The last hour of work on a Friday is a joke. You know it. Your coworkers know it. Your boss knows it, unless he's a total ass.
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Boooooooooored. Boredboredboredbored. (via Thinkstock)
Even though everyone knows this, you still have to participate in the ruse that is pretending to work. Why? Don't ask that question right now. The answer will make you depressed.* Instead, spend the last hour of your day doing one of these things that sort of look like real productive things.
1. Play one of these games that look like actual work.
Can't You See I'm Busy is a site of computer games designed to look like Real Work Tasks. You can even enter your company's name so it shows up on the game. Or you can write "F*ck [enter your boss's name here]." I don't care.
2. Delete all of the emails from your boss.
You know you want to. Do it, and feel a tiny surge of gleeful power with each click. Think about the repercussions on Monday. Or never. Never's probably a better option.
3. Photocopy a bunch of pictures of ham (or whatever).
You can photocopy whatever you want; photocopying looks like you're Doing Something. But I'm going to suggest that you photocopy a picture of ham, because that's funny. I'll even put a picture of ham right here:
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It's hamtastic. (via Thinkstock)
4. Put the pictures of ham up around your office.
If anyone asks what you're doing, just say "ham committee."
5. Do some work on your life. No, really.
Allow me to take off my "sarcastic asshole" hat for a moment and put on my "sincere asshole" hat. We all want to be better people. If you don't think you want to be a better person, you're probably just scared that you're a shitty person right now and don't want to admit that to yourself. So take this time to work on some goals. It could be something big, like signing up for Mint and making a budget so you can start saving to buy a house. Or it could be something small, like going into the bathroom, taking a picture of your junk, and sending it to someone you wanna have sex with.
6. Make an Arya Stark-style list of work enemies.
Spend the last hour of work quietly repeating it to yourself.
7. Have a ham committee meeting.
Book a conference room, invite your work friends, and do whatever you want. If any coworker you're not actually friends with tries to join, tell them, "Sure, you can join, but anybody who isn't part of the committee will be getting a free surprise gift." If any coworker isn't swayed by this, talk about the intricacies of hog farming until they leave. I suggest that you use 1881's Success in Farming as reference, and get into specifics about the portable hog-pen:
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Is it the best thing to happen to hog farming, or the worst? Only the ham committee can decide! (viaSuccess in Farming)
8. If you HAVE to work, introduce yourself to someone from another department, and find out what they do.
If it goes well, you'll have a new friend, understand the business better, and have done some semblance of work that doesn't consist of staring at a computer screen. If it goes poorly, you have a new name to add to your enemies list. Win-win.
9. Cry in the bathroom.
That always takes up some time.
* Our society for some reason values the look of work more than the actual completion of work, so you are required to sit in an office for eight-plus hours a day even though you only do four-ish hours of actual work and spend the rest of the time fantasizing about things you could do if you weren't in the office. But then, by the time you get home, you feel worn out from sitting at a desk all day that you don't have the energy to do any of those things you fantasized about. I told you not to ask the question.
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