The morning is a success if I make it to lunch without eating my lunch.

November 18, 2013, 9:20 am

≫ Next: Let's be grateful that Thanksgiving isn't happening at the same time as Yom Kippur.

≪ Previous: Sorry that the worst day of the rest of your life is every Monday.

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Let's be grateful that Thanksgiving isn't happening at the same time as Yom Kippur.

November 18, 2013, 9:50 am

≫ Next: Let's agree that Thanksgivukkah means we can stuff our faces with turkey and latkes for eight straight days.

≪ Previous: The morning is a success if I make it to lunch without eating my lunch.

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Let's agree that Thanksgivukkah means we can stuff our faces with turkey and latkes for eight straight days.

November 18, 2013, 10:30 am

≫ Next: Trying to cook for people on Thanksgivukkah sounds almost as annoying as trying to cook for vegans on any day of the year.

≪ Previous: Let's be grateful that Thanksgiving isn't happening at the same time as Yom Kippur.

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Trying to cook for people on Thanksgivukkah sounds almost as annoying as trying to cook for vegans on any day of the year.

November 18, 2013, 11:01 am

≫ Next: Tryptophan is a great excuse for nodding off when people are explaining why Hanukkah is so early this year.

≪ Previous: Let's agree that Thanksgivukkah means we can stuff our faces with turkey and latkes for eight straight days.

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Tryptophan is a great excuse for nodding off when people are explaining why Hanukkah is so early this year.

November 18, 2013, 11:30 am

≫ Next: NEW! Create an Unpardonable Turkey that everyone will want to kill and eat.

≪ Previous: Trying to cook for people on Thanksgivukkah sounds almost as annoying as trying to cook for vegans on any day of the year.

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NEW! Create an Unpardonable Turkey that everyone will want to kill and eat.

November 18, 2013, 11:45 am

≫ Next: Nothing I accomplish in my career can compare to how proud I am of how little I get away with doing every Monday.

≪ Previous: Tryptophan is a great excuse for nodding off when people are explaining why Hanukkah is so early this year.

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Want a fun and sharable way to get rid of that Thanksgiving turkey-killing guilt? Just make an obnoxious bird that anyone would love to murder! Dress your Unpardonable Turkey up in a variety of awful clothing and accessories, then make it say something so unforgivable you would choke the life out of it with your own bare hands. And don't forget to share it with your loved ones!

 

CREATE YOUR OWN UNPARDONABLE TURKEY HERE >>

 

 

CREATE YOUR OWN UNPARDONABLE TURKEY HERE >>

Nothing I accomplish in my career can compare to how proud I am of how little I get away with doing every Monday.

November 18, 2013, 11:56 am

≫ Next: Let's celebrate a once-in-a-lifetime holiday with a meal almost as insane as my average drunk snack.

≪ Previous: NEW! Create an Unpardonable Turkey that everyone will want to kill and eat.

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Let's celebrate a once-in-a-lifetime holiday with a meal almost as insane as my average drunk snack.

November 18, 2013, 11:57 am

≫ Next: May your Thanksgiving dinner provide as much to eat as Rob Ford's wife's genitalia.

≪ Previous: Nothing I accomplish in my career can compare to how proud I am of how little I get away with doing every Monday.

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May your Thanksgiving dinner provide as much to eat as Rob Ford's wife's genitalia.

November 18, 2013, 1:50 pm

≫ Next: Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.

≪ Previous: Let's celebrate a once-in-a-lifetime holiday with a meal almost as insane as my average drunk snack.

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Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.

November 18, 2013, 2:05 pm

≫ Next: I only swallow because there is no other equally time saving method of post-intercourse clean up.

≪ Previous: May your Thanksgiving dinner provide as much to eat as Rob Ford's wife's genitalia.

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I only swallow because there is no other equally time saving method of post-intercourse clean up.

November 18, 2013, 4:59 pm

≫ Next: I'm sorry I was 30 minutes late to the job in which I already work ungodly amounts of unpaid overtime.

≪ Previous: Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.

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I'm sorry I was 30 minutes late to the job in which I already work ungodly amounts of unpaid overtime.

November 19, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: It takes an awful lot of work to get nothing done in this office.

≪ Previous: I only swallow because there is no other equally time saving method of post-intercourse clean up.

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It takes an awful lot of work to get nothing done in this office.

November 19, 2013, 8:23 am

≫ Next: Thanks in advance for not wearing your Redskins jersey to Thanksgiving dinner.

≪ Previous: I'm sorry I was 30 minutes late to the job in which I already work ungodly amounts of unpaid overtime.

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Thanks in advance for not wearing your Redskins jersey to Thanksgiving dinner.

November 19, 2013, 9:40 am

≫ Next: Office victories worth celebrating.

≪ Previous: It takes an awful lot of work to get nothing done in this office.

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Office victories worth celebrating.

November 19, 2013, 10:20 am

≫ Next: May you nap as soundly after Thanksgiving dinner as Justin Bieber after sex with a prostitute.

≪ Previous: Thanks in advance for not wearing your Redskins jersey to Thanksgiving dinner.

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May you nap as soundly after Thanksgiving dinner as Justin Bieber after sex with a prostitute.

November 19, 2013, 10:41 am

≫ Next: I'm attracted to you enough to fool around after a full Thanksgiving dinner.

≪ Previous: Office victories worth celebrating.

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I'm attracted to you enough to fool around after a full Thanksgiving dinner.

November 19, 2013, 11:46 am

≫ Next: I hope my excessive drinking, mental instability, and fat, disgusting body don't keep you from having sexual relations with me later.

≪ Previous: May you nap as soundly after Thanksgiving dinner as Justin Bieber after sex with a prostitute.

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I hope my excessive drinking, mental instability, and fat, disgusting body don't keep you from having sexual relations with me later.

November 19, 2013, 5:03 pm

≫ Next: The only parade I'll attend this Thanksgiving is the one to the toilet.

≪ Previous: I'm attracted to you enough to fool around after a full Thanksgiving dinner.

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The only parade I'll attend this Thanksgiving is the one to the toilet.

November 20, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Congratulations to Jewish mothers on Adam Levine winning Sexiest Man Alive.

≪ Previous: I hope my excessive drinking, mental instability, and fat, disgusting body don't keep you from having sexual relations with me later.

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Congratulations to Jewish mothers on Adam Levine winning Sexiest Man Alive.

November 20, 2013, 8:32 am

≫ Next: Please be our guest for some state-sanctioned girl-on-girl nuptials.

≪ Previous: The only parade I'll attend this Thanksgiving is the one to the toilet.

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