1. Tragedy Upon Tragedy: Another One Direction Member Might Go

The world hasn't even had a chance to fully recover from yesterday's bombshell revelation that Zayn Malik is leaving the British boy band One Direction, and now we're receiving the devastating news that Harry Styles is also considering a career change. "Harry has told his friends that he wants to get into acting. He loves Los Angeles," an insider divulged to E! News. This means that the cute one and the other cute one may both soon be out. Can the band continue with just the three remaining cute ones?

Rejoice, One Direction fans. They're sure to reunite again at a county fair in your lifetime and sadly remind you of your squandered youth.
— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) March 26, 2015

2. California Attorney General Trying To Keep The Murder Of Gay People Illegal

California's Attorney General Kamala Harris is trying to put an end to a proposed ballot measure that would legalize the killing of gay people if it were to gain enough signatures and then get voted into existence by state residents (which would never ever ever happen). Harris says the the Sodomite Suppression Act—which was proposed by lawyer/bigot Matthew McLaughlin—"not only threatens public safety, it is patently unconstitutional, utterly reprehensible, and has no place in a civil society."

Why is so much ink getting spilled over the fact that some anti-gay crank paid a petition filing fee in California?
— Josh Barro (@jbarro) March 25, 2015

3. Donald Trump Reveals That He Invented The Concept Of Making America Great Again

Billionaire/reality TV star Donald Trump is fuming mad that Sen. Ted Cruz totally stole his idea for restoring the United States to its former greatness during his presidential candidacy announcement. "The line of 'Make America great again,' the phrase, that was mine," Trump told The Hill "I came up with it about a year ago, and I kept using it, and everybody's now using it, they are all loving it."

Donald Trump formed a presidential exploratory committee. Out of clay.
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) March 19, 2015

4. Generous Donors Raise Immense Sum Of Money In One Day For Great Cause — Movie About Stoner Cops

More than 24 thousand humanitarians have generously given their hard-earned money to a group of well-off movie stars so that they can make a sequel to a pretty funny movie that came out 14 years ago. It took the Broken Lizard comedy group less than one day to surpass their goal of raising $2 million in free money to make Super Troopers 2. At time of publication, roughly $2.5 million has been raised in total, and donations continue to roll in.

If this Super Troopers script were any good, SOMEONE would have stepped up to give them a few million, right? No? Beerfest salted the Earth?
— Lon Harris (@Lons) March 25, 2015

5. You Can Now Wear Cheeseburgers All Over Your Body, Instead Of Just Your Gut And Ass

You lifelong dream of ensconcing yourself from head to toe in cheeseburgers all day and all night is finally about to be realized. McDonald's Sweden has launched a line of clothing and bedding fashionably covered in a Big Mac print. This is real life.

Okay so McDonald's has now got a clothing line... pic.twitter.com/xXDHUzLABF
— ♛Olli (@OlliSmith123) March 25, 2015

So McDonald's has come out with a clothing line? Although I'm holding out until I can get me some oversized Ronald McDonald footwear.
— John M (@John_M15) March 25, 2015

Members of Congress recorded a video where they read mean tweets written about them.

Last night was the 2015 Radio & Television Correspondents Associate Dinner in Washington D.C. The annual event gives politicians and the news media a chance to poke fun at themselves in a controlled, scripted way. In that spirit, several members of Congress appeared in a video for this year's dinner in which they read mean tweets that had been written about themselves. The tweets were pretty tame, but the reactions made it worthwhile.

"Mean Tweets" is a popular recurring bit on Jimmy Kimmel Live, but I doubt they mind the RTCA copying it. After all, John Boehner, Nancy Pelosi, Kevin McCarthy, and Bernie Sanders are pretty big gets, but Kimmel got President Obama.

A woman took a very sweet photo with her baby (and a family of celebrities). The Internet was grateful, although they'd like to point out that she's the richest person in the photo.

Lunch with Lilou at Nobu!! #Lilou #NobuSundays #greatcompany #Carolin #papaB @casiebamford @malibubuffy @anneysenring @jasoncampbellmalibu
A photo posted by alibambam (@alibambam) on Mar 22, 2015 at 4:48pm PDT

That kid's expression says he's still naïve enough to be concerned about Kimye and North's privacy.

Instagram user alibambam is just a normal California ranch owner (and heir to an English farm equipment fortune) out to brunch at Nobu, the world's most famous exclusive restaurant with 22 locations. In all seriousness, that's a sweet-looking picture of that very wealthy parent and kid (Kim, Kanye and North look OK, too). As long as we're raiding this woman's Instagram account:

Sunday morning: doggies fresh and clean waiting for Grandma & Grandpa!! @casiebamford #drwatson #whiskeybravo #Maude #beagle #lurcher @onegunranch
A photo posted by alibambam (@alibambam) on Mar 22, 2015 at 10:54am PDT

As a rancher, her account is full of awesome horse and doggy photos, which, frankly, will remain appealing a lot longer than Kim and Kanye.

The creative powers behind HBO's version of "Game of Thrones" discuss challenges on set and running through the gauntlet for their job.

It doesn't seem right that D.B. Weiss and David Benioff are both the showrunners of TV sensation Game of Thrones and also incredibly handsome. In this interview with Seth Meyers, they talk casually about killing off characters in upcoming seasons that George R. R. Martin hasn't gotten around to yet. Such power!

They also get into some of the fun tidbits about how they got the job even though they'd never produced a television show before, and how horrible it is to work with horses. They've also both learned how to very skillfully deflect people fishing for future plot points, so you won't learn much about the upcoming season. Boo. The good-looking ones always play you.

Serena Williams teamed up with 'Vogue' to make this music video for '7/11' by Beyoncé.

Serena Williams and Beyoncé have a lot in common. They're both powerful, talented women at the top of their game. There's something about them that makes you want to do their bidding. So considering that both are involved in this video, I'm powerless to not watch it.

In addition to Serena's awesome dance moves, this video has some pretty slick GoPro camera work in it. The racket-cam is a particularly nice touch. It would be cool to have that during an actual game, but if Serena was playing, you'd probably get queasy right away. She's that fast.

Surprisingly sane for a mad scientist.

If only there were some kind of enormous laser-powered weather control machine that could stir up a bunch of tornadoes which we could then monitor with the help of an amoral AI implanted into the skull of a human-crocodile hybrid thing in order to decipher the secret code embedded in the quantum fabric of the universe that would allow us to determine whether Professor Farnsworth is crazier than Dr. Horrible.

Alas, until that glorious day arrives, we'll simply have to use this grid of famous mad scientists that was created in the Dorkly laboratories:

(via)

It annoys me to see Dr. Bunson Honeydew way down there in the bottom left hand corner of this graph. Only slightly above average intelligence and slightly mad? Do you think that his assistant Beaker was born as a monosyllabic monstrosity?

Don't let his avuncular demeanor fool you. Dr. Honeydew is engaged in some crazy shit when he's off camera. Mark my words: he's going to get charged with crimes against humanity in due time.

Bonus: if you go to settings, you can turn on English translation and see the real rap lyrics.

There are four words in this battle, and only two of them are real.

Since we know that Bran Stark's storyline will not be featured at all in the fifth season of Game of Thrones and the sequel to Guardians of the Galaxywon't in theaters until May of 2017, this titanic rap battle is almost certainly to be our only chance to hear our favorite characters deliver the lines "Hodor" and "I am Groot" for at least another year.

Luckily, both phrases are said enough here to sufficiently tide us over.

Behold, the Bondara Rubber Throne! Because because you've always wanted to know what it's like to sit on 200 spray-painted dildos.

It had to happen sometime: A UK sex toy company, Bondara, has built an Iron Throne replica out of dildos. Well, it built an Iron Throne replica out of 200 dildos and an existing chair, which I found a little disappointing. How lame would the actual Iron Throne look if it was just a chair with some swords glued to it? (Although I would pay good money to see Geoffrey sit on the Iron Throne and have one of the swords come clattering off, the sound of it echoing through the hall.)

Anyway, not only did Bondara build the boner-laden chair, they're also giving it away. If you live in the UK and are secure enough in your job that you can add #gameofbones to your tweets, you could win this masterpiece/monstrosity.

Even if you don't win the chair, you can still get your fantasy-based sex fantasies on — the chair was made to promote Game of Bones, Bondara's new Game of Thrones-themed sex toy line.

House Judiciary Committee uses gif-filled listicle to argue against immigration reform.

(via judiciary.house.gov, sadly)

Are you confused about the enforcement of immigration laws? Would you like the issue mansplained to you using a condescending series of gifs? The House Judiciary Committee is here to help!

Last week, the Republican-run committee (chaired by Virginia Rep. Bob Goodlatte) published an electronic “press release" titled “At the Flick of a Switch." In it, you'll find 10 (largely erroneous) claims about how the Obama administration is screwing up US immigration policy, along with cute little gifs in case all those words are just too much for your pretty little head to understand.

Yes, this is a real thing from a real government body.

(via judiciary.house.gov, sadly)

Included, you'll find Jennifer Lawrence! The Little Mermaid! Emma Stone! Kristen Wiig! Britney Spears! And more! In fact, the only guy-gif features Steve Carell – the rest are all female. Because, you know, feminism.

Look, I realize political parties love young voters, and women voters in particular are especially coveted. But the way to woo them is not to assume they're incapable of understanding you unless you turn your press releases into some bullshit electronic version of Hop on Pop.

And the listicle gets worse:

(via judiciary.house.gov, sadly)

If there was ever anything to prove the GOP assumes millennials (and, let's be honest, girls) aren't terribly bright, this is it. How it's escaped widespread public ridicule is a mystery.

A friendly Samoyed gave this two-year-old girl all the kisses.

Squirrel the Samoyed loves his little friend here, and she loves the attention. Make sure you keep watching long enough to see her give him an enthusiastic shake. That's the best part.

This is what Russia's all about. Big fluffy dogs and tender hugs. Wonderful country.

Willie Nelson's pot finally cashes out.

If you've got the money, I've got the dime.(via Instagram)

Willie Nelson doesn't just talk the talk of cannabis legalization, he smokes the smoke. After years of being country music's most open and outspoken advocate for legalizing both marijuana and industrial hemp, Nelson is launching his own line of marijuana strains and products. Leading the brand will be a strain of "connoisseur" weed called Willie's Reserve, as well as accessories like vaporizers.

The Daily Beast interviewed Willie Reserve spokesperson Michael Bowman, who revealed that there will be stores in states where that's legal. In addition to the main Willie's Reserve strain of weed, the stores will aim to be a Whole Foods of cannabis, selling bud from growers who meet Willie's high ethical standards (and presumably his other high standards):

"So will there be signature strains that you grow under Willie's oversight? Or will you sell other people's strains?

It'll be both. There will be our own, and then there will be opportunities for other growers, who meet quality standards. Let's just call it the anti-Walmart model. Personally, internally, that's what we call it. A certain standard by which growers have to account for carbon and such, in a way that empowers small growers who are doing the right thing."

As much as it sounds like Willie (and his family) cashing in, Willie's stance on marijuana goes back decades and is based on arguments about what's good for farmers (industrial hemp) and the effects of the drug war on society. Also, he likes pot.

Happy 81st Birthday, @WillieNelson! Roll me up and smoke me... @NORML@HIGH_TIMES_Mag#WillieNelsonpic.twitter.com/YmrFRzf1kf
— CelebStoner (@CelebStoner) April 29, 2014

Willie Nelson rolled a #joint at the White House! #Herohttp://t.co/W3iqk0N4RN
— HIGH TIMES (@HIGH_TIMES_Mag) March 17, 2015

In terms of fame, Willie Nelson's pot proselytization among musicians is unrivaled except perhaps by Snoop Dogg, although he won't be the first with a signature weed brand. That honor goes to the permanently-stoned Pittsburgh phenomenon Wiz Khalifa, who has been selling Khalifa Kush for a year now.

Head to The Daily Beast to check out the whole Willie's Reserve interview.

Dr. Patrick Moore was defending the pesticide manufacturers he represents, but wouldn't put his poison where his mouth is.

Extrait : Bientôt dans vos assiettes... - Interview de Patrick Moore

This is one of the best foot-in-mouth moments I've seen in a long time. Dr. Patrick Moore, a paid spokesperson for the nuclear, logging, and genetic engineering industries, was being interviewed about glyphosate (aka Roundup), a pesticide produced by his client, Monsanto. Recently, an international group of cancer experts claimed that glyphosate causes cancer. Dr. Moore disagreed, saying, "You can drink a whole quart of it and it won't hurt you." But when the interviewer offered him a cup, he refused and walked off the set with a final, "You're a complete jerk."

We found this clip on Greenpeace's blog, which makes it all the more interesting. They have a vested interest in discrediting Patrick Moore, because he once worked for them before beginning his career as a lobbyist. What's more, he has been known to use his history as a Greenpeace activist to pose as an environmentalist while speaking on behalf of polluting corporations for money.

I think the whole world would be more interested in environmentalism if they knew the petty, backhanded politics behind it. This stuff is fascinating; it's like House of Cards. Just watching this clip made me 100% more excited about recycling.

AAA put together this real-life after-school special to make us all realize how terrifying distracted teen drivers are. Just don't watch it while driving.

The AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety recently completed a study on teen drivers and accidents where they installed dash cameras in teens' cars. What they discovered makes me want to move to some sort of reverse Logan's Run community where everyone is 20 and older. According to AAA, "The results showed that distraction was a factor in 58 percent of all crashes studied, including 89 percent of road-departure crashes and 76 percent of rear-end crashes. NHTSA previously has estimated that distraction is a factor in only 14 percent of all teen driver crashes."

The statistics are scary enough, but watching that video is effing terrifying — with the dual cameras, you can see the kids running off the road or into cars without even realizing it because they're so absorbed in their phones (or radios, or friends). According to AAA, "Researchers found that drivers manipulating their cell phone (includes calling, texting or other uses), had their eyes off the road for an average of 4.1 out of the final six seconds leading up to a crash."

So uh... I'm not going to preach at you, but maybe let's all wait until we're done driving to answer that text? OK, yes, good.

When The Daily Dot asked Google about their streaming plans, they didn't even get a "no comment."

On Tuesday, The Daily Dot published a story about YouTube's plans for streaming content. The article stated that Google was planning to use YouTube to broadcast live video gaming events, a market that is currently dominated by Amazon's Twitch service. The Daily Dot had insider sources providing them with this information, but still reached out to Google directly for comment. Here is Google's complete and unedited reply:

(via Wired)

Nice move, Google. If a picture is worth 1,000 words, and this gif if 30 frames long, they basically just sent a 30,000 word response. That's like a whole novel! But it took the representative who sent it a fraction of the time. There's that famous Silicon Valley efficiency for you.

It's no surprise that Google's representatives are hip to the Internet culture. They are the Internet. Even so, for a company of that size to respond to a journalist with a sense of humor is a nice touch. It certainly makes me feel better about them taking over the world. And I was already cool with that.

That look on his face is the reason beer was invented.

It seems kinda mean to put this up, knowing that eventually the resulting offspring will see this and know that news of his or her impending existence was not met with joy, but the disappointed dad has since warmed up to the intel brought by the cold beer.

Dad-to-be Texasagg2010 on YouTube must be ok with the baby now, seeing as he is the one who uploaded the footage of his utter dismay. In the description he wrote, "This was unexpected and came as quite the shock, but I am very excited about this!"

Then he put in his information about licensing because, if you're going to have to have a baby, you might as well make some money from it.

The passengers were evacuated before this bus fell through a crater in the road and was swept away by rushing flood water.

This unbelievable video comes from Para, in northern Brazil. Flood waters weakened this road so much that it washed away underneath a bus that was driving over it. Luckily, everyone was evacuated in time, but there was no saving the bus. It floated away in the rushing flood, and may very well be in the ocean by now. I just hope another bus didn't come along right after. Just kidding, that never happens.

BE AT A BAR PAST MIDNIGHT

It appears my body has a stricter curfew than the city of Boston. No matter how much I prepare for an evening out on the town, it is guaranteed to end the same way. Even if I take a three hour nap at 4:00pm followed by a Red Bull, I still need to be in by midnight like a bearded version of Cinderella. Part of the problem is that I can't get drunk and stay drunk. I catch a buzz from my second drink, and it's all downhill from there. I find myself getting full. FULL! What kind of garbage is that? I'm now a person who consistently gets too full in my little tummy to be able to keep drinking and enjoy the night. Despicable.

ENJOY LOOKING AT TWENTY-ONE YEAR OLD GIRLS

I am not talking about dating, sleeping with, or any other sort of physical contact. That ship sailed a long time ago. I have accepted that. I'm OK with that. What I'm talking about is looking. Looking at of-age women getting legally drunk in scantly clad outfits. It does nothing for me. Sounds good on paper, right? In reality, all I see are children playing dress up and sneaking into a bar. I think the heart of the problem is that I have no real life concept of what a twenty-one-year-old looks like. I've been lied to by Hollywood actresses in their late twenties who play characters in their early twenties. It has warped my world view. I also blame pornography. Those girls weren't barely legal, they were thirty year olds with pig tails. You betrayed me, Pornography, you betrayed me.

DRINK COFFEE AFTER 3:30PM AND STILL GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT

If a single sip of caffeine touches my lips after 3:30pm, that night I will lay in bed wide awake for two hours, pointlessly flipping from one side to the other every seven minutes. "I think I know why I'm awake, I'm laying on my uncomfortable side," I will tell myself before each flip. How does a Dunkin' Donuts small coffee have such power eight hours after consumption? I drink a large coffee in the morning and feel like I need a nap forty-five minutes later... and throughout the rest of the day. Is this even an age thing? Old people seem to drink coffee all the time with no issue and they especially love it after dinner. This one isn't even fair.

MAKE IT THROUGH A NORMAL LENGTH MOVIE WITHOUT HAVING TO PEE

I always go before I get to my seat, and often I'll go a second time during the previews. It is to no avail. Around an hour in, I start looking for a dull scene in which I can run full speed through the lobby for a power pee. Fortunately, most films have a predictable love story and that special peeworthy scene comes right about the time we see the couple fighting just before discovering they truly belong together. Longer movies can be a bigger challenge. During one of the Hobbit films, I spent more time out of my seat than I would have spent in it during a regular length film. And while we're on the subject of pee talk, how come sometimes my stream hits the floor even though I'm 100% certain I'm aiming dead center in the bowl?

EAT McDONALD'S

In my younger days, I loved to eat McDonald's. I thought I stopped eating McDonald's because my matured palette craved a higher caliber of sophisticated cuisine. I was under the illusion that it was my choice. I was incorrect. It was an evolutionary instinct that kicked in to save me from sewer food. A grown Kangaroo knows it should never revert back to crawling into it's mother's pouch once reaching adulthood. My error proved I lack the simple wisdom of a kangaroo. I was hungry and in a hurry when I saw the golden arches and decided that a Big Mac and fries would be a nostalgic treat for myself. The aftermath was noteworthy. It wasn't even a simple stomach ache, no, that would be too easy. It was a churning of my insides that made me feel as though all was wrong in the world from the inside out. Every one of my internal organs starting behaving like they were having a Chinese fire drill. Am I still allowed to use the phrase Chinese fire drill? I do not know, but there is no better way to describe the situation.

DRIVE COMFORTABLY AT AN ABOVE AVERAGE HIGHWAY SPEED

When I hit sixty-five in a fifty-five, that seems plenty fast to me. I'll do it in the left lane, too, and then get annoyed when people tailgate me. "I'm going over the speed limit, what's your problem?!?" I find myself frequently yelling at my own empty car. Seventy-five or eighty used to feel right, but now I'm all "I'll get there when I get there and who wants to deal with the aggravation of getting a ticket?" I hate myself for not joking about that last sentence.

80-year-old mentalist The Amazing Kreskin has launched a dating site for people who believe in the supernatural.

This is the only dating site I have ever seen that shows a picture of an 80-year-old man, but no couples. (Image via Supernatural Dating)

From Farmers Only to a dating site that connects Ayn Rand fans, online dating trends have run increasingly toward the niche. So now, unsurprisingly, we have Supernatural Dating— or, if you go by the full name of the site, The Amazing Kreskin's Supernatural Dating Society™. (I can only assume that people will shorten this to AKSDS, which unfortunately sounds like "Ack! SIDS!" if you say it out loud.)

As you might've guessed from the extended name, the site was created by 80-year-old mentalist The Amazing Kreskin. Cosmopolitan interviewed Kreskin about the new site, which he founded to help connect people who wanted to talk about their supernatural interests but "not feel embarrassed or humiliated or like they're a kook and so forth." I say this completely without sarcasm: That's a lovely thing to do for people.

I wish all dating site sign-up pages had Dracula on them. (Image via Supernatural Dating)

Want to know if your supernatural interest is covered by AKSDS? Here's the list of possible interests on their site: "...visitations by aliens, haunted houses, extra sensory perception, astrology, mind control, curses, spirit healing, vampires, zombies, prophecy, contacting the dead, mind reading and anything in between." I assume that the "in between" is just combinations of the things already listed, such as spirit-healing zombies, contacting dead aliens, and putting curses on vampires that only work when the vampires enter are invited into haunted houses.

Perhaps the most surprising thing I found about Kreskin and his Supernatural Dating site, though, was that even though he has "not had any long relationships" in recent years, Kreskin has some really good dating advice. From the Cosmo interview:

For god's sakes, put the damn cell phone away. Don't sit in a room at a dining room table or a table in a restaurant with a cell phone on the table because unconsciously you're saying, "I like you, but really, I don't feel totally close, totally committed because I need this other support."

Because after all, isn't it more fun to actually read somebody's mind instead of reading about mind-reading on your phone?

Yankees players reenacted a scene from 'The Sandlot,' proving that they are much better baseball players than actors.

Members of the New York Yankees got together to do a reenactment of a scene from the 1993 baseball film The Sandlot. It's not quite shot for shot, and it's not well-performed, but it's charming. It's adorable. And I know I risk the wrath of baseball fans raining down upon me in saying this, but I think it's enjoyable whether you like the Yankees or not.

I also hope this will be the first in a long line of professional athletes reenacting scenes from sports films, including:

• Tiger Woods doing Caddyshack.
• The Philadelphia Eagles doing Rudy.
• The Los Angeles Clippers doing Air Bud (dog parts only).