Please be our guest for some state-sanctioned girl-on-girl nuptials.
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I would travel by bus for you.
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I'd love to see you over Thanksgiving if it's not too depressing for you to see someone who still lives in our hometown.
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Happy Hanukkah to a Jew who lives in a part of the country where no one knows what Hanukkah is.
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Hope you don't mind that the side dish I'm bringing to Thanksgiving is several bottles of wine that I'm not sharing with anyone else.
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I'm not the kind of girl you can take home to your mother unless your mother is a drunk whore too.
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Sorry your girlfriend is too young to sit with us at the adult table this Thanksgiving.
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I wish the Hunger Games sequel was a death match between the people who disagree about Jennifer Lawrence's short haircut.
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Allow me to apologize in advance for what I will do to your bathroom on Thanksgiving.
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Let's kick off the holiday season by sitting in a dark theater watching teenagers murder each other.
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Introducing the most threateningly amusing way to get someone's attention.
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Let's get high school drunk.
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I apologize in advance for never calling you again after we have sex tonight.
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Congratulations on not being remotely young enough to be picked for the Hunger Games.
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Of the vast number of people I report to at work, you're my favorite.
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Happy birthday to someone so old they've forgotten where they were when JFK was assassinated.
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I'd love it if we took unbuttoning our pants after Thanksgiving dinner a step further.
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Just thought I'd mimic retailers by wishing you a Merry Christmas before Thanksgiving.
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Brunch makes Sunday morning binge drinking feel so civilized.
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I'm thankful that I only have to fake working for two days this week.
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