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Japanese game show jumps the Japanese game show shark.

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Spin the wheel. Turn the crank. Spread the legs. DON'T GIVE UP.


Women helping women. (via YouTube)

There is a Japanese game show doing something truly bonkers yet somehow totally expected. This is what I've figured out about the show from visual cues, because I have no idea what they are saying:

1. Two female contestants sit on medieval torture devices disguised at exercise equipment.
2. Sexy Elsa from Frozen spins a numbered wheel.
3. Sexy Elsa turns a hand-crank that spreads the contestants' legs.
4. Repeat steps 2-3 until one woman cries out in pain and is forced to "GIVE UP," thereby losing the game.

I am not making any of this up, this is exactly what happens on the game show. I can't decide if this is taking place in the past, the future, or a parallel dimension of which we've acquired footage through a wormhole. Let's hope, for everyone's sake, it's the wormhole.

Below is the full clip. Try not to enjoy it too much, you creeps.


Teacher Week

Teacher Week

Teacher Week

Teacher Week

Article 34

The most creative, embarrassing and deeply offensive yearbook quotes ever chosen by seniors.

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College ready! (via)

Considering that nearly all documentation of our lives is now digital, your little space in the yearbook might be the last time you ever get to occupy actual print. You could waste it with a boring pic and an inspirational Neil Degrasse Tyson quote like the rest of the sheeple. Or, you could do what these people did, and leave a mark that your classmates will remember. One day in the future those people you went to school with will pull down that yearbook and remember when. Make sure they think, "Oh yeah, that classmate was the funny classmate. I should have married him/her."


Also voted "best hat wearer." (via)



You know you're in a dark place when you lower yourself to mocking people's yearbook quotes. (via)



They chose to live their lives according to these quotes. (via)



Oh no! I read it! (via)



Church and state were separated that day. (Via)



"Best Buddies."



In a couple years it'll be the only option.



Know what you're the best at. Then own it.



Teamwork. To the end.




He provided so many great quotes, it was hard to choose just one.



Ahem. "Right well."



This was on every page of the yearbook. It just wouldn't stop.



Jason apparently got that a lot.



Please go into wrestling.



Tomas was up all night writing to come up with those.



They didn't even think twice at the being taught "Youth" part?



How could it have chosen anyone else?



They print wookie swear words in this?



You have your whole life ahead of you to make up your mind.



Running a major investment bank within the next five years...guaranteed.

Star Trek's Tim Russ explains "The Star Wars" and why we're celebrating "May the 4th" today.

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The 4th is strong with him.

In the latest video from Pocketwatch, Tim Russ of Star Trek attempts to explain Star Wars Day.

Only he seems to have watched a knock-off version called The Star Wars, where "space druids" use the "4th" to battle the bad guys aboard the "Death Ball." Eh, it's all basically right.

Now watch this video before someone turns you into laundry.


A 14-year-old girl was suspended for these hilariously snarky answers to a sex ed class quiz.

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One Imgur user says he's still proud of his sister, who was suspended two years ago after turning in this handout at school.


She should do marketing for a condom company.(via Imgur)

This is a perfect example of a kid being too smart for her own good. Looking at it objectively, she aced this assignment. The point of this quiz is evidently to provide convincing responses to a sex partner who doesn't want to use a condom, and that's exactly what she did. Speaking as a man, if a woman I were with said any of these things to me, I would shut up immediately and do whatever she wanted.

This girl should have been celebrated in the whole class, but instead she was suspended. Why? Because of a couple of f-bombs? That just shows her commitment to the idea. This is what's wrong with our education system: kids who go above and beyond are punished for their creativity instead of rewarded. Before she just didn't give a fuck about men's embarrassment. Now she won't give a fuck about school.

J.K. Rowling tweeted an apology for killing off your favorite character, because apparently she's still obsessed with 'Harry Potter.'

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Man, that J.K. Rowling just can't seem to let 'Harry Potter' go.

J.K. Rowling took to Twitter this weekend to apologize for killing off Fred Weasley (why couldn't it have been George??). She chose May 2 because it's the anniversary of the battle of Hogwarts, when Fred died, and she says she's going to apologize for a different death every year.

Of course, Rowling's apology isn't going to bring Fred back. Because he's fictional.

I wonder if when literary critic Roland Barthes declared the "Death of the Author" back in 1967, he imagined authors tweeting explanations and apologies long after their books were published. Should we try to separate literary works from their authors' Twitter accounts?

Somewhat Topical

Seasonal

Celebrate May the Fourth by watching nerds build the largest Millennium Falcon out of Legos.

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Feel like a child again while watching a grown man and his son play with Legos!

Using an estimated 250,000 small plastic bricks and 2 full Earth days, the father and son "Master Lego Builder" duo Dan and Chris Steininger built the biggest Millenium Falcon out of Legos.

They are two of the seven Master Lego Builders, and were flown from the United States to Melbourne, Australia to complete the task in front of fans. A Jedi could feel a great disturbance in the force, as if thousands of tiny blocks were just used for the geekiest thing.

It's a good thing they didn't build the world's largest Death Star or some nerdy bullies might have come by and blown it up as a joke.

Prince of naps.

This adorable 5-year-old Bruce Lee impersonator could probably kick your flabby butt.

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You are about to watch a 5-year-old impeccably reenact a Bruce Lee nunchaku scene.

5-year-old Ryuji Imai of Japan is more serious about perfecting his Bruce Lee moves than Jay-Z is about Tidal. Plus, he is absolutely adorable in his black and gold onesie. His nunchucks are kid-proofed, but I bet he will graduate to the real thing before you have time to redeem your nearly-expired kickboxing Groupon.

Check out Imai's Facebook page, that I assume was set up by his parents, although I wouldn't put it past this genius kid to have also mastered the lowly art of social media.

I will seriously consider having kids one day if they turn out anything like this one.


Here's the name of the only person in the world allowed to pull Prince George's hair.

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For a moment it seemed like they might not give her a name and just let her pick one later.

The fourth in line to the British throne is Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana.

I feel the same way I felt when the last Pope was chosen: it would be really exciting if I thought the title actually mattered. Congratulations to the only people on Earth whose baby photos everyone wants to see on social media.

This Punch-Out parody of the Mayweather vs. Pacquiao fight is way less boring than the actual fight.

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Though less racist than the original Punch-Out, this video is just as mean.

It seems like everyone who watched the fight on Saturday was confused about how boxing works. The boxers were supposed to eventually start fighting, right?

Noober Goober Gaming made a parody of the Mayweather/Pacquiao match that's for everyone: those nostalgic for 8-bit video games, and those nostalgic for the days when boxers actually punched each other.

I'd sooner watch Glass Joe get in the ring with Tyson for 15 seconds than watch Saturday's match again. Luckily, this video made me laugh it off!

Taylor Swift tells the world that she and Ed Sheeran tuck each other in at night via text.

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Don't text Taylor Swift weird stuff late at night because she takes screen shots of everything.






Never not rhyming with @teddysphotos
A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

Taylor Swift seems happy to share with the world that she and Ed Sheeran technologically tuck each other into bed with sweet text messages.

What came before and after this exchange, however, we may never know.

In my experience, if a girl has to text "go to bed" it usually means you took the conversation way too far already, and the only way to remain friends is to sober up, get some sleep, and apologize in the morning.

A lot of people will think the public post of this text exchange is sweet. On the surface, it is. But read between the lines for something more sinister. Taylor Swift is saying: Ed, if you send me anything weird, it will get seen by everyone. Everyone.

JK, JK. They're just friends.

A Kansas waitress refused to accept a tip from the governor, and suggested he do this with his money instead.

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While waiting on her governor, Chloe Hough saw a perfect opportunity to make her voice heard.


Bam.(via Facebook)

These days, a lot of working people feel like they have no voice in representative government. With private individuals and massive corporations funneling billions of dollars into political campaigns, opportunities for regular citizens to participate in the democratic process are dwindling. That's why people like Chloe Hough are role models for all of us. She saw the perfect opportunity to speak truth to power at the highest level and didn't back down. And it only cost her ten bucks.

Until Saturday, Hough was a waitress at Boss Hawg's Barbeque in Topeka, Kansas. With the slogan "Horrifying Vegetarians Since 1995," it was only a matter of time before Boss Hawg's was overrun with Republican politicians looking to savor some meat and rally their base. So it should have come as no surprise when Kansas Governor Sam Brownback and his family arrived for dinner.

Hough was surprised, however. And inspired. Everything had lined up for her to do something big. She was face-to-face with a politician whose policies she didn't appreciate. She had already quit working at Boss Hawg's, and was working her last ever shift. She didn't want to be spiteful, but knew she couldn't miss this chance. As she told KSNT, "I just knew I had to say something or I would regret it." Looking for ideas, she posted this to Facebook:


She got several suggestions, but ultimately decided not to verbally confront him in front of his family. Instead, she decided to make her statement silently, on the governor's credit card receipt. She drew an "X" through the tip line, and wrote a simple message: "Tip the schools." Then, she posted a photo of the receipt with the caption "MIC DROP," and it immediately went viral.

Hough's comment was no generic pro-education statement. Brownback has faced a lot of criticism lately for his approach to public schools. In March, he quietly signed into effect a new "block grant" approach to funding education. In theory it's a less complicated, more direct way for schools to apply for funds, but educators see it as a massive cut in financial support. Brownback received blowback from the overwhelming majority of Kansas teachers and administrators. Just today, two Kansas school districts announced they will be ending their school years early because of a budget shortage. As Hough told KSNT, “He and his followers are robbing Kansas of equal opportunity."


Chloe Hough, waitress/warrior.(via Facebook)

This is democracy in action. People like Chloe Hough will never be able to fund a Super PAC or pay for political ads, but they can still stand up for what's right. And when politicians keep slashing public education in favor of tax cuts for corporations, while at the same time more and more countries pass us by, that's pretty damn important. Plus, he probably would have been a lousy tipper. Because trickle-down doesn't work either.

Baby

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