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Article 30


A bunch of redditors shared their favorite funny videos under 10 seconds long.

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Even your attention span can handle this.

Redditor aptninja posed an important question to r/AskReddit on Saturday: "What's your favorite video that is 10 seconds or less?" The thousands of replies included some physical comedy, a lot of local news bloopers, a whole bunch of animal attacks, and some videos that were definitely NSFW.

Here are 10 of the top results that actually made us laugh:

1. "Would you not eat my pants?"

2. Murder should not be announced this way.

3. "Did I win?"

4. Bear escape recreation. (A classic.)

5. What sound does it make when a penguin falls?

6. "Nice, Ron."

7. Must have been a ghost.

8. "Way to go, Paul." (He's even worse than Ron.)

9. Green Day practice. (NSFW unless you're wearing headphones.)

10. Must have been a cat.

Check out the rest here.

What's really happening in this terrifying viral video of a spider bursting out of a banana?

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Though bananas are frequently populated by terrifying spiders, this one is probably CGI.

Don't get me wrong. You should still be very, very afraid of bananas and spiders and spiders jumping out of bananas and into your mouth and starting a family inside you, then kicking their way out through your belly button. These are all very reasonable fears you should have. But if this particular video isn't fake, I'll eat a spider!

First of all, it was originally posted by a man named Kaleb Lechowski, who is a German special effects wizard. The issue is being hotly contested on YouTube. Normally, trying to find sense, logic, or reason in YouTube comments is like combing through a pile of dog excrement looking for a bite of chocolate ice cream, but "Average Joe" makes a good point:


Yes.(via YouTube)

Most of the people insisting this is fake suggest that Lechowski put a slit in the banana, shoved an angry spider inside and waited for nature to take it's course. I'm not an entomologist, but that just sounds like it would lead to a dead spider. It's far more likely that a talented CGI guy would fabricate a video that brings some attention his abilities. It's animation, people!

He had good reason to think this would go viral. Remember that spider in the ear vid that made you scream last month?

Fake:


Cool trick, bro, thanks for the pants pissing night terrors.(via Bruce Bannit)

It's only a matter of time before we get the "big reveal" that this is fake, but until then enjoy the creepy thrill of imagining a spider dancing down your throat along with your daily dose of potassium. Yum, yum, yum!

Smash Mouth's Steve Harwell loses his sh*t onstage when someone throws bread at him.

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Well, we're definitely talking about the Smash Mouth singer for the first time in a while.

Over the weekend, Smash Mouth headlined a food and music festival, Taste of Fort Collins. It bills itself as a "family-friendly celebration," but it might have lost that certification at the moment when lead singer Steve Harwell called the audience members "pussy bitches."

Bread had been handed out for free by one of the vendors at the festival, and audience members started throwing slices at the stage. Harwell got so mad about this that he started threatening the audience. Eventually, he walked off the stage into the crowd, and said into the microphone that if any other people thew things at him, he would "beat the fucking shit" out of them.

The most amazing part of this meltdown is that it happens during the intro to the song "All-Star," which just keeps extending on and on since Harwell never started singing. I guess the musicians were just like, "Okay, we're going to play the beginning of "All-Star" indefinitely, and this is our lives now." I'm pretty sure Harwell only started singing because the audience sang the entire first verse without him.

The freakout was all caught by an audience attendee, who uploaded the video and so generously included the entire performance of "All-Star" for our listening pleasure.

Article 26

This puzzle is on first grade admissions tests in Hong Kong. You're going to fail.

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"I'm smart, but I'm not just-graduated-from-Hong-Kong-kindergarten-smart."


Those kids can also read Chinese...so they've got two up on me. (via)

If you read another article about this, it will feature a clip from the Today show where 5 grown-ass adults laugh about how hard this puzzle was for them. I'm not going to play that clip, a) because it's not funny, and b) because their graphic kind of ruins the puzzle. Matt Lauer and the gang should feel terrible for not passing this standard question for Hong Kong private school first-grade candidates.

If you've gotten this far in the article and haven't solved it yet...well, bad news. It's public first grade for you. The Hong Kong admissions tests only allows 20 seconds to solve this problem for youngsters. OK, fine, it's not the only question on the test, but how many questions for kindergarteners can you really get wrong and still say "I deserve to be in this school." Probably more when you're 5 years old.

Are you hoping I'll accidentally give you a clue? Nope. I'm going to hit return five times and if you want, you can scroll down and see the answer.




Just giving you one more chance. (via)



It's upside down. The numbers go 86, 87 (the answer), 88, 89, 90, 91—but from right to left because it's upside down. Sure, you could argue that the reason adults fail to solve this isn't that we're dumber, but because we've gotten so used to knowing how the world works that our brains have lost the flexibility shown in kids who are less tied down by expectations of how numbers, parking lots, or word problems work.

I'd argue it's because a lot of adults are too dumb. Not too dumb for the Today show, though. Ok, fine, here's the clip.

Guys, the 1 in 91 has the little serif at the top in the Today version. So, when they flip it upside down, it actually looks incorrect. Not only did the guests not get the puzzle right, the show didn't get the actual image of the puzzle right.

TV

Article 23


Article 22

5 people having a worse Monday than you.

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5. Chris Brown, because Karrueche is accusing him of stalking her.


Back when they were in love and in fur.(Getty)

Poor Chris Brown. He just can't catch a break. Unless you consider it a break when you get away with multiple instances of assault and still have fans who adore you. In that case, he's extremely lucky.

On the other hand, he's had no luck in winning back his ex-girlfriend, model/actress Karrueche Tran. Tran broke things off when she found out that he was a baby daddy back in March, which should have been the end of it. Brown, however, is never one to take no for an answer. Last week he ran into her at a club, and then forced his way into her SUV outside. After she got rid of him, he came to her house at 3:30 AM and started banging on her door. Then he confronted her at a diner, where the two got into a shouting match. Classy.

As serious as it sounds, this was a pretty low-key domestic incident for Chris Brown. Now, however, the two are hitting each other where it hurts: Instagram comments. Check out this heated exchange that happened over the weekend:







#ChrisBrown stepped into #TheShadeRoom and set it off! #Karrueche #AccessHollywood
A photo posted by The Shade Room (@theshaderoominc) on






First off @chrisbrownofficial you just did an interview w Ryan Seacrest in which you spoke about me. My interview w Access Hollywood was not entirely about you.. they asked a question and as a mature adult I answered. I'm not gonna shy away from something that I lived through. I'm talking about my life and experiences. I'm not speaking on you or bashing you (like I easily could). Don't be mad at me because our relationship is over due to your lack of loyalty. You know what's weak?? You forcing yourself into my car.. my broken window.. blowing up my phone.. trying to shower me w gifts.. Man the fuck up and change the bs in your life like I've told you several times. Since you want to hear about my career - check out @vanityseries every Thursday on StyleHaul.com.. Emmy winning @thebaytheseries this Sept and 3 Headed Shark Attack on SyFy next month. Best of luck to you and beautiful Royalty
A photo posted by karrueche (@karrueche) on






I'm eternally thankful for you being in a part of my life. I've learned so much from you. I wish u nothing but happiness and the best. @karrueche all I was doing was trying to fight for the woman I love. ThanxI learned a lot
A photo posted by @chrisbrownofficial on

It's nice of Chris Brown to pretend to take the high road. He sure has learned a lot. Now he can add "manipulative" to "violent" on his abuser resume.

4. Netflix, because they can't get people to stop pirating 'Orange Is the New Black.'


Yeah, we can't stop watching either.(Netflix via Twitter)

Everyone knows that traditional TV ratings don't apply to Internet-based shows, which makes it hard to compare the success of shows on streaming services like Netflix. But there's a new trick for figuring out which are on top: look at how many people are stealing them.

It used to be that HBO was the undisputed king of pirated content, and they're still doing very well. Game of Thrones remains the most-pirated show in the world. Thanks to leaks, this season that just concluded was the most-stolen of the year before any of the episodes had actually aired. But now, Netflix is giving HBO a run for its money, as the smash hit series Orange Is the New Black has also been targeted by pirates in a big way.

A Google search for the show doesn't even turn up Netflix as the first result – an illegal sharing site has that honor. CNN reports that Netflix is aggressively seeking as many links to its website as possible to improve its Google ranking, but the company has an uphill battle. I suppose it could try sending online pirates to jail, but that might not be a deterrent. Thanks to Orange Is the New Black, going to prison is cooler than ever.

3. Jennifer Lopez, because she's being sued for being too sexy at a concert in Morocco.

Jennifer Lopez looks great these days. At 45, she's basically indistinguishable from how she looked when she was 30. In fact, her looks have held up so well that she might go to jail for them.

On May 29th, Lopez performed at the opening of the Mawazine Festival in the Moroccan capital of Rabat. She wore a cleavage- and leg-baring jumpsuit, and spent much of the concert twerking and gyrating in that famous J. Lo style. Those moves may have made her famous, but in a Muslim country, they don't fly.

Religious Moroccans have taken to social media to denounce Lopez's performance, which was broadcast live on TV. One called her a “threat to the moral fabric of the Moroccan society." What's more, TMZ reports that an education group is suing Lopez, saying she "disturbed public order and tarnished women's honor and respect."

Now, the BBC is reporting that Moroccan Prime Minister Abdelilah Benkirane has also ordered an investigation into the concert. He said the fact that the concert was aired on TV was "serious deliquency," and ordered his government to "take legal measures against those responsible".

If Lopez is held responsible, she could be sentenced to two years in prison. Or to be a judge on Moroccan Idol.

2. John Stamos, because he got a DUI.

John Stamos. Photo from last week or possibly 1989.(Getty)

The thing that surprised me most about learning that John Stamos was caught drunk driving was that it hadn't happened earlier. Not that he seemed to have a problem or anything – it's just that DUIs are a rite of passage for 90s sitcom stars.

Stamos was arrested on Saturday in Beverly Hills and taken to the hospital, where he was pronounced drunk. He'll appear in court on September 11th.

It's unclear if this news will affect the Full House reboot coming to Netflix next year, but it seems unlikely. That show will be a nostalgia slam dunk, and nothing could derail it at this point. It would still happen even if it turned out Bob Saget was the Zodiac Killer, and there's NO EVIDENCE that that's the case. None at all. But it feels right, doesn't it?

1. A woman who was arrested for not returning a video she rented in 2005.


How people used to watch movies before they stole them from the Internet.
(via Wikipedia)

If you're old enough to have grown up with VHS tapes, you remember that video stores are not to be trifled with. If you were a minute late getting your tape back to Blockbuster, they would slap you with a fine so steep you'd never step out of line again. And they had your credit card number, too, so there was no escape. We were all basically indentured servants.

If you doubt what I'm saying, listen to this: a South Carolina woman was arrested for not returning a VHS tape she rented ten years ago, from a store that's long-since defunct. Even after their industry has been rendered irrelevant by Netflix, video stores are willing to ruin our lives from beyond the grave.

Kayla Michelle Finley was visiting her local sheriff's office on an unrelated matter when police discovered an outstanding warrant for her arrest. The warrant had been issued ten years earlier at the request of Dalton Videos, a store which has since closed. Finley had failed to return a VHS copy of the Jennifer Lopez flop Monster-in-Law.


J. Lo's dragging everyone to prison along with her.(via YouTube)

Finley was charged with a misdemeanor and had to spend the night in jail. A judge released her the next morning. The worst part of this whole episode is that she was outed for watching Monster-in-Law. That movie currently has a dismal 16% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Honestly, not returning the tape is the kindest thing she could have done. In my opinion, she deserves a humanitarian award.

Update: It's come to our attention that this last story actually happened in February 2014. Our source was fooled into thinking it was new, as were a number of other publications. We are choosing to keep it in the post for two reasons. First, it's still funny. Second, Ms. Finley is probably having a lousy Monday today, because everyone is bringing up this story again.

Workplace

State trooper sees little old lady in scooter on highway, finds unusual way to get her home.

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This woman on her scooter was 4 miles from home and headed the wrong direction when she finally got some help.

Trooper Dave Hintz of the Washington State Patrol was sent to check on an unnamed woman after police had received phone calls about an elderly woman in a motorized scooter meandering down State Route 546. After pulling her over, she told him she'd been out visiting a friend and had gotten lost on the return trip home.

Since it's pretty dangerous to ride a scooter alongside a highway, Hintz offered to take her home, via escort. Her scooter could only go about 6 mph, so it took them over an hour to travel the few miles to her house, with the Trooper trailing in his cop car behind. Hintz told KOMO News:

"I wasn't trying to stop her. I wasn't trying to detain her. I was just trying to get her back to her home. I just treated her the way I would've wanted somebody to treat my mom."

His only other option was calling an ambulance to have her strapped to a board, then find some way for her scooter to be delivered to her later. Instead, he just mapped the route and set out. I admire a man who knows how to cut through bureaucracy!

His fellow Trooper, Mark Francis, told KOMO:

"A lot of people think we're jerks and we're always out there stopping you for speeding or writing a ticket for not wearing a seat belt or stuff like that. But people tend to forget our number one concern is serving the citizens of Washington and more likely than not, our number one priority is making these types of calls for service like changing someone's flat -- or in this case, helping a little old lady get back home who was lost."

Yeah, remember that next time you get pulled over! Your ticket is paying for confused old women to get an escort home. Deal with it.

Chain restaurants are allegedly forcing servers to wear high heels.

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Female servers from three restaurants say they were forced to wear high heels to do their jobs.


(Mike Licht via Flickr)

Today in "ugh" news, female employees from three restaurant chains say their employers have mandatory high heel policies. Meaning they are not allowed to run around carrying food to make money to live unless they also have to balance their body weight on pointy cones. One of the chains is called Boston Pizza. So that one makes sense because it's probably really fancy. Just kidding, and that still wouldn't be a good reason, as the Cannes Film Festival organizers recently learned.

A few days ago, GlobalNews published a story about one of the restaurants, Moxie's, and now servers from Boston Pizza and Original Joe's have come forward too. One server complained about losing partial feeling in her toes, while another said that a doctor's note explaining why she couldn't wear heels was rejected and her shifts were taken away. All three of the restaurants, which are surprisingly in Canada, where you'd think they might know better, have publicly denied having these policies.

I think the way to settle this is for the corporate leadership of all three chains to come together for a community town hall where they all put on high heels, walk around for five minutes, and realize what they've done.

Kristen Stewart is dating a woman, says mom. Everyone else says, "Duh."

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Jules Stewart told "The Sunday Mirror" that she's thrilled to see Kristen in a happy, healthy relationship with a lovely girl.


More than friends?! (via The Sunday Mirror)

It makes sense that after being in one of the most public relationships our generation has ever seen, Twilight star Kristen Stewart is playing things close to the chest now. The 25-year-old actress hasn't exactly been hiding that she's dating her personal assistant Alicia Cargile, but she also hasn't been shouting it from the rooftops. Pictures of the two canoodling and enjoying the beach have been circulating, but without a confirmation, who wants to be the first to label K-Stew as Gay-Stew?

Her relationship with Robert Pattinson ended on a sour note, when she was caught "kissing" director Rupert Sanders, but Pattinson is now engaged to singer FKA Twigs. They seem very happy together!

Definitely happier than this:


Yeah, we're done, let it go.(via Getty)

After all these well-documented debacles, it's kind of nice that the media has more or less been leaving Stewart alone. Not anymore: enter Mom.

For some reason, Jules Stewart blabbed to The Mirror this weekend all about her daughter's relationship. Which sounds like it's going down well with her, at least:

"I feel like people need to be free to love whoever they want. I accept my daughter loves women and men. It's OK to be who you are in my world. We all choose our friends so we should be free to choose our lovers. People are good to do whatever they like as long as they're not hurting people or breaking the law. I have gay friends, family members, I'm accepting of people, we are all free to choose who we want to love."

Great! True! Does your daughter know you're speaking with us, ma'am? Stewart continued with her perspective on Bella and Edward's split:

“I'm very sad that Kristen and Robert didn't have a chance to be alone together, they had to have the whole world with them and all the public stuff ruined everything, life became overwhelming."

No kidding: apparently, FKA Twigs gets threats and racist insults thrown her way on the regular and she's relatively unknown compared to the stars of the biggest tween vampire franchise on the planet (that's a pretty big deal when you think about how many there are). It's unlikely any relationship could survive such scrutiny.

Well, here's to both the happy couples. Also, to my roommate, who predicted Kristen Stewart was gay in 2012. You were right. Still don't think either one of us is ever going to get to go on a date with her.

Article 16


Emoji passwords might soon be a thing.

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A new security system creates PINs using emojis instead of numbers and letters, which are so basic.

The "emoji security technology" was created by a British firm called Intelligent Environments, and they have a list of reasons why their system is cool and numbers and letters can drool.

  • 44 emoji means more than three million permutations, instead of just 7,290 with lame regular digits.
  • The brain works with images, so emoji passwords are easier to remember than horrifyingly pedestrian regular passwords.
  • Many young people communicate using only emoji, while nobody talks in incomprehensible strings of numbers and consonants.

They don't mention this in the video, but I'm guessing the main reason is probably somehow to get millennials to buy things.

I also don't believe that my passwords would be safer if they were composed of emojis because everyone knows I always go for the peace sign and clapping hands.


This could be my Seamless password.


This could be my Venmo password.


This could be my HBOGo password.


This could be my Tinder password. JK.





Remember that essay contest to win a bed & breakfast in Maine? You didn't win.

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The contest was won by Rose and Prince Adams, a couple from the Virgin Islands.


A new family will own this historic, creepy home and its terrifying secret.
(via Facebook)

Pencils down, everyone. The essay portion of the test is over, and only two people passed. To everybody else, good luck next time. It should only be another 20 years or so.

Back in March, I reported on a contest being run by Janice Sage, the owner and proprietor of the Center Lovell Inn and Restaurant, a historic bed & breakfast in rural Maine. She wanted to retire, and instead of selling the inn traditionally, decided to hold an essay contest. It was the same way she had become the inn's owner 22 years before. Every contestant would have to submit a 200-word essay on why they deserved to own it, along with a $125 entry fee. Her hope was to receive enough entries that she could retire, and she met that goal.

Rose and Prince Adams were selected as the winners simply because their essay described their qualifications for running a bed & breakfast, which are impressive. They have run Sweet Plantains, a Caribbean restaurant on the island of St. John, for 12 years, and have been cooking together for 26. Both Brooklyn natives, they wanted to move back to the East Coast and try a new challenge. They also wanted their 10-year-old son to see snow for the first time. The contest was perfect for them, and they're perfect for the Center Lovell Inn.

Janice Sage called them herself to deliver the news, almost causing Rose to choke on her egg sandwich. After that, the wheels were set in motion. Sweet Plantains will close on Saturday, and the Adamses hope to reopen the inn by July 10th. They also promised their son that they would get him a Great Dane after the move.

Due to the popularity of this contest on the Internet, other property owners have started doing similar ones. A Houston couple offered their house the same way, as did an Alabama goat farmer. Those contests didn't generate as much publicity, possibly because modest suburban homes and goat farms are less romantic than 210-year-old inns with a view of the mountains. Still, it looks like this trend's here to stay. Don't be surprised if your next sandwich ends up costing you 200 words.

Article 13

Article 12

Olivia Benson meets Olivia Benson.

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Taylor Swift's adorable cat and Mariska Hargitay finally meet.



Olivia Benson meeting Olivia Benson. @therealmariskahargitay
A video posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

Yessssssssssss. I love Mariska Hargitay, perhaps better known as DETECTIVE OLIVIA BENSON from Law and Order: SVU. When I saw her appear in Bad Blood I stood up and screamed.

Meet Justice. @therealmariskahargitay #BadBloodMusicVideo

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

I don't know why I was so surprised. After all, Taylor Swift's adorable cat is named OLIVIA BENSON. Watching these two come together is such a perfect convergence of pop culture icons and kitty-kat cuteness, my brain caved in for a second, then popped back up more powerful than ever.

One time, I was working as a cater waiter at a private event and Mariska Hargitay was a guest. I kept cleaning up in the immediate area around her, eavesdropping hard. She said something like, "Once I turned 30 everything got easier." This has not exactly proven to be true, but I think about it a lot when I'm stressed out.

So glad the Olivias seemed to hit it off. Things could definitely have gone differently. Not all of Swift's cats are so well behaved.

GREAT WORK MEREDITH I WAS JUST TRYING TO LOVE YOU AND NOW YOU OWE ME 40 MILLION DOLLARS

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

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