1. Rudy Giuliani Doesn't Understand How Apologies Or Words In General Are Supposed To Work
In an attempt to explain his recent super-dumb-sounding theory that President Barack Obama does not love America, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani suggested that people may have been confused by the bluntness of his language. "My blunt language suggesting that the president doesn't love America notwithstanding, I didn't intend to question President Obama's motives or the content of his heart," he wrote in a Wall Street Journal opinion piece. See, he wasn't questioning the content of Obama's heart, just the things that he loves with the contents of his heart. A small but important distinction.
How can Giuliani say that President Obama doesn't love America? He reads our emails and listens to our phone calls! He's obsessed with us!
— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) February 22, 2015
2. Do The Simpsons Live In Australia? (Spoiler Alert: No.)
Astronomer and pop-science writer Phil Plait claims to have deduced the Simpsons' hometown of Springfield is actually somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere, based upon the image of the moon in a recent episode. I, however, have deduced that the animators probably just got lazy and drew an American moon backwards, based upon two decades of context clues on the show.
Elon Musk gives us scientific proof that the Simpsons live in the Southern Hemisphere: http://t.co/VtXAx3LXqEpic.twitter.com/xEl3a0YnY1
— Ezra Klein (@ezraklein) February 23, 2015
I just seriously got an email about my Simpsons post saying I “fail to understand satire.” #IronyThyNameIsInternet
— Phil Plait (@BadAstronomer) February 24, 2015
I just seriously got an email about my Simpsons post saying I “fail to understand satire.” #IronyThyNameIsInternet
— Phil Plait (@BadAstronomer) February 24, 2015
3. Study: Start Force-Feeding Your Kids Peanuts Now!
A new scientific study shows that feeding peanuts to children at an early age may help them stave off potentially dangerous peanuts allergies in the future. While only 1 percent of children in the study who ate peanuts before the age of 5 developed allergies, 17 percent of those who avoided the legumes developed them. Extrapolating from this, it seems logical that parents in households with pets should begin feeding dogs and cats to their children as early as possible.
I once dated a fella with a peanut allergy, so that was one relationship where I held the power.
— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) November 10, 2014
4. It's Now Legal To Smoke Pot In Alaska, Just So Long As Nobody Catches You Doing It
While the recreational use of marijuana became legal today in Alaska, it remains illegal for Alaskans to be seen using marijuana recreationally. Police are preparing to hand out $100 fines to people caught toking in public, and smokers are being advised to exercise their new right in the privacy of their homes, where their celebrations cannot be witnessed by anyone else. "Don't do anything to give your neighbors reason to feel uneasy about this new law," legalization organizers wrote in a local paper. It truly is a new day!
Tomorrow, pot is legal in Alaska. Best city to smoke weed is Juneau, because if you stare at the name long enough, it looks like Keanu.
— Beth Armogida (@BethArmogida) February 24, 2015
5. Science Finally Gives Us An Excuse To Be Lazy, Sweaty and Naked
Hanging around a bunch of sweaty old dudes in towels may have some surprising health benefits, according to a new study published in JAMA Internal Medicine. "There was an inverse relationship between sauna and (cardiovascular disease) risk, meaning that more is better," the study's senior author told Reuters Health. "On the basis of these results, it seems that more than four sauna sessions per week had the lowest risk, but also those with two to three sauna sessions may get some benefits."
Been asked to leave the spa. Kept saying, "It's like a sauna in here" inside the sauna. Whatever. New guy liked it.
— calehartmann (@calehartmann) December 31, 2014