PSA: When your password is just "password" you're inviting everyone to do what the NSA is already doing.
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My Labor Day is shaping up to be busier than any work day this year.
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One day you'll learn that I never learn.
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If we stop sending our kids to school, the head lice will win.
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PSA: It gets better because all the old homophobic people are starting to die off.
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I'd be more excited about getting away for Labor Day if I wasn't going with the people I need to get away from.
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Honest Autocorrects: Procrastination panic.
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PSA: When you don't mark it as NSFW, people end up on the street.
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Hope your relaxing two-week vacation helps offset your debilitating 50-week onslaught of personal and professional angst, confusion, and quiet despair.
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This Labor Day try not to think about how your next holiday isn't until Thanksgiving.
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Honest Autocorrects: Disappointing birthday.
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Where we could use a little attention now that you're done with that whole Miley Cyrus thing.
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Honest Autocorrects: New phone lie.
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When we go out tonight, don't forget to drink a lot so I look better.
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Let's do as little as humanly possible until Labor Day so we'll have the energy to do slightly more than that afterwards.
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Who needs a child when they can experience every boring detail of parenthood through your Facebook updates.
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I measure my enjoyment of a meal in napkins used.
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PSA: Every 9 minutes someone in the US contracts an STD so don't feel too bad about not getting laid.
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Just because it's the anniversary of MLK's Dream speech doesn't mean it's okay for a white person to randomly hug a black person.
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I want our relationship to be exactly like whichever perfect celebrity couple hasn't broken up yet.
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