize me," Buckland told BuzzFeed. "I asked him how he got to the interview, how was his morning commute. (We were on the train in the morning but the interview was at 5.30pm that evening.)"

Matt is the head of talent recruitment at a venture capital firm at Forward Partners, and the subway pusher was there to get a job as a web developer.

Buckland said they both "talked about their shared hatred of commuting," and that he didn't hold the incident against the train pusher, but that the guy didn't get the job anyway.

"When you interview you are looking for a read of skills, but also to know if that person is a real human being, it's about that connection."

Mmm, hmmm. Nothing is more connecting than a stranger's hand on your body. Now get out of my office, and don't forget to mind the gap.

This man proposing to his ex-wife of 43 years is the most romantic thing that ever happened in a Walmart.

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Clean-up in aisle 4. It's covered in tears.

Lots of couples will take a break from their relationship to try and save it. But it doesn't always work, and it doesn't always last for 43 years.

That's what happened for Louis Demetriades and Renate Stumpf, who have just gotten engaged for the second time, at the age of 75. The last time was when they were both 18.

They met at an army base in Germany, where Demetriades was a soldier and Stumpf worked in the kitchen. She came back to America with him as his wife, and they had three children before divorcing. They each remarried, and didn't speak again until they were both widowed.

When they finally reconnected (on Facebook), it was clear there was still a spark. An old, old, old spark. Said Stumpf:

"When we saw each other again last December, we knew right then we still loved each other for sure. That love has never passed."

That realization led Demetriades to drive from Memphis, Tennessee to Fort Smith, Arkansas, where he surprised her at her Walmart job on Valentine's Day with a homemade sign and a marriage proposal. She pretended to say no at first, with that classic German sense of humor, but said yes right after.

The couple says they're in no rush to get married, though. I guess if you wait 43 years, a few more days doesn't make much of a difference.

Raising the bar.

Watching this terrible vegan music video will help you enjoy your meat.

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Vegan as f*ck, metal as you'd expect from a vegan.

A lot of people come down hard on vegans, but I think that's unfair. They're just trying to do what they think is right.

At least, that's how I felt until I saw this unbelievably bad pro-veganism music video. I don't know if it's the electrical tape set, the Ultimate Warrior-inspired costume, or the 100% Casio backing track, but I can't stand it. Watching this makes me feel like I've spent my whole life in a cage too small to even turn around in, eating nothing but antibiotic-laced cornmeal, just waiting to be slaughtered.

PETA needs to get this video taken down, or they're going to lose a whole generation.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - February 19, 2015

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1. Eastern Half Of Nation A Hair's Breadth Away From Simply Freezing Solid

Large swaths of the continental United States from the Great Lakes to the Gulf Coast are being plunged into the coldest, most desolate depths of Hell this week, carried on the back of the so-called "Siberian Express," a wave of frigid Arctic air from northern Russia. People caught in the grips of these historically low temperatures are being advised to stay indoors and solemnly contemplate the nauseating emptiness of existence.


2. Mean Person Eddie Murphy Cruelly Denied The World A Bill Cosby Impersonation On 'Celebrity Jeopardy'

Eddie Murphy came this close to performing a Bill Cosby impersonation for a sure-to-be-legendary 'Celebrity Jeopardy' sketch on this past weekend's Saturday Night Live 40th anniversary show, but ultimately declined because he thought "the laughs are not worth it" and that he wouldn't "kick a man when he's down," according to the sketch's author, comedian Norm Macdonald. "I am very appreciative of Eddie and I applaud his actions," Cosby later said through a spokesperson who may or may not have been under the influence of will-bending drugs.


3. Texas Getting Dangerously Close To Actually Mattering In Presidential Elections

Texas—along with its massive allotment of 38 electoral votes—may not simply get handed to the Republican presidential candidate du jour for much longer. According to a new Gallup poll, the longtime GOP stronghold currently maintains a mere 3.9% Republican advantage, knocking it out of the "leaning Republican" classification but not quite making it enough of a swing state to justify candidates giving a shit about any of its voters. Possibly one day, though.


4. Allison Williams Kind Of Sorta Defends Her Father, Maybe?

Actress Allison Williams—notable for having her ass eaten out on HBO's Girls several weeks ago—came mildly to her father Brian Williams' defense in a recent interview with Seth Meyers at the 92nd Street Y in New York City. "He's a really good man. He's an honest man. He's a truthful man. He has so much integrity. He cares so much about journalism," she said before launching into an irrelevant story about a dance recital or something.



5. Good News! The Superbug Apocalypse Has Started At UCLA, So All This Civilization Nonsense Is Nearly Over

Nearly 200 patients at UCLA's Ronald Reagan Medical Center were reportedly exposed to a deadly antibiotic-resistant "superbug" between October 2014 and January 2015, in case you were wondering how the beginning of the end of the world was going to go.

Someone asked the Internet a question. They got what they deserved.

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Behold, an idiot who tempted fate.


"Read the word masturbate thousands of times?"

Even though as a blog person (or "blorson" as we call ourselves in the blog biz, or "bloz"), I spend a lot of time there, lurking and waiting to steal the content they stole from someone else, I would normally never write about what actually happens on reddit. Because nobody cares. Every once in a while, though, there's an exception to that rule, like when someone corrected Barack Obama's grammar during an AMA with the President. Today was one of those exceptions. Today was a day when someone asked the Internet an open-ended question that could be answered a million ways, but which they should have known would only be answered with one.

From the top:


It's like seeing jazz legends riff together, if their only note was "masturbate."


Clearly some former cheerleaders here on reddit.

Even in the rare moments when it wasn't 'Masturbate', it was still 'Masturbate':


Tom Cruisin' is definitely my new vocab word of the day.

Reality begins to dawn on PineappleInTheMist:


On the Internet, there are definitely stupid questions.

Not that he's allowed to join in.


If you can't beat 'em, beat it with 'em. Unless they won't let you.

Never underestimate the Internet's ability to masturbate

And finally the most masturbatory comment of all:

Although this gif summed it up best (NSFW):


To be fair, this gif sums up 90% of reddit threads.

Aren't you spent yet, Internet?


That's a big load.

You disgust me. But I guess I should have expected it.


Does the final season of 'Mad Men' take place in 1976? This trailer sure makes it seem so.

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Blue blazer and tie? Does that mean Don Draper is becoming a Democrat?

Hey, everybody! Let's read way too much into this brand new cryptic teaser trailer for the upcoming final episodes of Mad Men:

It has been posited on variousplaces around the Internet that this teaser hints that final half-season of the show—which returns to AMC on April 5—will jump ahead from where we left off in 1969 to 1976. Yeah, nineteen hundred and seventy-six! The reasons for that theory I'll explain in a moment, but first I'd like to tell you why it's absolutely crazy:

  • Six years would be, by far, the biggest leap in time the show has ever taken. The biggest jump so far has been fifteen months, between the first and second seasons.
  • The show's creator Matthew Weiner is notoriously insane about hiding details of upcoming episodes. He makes critics sign agreements barring them from discussing all but the most boring and meaningless aspects of their screener copies ahead of the official air date. Is he really going to drop a bombshell revelation like this into a teaser trailer released online more than a month before the half-season premiere?
  • We know that Sally Draper Sally Draper turned 11 during Season 4, which ended in 1965. So, in 1976, she'd have to be at least 21. Kiernan Shipka, the actress who plays her, is currently 15. Are they really going to have her play a character six years her senior?

Okay, that said, it actually does kind of look like the show will take place at least partially in 1976. Here's why:

  • The song playing over this trailer is Diana Ross' "Love Hangover," which was recorded in 1975 and released in 1976. The show has never used anachronistic music in the past. It's pretty detail-oriented.
  • Also this:
  • And this:


  • And finally this:

Now, I'm no fashionologist, so I might be totally off base here, but that sure looks like some '70s-era costume, hair and make-up design to me. Just look at Pete's hairline. Was it nearly that bad the last time we saw him?

Regardless of where Weiner and his team of highly talented writers decide to take us, I'm sure I'll be fine with it. After seven-and-a-half near-flawless seasons, I've come to give them the benefit of the doubt.

I just hope that they'll be able to nail Mad Men in the '70s as well as this sketch did way back in 2011:

Get over your Seasonal Affective Disorder by realizing that all the seasons are equally depressing.

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There's no reason not to be S.A.D. year-round.

In a pretty spot-on parody of YouTube's popular (and heavily promoted) SciShow channel, Above Average's Ryan Williams explains why it's pointless to be depressed in the winter when there's so much to be miserable about 365 days a year.

Also, please secure your pools.

Fake news vs. fake sports: Jon Stewart calls out WWE's Seth Rollins.

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The Fight in Late Night


Two American badasses.(via WWE)

The WWE's Seth Rollins should watch himself. It's one thing to get into feuds with professional wrestlers, but when you start something with a 5'7", 52-year-old satirical newcaster, you'd better be prepared to finish it.

On Monday's edition of WWE Raw, Seth Rollins bragged about his star power, saying that if he wanted to, he could even take over from Jon Stewart as host of The Daily Show, and "make that thing actually watchable."

Maybe Rollins thought he was safe. Maybe he thought that Jon Stewart was too high-minded to even take notice of the WWE, that he would ignore him in favor of some hypocritical politician taking advantage of the American people.

He overestimated the wrong guy.

Now Stewart has come out with a promo of his own, telling Rollins, "I'm coming."

Granted, most promos aren't shot with a selfie camera in portrait mode, but that just adds to the menace. Stewart's got nothing to prove. He won't even have a job to protect soon. No reason not to unleash his full fury on a man who could murder him with one punch.

And when he does, we'll be watching. On Pay-Per-View.

A warm heart.

"Dead" man forced to appear at his own funeral to convince his family he is alive.

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Who wouldn't want to attend their own funeral?


This guy. (via O Globo)

41-year-old car washer Gilberto Araújo from Alagoinhas, Brazil had the very unlikely opportunity to attend his own funeral after a major mix-up at the morgue. It turns out, another car-washer from the same town who resembled Araújo had been murdered, and police believed the body was that of Gilberto's. They called his brother, José Marcos, and told him Gilberto was dead.

Jose Marcos went to identify the body, but instead of looking at the corpse and breathing a sign of relief, he incorrectly confirmed that the deceased was his own brother.

"There was no way to tell the difference because they were actually very similar," José Marcos told O Globo. "So I confirmed it was my brother."

Oh man. He is never going to live that one down at Thanksgiving.


I'm not convinced. The deceased looks like he has a good 50 lbs on Gilberto. (via)

The murdered man has since been identified as Genivaldo Santos Gama. Police Inspector Roberto Lima said the confusion was "understandable", because "the two men closely resembled each other and both worked as car-washers."

You know that old saying, all dead people look alike.

The family then proceeded to plan mourning services. Gilberto only learned of the mix-up when an acquaintance saw him on the street and told him his family was on their way to his funeral. The deceased is always the last to know.

Gilberto attempted to call his family at the wake, but his call was dismissed as a "cruel prank." The people of Alagoinhas must be hilarious.

The only thing left for Gilberto to do was to turn up to his own funeral and announce his current existence in person. Awkward.

As Araújo tells reporters,

"I walked in and said, 'what is this?' and they said it's a service for me. And I said, 'I'm not dead, I'm alive."

If it were me, I'd just hang out in the back with some sunglasses and listen to everyone talk about how great I was, but I guess there's something to be said for letting your mom know she didn't outlive you as soon as possible.

Gilberto's mother described the chaos that ensued at the wake at her home to O Globo,

"It was a shock. The girls fell, fainted. Had people running. It was a fright. I'm very happy because what mother has a son that they say is dead then turns up alive?"


Hey! You're not dead! (via O Globo)

The Guardian reported that one drunk attendee said, "I told you I saw the body moving in the coffin."

I'll keep an eye on this and let you know if turns out that that drunk is right and both men are actually both alive.


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