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Robin Williams, the Monty Python members, Simon Pegg & Kate Beckinsale are all in a new movie.

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"Almost Anything" is a good title, because it could be about almost anything and I'd still go see it just for the cast.

Let's examine what's important about this movie: the late, great Robin Williams voices "Dennis the Dog." The not-late but no-longer-usually-doing-stuff Python crew of John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, and Michael Palin voice alien beings who imbue Simon Pegg with a power so great it can only be described as Bruce Almighty-esque. Kate Beckinsale, I'm told, also has charming qualities.

The disarming similarity to that Jim Carrey/Morgan Freeman film notwithstanding, I'm pretty pumped. I'll probably get emotional when I hear Williams' voice in the movies again. For a second. Then, hopefully, I'll laugh.


Watch people try to tell the difference between dog toys and sex toys.

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Finally, an amusing video that will help you avoid accidentally putting your dog's peanut-butter-filled Kong up your butt.

A hero at College Humor realized that a lot of dog toys and sex toys look the same, so he made his coworkers guess which were which, along with the help of a real dog and a real sex toy expert (none of those fake sex toy experts here!). Watch the video to play along and realize how many sex toys you'd totally give to your dog if no one told you otherwise. Really, this video is a public service.

If Game of Thrones took place entirely on Facebook — Season 5, Episode 4

This sped-up video of photo retouching shows you just how fake "perfect" is.

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Retouching studio RARE Digital Art released a video that shows you six hours of retouching in just 90 seconds.

We all know by now that fashion and beauty photos are faker than John Travola's accent in Killing Season (seriously, did you watch this trailer?). But do you know exactly how much retouching goes into just one image? Retouching studio RARE Digital Art released this video that condenses six hours of retouching on one image into just 90 seconds.

I had a couple of reactions watching this: One is that models also have a shit-ton of blackheads, and we should all stop trying to get our skin totally clear. Another was that there are so many little tweaks to "problems" that I never would have thought of. For example, at one point the artist smooths out the model's fingers and make them a little skinner, a move that mostly just reminds me of the witch trying to feel the fatness of Hansel's finger in "Hansel and Gretel."

RARE has some other videos of their retouching work as well, like this one that shows how they touch up and combine elements in larger scenes:

Workplace

This Amy Schumer sketch about access to birth control made me laugh, then made me sad.

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Amy Schumer makes a case for responsibly considering your birth control choices.

http://likescake.tumblr.com/post/117172623563

This sketch is so on point about how hard it can be to get access to birth control that I eventually stopped laughing and just sat there sadly reflecting on the world, even though I knew it was still funny. Then at the end that little kid got a gun and I laughed again.

Here are some of the people you should check with before deciding you want to have sex but not children, like some kind of hell-bound Jezebel:

Ask your boss (too real!)

Ask your boss to ask his priest.

Ask a boy scout!

How about a mailman's opinion on how you should be able to use your body?

I mean, he does work for the government, which is very good at regulating a woman's right to choose when she becomes a mother. Schumer doesn't ask any corporations, but she'll get to go through it again next month, so maybe then Hobby Lobby can let her know what they think.

Will Ferrell brought back one of his most beloved impressions on 'Letterman.'

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Will Ferrell crashed 'The Late Show' as the late Chicago Cubs announcer Harry Caray.

There are only two weeks left until David Letterman records his final episode of The Late Show. For these last episodes, Dave is pulling out all the stops, with a constant cavalcade of high-profile guests. President Obama, Steve Martin, and Alec Baldwin have all appeared recently, and Martin Short and Tina Fey are coming up later this week. But last night, there was a very special treat for fans of 90s SNL.

Will Ferrell made a surprise appearance in the audience, reprising his beloved impression of legendary Chicago Cubs announcer Harry Caray. The impression was massively popular when Ferrell originally did it on Weekend Update, and he did not disappoint last night. The audience ate it up like it was a hot dog.

If you're too young to remember the original sketch, here's a taste:

This honest "50 Shades of Grey" trailer makes us look like dummies for supporting the franchise.

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Re-watch the famous "50 Shades of Grey" trailer with honesty.

The makers of this honest trailer mostly seem pissed that they had to talk about this movie to begin with. They're sick of Twilight and they're sick of E. L. James and they're sick of how boring the sex stuff in 50 Shades actually is.

They are also honest enough to admit why someone might put up with Christian Grey's bullsh*t.

ABS:


I increased the sharpness so we can really see that cut.(screenshot via Screen Junkies)

HONESTLY, I don't know why people keep being shocked that the spending power of teen girls can completely alter the cultural landscape. Yes, Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey are stupid. Stupid like a fox. Both Stephenie Meyer and E. L. James tapped into what young girls want: to be special, chosen, cared for and shown a new world. Now, if only we could get some authors who know how to address those needs while also talking about what consent looks like! Maybe allow the young girls in their books to have some self-determination, hmm? Favorite author suggestions welcome.


J. K. Rowling's compassionate words helped a fan battling depression.

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A fan reached out to the "Harry Potter" author on Twitter, not expecting to hear back. But he did!


DON'T.(via Twitter)

Thank you, J. K. Rowling, for not only giving me hours of entertainment with your books, but also for talking openly about your own struggle with depression. There is such a stigma around mental health issues, and being depressed is a deeply isolating feeling. It's great that Twitter user Brocaesar reached out to someone like Rowling when he was feeling lost. On the list of celebrities to look to for a kind word, she's the tops.

Her response is beautiful:

And:

And:

Because:

Just a few tweets can really turn things around:

Yes! A story where human beings are truly amazing to one another with only the magic of the Internet. Would anyone be interested in developing a 7 book series and a movie franchise on this theme?

Nurses Week

These high school students helped their teacher surprise his girlfriend with a big question.

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Stop passing notes, stop eating in class, stop looking at your classmates' tests, and help me propose, darn it!

High schoolers are currently worried about finding a date for prom. But even with that stress going on in their lives, these students helped one teacher make sure he had a date - for life!

It's the only time outside of sports I've seen kids this organized to do anything (besides the Mission Impossible-level conspiracies to find alcohol at the aforementioned prom).

The plan: to jokingly convince Ms. Howorth that everyone in the room wants to propose with a Ring Pop. Then, after everyone has tried the joke, Mr. Holt enters and proposes (hopefully with a real ring, although a teacher's salary might only pay for a candy one).

Before the plan can go into action, though, Ms. Howorth says she's leaving to go live with Mr. Holt while he gets his PhD at Duke. If he already invited her there, aren't they already practically married? It bums the kids out a bit, but they also might be faking it to cover the plan. Kids are sneaky.

After a little awkward build up, the proposals start... and... well, you have to watch the video to find out how she responded (it's worth watching to the end even if you guessed.)

This thief got himself caught because he's a picky eater.

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Police arrested a man in Chicago who robbed a Subway and crossed the street to dine at Potbelly.


Frederick Warren likes sandwiches, but not just any sandwiches.
(Google Maps; Chicago Police Department via DNAinfo)

According to Chicago police, witnesses saw Fredrick Warren rob a Subway sandwich shop in Rogers Park at knifepoint. A Loyola University Police surveillance video showed Warren leaving Subway and entering Potbelly across the street. Officers found Warren in Potbelly, enjoying his meal directly funded by Subway's profits, and arrested him for armed robbery.

Perhaps Warren thinks Subway sandwiches are utterly disgusting and Potbelly are the tops, and he was re-fueling before robbing all the Subways in town. Maybe he secretly loves Subway and it was all an elaborate plan to make Subway jealous of his hot new meal piece, Potbelly. The most likely scenario is that Warren falls into the category of criminal whose overabundant confidence leads to their downfall.

This hungry criminal is really making me ponder the important life decision of what I'm getting for lunch today.

Nurses Week

'Price is Right' contestant in wheelchair reacts to treadmill prize like a champ.

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She's seems to have taken it in stride (I'm so sorry).

LA-based comedian Danielle Perez clearly has a sense of humor. She, like any other person who's ever been on The Price is Right, gets excited about whatever prize is revealed behind that moving wall.

In this instance, a treadmill appeared. Danielle probably won't get much use out of it because she is in a wheelchair. Still, when she wins the treadmill, there's not an awkward moment to be found in this clip. There's just the pure joy of having won on The Price is Right.

Danielle told Complex the whole experience of being on the show was exciting and positive. When the treadmill was revealed, she said, "you could feel the audience go, 'Wait a minute, that is not appropriate.' But it was so funny."

Danielle said the moment will definitely make it into her act. "Remember that time I was on The Price is Right and won a treadmill?" she said, "Yeah, my children are gonna hear that. My grandchildren are gonna hear that."

Even when others were concerned the moment was "wrong," Danielle seems to think it was all in fun.

Follow her on Twitter!

Article 27


This mom's "special instructions" on her Pizza Hut order saved her life.

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A Tampa mother who was being held hostage with her children used the Pizza Hut app to call for help.

This is one of the most bizarre stories we've seen in a while. Cheryl Treadway is a mother of three from Highlands County, Florida. On Monday, she got into an argument with her boyfriend, Ethan Nickerson, which escalated until Nickerson was threatening her with a knife. The two argued all day, and when Treadway attempted to leave and pick up her children from school, Nickerson grabbed her. He took her cell phone and wouldn't let her leave unless he accompanied her.

Back at home, Nickerson continued to deny her access to her phone or computer, preventing her from contacting anyone. Treadway feared for herself and her children, and had become a hostage in her own home. Out of desperation, she hit on an idea. She was able to convince Nickerson to let her have her phone back just long enough to boot up the Pizza Hut app and order a pizza. He was watching, so she couldn't call or text for help, and she knew he would take the phone back as soon as the order was placed. So she placed it.

Treadway ordered a small hand-tossed pizza with pepperoni, but before she submitted it, she wrote a plea for help in the comments section. The workers at Pizza Hut were shocked when they saw it:


Pizza Hut employee training doesn't cover this.(via YouTube)

Store manager Candy Hamilton told Good Morning America, "I've been with the company for 28 years and I've never seen nothing like that come through." She and her coworkers immediately jumped into action, calling 911. Police were dispatched to the house, where Treadway met them on the lawn holding her baby, and explained the situation. Nickerson, for his part, locked himself inside with the two other children and didn't want to come out. Lieutenant Curtis Ludden told WFLA: “His first words were, of course, 'I'm not coming out because I know I'm going to jail.'"

After 20 minutes, police were able to convince Nickerson to come out peacefully. The children were taken to safety, and he was arrested. He's now facing multiple felony charges including aggravated assault with a weapon without intent to kill, false imprisonment, battery, and obstruction of justice. Police believe he may have been high on meth at the time of arrest.


Ethan Nickerson, brought down by pizza.(via Open Pasts)

Even though everything worked out, this is still a chilling story. Knowing the Internet, I'm sure people will attack Treadway for becoming involved with an abusive psycho like Nickerson and putting her children in danger, but the truth is that it happens to people every day. One day, your significant other seems like the best thing that's ever happened to you. Then the warning signs of abusive or unstable behavior appear so gradually that you don't realize you're in trouble until they've penetrated every aspect of your life, and you're too scared to act. That's the abuser's M.O.

So don't be too hard on Cheryl Treadway. It could have been you resorting to a pizza app to save your kids. And for the record, she did save them. She's a hero.

Nurses Week

Nurses Week

Pole dancing is redefined in The Chemical Brother's new music video "Go."

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Michel Gondry directed The Chemical Brothers video "Go," starring only 7 women and 2 poles, and the result is mesmerizing.

It's synchronized swimming on land! It's the Rockettes in space! It's robot-feminist pole-dancing! This video looks like it takes place in the future, the past, and another dimension, and that's because it's a visual realization of director Michel Gondry's strange, beautiful subconscious.

The subtle, pole-infused dance moves paired with the song's catchy beats are the perfect answer to both twerking and the inescapability of EDM. The video's originality will surely inspire knock-offs and parody videos, both of which I'd love to watch.

The Chemical Brothers' new album 'Born In The Echoes' is set to be released July 17th, and if the rest of the album is like 'Go' it's gonna be great. Also I am getting myself this exact outfit.

This Week in GOOP: Gwyneth's newsletter tells you what to buy for Mother's Day.

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Welcome to This Week in GOOP, where entire books are devoted to the wrongness of Gwyneth Paltrow.

With Mother's Day fast approaching, this week was all about moms – so GOOP interviewed Helen Hunt, who wrote, directed, and stars in Ride, a new movie about an overbearing mom. I mention this primarily because I want to point out that in the film (which looks pretty good, by the way), Hunt's romantic interest is played by Luke Wilson, who's eight years her junior. Gasp!

This is a refreshing change from the typical Hollywood formula of casting a woman and then getting a dude her father's age to play her boyfriend – or of casting women to play mothers when their movie “children" are just a few years younger than they are. To wit: Sally Field is only 10 years older than Tom Hanks (her son in Forrest Gump), and Laura Dern is a mere nine years older than Reese Witherspoon (her daughter in Wild).

Either those were some seriously hillbilly-young mamas or casting directors need to adjust their perceptions.

Okay! Now that we've solved gender inequity in film, let's get to the Mother's Day Gift Guide.

After paying the usual lip-service to “no really, it's the thought that counts" (haha, how droll) we jump right into the merch. For example, what mom wouldn't enjoy flowers ($40-$70), a fragrant candle ($40) or some soothing tea ($5/box)?

But if that's all too pedestrian for you, Gwynnie also offers up “A Bedtime Ritual" collection consisting of an $18 sleep mask, $90 body oil and pajamas she describes as “cute, comfy, and a little luxurious." Assuming you think “a little luxurious" means a $216 set of PJs ($158 for the top and $58 for the bottoms).

I checked and they aren't made of real flower petals or butterfly wings or kitten fur or anything. Disappointing.


There's also a Cheese of the Month Club (about $65/mo) because, as Gwynnie puts it, Nothing says “I love you" like a hunk of stinky Camembert. She's not wrong about this, by the way.


And hey, wouldn't you like to give your mom a “tight butt"? Now you can!


All you need is a wildly overpriced ($80/mo) streaming membership from the wildly overhyped Tracy Anderson – sorry, but anyone who says women should never lift weights heavier than three pounds is a fucking hack in my book – plus some $100 sneaks and a $120 pair of leggings.

Oh, and this $75 bra that wouldn't keep two hard-boiled eggs from bouncing around, let alone a pair of human female breasts.


And finally, from the Moms the Word gift guide (which makes me twitch because I'm pretty sure it should be Mom's the Word), we have an assortment of pricey sweaters, jeans, shoes and accessories.

Including this $1050 Phillip Lim bucket bag.

While not as interesting as the $1900 "needs more cowbell" bag I showed you a couple weeks ago, this one looks bigger and heavier. Toss a few essentials in and it might even weigh three pounds – so you can use it for your Tracy Anderson workouts, too!

Don't forget: It's the thought that counts.

As always, Gwynnie, we're not worthy.

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