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Online college courses have taught me that I can literally masturbate during class.


Better Like Button: Like (your hot friend in this picture, not you).

When people tell you you're more beautiful without your makeup, it may be time to get better makeup.

I wish my sex life was as filthy as my apartment.

If autocorrect replaced what you type with what you really mean.

Let’s have sex like we still care about impressing each other.

Better Like Button: We get it, you're a Christian.

Your Facebook food pics explain your Facebook beach pics.


Better Like Button: Are you drunk?

You'll always be a first round pick in my weekend drinking draft.

Honest Autocorrects: Rescheduling nightmare.

PSA: Use a condom every time you happen to have one within grabbing distance.

Please submit your ideas to me today so I can submit them as my own tomorrow.

Between my kids and my husband, I never seem to get any alone time with my glass of wine.

Just wanted you to know I'm dirtier than a former Disney Channel star.


Hope you're feeling okay after being sexually violated by Miley Cyrus last night.

Censored: I enjoyed Miley Cyrus's performance last night.

I'm glad you work out your issues on Facebook rather than half-naked on stage in front of millions of people.

At least there's not much summer left to be ashamed about not getting into shape for summer.

Better Like Button: Like (if you know what I mean).

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