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World's greatest pizza delivery guy hands off pie to Pope.

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Pizza be with you. And also with you.


Better congregants, better Pizza. Il Papa Johns. (via CNN)

Local Neapolitan pizza maker Enzo Cacialli had heard the pope complain in an interview that the thing he missed about not being king of the Catholics was the ability to just walk into a restaurant and order a pizza. Apparently, the closer you get to God, the farther you get from a decent white sauce.

Inspired by his father, who had managed the probably much less difficult task of getting one of his pizzas into the mouth of former president Bill Clinton, Enzo decided to bake a special pie for his holiness with "Il Papa" written in dough on the top.


Sacralicious. (via Facebook)

Cacialli waited excitedly with his team before jumping over the barriers to deliver the offering directly to the open-air popemobile as it made it's way through Naples. Half-miraculous Pope Frank beatifically accepted the offering as a sort of reverse eucharist.

As Cacialli tells CNN, "I gave him the pizza and with a smile he said 'thank you.'"

"It's really hard for me to understand what I managed to do," Cacialli told CNN. "Giving a pizza you made with your own hands to the Pope is very emotional. It's really hard for me to express the value of this gesture for a man we really love and value, for a beautiful person full of humanity."


The Pope accepting his offering from on high was a real "shocker."

Can you imagine if he had tried to give that pizza to Pope Benedict? He probably would have swatted it to the ground.


Article 18

"Seamless: No Human" makes it possible to order takeout without any icky human interaction.

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There is no longer any reason you ever have to speak to another human being ever again.

Introducing: Seamless: No Human. Today, it's a sketch from The Bilderbergers. Tomorrow, it's reality.

Seamless already helped us do away with the need to talk on the phone with an actual person to get our dinner. But they didn't overcome the final obstacle to avoiding human interaction while also getting necessary provisions: the delivery person. Whether it's delivery by drone or delivery by person who runs away really quickly, Seamless: No Human has the power to change all of our lives for the better

Since this is (obviously) fake, another good option is to make your spouse get the door. Then shut the door behind them and enjoy Marriage: No Human.

Someone re-created the best parts of "The Matrix" and "Jurassic Park" with Lego blocks.

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Nerdiness, uh... finds a way.

Can you imagine how much time went into the act of painstakingly recreating these two famous movies with Lego blocks? Can you imagine caring about anything enough to exert that kind of effort? I can't, but I'm extremely happy that there are other people with the kind of tunnel-vision obsessiveness required to remake the Jurassic Park in miniature, as in Digital Wizards' above video.

I find this one here even more intriguing. Instead of doing an overview of The Matrix, Snooperking decided to focus on just the lobby scene, resulting a shot-for-shot recreation, which somehow makes the whole thing seem even more fantastically nerdy.

Do you want the blue block or the red block?

I'm not going to even try to top redditor xenongamer4351's comment on this video: "That Lego showed WAY too much emotion to be Keanu Reeves."

Truth in comedy.

Adult, star Taylor Swift buys domain name TaylorSwift.Porn... just in case.

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'Cause the 'baters gonna 'bate, 'bate, 'bate, 'bate, 'bate...


She's been training for this career move her whole life. (via Getty Images)

Remember last month when Tayla bought ITaughtTaylorSwiftHowToGiveHead.Com? Now she's getting ahead with an even more-to-the-point domain purchase: TaylorSwift.Porn.

Excited? Don't expect to see Tay-Tay's ta-tas anytime soon, say the porn experts at CNN. This is just a preemptive strike before new generic top-level domains, or gTLDs, .Porn and .Adult become available to the public and the trolls start building Swift porn sites without her.

Apparently, Microsoft has the same concerns, and has registered Office.Porn. They're probably just trying to avoid the abusive slew of inevitable next-generation Micro- and -soft puns.

No word yet on weather Kim K has bought her .Porn domain yet, or if she is just going to let Ray J take care of it.

These #TedCruzCampaignSlogans tweets are great, unless you like Ted Cruz.

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"I'm just here so Jeb Bush looks fine." #TedCruzCampaignSlogans

In case you missed it, Ted Cruz announced he was running for president this morning at a mandatory event for students at Liberty University, the Christian school founded by Jerry Falwell that has banned College Democrats from operating on campus since 2009.

Campaign pledges included ending the IRS, opposing all forms of immigration reform, explicitly denying that pollution can affect the environment, and generally encouraging people to "imagine" situations that sounded good to him.

Everyone there loved it! Well, except for these Rand Paul fans:

Listen, there are a lot of people who are honestly enthused about Ted Cruz, a first-term senator whom everyone can actually prove was born overseas (well, over-Great-Lakes).

Which is weird because they're the same people who rabidly hate the last first term senator (who repeatedly had to prove he was born in Hawaii) who ran for president, but we don't look for sense in politics.

We don't look for honest enthusiasm, either, because it's not funny.

We look for snarky jokes and sarcasm! It wasn't particularly hard to find, particularly at the hashtag #TedCruzCampaignSlogans.

You should check it out—it's a delightful mix of liberals being snobs about conservatives and conservatives gloating that liberals' heads are somehow "exploding" (seriously, #tcot types have a real fixation with libs' heads exploding). Since we were looking for actual jokes however, not many of the pro-Ted Cruz folks got in. Just to prove I did look, however, here's the funniest #tcot humor out there:

That—anger and resentment-based humor—is why conservative Daily Show imitators tend to not do so well. Completely unlike the tasteful and erudite jokes of the left:

I'd also just like to point out how old the first tweet in this hashtag is. Congrats, Lisa!

The 10 greatest cat ladies of all time.

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It's a good time to be a woman who loves cats.

It seems 2015 is, among many things, the "Cat-Lady Renaissance." Previously, the term “Cat-Lady" was a major insult; a decidedly misogynistic term to describe a presumably lonely woman with no life except cats. Nowadays, it's quite socially acceptable to live a cat lifestyle (aka dat #catlyfe), with websites, blogs, and entire branches of Instagram devoted to a feline-centric culture. To fully celebrate the notion of Cat Ladies, it is important that we pause and honor the great ladies who have lead the way.

1. Louisa May Alcott


(via Wikipedia/Young Folks' Cyclopedia of Persons and Places)

Louisa May Alcott's love for cats certainly influenced her work, specifically her novel “Little Women," which, IMHO, could have easily been titled “Little Cat-Ladies." The March family's home was basically a shrine to cats. The sisters would act out plays and include their cats as leading roles, dressing them up in costumes. If we took this story and set it in modern day, Amy would probs have an Etsy store selling cat bonnets.

2. Chrissie Hynde


(via @chrissiehynde)

Surfing the web, you'll find dozens of pictures of Chrissie Hynde with her band, The Pretenders. More importantly, you will also find her with cats. Chrissie has been an advocate for animal protection groups, and was a donor to UK charity Cats Protection. Fun fact: Chrissie was the co-writer of the song "Smelly Cat," featured in the sitcom Friends. (If that tid-bit doesn't add someone to the Cat Hall of Fame, I dunno what does.)

3. Kesha

Kesha has spoken publicly about her cat devotion, declaring her home a "cat sanctuary," where her cats have their own room and even their own furniture. She has said she is in the midst of creating a "Cat Cult," where she claims "everyone is a cat." (I know. It's like, I don't know what that means either, but like, WHERE DO WE SIGN UP?)

4. Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift is one of the most famous celebs on the planet, and she is happy to share her fame with her two cats, Meredith and Olivia, (who both have Instagram accounts, btw.) Meredith and Olivia and TayTay are photographed together, playing, snuggling and traveling the world. Being Taylor Swift is probably really cool, and it seems like being one of her cats might be even better.

5. Martha Stewart


(via TheMarthaBlog.com)

Much like Meredith and Olivia, the cats of Martha Stewart probably have a pretty dope set-up. Martha Stewart is known to adore her Persian and Himalayan cats. And if Martha Stewart loves you, that means you probably have the best of everything. Like any proud cat lady, Martha has blogged about her cats, posting glorious portraits of them.

6. Vanna White


(via WheelofFortune.com)

It totally makes sense that Vanna White would be a cat person, because she basically IS a cat (I mean, right?). She is not one of those reclusive cats, or fat house cats; she is like a fluffy show cat who sells cat food in a Fancy Feast commercial. Also, her job on Wheel of Fortune sort of seems like a job a cat could have (with the help of a laser-pointer, of course.)

7. Dita Von Teese


(via Aleister Von Teese on Instagram)

Dita Von Teese is another cat lover who seems like she might also be a cat herself. First of all, her name is a total cat's name. Her movements and demeanor are cat-like. Even the things she says, like "I'm more of an exaggerator than a liar," totally sound like something a cat would say.

8. Dusty Springfield


(via)

Dusty was known to have lived for years with her beloved cat companion, Nicholas. She loved animals, and served as an advocate for various cat and animal-protection groups. By the way, her song “I Only Wanna Be With You" is a great song to sing to that special cat in your life.

9. Marie Antoinette

Marie Antoinette had a mini kingdom of tiny animals. She was known to let her six white Turkish Agora cats roam the tables during elegant gatherings. An old folk tale says that before her death, Antoinette attempted to escape France, and she brought her cats with her on the ship. Although she did not make it, her cats supposedly remained on the boat, which carried them safely to Maine. This is where the breed Maine Coons are thought to have originated. (#CatTrivia!)

10. The Bronte Sisters

These 19th Century writers and sisters were known to love cats. There is even a myth surrounding them and their cat, Tabitha, who may have served as their creative muse. Supposedly Emily, Anne, and Charlotte believed Tabitha channeled spirits and inspired their writing. So basically—long story short—we're pretty sure a cat was def, in part, responsible for Wuthering Heights.

Needless to say, cats—and their ladies—are a pretty BFD and deserve the respect of us all.

Some girls found a stranger's phone and left this loving video message for him.

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This is how all great romantic comedies and/or horror films start.

A redditor going by the username Corporal_Tastyposted this video to reddit today with the note, "My friend lost his phone yesterday. Found it today with this video on it."

Here's the message, which I've taken great care to loosely translate from Lipstick to English:

"I've found yer phone, and it's in Chinese place."
"We ate"
"Where you ate."
"Want some John Wayne?"
"I'll game some chips."
"And chow mein."
"And rice."
"Makes you look shagged."
"No no no no."
"I've found yer phone, and I've left it behind reception."

And... charming smile.

Such a sweet message by these three women. No doubt the little bit of privacy they stole in making this video is a more than fair reward for returning his phone. He could at least buy them some chow mein or a shag. And rice.


5 people having a worse Monday than you.

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5. Bradley Cooper, because he broke up with his 23-year-old model girlfriend.


The body language says it all.(Getty)

Being Bradley Cooper must be awesome. He's a movie star, he's a sex symbol, he's a millionaire, he's the voice of a raccoon… you probably think his life is perfect, and on any other Monday, you'd be right. But this weekend, Cooper broke things off with his girlfriend of two years, Suki Waterhouse. Waterhouse, a 23-year-old English model and actress, apparently wasn't ready to settle down with the 40-year-old Cooper. In case you're not savvy, "not ready to settle down" is showbiz-speak for "holding out for Zack Galifianakis." Now, Waterhouse is celebrating her single life with a Clueless-themed girls' night out, while Cooper is being forced to deny having sex with Jennifer Lawrence. I have a tip for him though: have sex with Jennifer Lawrence.

4. This dumb criminal who was caught because he used his victim's Netflix account.


He took House of Cards a little too seriously.(via Fox News)

Let this be a cautionary tale to everyone using someone else's Netflix password: make sure you didn't get it by stealing their TV. It all began when a California woman reported a burglary at her home. Her TV and Blu-Ray player were stolen, along with other electronics. A few days later, however, she noticed strange movies appearing under "recently watched" on her Netflix account. She quickly realized that the thief had kept the login information on her devices, and was using it for himself. Police traced the IP address and arrested 20-year-old Bobby Alexander, finding the stolen goods at his house. I hope he used that account to catch up on Orange Is the New Black, because he'll need the tips. Not that he's going to a women's prison, but the tips still work. General prison tips.

3. 'Game of Thrones' fans, because the show will definitely spoil the ending of the books.


He's got one more heartbreak in store for us.(Getty)

Fans of George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series of fantasy novels (the basis of HBO's Game of Thrones) have two great fears: that Martin will die before completing the series, and that the show will overtake the books and spoil the ending. Now, doomsday has finally come, as one of those fears has been positively confirmed (George is fine). Game of Thrones executive producers Dan Weiss and David Benioff were speaking to the Oxford Union when they made the official announcement: spoilers are coming. Benioff had this to say on the subject:

Luckily, we've been talking about this with George for a long time, ever since we saw this could happen, and we know where things are heading. And so we'll eventually, basically, meet up at pretty much the same place where George is going; there might be a few deviations along the route, but we're heading towards the same destination. I kind of wish that there were some things we didn't have to spoil, but we're kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. The show must go on. . .and that's what we're going to do.

Dark wings, dark words. Even fans of Martin's novels who have stopped watching the show (like me) won't be able to avoid the spoilers, unless we swear off the Internet and TV until the last book comes out. Even though the show has deviated further and further from the books, sometimes in shocking ways (no Strong Belwas), the general ending will be the same. So much for having another mind-blowing moment like the epilogue of Storm of Swords (right???)

2. A teenage girl whose name is Isis King.


If it's any consolation, you're definitely our favorite Isis.(via CBC)

"Isis" is a pretty name, when you think of it outside of the context of the militant Islamic State. Isis King, a high school student from Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, certainly thinks so. When her mother named her after the Egyptian goddess, she certainly couldn't have predicted the rise of the militant Islamic State. Back then, ISIS was just the gleam in the eye of a couple of murderous, barbaric thugs with a perverted interpretation of Islam. Now, however, poor Isis is paying the price. In the last few years, she's been bullied more and more for her name (ironic, considering ISIS are the ultimate bullies).

The ultimate humiliation, however, came when Facebook banned her from using her own name, on the grounds that it was "inappropriate and fake." After making her troubles public with the CBC, Isis was able to restore her Facebook account, but the bullying continues. She either has to wait for ISIS to be brought down (which would be good for many reasons), or finally give in and change her name to something less embarrassing, like "Isis Queen."

1. Maine Governor Paul LePage, because Stephen King is demanding an apology from him.


Gaze into his eyes and know true fear.(Getty)

Mainers are a hardy, taciturn people. They're generally self-sufficient and not easily disturbed. As long as they have quality L.L. Bean outerwear and access to fresh seafood, they're content. So it takes a lot to rile them up, but one surefire way is to spread lies about their royalty. Specifically, their king. Stephen King.

That's what's gotten Maine Governor Paul LePage in hot water. Governor LePage, a Republican, has been pushing big cuts to the state's income tax, whereas King has long favored tax hikes on the wealthy. In an effort to discredit King, the governor suggested during a radio address last week that the author had fled to Florida specifically in order to escape those taxes. King immediately struck back, pointing out that his primary residence has always been in Bangor, he only vacations in Florida, and he pays his income tax to Maine. He provided evidence, and Governor LePage's office issued a retraction. They did not, however, apologize. That's when King posted this tweet:

It would really be in the governor's best interest to apologize. You don't want to get on King's bad side. Not only is he capable of unleashing curses, ghosts, vicious pets both living and dead, and virulent diseases at you, he's also Maine's most famous and popular resident. If you're the governor, that's bad news. That's like being the president of Switzerland and talking shit about clocks. It's just NOT DONE.

Find out which celeb represents your personal sense of crushing anxiety.

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Get excited to find out what hot celeb your anxiety disorder is!


You might be an Iggy Azalea. That's something new to worry about! (via Getty Images)

OMG — celebs are the coolest! And now, you can trick yourself into thinking you're cool, too, by finding out which celeb best represents your anxiety. But don't think too hard about it — because then your anxiety will remind you that everyone actually hates you, you'll never achieve your career goals, and you'll die alone in a poorly run hospital!

OK. On to the fun!

1. Tom Cruise


Your Mission Impossible? Not being anxious! (via Getty Images)

If your anxiety drives you to get things done, you're a Tom Cruise — high-performing and talented, but with a deep underground river of crazy. People are probably impressed by how much you're able to do in a day, but they don't know it's because of a deep-seated fear of what would happen if you stopped working. Would people look down on you? Would you have to actually deal with personal issues? Would you lose your sense of self because you have tied your personal worth to the impressive amount of work you do? Yup! So just keep Top Gunning it!

2. Kim Kardashian


I heard a noise. Is someone following me? (via Getty Images)

Is your anxiety always there, but nobody knows why? Then it's a Kim Kardashian! It's not useful, it's not talented, and it's constantly, desperately trying to get your attention. Who knows, maybe your anxiety will be the next spokesperson for Midori! Midori: Are people judging me for drinking this? Probably!

3. Jared Leto


Your anxiety didn't just come back, it came back and got a new look! (via Getty Images)

If it seemed like your anxiety was gone forever and then came roaring back, it's a Jared Leto! Just as Leto disappeared from acting, your anxiety left your life. But then he came back in Dallas Buyers Club, and your anxiety came back too. And just like Jared Leto, your anxiety is still a jerk.

4. Mark Cuban


Buy! Sell! Do neither because both are scary! (via Getty Images)

Just as Mark Cuban owns a piece of many businesses, your anxiety owns a piece of everything in your life! Your anxiety serves as your own personal Shark Tank“shark" that chooses to invest — or not invest — in your ideas. Trying to talk to an attractive person at a bar? Bad investment! Leaving your house? Bad investment! Getting out of bed? Bad investment!

5. Iggy Azelea


She's wondering if she left her curling iron plugged in. (via Getty Images)

Is your anxiety new on the scene, and you have no idea where it came from? Then it's an Iggy Azelea! Confusing, brash, and unlikable, your anxiety is probably going to hang around until it gets too old or another brash young anxiety comes to dethrone it — whichever comes first. How “fancy"!

Does your anxiety not fit in just one of these categories?

Then you have an anxiety supergroup! Go curl up in your bathtub so your anxieties can discuss a project to work together on, such as “never driving a car again," “ending a relationship because you fear commitment," or "wondering if I'm going to drown in this bathtub I'm curled up in." Enjoy!

Human ponytail Ariana Grande does a hilarious impression of Celine Dion.

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"Certain as the sur-bae-huh-bay"


Last night, human ponytail Ariana Grande admitted to Jimmy Fallon that she was nervous to make her first appearance on The Tonight Show as an actual guest who gets to sit on the couch and talk. To honor the occasion, Jimmy Fallon immediately made her sing.

Fallon had heard that teeny-tiny Grande had an incredible Celine Dion impression up her sleeveless dress, and he was right. Prompted into a duo of "Beauty and the Beast" with Fallon as a middling Peabo Bryson, hairdo-with-lips Grande busted out an A+ impression of Dion despite the fact that she didn't even know the lyrics.

I hope she never learns the real words to that song.

Cat scrunchies are saving birds' lives and making cats look stupid, two very important goals.

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Saving birds' lives at the risk of making cats die of embarrassment.

Domestic cats and tweety birds the world over have had a long-standing and rather one-sided feud: cats kill as many as 3.7 billion birds, mostly songbirds, every year in the US alone. One Vermont-based company, Birdsbesafe, is seeking to protect our feathery friends while imposing a little whimsical shame on our murdery, furry friends. How? With terrible, early-90s-esque scrunchies.

The scrunchies fit around a cat's normal collar, and their bright colors make it difficult for kitties to stalk and kill birds.

Birds have more cones in their eyes, which are the receptors that allow animals to see color (humans have three kinds, but birds have a fourth kind that lets them see more colors). Cats are usually dull-colored (black, grey, sandy, etc) and hard for prey to spot.

As great as saving billions of birds is, it's hard to argue that from a human perspective (a perspective, let's be frank, that has never really cared too much about dead animals) the fact that it makes cats look like dumb-dumbs is just as valuable.

So, thanks, Birdsbesafe, on behalf of birds and people who like laughing at cats everywhere.

Elizabeth Banks wears leggings printed with Ryan Gosling's face, and all is right.

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Even famous ladies can't get enough of The Gos. (Is it OK if I call him "The Gos"?)


Ryan Gos-legs. (Image via Elizabeth Banks on Instagram)

I find something kind of comforting about one celebrity wearing pictures of another celebrity. It's like the best version of "Stars: They're just like us." That's why it was so delightful to see Elizabeth Banks post this picture on her Instagram along with the caption "Ryan Gosling, all night long, in my bed? Sure, thanks."

The leggings were made by LA clothing company Clashist, and Will Ferrell recently sported their Zach Galifianakis shirt on The Daily Show, as well.

Here are some more celebrities I'd like to see wearing clothing with pictures of other celebrities:

  • Andrew Dice Clay in a leather jacket that has a picture of Woody Allen on the back above the words "Thanks, Woody."
  • Gwen Stefani wearing Sam Rockwell socks that she calls "Sam Sockwells."
  • Selena Gomez in an oversized sweatshirt with a giant picture of Larry King's face.
  • Justin Bieber wearing a shirt of himself wearing a shirt of himself wearing a shirt of himself on into infinity.

Guy turns real life into a crazy cartoon with just an iPhone and transparent sheets.

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Almost too clever for me to bear. (via)

You might remember the work of LA-based animator Marty Cooper from a previous post in which we gushed all over these brilliant short stop-motion films. If not, please allow me to gush all over again, because, really, there is no amount of gushing that is too much gushing for something this clever, funny, and immaculately crafted.

It's still cold in America, but at least we're not getting hit with apple-sized hail.

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Random things trying to kill you? I'm gonna guess Australia.

And I am correct! This horrifying footage comes from Chinchilla, Australia. Unlike those feather-soft Chilean creatures, the precipitation you see in this video is huge balls of ice plummeting towards Aussies' heads, because God never wanted people to live on that upside-down continent. We're right at the junction between the seasons, which means Mother Nature can't decide which hemisphere she wants to make miserable. It appears she's chosen both, because up here in the US we were treated to a little start-of-Spring snow, which is all Ted Cruz needs to say climate change is fake (never mind that the East's bitter cold and the West's hot dry drought comes from fundamental disruptions in ocean temperature, which in turn has messed up the jet streams). LOL.


The 'Ghostbusters' music video gets legit creepy when you take out the music.

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Music somehow hides the fact that this video is an expressionistic nightmare.

I'm not one to blame the victim, but this woman was setting herself up for potential problems when she took up residence inside of a house made of impressionistic neon fixtures. Could she have known that a sociopathic Ray Parker, Jr. was living under her bed? No, but she should have gotten out of there and called the cops the first time the group of kids jumped out from behind a make-believe wall.

Here's the actual music for the Ghostbusters theme song, and while the jaunty music track does take the edge off in many ways, this one has a Chevy Chase cameo in it, so I still don't feel very safe.

Adorable kid who is really upset about a bad word doesn't know what bad words are.

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You have so many swears to learn, wee one.

Oh, little Josie. You are adorable, but you have a lot to learn in this life. Like maybe you shouldn't give your grandmother the silent treatment for saying "poop away."

Also, dear reader, make sure you watch until the very end of this video when the kid explains how she's going to "go home, take a rest" like she's an 80-year-old man living in Tampa.

Flirting

Some guy remade the 'Friends' opening credits with the Avengers, and it's pretty great.

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"So no one told you it was gonna be this way. / 'The Age of Ultron' seems like it might be kind of lame."

Normally I'm all like "psh, whatever" to these trailers that mash-up one thing you know with another thing you know. But YouTube user Jeremiah Rivera did a nice job with this Avengers/Friends opening credits sequence, and the result is pretty delightful. Also, I will personally give $50 to Joss Whedon if he starts Age of Ultron with these credits.

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