FYI, Labor Day is generally the termination date for all my air conditioning-based sexual relationships.

September 2, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Having Monday off is a great opportunity to hate Tuesday.

≪ Previous: Thanks to the catastrophic greenhouse effect, Labor Day no longer signifies the end of summer.

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Having Monday off is a great opportunity to hate Tuesday.

September 3, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Welcome back from the vacation I didn't realize you went on.

≪ Previous: FYI, Labor Day is generally the termination date for all my air conditioning-based sexual relationships.

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Welcome back from the vacation I didn't realize you went on.

September 3, 2013, 7:31 am

≫ Next: There's no one I'd rather conspire with against our mutual friends than you.

≪ Previous: Having Monday off is a great opportunity to hate Tuesday.

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There's no one I'd rather conspire with against our mutual friends than you.

September 3, 2013, 8:01 am

≫ Next: Sorry the casting of Fifty Shades of Grey has caused you to completely revamp your masturbation fantasies.

≪ Previous: Welcome back from the vacation I didn't realize you went on.

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Sorry the casting of Fifty Shades of Grey has caused you to completely revamp your masturbation fantasies.

September 3, 2013, 8:32 am

≫ Next: Best of luck not ruining the holiday with your awkward binge drinking of Manischewitz.

≪ Previous: There's no one I'd rather conspire with against our mutual friends than you.

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Best of luck not ruining the holiday with your awkward binge drinking of Manischewitz.

September 3, 2013, 9:29 am

≫ Next: Let's celebrate a strangely upbeat Jewish holiday.

≪ Previous: Sorry the casting of Fifty Shades of Grey has caused you to completely revamp your masturbation fantasies.

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Let's celebrate a strangely upbeat Jewish holiday.

September 3, 2013, 9:42 am

≫ Next: I wish our sex life was as passionate as your reaction to the casting news about Fifty Shades of Grey.

≪ Previous: Best of luck not ruining the holiday with your awkward binge drinking of Manischewitz.

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I wish our sex life was as passionate as your reaction to the casting news about Fifty Shades of Grey.

September 3, 2013, 10:10 am

≫ Next: Let's spend the next few hours recklessly gaining back all the weight we lost this summer.

≪ Previous: Let's celebrate a strangely upbeat Jewish holiday.

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Let's spend the next few hours recklessly gaining back all the weight we lost this summer.

September 3, 2013, 10:27 am

≫ Next: Mom, I hope having a happy Rosh Hashanah will help offset your disappointment over the Fifty Shades of Grey casting.

≪ Previous: I wish our sex life was as passionate as your reaction to the casting news about Fifty Shades of Grey.

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Mom, I hope having a happy Rosh Hashanah will help offset your disappointment over the Fifty Shades of Grey casting.

September 3, 2013, 10:46 am

≫ Next: Sauvignon Blanc pairs nicely with freshly grilled halibut, but pairing it with leftover tater tots is also acceptable in my house.

≪ Previous: Let's spend the next few hours recklessly gaining back all the weight we lost this summer.

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Sauvignon Blanc pairs nicely with freshly grilled halibut, but pairing it with leftover tater tots is also acceptable in my house.

September 3, 2013, 12:01 pm

≫ Next: I'm excited to have only four days to hear about your three-day weekend.

≪ Previous: Mom, I hope having a happy Rosh Hashanah will help offset your disappointment over the Fifty Shades of Grey casting.

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I'm excited to have only four days to hear about your three-day weekend.

September 3, 2013, 12:13 pm

≫ Next: I hope the Jewish New Year doesn't remind you of the resolutions you've been flailing at for eight months.

≪ Previous: Sauvignon Blanc pairs nicely with freshly grilled halibut, but pairing it with leftover tater tots is also acceptable in my house.

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I hope the Jewish New Year doesn't remind you of the resolutions you've been flailing at for eight months.

September 3, 2013, 12:36 pm

≫ Next: Happy Rosh Hashanah from one guilt-ridden, non-practicing Jew to another.

≪ Previous: I'm excited to have only four days to hear about your three-day weekend.

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Happy Rosh Hashanah from one guilt-ridden, non-practicing Jew to another.

September 3, 2013, 1:03 pm

≫ Next: Sorry you chose academic reputation over legendary partying.

≪ Previous: I hope the Jewish New Year doesn't remind you of the resolutions you've been flailing at for eight months.

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Sorry you chose academic reputation over legendary partying.

September 3, 2013, 2:01 pm

≫ Next: We're concerned about your lack of bullshit classes.

≪ Previous: Happy Rosh Hashanah from one guilt-ridden, non-practicing Jew to another.

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We're concerned about your lack of bullshit classes.

September 3, 2013, 4:55 pm

≫ Next: You had me at your correct pronunciation and spelling of Rosh Hashanah.

≪ Previous: Sorry you chose academic reputation over legendary partying.

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You had me at your correct pronunciation and spelling of Rosh Hashanah.

September 4, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: I truly feel like we're the Chosen People when our holidays fall on a weekday.

≪ Previous: We're concerned about your lack of bullshit classes.

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I truly feel like we're the Chosen People when our holidays fall on a weekday.

September 4, 2013, 7:44 am

≫ Next: It's nice to know you've always got my back unless you're stabbing me in it.

≪ Previous: You had me at your correct pronunciation and spelling of Rosh Hashanah.

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It's nice to know you've always got my back unless you're stabbing me in it.

September 4, 2013, 8:01 am

≫ Next: I hope the colder weather won't deter you from continuing to wear slutty summer dresses to the office.

≪ Previous: I truly feel like we're the Chosen People when our holidays fall on a weekday.

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I hope the colder weather won't deter you from continuing to wear slutty summer dresses to the office.

September 4, 2013, 8:33 am

≫ Next: The only reason I'd ever move to L.A. is to get away from conversations about the weather changing.

≪ Previous: It's nice to know you've always got my back unless you're stabbing me in it.

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