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Man skips airport TSA line by drunkenly scaling fence and walking onto runway.

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He managed a barbed wire fence while shirtless.

He probably wanted a hot towel for his barbed wire wounds.
(via Thinkstock)

A drunk shirtless man scaled two fences and made it onto the runway at San Diego International Airport. While this is an impressive feat of strength, it is also highly illegal to do at airports. Police arrested 34-year-old Jonathan Edgcomb on suspicion of trespassing and being under the influence of a controlled substance. He's scheduled to make an appearance in court on Monday.

His runway antics delayed flights for about seven minutes, and I think I speak for all of us when I say I would gladly accept a short delay to watch a drunk shirtless guy dash onto the runway just like a streaker at a ball game. It's not surprising that he got bored partying at one of the awful bars or restaurants that reside just outside airports.

Jonathan is proof that you can still drink a lot without slowing down in your thirties.


Mysterious new 'X-Files' teaser not revealing much, just like the U.S. government re: aliens.

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What can we learn from this new teaser for 'The X-Files'?

The X-Files is coming back to TV for six episodes in January, and now we have a 15-second preview of what to expect. If you pause the YouTube player every one second or so, you can perhaps glean some information out of this brief burst of images and creepy music. This was definitely a commercial designed for the motivated viewer.

Here are some clues:


At first I thought this was a close-up of a car tire, but now I'm thinking it's a UFO.
(via YouTube)


Would you predict that these guys are up to something, or not up to something?
(via YouTube)


I hate getting shots by multi-needled prongs filled with mystery liquid. (via YouTube)


Ooohhh, remember that little affirmation? (via YouTube)

And then the teaser closes out on a romantic note, with Mulder and Scully enjoying a date night.


"Table for two, please. The other person is just parking the car." (via YouTube)


"I got a great spot three blocks away. Did you get a table yet?" (via YouTube)

Bear breaks into restaurant and eats every pie except one.

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This bear hates strawberry rhubarb pie as much as us.


Possible reaction to strawberry rhubarb pie.
(via NY Daily News)

A bear broke into a restaurant in Pinewood Springs, Colorado, and ate nearly every pie in sight. It even took a few pies for the road, dragging them to the parking lot. But it didn't so much as lick the strawberry rhubarb pie.

Interestingly, the bear stayed on the side of the restaurant that is not covered by video surveillance. Coincidence? Yes, but it would be much better if the bear had been casing this joint for pies and intentionally avoided being taped. Local wildlife officials are also stumped as to how the bear transported pies outside the restaurant.

Here's hoping there was a miniature bicycle or some sort of juggling involved.

D.L. Hughley caught saying Caitlyn Jenner looks like Mrs. Doubtfire by interviewer he said it to.

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D.L. Hughley, what are you doing?

In this video from TMZ, comedian D.L. Hughley has a bunch upsetting stuff to say about Caitlyn Jenner. He uses Caitlyn's former, incorrect name, says she doesn't deserve the Arthur Ashe Courage Award she just won at the ESPYs, disagrees that she's beautiful, compares her to Mrs. Doubtfire, and says she looks like every P.E. teach he's ever had. And that is all in a one-minute video that he knew was being taken.

Jenner said in her inspiring ESPY speech, "If you want to call me names, make jokes, doubt my intentions, go ahead, because the reality is I can take it." That wasn't an invitation for the D.L. Hughleys of the world to run to the nearest camera and test the theory. Come on, Hughley. Isn't there a Siri in your life who taught you to know better?

Cara Delevingne is better than you at beatboxing, among other things.

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What can't the members of Taylor Swift's squad do?

Ladies and gentlemen, Cara Delevingne. She's more successful than you. She's more in love than you. And now, to add to the list, she's a better beatboxer than you.

Backstage before Thursday's Tonight Show, Delevingne revealed to Jimmy Fallon that she knows how to beatbox. Then, during the show, Fallon asked if Delevingne would bust out her skills and she enthusiastically went for it. Turns out she's not just some late night inteviewee dabbler—she's actually really good! And she goes on for such a long time that Tariq Trotter from the Roots starts freestyling over her beat.

But the most interesting part of this segment is that it turns out Cara is pronounced car-a, not care-a. I've been following her on Instagram all this time and I didn't even know her name. So embarassing.

Artist starts petition to add Outkast to Confederate monument.

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They would be added to Georgia's Stone Mountain.

Artist's rendition of potential Outkast addition.
(via Mack Williams)

Artist Mack Williams has started a petition to add Outkast to the Confederate Memorial on Stone Mountain. He officially registered the endeavor at MoveOn.org, and has already topped 10,000 signatures. The memorial at Stone Mountain has drawn more criticism recently, especially following the unofficial and official removal of the Confederate battle flag at the South Carolina capital.

It's hard to say whether defenders of this particular memorial would be more enraged by its outright removal or by the addition of Big Boi and André 3000. It could be an opportunity to give a dated carving a "so fresh and so clean" makeover. However, unlike official state-sanctioned symbols, the Stone Mountain Memorial Association operates the park as a Confederate museum. It is operated with revenue, not state tax dollars. Plus the Georgia Legislature would need to approve any changes to the park. So while this would be outright hilarious, there isn't a chance of it happening.

So hush that fuss. While Outkast are the type of people that make the club get crunk, we won't see them on Stone Mountain any time soon.

Trump takes the high road and insults McCain for being a POW.

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This will go over really well.

Trump hates captured soldiers in addition to Mexicans.
(via Getty)

Fresh off his tweet that accidentally used stock photography of Nazi soldiers, Trump used an appearance at the Family Leadership Summit in Ames, Iowa, to question whether John McCain is in fact a war hero. “He's not a war hero," said Trump. “He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren't captured."

What a brilliant political strategy. Instead of kicking someone when they're down, kick them for being held as a prisoner of war for over five years while suffering unspeakable torture. Trump's presence in the race continues to be a complete annoyance for all other GOP contenders, who quickly condemned his remarks and politely suggested that he should drop out of the race.

Even Rick Perry, no stranger to gaffes, said that Trump is "unfit to be Commander-in-Chief."

When Rick Perry tells you you're not qualified to be President, it's time to reconsider your campaign.

Twitter has been overtaken by feuding fans of Ariana Grande and One Direction. Send help.

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If you've been on Twitter today, you might have felt like you accidentally stepped into a war zone where you were too old and uncool to be on any of the sides.


Trouble. (via Twitter)

The number one trending hashtag right now is #ArianaRESPECTLouis. Not just in the United States, but in the entire world. Earth has been taken over!


We have a situation. (via Twitter)

Who is Ariana? Ariana Grande, you idiot! Who is Louis? Louis Tomlinson from One Direction, you freak! What's going on between them? Well, nothing. This is what's known as a fake feud.

Apparently, according to a screenshot from an Indonesian Ariana Grande fan account where I get all my news, the hashtag exploded from a joke that went awry.

A group of Brazilian One Direction fans stands accused of fabricating false celebrity feud evidence. These One D fans (Directioners) allegedly spread the rumor that Grande dissed Louis on Instagram, which Grande's fans (Arianators) say isn't true. This is a very serious crime, and the perpetrators could end up facing a lot of fuming tweets slamming them for starting drama. Another consequence is that I have a headache now.

It seems like already most of the tweets under the hashtag are urging both factions to chill out because nothing even happened.

Now, let's think rationally for a moment. Why would Ariana Grande, who has just cleared her name after a days-long battle with having licked a donut and said she hates America, be starting a fight on the Internet now? She may be a donut-licker but she's not a maniac. Case closed. That was exhilarating. I should quit blogging and become a lawyer.


J.K. Rowling reveals how much Hogwarts tuition actually costs. But you still can't go, you muggle.

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It turns out you actually would be able to afford Hogwarts. But that doesn't change the fact that you haven't been accepted.

This week, fans have been debating how much it would actually cost to attend Hogwarts after a Mic writer calculated that tuition would be $43,031 for the first year. You'd have to clock a lot of work-study hours guarding horcrux how-tos in the Hogwarts Castle library to make a dent in that.

But it turns out, that estimate was not exactly accurate. It didn't factor in the 100% that's covered by The Ministry of Magic. Rowling says that students don't have to pay anything to attend Hogwarts.

The Mic writer backtracked pretty hard.

But Rowling wasn't mad. Actually, it kind of seems like she lives for correcting people on Twitter about Harry Potter.

Now that this has been settled, I'd like to get a straight answer about the alcoholic content of butterbeer.

Man films wife giving birth while they're stuck in traffic.

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At 10 pounds, it's nice the baby came quickly.

A Houston man filmed his wife giving birth to their new son as they were on their way to a birthing center. They obviously did not make it there on time, but the baby and mom are both healthy and doing well. Jonathan and Lesia Pettijohn were stuck in traffic for more than an hour when her water broke, and apparently their new son, Josiah, doesn't like to be kept waiting.

Filming the miracle of childbirth isn't uncommon, but filming it while driving certainly is. Lesia is an incredibly strong and fearless champion for self-delivering a baby that large in a space that small. Let's hope they activated Google AdSense for their YouTube channel, because the video has garnered over 2.5 million views.

That would be a nice start to a college fund or trust for young Josiah, and much more helpful than anything else the husband did during the video.

Weekend

3 Doors Down still exists, which I learned because they defended a woman's honor at a concert last night.

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Watch this idiot concert-goer get shamed for hitting a woman by the lead singer of 3 Doors Down.

I was unaware that 90's sensation 3 Doors Down was still touring the country, but now I know they're doing that and so much more. Regardless of whether or not you're a fan, this concert footage will make you really like these guys. About 44 seconds into the video, you'll hear the lead singer Brad Arnold stop the music and yell at a guy who hit a woman. The crowd goes wild in support of the band taking a break to kick this a-hole out of the show.

Watching the band intervene for an audience member's well-being is as inspiring to me as their loyal fanbase, who has somehow carried this band all the way to 2015.

Now that they're acting like superheroes, please enjoy their hit song Kryptonite:


Bill Cosby's past self is one of the people speaking out against Bill Cosby.

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Bill Cosby admitted to a huge heap of incriminating garbage ten years ago.


Back in 2014, before his past caught up to him.(Getty)

Thanks to an unsealed deposition from 2005, past-Bill-Cosby is now one of the people whose testimony directly conflicts with current-day-Bill-Cosby. The four day deposition took place in Philadelphia, when Andrea Constand brought a case against Cosby for sexual misconduct, which was settled out of court in 2006. Until now, only parts of the transcript had been revealed, but The NY Times found the entire nightmare of a document online.

According to the Times, "[While] Mr. Cosby denied he was a sexual predator who assaulted many women, he presented himself in the deposition as an unapologetic, cavalier playboy, someone who used a combination of fame, apparent concern and powerful sedatives in a calculated pursuit of young women."

If you want the awful details, you can ready the rest of the Times article, but basically Cosby admitted to everything he is being accused of doing to women over the last four decades. The most disturbing part is how he acts like he didn't do anything wrong. I literally just shuddered.

During the questioning, Andrea Constand's lawyer Dolores M. Troiani, called Cosby out for his insensitivity for the gravity of the situation:

Trioni: “I think you're making light of a very serious situation.”
Cosby: “That may very well be.”

It's a hard title to win, but he might be the creepiest man in America.

This could have been way worse: shark attack on live TV ends surf competition finals.

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Surf fans worldwide tuned in on Sunday to watch Mick Fanning and Julian Wilson face off in the final round of the Jeffreys Bay Open in South Africa, when suddenly this happened:

You know what they say in sports: sometimes you win, sometimes you get nailed in the face by sharks. Surfing fans across the world breathed a huge sigh of relief today (presumably after letting out a scream of terror) when Jeffreys Bay Open finalist Mike Fanning was rescued by Water Safety Patrol after the harrowing attack you saw above. You can't see it, but Fanning also got a few shark-punches in. Nice. Patrol boats immediately rushed to the scene, scaring off the sharks and retrieving Fanning and his competitor, Julian Wilson. Unlike a rain delay in baseball, there was simply no way to reschedule the entire final round of the surfing competition. So, in one of the greatest displays of sportsmanship I've ever seen, Fanning and Wilson are simply sharing second place and the prize money. Here's a highlight reel of the day's surfing, as well as the amazing swift response of the patrol:

Said the World Surfing League in a statement:

We are incredibly grateful that no one was seriously injured today. Mick's composure and quick acting in the face of a terrifying situation was nothing short of heroic and the rapid response of our Water Safety personnel was commendable -- they are truly world class at what they do.
The safety of our athletes is a priority for the WSL and, after discussions with both Finalists, we have decided to cancel the remainder of competition at the J-Bay Open. We appreciate the ongoing support we have in South Africa and once again want to express our gratitude to the Water Safety Team.

For once, I think it's safe to say that everyone here is a winner. Including us, because we get to watch a harrowing shark attack without any guilt, because it ends in everyone being OK and making sports look great.

Someone made a doo-wop cover of Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" and I liked it.

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This cover of 'I Kissed A Girl' is actually really good.

The first time I heard Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl, I thought, "Oh wow. The pop song equivalent of two straight girls drunkenly making out in a bar. This song is going to be very popular." Besides the fact that it weirdly treats homosexuality like a novelty, it's just an annoying song.

However, this sweet doo-wop version by Postmodern Jukebox makes it totally bearable! I mean, Robyn Adele Anderson's voice goes perfectly with The Tee Tones backup-up vocals, and the whole thing transports you back to the 50's.

Postmodern Jukebox is seriouslycrushing it lately.


Kid who gives himself an intense pep talk before jumping in the pool should be a life coach.

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This kid's inspiring affirmations prove he's well on his way to running self-help seminars.

Whether you're jumping out of a plane with a parachute or taking a leap into a four-foot-deep pool, you can use this kid's method of positive self-talk to achieve your goals. He is going places! Don't take my word for it, take the word of Academy Award-wining actor Don Cheadle, who is totally on board with this great pre-pool ritual:

In other news, I've haven't stopped sweating since Memorial Day and really need to jump in a pool.

This short film about NYC in 1981 explains why your mom freaks out when you go there.

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New York in the 21st Century is the safest big city in America. It's shiny, expensive, and full of young people whose parents fled when it was like this:

If you're a Millennial who has ever moved to or visited New York, chances are one or more of your older relatives freaked out and gave you a lot of unnecessary warnings about not making eye contact on the subway and how you shouldn't leave Times Square (public service announcement: you should go anywhere but Times Square). You probably wondered why anyone would worry about visiting this 8.5-million-strong Disneyland for rich people (in Manhattan, anyway). This is why: because the place used to be a dystopian reality.

This film was created as a companion piece to A Most Violent Year, a feature film about an immigrant who moves to New York and must protect his family and business during the city's darkest era.

The worst year for homicides in New York city was 1990, but the lowest point in the city's emotional history probably came in the period after the 1977 bankruptcy (FORD TO NEW YORK: DROP DEAD) and before the financial market boom of the 1980s. I think. I didn't exist until 1985, so this is just what I've gathered from a lifetime of watching movies and reading books about NYC's history. As it's mentioned at the beginning of the film, 1981 was when Escape From New York was released, and indeed, the period from the late 70s to the early 90s was the heyday of dystopian visions of America's urban future. Between the Escape movies and films like Robocop and The Warriors, it was pretty much a given that by 2015, America's cities would all be governed by roving gangs of psychotic teens on crazy future-drugs.

Yet at the same time, New Yorkers of today complain about the high rents and inauthenticity of the city compared to this period—a period nearly everyone at the time wanted to end ASAP. See this LCD Soundsystem music video for the ultimate expression of 2000s nostalgia for the lost decades of crime and violence:

The 1990s saw a very rapid change in the city as the crime rate plummeted and prices soared. The fact that Jerry Seinfeld, Carrie Bradshaw or the Friends crew could afford apartments like that in Manhattan became a running joke by 2000, but a decade earlier the city was still scaring residents out. I myself can remember driving into the city from 1990 onwards (confession: I'm from New Jersey), and the difference even in the limited amount of the city a suburban child got to see was astounding.

If you've ever been a New Yorker, you might recognize several of these narrators.

In particular, you might have seen performance artist and playwright Penny Arcade (pink hair), who schools us on what the Lower East Side used to be like, and local fashion icon Dapper Dan of Harlem. The most famous is probably Curtis Silva, the red-bereted founder of the Guardian Angels, a not-quite-vigilante group that became somewhat famous in the 80s and 90s for their patrols of NYC's tourist neighborhoods, as well as several high-profile rescues of people on the then-dangerous subway that turned out to be staged. Now, Silva appears as a commentator on local New York television and in commercials for his car dealership. Things have changed a lot.

Human? You probably grew up on 'Looney Tunes.' Here's Chuck Jones on why they were so great.

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Unless you're a Martian, and possibly even then, you watched Looney Tunes as a little kid. Here's a look back with one of Looney Tunes' greatest talents, Chuck Jones, explaining how he made so many short films everyone on the planet could relate to.

There are very few shows that remain in syndication half a century after they aired, and not just on TV Land or some other network aimed at the olds. Looney Tunes, I suspect, will be playing on humanity's TVs, computer screens, VR headsets, smartphones, and retina chips for as long as there are humans. Possibly even longer, since I highly recommend it to whatever alien or robot archaeologists end up studying our fossils. This retrospective by Every Frame a Painting including archival interviews with Chuck Jones (1912-2002) would be a good place to start.

Even more than most of us, when I say, "I grew up on Looney Tunes," I mean it. I read all of Chuck Jones's books and my bedroom walls were covered in my own attempts at drawing Yosemite Sam, Marvin the Martian, and other characters. To this day, Daffy Duck is the only thing I can draw freehand from memory. I learned who both Groucho Marx and Jimmy Durante were from Looney Tunes, completing my education of early-20th Century comedians who used cigars and eye waggles to punctuate their jokes. More importantly, I learned a lot about timing, how people talked, and what people thought was funny (and how that's changed—there's a reason a lot of them don't air anymore). If you ever need to learn how to tell a story, construct a joke, or just learn how communicate with humans (not my strong suit as a youth), you could do far, far worse than just watching Chuck Jones' Looney Tunes.

Director Paul Feig's huge 'Ghostbusters' reveal left everyone with an even bigger question.

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We know the names of the characters in the new 'Ghostbusters' movie! But who is who???

Erin Gilbert, Jillian Holtzmann, Abby Yates and Patty Tolan.

Sure, this gives us more information about Ghostbusters, but I don't know what to do with this information! The possible character name to actor combinations are ENDLESS! Okay, actually there are 24 possible combinations, but that is way too many to deal with. I just want to know who they are! Actually, I don't even want to know about the characters, I just want to SEE THE MOVIE ALREADY. Come on, Hollywood, make this thing happen so we can watch it over and over and over again while avoiding our real lives!

This guy's Jade Helm parody for his friends went viral among gullible and savvy people alike.

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Jade Helm 15 was supposed to start this weekend, by the way. Last I heard the military hadn't invaded Texas and set up death camps. YET.

If you don't know what Jade Helm 15 is, congrats. You've been walking around without a big hunk of stupid occupying space your brain. To put it simply, the conspiracy Internet, led by Alex Jones, think that Obama, the military, and FEMA are setting up death camps in Walmarts so that they can swiftly take over Texas and other conservative states and lay the groundwork for Obama's dictatorial third term. YUP. Even Texas's Governor, Greg "I'm Here To Make Rick Perry Look Smart" Abbot bought into it. And this guy, Kris Martin, a nursing student and former Army medic residing in San Angelo, TX, accidentally trolled the living crap out of them (while delighting everyone else) with his intentionally stupid but wildly popular video "proving" ninja soldiers are coming for us.

"At first I thought it was just gonna be a funny thing to amuse five of my friends on my Facebook page," Martin told Texas Monthly, “We'd just have a little giggle, but it's been amazing to me that it's blown up into what it is. I'm having fun with it."

Indeed he is. The comments on the first video fell into three categories: people who earnestly believed him, people who called him an idiot because they didn't believe in Jade Helm thought he did (this was the largest group, btw), and people who got it. Check up his follow-up video, where he really gets creative with the folks who believe him (and those who just like his humor):

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