5. Bradley Cooper, because he broke up with his 23-year-old model girlfriend.
The body language says it all.(Getty)
Being Bradley Cooper must be awesome. He's a movie star, he's a sex symbol, he's a millionaire, he's the voice of a raccoon… you probably think his life is perfect, and on any other Monday, you'd be right. But this weekend, Cooper
broke things off with his girlfriend of two years, Suki Waterhouse. Waterhouse, a 23-year-old English model and actress, apparently wasn't ready to settle down with the 40-year-old Cooper. In case you're not savvy, "not ready to settle down" is showbiz-speak for "holding out for Zack Galifianakis." Now, Waterhouse is celebrating her single life with a Clueless-themed girls' night out, while Cooper is being forced to deny having sex with Jennifer Lawrence. I have a tip for him though: have sex with Jennifer Lawrence.
4. This dumb criminal who was caught because he used his victim's Netflix account.
He took House of Cards a little too seriously.(via Fox News)
Let this be a cautionary tale to everyone using someone else's Netflix password: make sure you didn't get it by stealing their TV. It all began when a California woman reported a burglary at her home. Her TV and Blu-Ray player were stolen, along with other electronics. A few days later, however, she noticed strange movies appearing under "recently watched" on her Netflix account. She quickly realized that the thief had kept the login information on her devices, and was using it for himself. Police traced the IP address and arrested 20-year-old Bobby Alexander, finding the stolen goods at his house. I hope he used that account to catch up on Orange Is the New Black, because he'll need the tips. Not that he's going to a women's prison, but the tips still work. General prison tips.
3. 'Game of Thrones' fans, because the show will definitely spoil the ending of the books.
He's got one more heartbreak in store for us.(Getty)
Fans of George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series of fantasy novels (the basis of HBO's Game of Thrones) have two great fears: that Martin will die before completing the series, and that the show will overtake the books and spoil the ending. Now, doomsday has finally come, as one of those fears has been positively confirmed (George is fine). Game of Thrones executive producers Dan Weiss and David Benioff were speaking to the Oxford Union when they made the official announcement: spoilers are coming. Benioff had this to say on the subject:
Luckily, we've been talking about this with George for a long time, ever since we saw this could happen, and we know where things are heading. And so we'll eventually, basically, meet up at pretty much the same place where George is going; there might be a few deviations along the route, but we're heading towards the same destination. I kind of wish that there were some things we didn't have to spoil, but we're kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. The show must go on. . .and that's what we're going to do.
Dark wings, dark words. Even fans of Martin's novels who have stopped watching the show (like me) won't be able to avoid the spoilers, unless we swear off the Internet and TV until the last book comes out. Even though the show has deviated further and further from the books, sometimes in shocking ways (no Strong Belwas), the general ending will be the same. So much for having another mind-blowing moment like the epilogue of Storm of Swords (right???)
2. A teenage girl whose name is Isis King.
If it's any consolation, you're definitely our favorite Isis.(via CBC)
"Isis" is a pretty name, when you think of it outside of the context of the militant Islamic State. Isis King, a high school student from Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, certainly thinks so. When her mother named her after the Egyptian goddess, she certainly couldn't have predicted the rise of the militant Islamic State. Back then, ISIS was just the gleam in the eye of a couple of murderous, barbaric thugs with a perverted interpretation of Islam. Now, however, poor Isis is paying the price. In the last few years, she's been bullied more and more for her name (ironic, considering ISIS are the ultimate bullies).
The ultimate humiliation, however, came when Facebook banned her from using her own name, on the grounds that it was "inappropriate and fake." After making her troubles public with the CBC, Isis was able to restore her Facebook account, but the bullying continues. She either has to wait for ISIS to be brought down (which would be good for many reasons), or finally give in and change her name to something less embarrassing, like "Isis Queen."
1. Maine Governor Paul LePage, because Stephen King is demanding an apology from him.
Gaze into his eyes and know true fear.(Getty)
Mainers are a hardy, taciturn people. They're generally self-sufficient and not easily disturbed. As long as they have quality L.L. Bean outerwear and access to fresh seafood, they're content. So it takes a lot to rile them up, but one surefire way is to spread lies about their royalty. Specifically, their king. Stephen King.
That's what's gotten Maine Governor Paul LePage in hot water. Governor LePage, a Republican, has been pushing big cuts to the state's income tax, whereas King has long favored tax hikes on the wealthy. In an effort to discredit King, the governor suggested during a radio address last week that the author had fled to Florida specifically in order to escape those taxes. King immediately struck back, pointing out that his primary residence has always been in Bangor, he only vacations in Florida, and he pays his income tax to Maine. He provided evidence, and Governor LePage's office issued a retraction. They did not, however, apologize. That's when King posted this tweet:
It would really be in the governor's best interest to apologize. You don't want to get on King's bad side. Not only is he capable of unleashing curses, ghosts, vicious pets both living and dead, and virulent diseases at you, he's also Maine's most famous and popular resident. If you're the governor, that's bad news. That's like being the president of Switzerland and talking shit about clocks. It's just NOT DONE.