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Does your friend's dad dance to 'Moves Like Jagger' on a treadmill like this?

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"Just shoot for the stars if it feels right..."

Earlier today, redditor Unabated_Blade uploaded the above video with the title "Never dare my friends' dad to do anything, you'll get way more than you bargained for."

Umm, don't you mean ALWAYS dare your friend's dad? Watching this was the highlight of my day, and I saw a dog eat at a table like a person!

If this dad has the moves like Jagger, I have an all new respect for Jagger's moves. "So watch and learn, I won't show you twice."

The sweet drop-down:


The Samba-cross-my-heart:


The air-hump:


The point-and-slide:


And finally, the Hammer-grapevine:


And, for those of you wondering about... what you are wondering about, the poster had this to say about his friend's dad:

"As far as I know, he's been married to the same woman for 25+ years and had multiple kids. You should see him dance at weddings, it's awesome."


Gwennie Paltrow claims she's "incredibly close to the common woman" because she's also human.

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Are you a sack of flesh? I'm a sack of flesh too! Let's be besties!


Just a normal woman at the sort of awards ceremony we all go to regularly.
(via Getty Images)

Gwyneth Paltrow is back on the GOOP train, fueling the engine of her aspirational lifestyle site with a constant stream of skirts that cost the equivalent of 10 of your student loan payments. So, unsurprisingly, the woman who once recommended hand-painted wallpaper and having a bathtub in the middle of your bedroom is under fire once again for being a little less than relatable. But, in a recent CNN interview, Paltrow claimed that she's supes like the common woman.

Here's what Paltrow told interviewer Christina Alesci when she asked if Paltrow was similar to normal ladies:

I'm incredibly close to the common woman in that I'm a woman and I'm a mother. And we all are in a physical body with beating hearts, with compassion and love. We are all seekers.

You know who else was a woman and a mother in a physical body with a beating heart who was seeking something? Pamela Voorhees. By Gwyenth's argument, us normal gals are equally close to murdering several campers in mournful rage as we are to being self-styled lifestyle gurus making bucket lists of 10 must-stay Italian boutique hotels. (And geeze, my boring old bucket list only had staying at one boutique Italian hotel on it. Get it together, Favreau!)

Paltrow also notes that ladies "want to squeeze the most out of life. I think that's all women." While I agree with the sentiment, this is an argument that's always bothered me from celebrities when they give interviews about work-life balance and say things like, "You just have to make you a priority." Yeah, we all have to prioritize, but it's a hell of a lot easier to make you a priority when you have a nanny and an assistant and millions of dollars. For most of us, priorities also include washing the dishes before something in the sink grows mold, and trying to fool ourselves into thinking that we'll pay off our credit card debt sometime in the next 10 years.

You can see the full CNN interview here:

Lazy poser.

Running gag.

Bored airline passenger creates a song in his seat from the sounds of his flight.

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Too bad he didn't have any babies to sample.


When I'm bored on a plane, I occupy myself with video games, sudoku, movies, or just getting irrationally mad at people near me for the sound of their voice, their smell, or just the fact that they are clearly awful. YouTuber YouBee has a much healthier approach to the insanity brought on by flight boredom: making an EDM song out of the little sounds we all hear over and over on every flight ever.

Granted, it might be a little frustrating to actually sit next to someone who is editing stuff on a keyboard, but at least it would give me something interesting to hate about that person for several hours.

Internet Explorer is dead. Here are 7 honest epitaphs for its tombstone.

'Fresh Prince' prank caller flip-turns C-SPAN upside down.

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This guy just became the prince of public affairs television.

Whoever pulled this awesome prank on C-SPAN is our Internet hero of the day. As you listen to "Jack Strickland" tell his story, something might strike you as familiar. If you're a bit rusty on your 90's TV, maybe this will jog your memory:

The best part is how long it takes the host to realize what's going on. When he does, his face might also remind you of something from The Fresh Prince.


He doesn't do the dance, though.(C-SPAN/Katelyn Jeffrey)

To C-SPAN's credit, they put this clip on their website instead of scrubbing it from the Internet. That shows a lot of maturity. If I were that host, I'd want to find the culprit and give him one of these:


(Tumblr)

Eagle-eyed Internet aficionados may recognize this prank as the successor to these viral hits from 2010:

I guess this is just one of those cyclical memes. I can't wait to see 2020's version, on North West's beam-in show where you transmit your thoughts via brain chip. She'll never see it coming.

Confession


Huge shark steals fisherman's catch right off the line like a great white jerk.

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Nice job with that fish, Rober... OH MY GOD. Wait, did you just say "bolno game"?

So, this video of a shark plucking a fish right off a fisherman's pole is already pretty great. But what makes it straight-up amazing the auto-generated closed-captioning, which mishears nearly everything said and adds a hilarious Dada-ist commentary to an already interesting "the ocean is f-ing crazy!" video. When you start playing the clip, click the little "CC" box in the lower right hand corner to enjoy gems such as these:


Do do it shark. Just do do it. (via YouTube)


We all had a tough time in 2008. (via YouTube)


My bolno game is tight. Wait, what's a bolno? (via YouTube)


So she divorced you, man. Just be chill. (via YouTube)

10 things you can say to start a conversation about race with your Starbucks barista.

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Starbucks has asked its baristas to write "Race Together" on cups to let customers know they're open to having a dialogue on race.

We think that's too much pressure on the baristas! Here are some suggestions for dialogue-starters you can write on your own cup. Then, place it in front of a barista and wait for the healing to begin.

Nevada lawmaker pushing to allow sick pets to get high as f**k.

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Ask your vet if getting your dog high is right for you.


Everybody knows.

Nevada lawmaker Democrat Tick Segerblom has proposed a bill that would make it legal to obtain medical marijuana for your pet. Of course, this would only be for instances when your pet's vet recommends it to "mitigate the symptoms or effects of a chronic or debilitating medical condition."

Chronic for chronic, that's what I always say.

The bill doesn't seem to mention how one would administer the drug, or dosing. Side effects may include, but are not limited to: increased sleepiness and paranoia in cats, extreme turtle slowness, additional sunglass-wearing from dogs, and rabbits "seeing music." Ask your vet if getting your dog high is right for you.

At this point, the responsible pet-owner in me would like to remind everyone that getting your pet stoned for recreation is generally considered animal cruelty, even amongst the stoner crowd. Animals don't really like to get high like people do, and may just freak out because they didn't choose to do it and don't understand what is happening. Let's let the vets decide how and when to administer the weed.

Send a bag of (edible) dicks to someone you really hate (or love).

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A jumble of multicolored penises, just like in nature.

Let's say that there's some person out there that really annoys you. Someone that makes your skin crawl when you think of them. Or maybe it's a person whom you really love and makes your heart flutter when you think of them. Either way, you really want to send this deplorable asshole, or lovely human being, a message to let them know how you feel. What do you do?

The obvious answer is to send them a bag of dicks.

Now, I realize that different people have different associations with bags of dicks. Some people might see a bag of dicks and get violently angry, while another person will grab those dicks and hold them close to their heart with tears streaming down their cheeks. So, it's really your responsibility to figure out how the person you hate or love will feel about a bag of dicks. One thing is for certain, however, bags of dicks are meant to be eaten.

Once you are sure that you want to send that bag of dicks, though, Dicks By Mail has you covered for all the other bag-of-dicks-sending related details:


$15 for a bag of dicks?! That's either highway robbery or a bargain!

Bear in mind that the dicks that Dicks By Mail will anonymously send to your enemy/friend are not actual flesh-and-blood human dicks. That would probably be illegal in most states (not sure about Wyoming). As you might have gleaned from the picture above, these are gummy dicks. Which means that they're edible and delicious. Which I suppose is also maybe the case with real dicks, according to many perspectives.

Someone (not Kanye or Kim) drags North West through an airport clutching her 'Frozen' suitcase.

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You'll have to drag me away kicking and screaming... or quietly holding on to my 'Frozen' bag.



A video posted by Khloé (@khloekardashian) on

Khloe K shot this video of her niece North West calmly being pulled through the airport while clutching her Frozen suitcase. This is the sort of thing that makes me wish giants really existed, so I could hold on to a large rolling suitcase while a giant pulled me through the airport.

Where were North West's parents during this? Possibly having more sex than is medically recommended.

Who has been photocopying their cat at the school library?

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This photocopy of a slightly confused feline is being distributed around UW-Madison's Steenbock Library, but whodunnit?

According to one staff member at the school's paper, the Badger Herald, pictures of the pussy cat have been appearing "somewhat frequently."

Some folks may be concerned as the cat's eyes are open during the photo session, but without any leads, we can't even be certain that a person did this to the animal. I'm holding out for the possibility that the cat has simply figured out a way to take a selfie.

Do not try this at home. Please, no copy cats.

This sci-fi short film packs all the awesomeness of a summer blockbuster into 4 minutes.

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It's like 'Star Wars' meets 'Pacific Rim' meets… just take my money already!

The Leviathan is the work of Ruairi Robinson, an Irish animator, filmmaker, and Oscar nominee. Robinson made this awesome short on his own, with the help of the Irish Film Board, as a proof-of-concept pitch to any movie studios that might be paying attention. This is his way of saying, "Give me money so I can make this into a full-length movie."

If any Hollywood studios are reading this post (and they should be), I would like to encourage them to PLEASE PLEASE give Ruairi Robinson hundreds of millions of dollars ASAP. I need to see this movie. It has everything I love: airships, monsters… I guess that's it. But they're really good ones.

Robinson's only feature-length project so far was the 2013 flop The Last Days on Mars, so it would be a leap of faith for any studio to invest in this project. But you know what else was a leap of faith? Giving The Avengers to Joss Whedon. And you know how that turned out. AWESOME airships and monsters.

Check out Robinson's website to learn more.


This guy treadmill-dancing to 'Uptown Funk' is the only 'Uptown Funk' video you ever need see.

Adorable girl dancing to LL Cool J demands to know if mom can "hear that bass."

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She is also, it turns out, going back to Cali.

I wish I was this cool when I was little. Here is a list of things that this kid is better at than me:

  • Knowing when to say "Do you hear that bass?"
  • Dancing with a serious expression.
  • Wearing animal prints.
  • Spelling "bass" (this is just a guess, but I'm over 30 years old and tried to spell it as "base" twice while writing this article, so I think she might have one on me there).

Amputee politely asks car not to park in her spot, gets a response worse than a YouTube comment.

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Uh, do you realize this isn't the Internet, random troll lady?


"Hey Handicap," is not how a constructive dialogue about disability gets started.
Read the full note and transcription below.
(via Facebook)

Set your justified-outrage meters to "STUNNED!" after reading this, because asshats like these are not a dime a dozen (offline, at least).


Ashley with her (safe for now) parking spot. (via ABC22)

Ashley Brady, 26, lives in Miamisburg, Ohio and this month she was assigned a handicapped space outside her apartment because she lost her leg in an accident last year. She's learned to walk again on a prosthetic, but snow and ice pose an extra challenge, so that spot is very important to her.


Ashley's prosthetic leg, which merits a parking spot in normal people's opinions. (via ABC22)

Unfortunately, it also seemed to be important to someone else living in their apartment complex, an awful bottom-feeding mouth-breather of a human who insisted on repeatedly parking in the spot with no handicapped tags. The car's owner has been identified as another woman in the apartment complex, but I am still convinced this person is actually an anonymous hate-filled Internet comment that somehow came to life like a reverse Freakazoid. That's because this is the response Ashley got back:


Have you considered a career in pretending online SJW's are a threat? You'd be great.
(via Facebook)

Here's the full text, in case you can't make out the (surprisingly good) handwriting of this surprisingly mean person:

Hey handicap! First, never place your hands on my car again! Second, honey you ain't the only one with 'struggles.' You want pity go to a one leg support group! You messed with the wrong one! I don't care what your note said shove it, but you touch my car again I will file a report, I am not playing! I let the office know the cry baby one leg touches my property I will cause trouble so go cry your struggles to someone who cares cause I'm walking away with both mine! -Bitch.

Well, at least she knew how to sign her name. Fortunately, everyone else in the universe agrees that Ashley is right. Ashley's sister posted the note to Facebook, where it found its way to the page of the Amputee Coalition of America. There, it's racked up tens of thousands of likes as well as sympathy and similar stories from other amputees.


In addition, Ashley has spoken to the Miamisburg police and is due to meet soon with the apartment complex's managers to figure out how to move forward (or back out slowly) with regards to this psychotic neighbor.

I hope you enjoyed the adrenaline of this justified outrage, and remember: real life is not anonymous.

Baby Dalmatian pelicans are the most bizarre cute animals you'll see today.

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Because you've been looking for a bird that's halfway between a cute animal and a David Croenberg monster.


The San Diego Zoo has some new residents: two rare Dalmatian pelican chicks. I am in love with them because they're 50% adorable and 50% horrifying. If you watch that video, you'll see that they look like reanimated raw chickens with a dry-heaving problem... in the most adorable way possible. If April Ludgate was to ever get a pet besides Champion, I think this would be it.

The Dalmatian pelican is the largest pelican species in the world, so while these guys might be wingless little nerds right now, they'll eventually grow to have a wingspan of up to 11 feet. The pelicans' parents "are unable to raise them" (my guess is that their careers are too demanding), so zookeepers are playing nanny for the moment.

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