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Here's a list of things you should feel free to do now that the Patriot Act has expired.

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The Patriot Act expired last night and the NSA's bulk metadata collection has been shut down. Let the party begin.

Send all the sexts your little heart desires. (via Thinkstock)

Thanks to the inefficiency of Congress, the controversial set of anti-terrorism laws that allowed the NSA to collect data and get roving wiretaps are no longer valid. You know what that means, right? It's time to send a bunch of texts that you know the government won't ever read. Here are some ideas for how to really take advantage of this situation.

1. Send naked selfies. Have you always wanted to show a special someone that you really care, but didn't want the NSA to intercept the message? Your time has come. The government is officially no longer able to enjoy your tasteful nudes, send as many as you like! Just remember not to save them to the cloud.

2. Text your ex and delete the message. Do you miss your ex? Did you have too much wine while watching Game of Thrones last night? Not to worry! Go ahead and send a bevy of wistful texts to your ex, because when you wake up hungover in the morning and delete the message it is deleted FOR GOOD. It's not stored on a server somewhere waiting to be read by a government agent. I just wish deleting a text also deleted it from the other person's phone.

3. Use your phone to make a phone call. That's why nobody makes calls anymore, right? Because we know the government is listening? Just kidding, I know it's because everyone would rather the ease of emotionless texts, instead of actually hearing a human voice. However, phone calls are pretty great, now that the NSA isn't tapping your phone. Once you hang up there's no record of the conversation! It's another way to do something you regret and pretend it never happened.

4. Send texts about politics without having a panic attack. Do you like to keep up with the news, but are afraid that sending your BFF a joke containing the letters ISIS will land you on a waterboard? As of last night, you can send all the political quips your heart desires, without the sinking feeling that men in suits are about to knock on your door.

5. Realize the government is probably still collecting data. Sorry, everybody, but I have a feeling the government always has and always will be spying on us, with or without our knowledge. So just live your life and send sexts and make mistakes and remember to call your parents, they want to hear from you.


I cried watching Tracy Morgan give his first interview since his nearly fatal car accident one year ago.

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Tracy Morgan's interview is full of emotional honesty and it hurts.

Tracy Morgan is someone we're used to seeing in a comedy context. Whether you think he's hilarious or not, you've definitely never seen him like this. I watched the whole interview tearing up whenever he did. First it was over the death of fellow comedian James McNair, who was killed in the crash that's kept Morgan recuperating for the last year. He says, "Bones heal. But the loss of my friend will never heal."


Tracy last remembered seeing McNair in the wings during that final show.(screenshot via TODAY)

Morgan also became very emotional when he spoke about the difficult recovery he faced when he first came out of his coma, and the support of nurses and doctors at his hospital. He talked about a Nurse Jackie who was patient with him when he was angry and frustrated and in pain. She kept telling him it would be okay and he describes visiting the hospital and seeing her again.

Tracy faced physical devastation and the loss of a friend, yet he has no memory of the event itself. He describes watching YouTube footage of the crash over and over during his first few weeks at home and eventually finding a clip of McNair's funeral.

Host Matt Lauer asks Morgan what his goals are and if he'd like to get back to performing. He answers:

"I love comedy. I love comedy. I'll never stop loving her. I love comedy and I can't wait to get back to her, but right now my goal is just to heal and get better. Cause I'm not 100% yet. I'm not. And when I'm there–you'll know it. I'll get back to making you laugh. I promise you."

We're looking forward to it, Mr. Morgan, and wishing you a speedy recovery. Now I have to go sob in the bathroom, because we have an open office floor plan.

True friend.

The FIFA official who defended himself by quoting The Onion is the best part of the FIFA scandal.

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A top FIFA official quoting an 'Onion' story is the push America needs to finally pay attention to professional soccer.


Hot off the printer that's sitting right behind him.(via YouTube)

The recent FIFA scandal is the most interested the US has ever been in soccer. Fifteen FIFA officials were arrested for corruption charges for receiving over $150 million in bribes. One of the men indicted was Jack Warner, the former VP of FIFA. Warner released a video defending himself against the charges, and he made a classic social-media-rookie move: citing an Onion story. At this point, the satirical news site is probably more famous for being quoted as fact than it is for being humorous.

Warner quoted the article titled "FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States" as a reference that the corruption charges are part of a conspiracy. The fake article is about FIFA allowing the World Cup to occur in America, with only one day to plan the entire event. The fact that Warner thought this story was real makes me question how much he knows about FIFA, or even the world in general. The real question is, how can someone this out of touch be involved in a multi-million dollar bribe scandal?

Jack Warner has since deleted the video and uploaded one without the unfortunate 'news' reference, but not before Robert Mackey of The New York Times made a copy of the original. Since it's long, here's the part where Warner holds up a print-out of the article from The Onion.

If you want to learn about the FIFA scandal, here's a quick video about the current charges along with all the other awful things they've been accused of in the past.

These breastfeeding moms were told to cover themselves, so they did it in the snarkiest way.

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The women behind the Breastfeeding Mama Talk Facebook page had a sarcastic response to an offensive sign.


If you have no choice but to not let your baby starve, at least hide in shame.
(via Breastfeeding Mama Talk)

For mothers of young children, being shamed for breastfeeding is a common nuisance. There's something about seeing a baby being fed from a naked breast in public that turns ordinary men and women into raving Puritans, desperate to hide it from their tender eyes. Most moms learn to shrug these instances off, but the organizers of the Breastfeeding Mama Talk Facebook page had a better idea. They found a sign some prude posted, saying "IF YOU NEED TO BREAST FEED, PLEASE COVER YOURSELF. THANK YOU." Then they decided to have some fun with it.

They posted this picture of mothers breastfeeding while hiding their faces, accompanying it with the hashtag #ThisIsHowWeCoverBFMT. They encouraged followers of their page to take part, and the campaign quickly went viral. It turns out that a lot of moms were all too happy to stick it to the boob-bullies. They got pretty creative with it, too.

It's great to see moms sticking up for themselves and spreading the word about the hypocrisy of this kind of behavior. Maybe next time some jerk wants to put up another obnoxious anti-breastfeeding sign, they'll remember that they used to be a baby. And that they still are.

Baby

This guy invented the world's largest functioning whoopee cushion. His cat had the perfect reaction.

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Watch a man's ego get completely deflated by his pet.

I. LOVE. THIS. CAT. Thank you cat, for giving expression to my feelings. All the petty, annoying bullsh*t I face from day to day is bearable when I think about this goofy cat. You give me strength.


<3 Serving face, table 12. <3

This cat's face asks all the questions: "Why? Why would you make a whoopee cushion? Why are you jumping on it and spewing fart noises into my face? How long is this going to go on? When's dinner?"

This cat's face has all the answers, too: "Idiot."

There's a new member of the Jenner family and she's looking pretty fly.

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Bruce Jenner has completely transitioned into Caitlyn Jenner, revealing herself on the cover of Vanity Fair today. She looks incredible.


When Caitlyn was still using the pronoun 'he.'(via ABC News)

It's very brave to be honest and open about who you are, but I may be most impressed by Caitlyn Jenner restraining herself from spelling her new name with a 'k.' There's been so much teasing about former Olympian Bruce Jenner's gender transition that I didn't expect to see the reveal for her new look for another 4 or 5 seasons of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. There was even an interview that preceded this coming Vanity Fair interview:

Now, to be clear, I don't particularly respect the Kardashians or their franchise. I do, however, respect people's gender identities. I will also admit when someone is looking hawt. So, Caitlyn, I tip my hat to you.

Here she is:


Damn, gurl.(via Vanity Fair)

If you're a cisgender, meaning you identify with the gender assigned to you at birth, it might be hard to imagine why someone would ever feel compelled to go through such a huge transition. This quote from Caitlyn Jenner's upcoming interview might offer some perspective:

“If I was lying on my deathbed and I had kept this secret and never ever did anything about it, I would be lying there saying, 'You just blew your entire life.' ”

That seems pretty important to me. There are more tidbits about Jenner's journey along with footage of her VF shoot with Annie Liebovitz, if you want to see what other high fashion ensembles we can expect:


Finally, BDSM for men: E.L. James re-wrote "50 Shades of Grey" from the dude's point of view.

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'50 Shades of Grey,' the book trilogy about a billionaire and some lady who do sex to each other while whipping each other with chains is getting a fourth entry. Because the author is just rewriting the first one.

The first three 50 Shades books have been a publishing phenomenon, in part, experts say, because they were told from the point of view of a woman.

No matter. Author E.L. James just announced via Instagram, that hallowed literary channel of scribes and poets, that she's re-written the first book, 50 Shades of Grey, told not from the POV of Anastasia Steele, but from that of sex-crazed violent sadistic baron of industry Christian Grey.


So, American Psycho, then? (Via Instagram)

GREY is coming out really, really soon. As in June 18th—it doesn't take long to write a book if you've already written that book. James says that the release date is Christian Grey's birthday, but more importantly, this means it'll be out just in time to get one for your dad for Father's Day.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - June 1, 2015

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1. Tracy Morgan Is Back (Kind Of)!

Tracy Morgan made his first public appearance this morning on NBC's Today show since his near-fatal car accident last June. "Bones heal, but the loss of my friend will never heal," the comedian told Matt Lauer, referring to fellow comedian Jimmy Mack, who died when a Walmart truck collided into Morgan's tour bus. "I love comedy. I'll never stop loving her. I love comedy and I can't wait to get back to her, but right now my goal is just to heal and get better because I'm not 100 percent yet, I'm not," he explained later in the interview. "And when I'm there, you'll know it. I'll get back to making you laugh. I promise you."



2. Kim & Kanye To Sire Another Child, A Billion 'South West' Jokes

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have announced that they are expecting their second child in the coming months. The Internet has responded to the news with a deluge of baby name jokes. This is the only one that you need to read, though:


3. Caitlyn Jenner Is An Inspiration To Transgender People With First Rate Stylists Everywhere

The former Olympic athlete and current reality star formerly known as Bruce Jenner makes her premier appearance as a Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of the July issue of Vanity Fair. The issue's photo spread, taken by legendary celebrity photographer Annie Leibowitz, seem destined to stir up a lot of controversy with culture warriors and confusion with people who don't think they could find 65-year-old transgender people attractive.


4. Millennials, Gods Don't Believe In Each Other

According to a new survey from the Pew Research Center, Millennials appear to be the least religious generation in more than half a century. "There is just so much negative press about a lot of issues, especially when we look at issues like homosexuality," Professor Leslie Long of Oklahoma City University told USA Today. "Often the church comes across very negative, and what we know about this generation is that's not as big an issue to them as it was to their parents." The feeling seems to be mutual. Considering how bleak the job market has been for this generation, it seems that they're not such a big issue for God either.



5. 'Game Of Thrones' Returns To Its Roots Of Being Awesome Instead Of Depressing

Last night's episode of Game of Thrones is being called the best of the season, and possibly the best of series so far, featuring what is certainly one the most epic and engrossing mass battle scenes in television history. On top of that, nobody got raped, and we didn't have to spend any time in Dorne. All in all, a vast improvement over the past few episodes.

Article 7

Here are the types of questions people asked librarians before Google existed.

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Thanks to technology, you never have to look this stupid in front of a librarian.





Before you could answer any question with a 2-second Google search, you had to take your queries to your local librarian. The New York Public Library has a vast collection of cards featuring handwritten questions from curious New Yorkers dating back to the 1940s.










"Please give me the name of a book that dramatizes bedbugs?" #letmelibrarianthatforyou
A photo posted by The New York Public Library (@nypl) on













Some of the cards feature exchanges between the curious and the librarian trying to help them. Of course, this being New York City's public library, the tone can get a bit snippy.







A thought provoking question on this second day of Women's History Month: "[Question] 'What country has the highest number of honorable women?' [Answer] 'Well, it's a matter of definition, isn't it?'" #letmelibrarianthatforyou
A photo posted by The New York Public Library (@nypl) on

















And some questions are just strange.










Who indeed? "Who built the English Channel? 2/16/66." #letmelibrarianthatforyou
A photo posted by The New York Public Library (@nypl) on










There are a lot more questions from the NYPL and more on Instagram under the hashtag #letmelibrarianthatforyou.

Article 5

Rihanna had a message for her haters last night. Actually, her dress did.

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Rihanna has something important to say. Via her outfit.

Last night she went out in New York wearing a sequin gown that announced "You will never own me" on the front and "Will never fear you" on the back.

Both are great points. And were also implied by the dress she wore to this year's Met Gala, which famously and awesomely looked like a pizza.

#metgala2015 wearing a coat handmade by Chinese couturier @guopeiofficial

A photo posted by badgalriri (@badgalriri) on

Now that's my kind of me(a)t ball (@gwnjuniversity)

A photo posted by Claudia O (@girlwithnojob) on

It's pretty badass to wear something that boldly proclaims how you feel. I think I need some red carpet pajamas with 2,000 words on why RiRi inspires me.

Article 3


Angry dad takes to Facebook to shame his fellow parents into better behavior.

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When his children make mistakes, this dad embarrasses them publicly—by hugging and reassuring them.

It's time for me to discipline my kid the tough way! Why? I don't play that!

Posted by Wayman Gresham on Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Wayman Gresham has seen his fair share of kid-shaming videos on Facebook. There are all sorts of varieties of these public shamings. Kids who act up get scolded on camera, are forced into tearful apologies, and some even get their hair cut clean off. Gresham decided to make his own version, to shame the parents that make these videos instead of the tearful kids who are on-screen. In this video, Gresham shares his thoughts on what makes good parenting.

“There's no way in the world I would ever embarrass my son like that. It doesn't take all of that. Good parenting starts before he even gets to the point of being out of control. … Good parenting is letting your child know that you love them regardless of what they are and who they are and showing them the way by example."

Gresham also objects to the profanity and insults often heard in these kid shaming videos. As a regular internet browser and former child, I always feel for the kids in these viral shaming festivals. I always felt like crap whenever I really messed up, but if any of my crying fits were seen by millions, I don't know how I would have ever handled that.

My son Isaiah stands proudly with his coach for a photo op!

Posted by Wayman Gresham on Saturday, February 16, 2013

Facebook might be a great way to stay in contact with family, friends, and weirdos you met at a bar in Indianapolis once. However, if your children frustrate you, don't turn them into sobbing messes in front of the whole world. And don't do those Kimmel pranks where you steal their candy and toys and tape them crying. That's just plain messed, y'all.

These balls could save your life.

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I can't stress enough how useful these colorful fake scrotums are.

Please, before you do anything, watch the above video about illuminated nutz.

Thank you. It's because of concerned citizens like you that we will one day not have to live in fear of biking at night on bikes that do not feature light-up fake nutsacks.

It's because of caring folks like you that the folks at Bike Balls met their Kickstarter goal -- and then some. In less than a month, Bike Balls was given over $57,000. That's nearly $50,000 over what they asked for, a full nine days before time was up on their Kickstarter campaign.

The world needs Bike Balls, and the world will get Bike Balls.

If you'd like a set yourself (as I'm sure you do), they're only $20.

As the founders of Bike Balls put it: "that's only $10 per ball! The reactions you will get = priceless."

High school sends out dress code for graduation warning girls not to be too fat for the dress.

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Someone on the faculty at this high school should have known this dress code policy would end up on Facebook.

Offensive dress code letter of the day. Because tomorrow there'll be a new one.
(via Facebook/Bri Burtop)

It looks like we've got another one to file under archaic/sexist/shamingdress codes. The letter pictured above was handed out to students at Biglerville High School in Pennsylvania, and describes the dress code policy for the graduation ceremony. Brianna Burtop posted the letter on Facebook with the caption, "I didn't know it was okay to insult your female students. Weight shouldn't be used for comedic relief."

The young men at Biglerville are told to "make your choices wisely" and "PULL YOUR PANTS UP." The instructions for women have a different tone. They're told the following:

"No bellies showing, keep 'the girls' covered and supported, and make sure that nothing is so small that all your bits and pieces are hanging out. Please remember as you select an outfit for the ceremony that we don't want to be looking at "sausage rolls" ... As you get dressed remember that you can't put 10 pounds of mud in a five-pound sack."

All men need is a push in the right direction to dress themselves, but women need to be body-shamed, slut-shamed and reminded of how simple math works. Nothing makes someone feel like a piece of meat more than having your body referred to as a type of meat. I mean, forget graduating high school, all these girls want to do is distract everyone with their sexy unsupported lady bits and show the world their underwear!

After a huge outrage on Facebook and lots of media attention, the school responded with a press release:


When apologizing, remember to blame someone else.(via Upper Adams School District)

The press release from Upper Adams School District said the document was "written years ago," meaning they've been handing out this piece of sexist garbage for years. Also, they add in this cool piece of blame shifting: "the author of the original document has since retired." Just to make sure nobody on the current faculty gets canned.

These types of stories have been surfacing a lot lately. Hopefully, the positive support on social media shows we're on the right track to change dress code rules. Also, you can always fight back!


The definitive guide for young women trying to observe school dress codes.

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Pursuing an education? Here's what you should wear if you don't want to be sent home.


"What item of clothing will allow me to finish high school?"(via Thinkstock)

Lately, school dress codes have been attracting a lot of criticism. The criticism suggests dress codes are sexist and that they unfairly target women and girls with body-shaming double standards. People on the other side of the argument say, "Hey, rules are rules." The rules given to children about how they can or cannot show their bodies are basically holy scripture, and aren't for us to question or change no matter how archaic they become.

They add, it's important to teach a girl modesty. If she doesn't learn to be ashamed of her body as a wee babe, she'll show up to her first day on the job, fresh out of college, wearing nothing but pasties and a smile!

Who can say who is right?

Until we figure it out, here are simple suggestions for a human woman with a body attempting to get through her mandatory schooling. The codes may not change anytime soon, but at least these tips might keep you from being paraded around in a shame suit*.


*Shame suit sample, one size fits all. Women only.(via ABC News)

1. Be careful about having breasts.


Brittany Minder was sent home from her prom for having breasts. Don't let this happen to you!
(via Komo News 4)

This is a tough one. Breasts are the most obvious of the secondary sex characteristics that separate men and women. Since boys have been told over and over again that women's bodies are sexual objects that they should respond to with disrespect, any glimpse of a breast's top or side could start a sex riot. One way for a girl with a large chest to take responsibility for the behavior of every man around her is to wear really baggy, sexless clothing all her life.

2. Don't wear pants.


Don't confuse men who think women are mermaids, like Shafer Rupert here did.
(via Huffington Post)

So many women just casually wear pants without considering how it might make someone look at your crotch and think about whether or not you have a penis. If they decide you probably don't, the next step is thinking about your vagina and then BOOM, you're being provocative. Even if it's not "sexy," per se, it is challenging gender norms. Ladies, to avoid confusing people about your gender, just wear a skirt.

3. Don't wear a short skirt.


Miranda Larkin was put in the shame suit above for this little number that showed her WHOLE KNEE.
(via ABC News)

A good measure for how long a skirt should be is where your fingertips reach. If you're fingertips can reach into your closet to pick out the skirt you want to wear, it's fine. Just kidding! Skirts also make people think about your vagina. If your legs are visible they must go all the way up, right? And what's up there? So hide your legs.

4. Don't wear a long skirt.

In France, a young Muslim woman was sent home from school for wearing a skirt that was considered too long. Okay. In this case, the girl was accused of bringing religion into her secular school with the length of her skirt. If a skirt is long, it's because the girl is being modest (religion). Being modest about showing her legs. Now you're thinking about her legs. That go all the way up. To a vagina. DAMMIT.

5. Don't reveal you have shoulders.


Though only five-years-old, Ms. Rouner's shoulders were deemed too provocative by the administration, and she was forced to change.(via Houston Press)

Shoulders are unexpectedly inflammatory. Most women probably see their shoulders as the things connecting their arms to their body, but did you know they're basically "come-sex-me" flags, undulating with every shrug?

6. DO NOT admit you have an upper back.


17-year-old Laura Wiggins wrote a very critical letter after being sent home for revealing almost a third of her upper back to her classmates.(via Facebook)

This older girl was sent home for showing off her f*ck wings. This is a double whammy, because her look includes bra straps (see tip #1).

7. Armpits are a no-no.


"Ticket to the 'gun show?' More like ticket to the 'whore show!'" –The administration at Ida Baker High School, probably. (via WINK)

This teen, Cameron Boland, was stripped of her elected title at the National Honor Society for revealing her joints to all and sundry. She offered to go through the ceremony again wearing a jacket, but her armpits were already out there. People don't forget this kind of imagery.

8. If you dye your hair, you are going straight to hell.


Just ask Savannah Keesee about her Satan's locks.(via Fox 2 Now)

Okay, that might be an exaggeration. This is the body modification section, so we really wanted to drive home the importance of how making any deliberate changes to your appearance WILL make you a target. Everyone else on this list was just existing in the universe with the body they have, but once you try to have fun with your looks, all bets are off.

9. Don't assume clothing appropriate to the occasion is appropriate.


The swimsuit is to be worn under your regular clothes.(via Babble)

One of your biggest challenges is figuring out how to dress for past times that have a very practical type of clothing specifically designed for them. It may seem like you should be able to wear the woman's equivalent of what a man would wear to the same event, but that is simply not true. To take a pool party as an example, boys' shoulders, bellies, legs and backs could never inspire sexual thoughts and feelings in girls their own age, so they're "safe" to be seen. As a girl, your belly button is a portal to sin.

10. DO grow up.


Some helpful directives for how not to look fat and to keep your family from looking up your skirt during one of the most important ceremonies in your education thus far.
(via Facebook)

This helpful pamphlet handed out to the graduating class of Biglerville High School in Pennsylvania reads:

"No bellies showing, keep 'the girls' covered and supported, and make sure that nothing is so small that all your bits and pieces are hanging out. Please remember as you select an outfit for the ceremony that we don't want to be looking at "sausage rolls" ... As you get dressed remember that you can't put 10 pounds of mud in a five-pound sack."

One day when you're a successful adult woman, with notions of your body's objective value beaten into you, you'll have some measure of freedom for how you can dress. Meanwhile, keep your head down and get through school, no matter what. Remember: the world wants you to succeed!

There you have it, girls. To avoid criticism and potential expulsion from the place you're learning to read and write, follow the simple guidelines above. Ultimately, people will only respect your body if they don't know it's there.

5 people having a worse Monday than you.

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5. Dustin Diamond, because he was convicted of stabbing someone.


Sentenced to a lifetime of being called "Screech."(Getty)

There are some unfortunate realities to being a former child star. One is that you can't go anywhere in public without being harassed by obnoxious gawkers, and the other is that you can't get away with stabbing those gawkers when they bug you. It's a lose-lose!

Dustin Diamond, most (only) famous for playing Screech on Saved by the Bell, was convicted of two misdemeanor charges in his trial for stabbing a man in a bar fight. On Christmas Day last year, Diamond and his fiancée Amanda Schultz were in a Wisconsin bar when patrons started badgering him for autographs. Witnesses say that Schultz pushed a woman and grabbed another, at which point she was punched in the face. Zack Morris would have just stopped time and gotten out of there, but Screech never had that power. So Diamond did what he could: he whipped out a pocketknife and began waving it around to scare off the crowd. After police were called and broke up the fight, one of the crowd members – 25-year-old Casey Smet – realized he had been cut.

Although Diamond was acquitted on the most serious felony charge, his misdemeanor convictions could land him in jail for the better part of a year. He has yet to be sentenced, but there's no chance he'll get off scot-free. And no bell's going to save him this time.

4. Kim Kardashian, because her pregnancy was totally upstaged by Caitlyn Jenner.

If there's one thing the Kardashians can't keep up with each other on, it's media attention. Usually, Kim is at the top of the heap, but with all the buzz over her stepfather Bruce Jenner's transgender bombshell recently, her position has become less secure. And today, with both of them dropping major announcements, it's the perfect opportunity to test who's #1. The winner: Caitlyn.

For anyone out of the loop, Bruce asked to be called Caitlyn on the cover of Vanity Fair. Her (formerly his) announcement came less than a day after Kim announced she was pregnant with her and Kanye West's second child, and now, nobody could care less. We don't even have a picture of that fetus, and we have several pictures of Caitlyn Jenner taken by Annie Liebovitz. Not only that, she looks great!

I'm sure Kim will rise to the top again as her belly starts to grow, and as the public gets used to Caitlyn's new appearance. In the meantime, I hope Kim isn't taking this too hard. She should reflect on previous times when she took top billing over her stepfather for much smaller new stories, like this one:


The pecking order in a nutshell.(via Facebook)

3. Officials in Kazakhstan who accidentally planted marijuana in a city flowerbed.

This is a new approach to city beautification. Usually you plant flowers so the city looks prettier, but I guess planting weed would work just as well. One whiff of that and the city would look amazing!

Officials in Astana, the capital of Kazakhstan, are investigating why thousands of marijuana plants were planted in a city flowerbed instead of normal narc flowers. Residents immediately noticed the mixup because of the powerful smell of cannabis wafting from the plants. Astana local Mihail Malorod told Yahoo News, "I was walking down the street when I saw these cute plants at the junction of Auezova Street and Dzhangeldina Street. What a nice little flowerbed, I thought!" His next thought was probably, "Why is it a bed? Are the flowers asleep? Do they have little pillows? I'm gonna go crochet little pillows for the flowers. Pil-looowwwwww…"

A spokesman for Zelenstroy, the urban gardening service tasked with maintaining the flowers, vowed that if they are marijuana, they will be removed immediately. And in an unrelated story, he's throwing a huge party. Bring chips.

2. Emma Stone, because everyone is angry she's playing a mixed-race character.


Man, those white genes are STRONG.(Getty)

Hollywood is often accused of whitewashing the casts of most movies, and with good reason. But hiring white actors to play minority characters is a practice that has thankfully been abandoned, for the most part. That's why people are up in arms over the new Cameron Crowe film Aloha, a romantic comedy starring Bradley Cooper and Emma Stone.

The movie is set in Hawaii, leading many to wonder why the cast is so white. As Guy Aoki of the Media Action Network for Asian Americans told The Huffington Post, "It's so typical for Asian or Pacific Islanders to be rendered invisible in stories that we're supposed to be in, in places that we live. We're 60 percent of the population [in Hawaii]. We'd like them to reflect reality. "

Stone's character Allison Ng is taking particular criticism. If you're thinking that she doesn't really look like an Ng, you're not alone. The character is described as a quarter Hawaiian and a quarter Chinese, which would make her only half white. Emma Stone, on the other hand, is at least 125% white. She's gorgeous, but she's super white.

It's not like Emma Stone shouldn't be in the movie, but I'm sure they could have found a talented mixed-race actress to play the role. Then they could have created a new, more believable character for Stone to play. Someone named Jane O'Shaughnessy or something like that. Problem solved.

1. A Brazilian politician who was caught looking at porn during a debate.

The man in the video above is João Rodrigues, a member of Brazil's Congress. The censored image on his phone that he's sharing with his colleagues is porn. It was described to the press as "women in obscene positions, very obscene." Honestly, it sounds hot, and it would only make it hotter if you watched it during a debate over ethics reform.

The Brazilian media captured this video and it caught on like wildfire. Rodrigues defended himself by saying that he wasn't seeking out the porn, it was just sent to him in a group conversation on WhatsApp. He vowed that not only did he immediately delete the offensive material, but he blocked the sender. So it turns out he's a saint!

That still doesn't explain why he was showing it to his colleagues or why he was checking WhatsApp during an important debate, but it doesn't seem to have affected his popularity. His Facebook page is filled with messages of support from his constituents. That's Brazil for you. Sex doesn't shock them. Only losing at soccer can do that.

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