Deciding whether short- or long-term parking is more appropriate is tough when you're rushing your nine-week-old son to the doctor. 

There are nice people out there, at least in Australia. (via News.com.au)

A woman in Canberra, Australia, told the Facebook group Canberra Mums that she went into a hospital with her nine-week old son last week. She and the baby were discharged several days later, at which point the mother noticed she hadn't parked in the right place, because there was a parking ticket on her windshield. The frustration and stress felt by the mother—and you, dear reader—were quickly alleviated by the pink sticky note also left on the windshield.

The note read: 

"Hi there. I saw your car had a parking ticket on it, I'm sure whatever you are going through at hospital is tough enough so I paid for you. Hope things get better."

It was signed "Laura," and a receipt number was provided to show that the good deed had in fact been done.

This Laura person didn't know who the mom was, or why she was in the hospital, she just noticed that the car's driver had been inside the hospital for a while and that the last thing they probably needed was a parking ticket. Thanks for restoring our faith in humanity for a few minutes, Laura!

Related: Strangers paid this mom's parking meter while she was in the ER with her baby.

Are you ready for some unsettling information?

Sometimes celebrities allow photographs of themselves to be altered, so as to make themselves look better. Nicki Minaj would like you to know that she is not one of those celebrities.

Yesterday afternoon, Minaj posted this photo to Instagram of herself and her fiancé, noted Drake collaborator Meek Mill:

Commenters immediately weighed in, claiming that the shadow between Minaj's butt and the hairstylist's leg was too dark and weird and suspicious and was a telltale sign that the image had been doctored to make Minaj's butt look bigger and better. 

Not true, claims Minaj, citing as proof a screencap of a text conversation she had with the guy who actually took the shot, photographer Alex Loucas.

"Yall so damn crazy," Minaj commented on the affair. "We don't need to do that," she understated, referring to the use of software and computers to enhace her butt.

MiraSmooth uses precisely controlled microwave technology to remove armpit sweat and hair.

It looks like the armpit-hair-is-cool movement is facing some backlash after a new hair removal procedure has become a reality. After receiving FDA clearance, skin surgery centers have started using Miramar technology to reduce armpit hair and perspitation. The procedure is simple: The doctors draw guiding lines on your armpit, give you a local anesthetic, and then scan your armpit with a ray-gun to give you the pits of a baby. For a closer look, check out these patients who have begun documenting their procedures:

According to Mr. Michael Kline, CEO and President of Miramar Labs:

We believe the potential for microwave energy in aesthetics is exceptional. Miramar was the first company to receive clearance for axillary sweat reduction and we are now the only company with FDA clearance for permanent reduction of axillary hair of all colors. These are both tremendous market making opportunities in aesthetics.

And according to Dr. Jeremy Brauer of Laser & Skin Surgery Center of New York:

Using this technology we've seen stable axillary hair reduction of approximately 70% regardless of color, and these results were based on a non-optimized treatment protocol. It will be exciting to see the increase in results given the protocol improvements we've made since then.

I definitely think it's cool that people whose sweat or hair gets in the way of their everyday life have another treatment option, but something about the whole thing feels fishy. The treatment looks like it'd be on one of those sketchy medical ads you'd see on the NYC subway, or like it would be advertised on a late night infomercial by a fake scientist. While the short-term effects of microwave treatment have been tested and approved, Dr. Snehal Amin told BuzzFeed that less "long-term data on the safety and efficacy of microwaves for hair removal" exists.

So it seems mostly safe, but there's a chance it could have negative effects in the future. Or maybe it will have positive effects and turn patients into superheroes with armpit-centric abilities. Let's pray for the latter.

In this clip from a documentary about Ledger, his father looks through a journal he kept to figure out the character.

Watching this clip of Kim Ledger going through his son's "Joker diary" is a very emotionally confusing experience. On the one hand, I was filled with a sense of loss for such a great talent dying at the young age of 28. On the other hand, I was terrified at the stuff in the diary. It's like all of my nightmares put into one, and it explains why his version of the Joker was so disturbing.

Also, the fact that it's Heath's dad looking through it makes it even more fraught with emotion. This clip comes from Heath Ledger: Too Young To Die, a recent German documentary about the actor's life and career. It features extended interviews with Kim, as well as many of Heath's friends and colleagues. It's a fitting tribute to an actor who was only fully appreciated after he died, when he made us all wet our pants by playing a psycho in makeup.

It's the biggest outbreak of P.A. since the roaring twenties.

Nancy Jo Sales, the same journalist who wrote the book off of which The Bling Ring is based, recently published an article in Vanity Fair titled "Tinder and the Dawn of the 'Dating Apocalypse.'" It's one of those op-eds about how because of hook-up culture, young people are having a lot of meaningless relationships, monogamy is on the decline, people are shittier, blah blah blah. Sorry, I just can't stomach another one of those pieces without falling asleep.

Sales did contribute something new to the endless repertoire of older-people-writing-about-how-younger-people-are-different op-eds, though; she introduced the term "Pussy Affluenza" (English; early 21st-century; pʊsi aff-lieu-en-zuh) to common vernacular. Actually, it was introduced by someone she interviewed, but Sales brought it to the public. In the piece, she interviews Amy Watanabe, the owner of a sake bar in NYC, who discusses how young men are bringing multiple dates into her bar:

"The men in this town have a serious case of pussy affluenza," says Amy Watanabe, 28, the fetching, tattooed owner of Sake Bat Satsko, a lively izakaya in New York’s East Village. "We’ve seen them come in with more than one Tinder date in one night."  

For those of you who don't speak the language of hip NYC bar owners, she's basically saying that young men now have way too many women at their disposal because of hook-up apps. It's a new disease, so doctors are still in the preliminary phases of understanding its implications, but rest assured that you're extra suspceptible if you're a millenial and/or a fuccboi. 

At the very least, it's one old-timey dress away from being a great cover for a fantasy novel.

If I was making a book called Look at These Sweet F*cking Rainbows, I'd put a lot of the classics in. You know, quadruple rainbow, screenshots from the double rainbow guy, etc. But I would also add this joyful rainbow picture, taken over the weekend. 

Here's what attndef, the user who posted the image, said on Imgur:

A few minutes ago, I ran outside to take a picture. My daughter chased after me. I told her to go back inside because she was in her pajamas and didn't have any shoes on. She didn't listen. I'm glad she didn't listen.

Book publishers, if you're listening, let me know when you have a contract drawn up for my rainbow book.

The retailer is phasing out "boys" and "girls" sections in favor of a "kids" section. Shocking, right?

A few months ago, we reported on Abi Bechtel, a mom/blogger who took to Twitter to call out Target for what she perceived as sexist signs in its toy department. Here's the tweet in question:

She felt that the store was making unnecessary distinctions between gender, that both boys and girls should be encouraged to build, and that boys shouldn't be the default recipient for that sort of toy. Whether or not you agree with her (and many didn't), a lot of people on the Internet got behind her. Now, Target has heard their complaints, and is making some changes to its kids departments.

In a new blog post, the retail behemoth announced that it is fazing out all "boys" and "girls" distinctions in certain departments, including toys, home, and entertainment. The action figures will be next to the dolls, the pink blankets will be next to the blue ones, and the sporting equipment will be next to the sitting quietly equipment. Conceding that gender distinctions in these areas is "unnecessary," the post went on to explain:

Right now, our teams are working across the store to identify areas where we can phase out gender-based signage to help strike a better balance. For example, in the kids’ Bedding area, signs will no longer feature suggestions for boys or girls, just kids. In the Toys aisles, we’ll also remove reference to gender, including the use of pink, blue, yellow or green paper on the back walls of our shelves. You’ll see these changes start to happen over the next few months.

It seems like a nice gesture. Even if the original complaint was a little histrionic, why should there be a distinction between girls' and boys' products? If a girl wants to wear sports gear and play with monster toys, why should some sign tell them they're wrong? And why shouldn't boys play with baby dolls? They need to learn to nurture! To be clear, despite the many commenters saying otherwise, they are not removing the gender labels in the apparel section, as Target states plainly:

In some cases, like apparel, where there are fit and sizing differences, it makes sense [to label gender]. In others, it may not.

Of course, a decision like this couldn't happen without furious online backlash. People across the Internet are flaming Target hard for the company's efforts to destroy families and turn every kid into a genderqueer vegan. Here are just a few examples, taken from the comments sections of the blog post and Target's Facebook page:

"I saw that Target is "taking a stand against gender stereotypes" by taking away references to boy's clothes, girl's clothes, etc. We're taking a stand too. We won't shop at Target any longer."

"I'm "moving away" from Target. This is a good reason to start shopping local - I might pay more, but I'll be supporting decent, sensible businesses instead of looney-tune, politically correct corporations."

"The inmates are running the asylum."

"The only way to stop this is to boycott the store. I'm not even addressing the toy thing. What about the clothes section. Is then one section. I guess there will be a kids section, and an adult section for adults. Bras and jock straps same isle."

"Bye bye target.. since you dont reconize a girl and are now gender nutural Im standing up for Girls and boys .. the hail with this gender nutural stuff"

"Target, you get that you are playing the part of a, "Genetics Denier." Girls are girls and boys are boys, stop playing social scientist."

"First you will remove gender labels on toys, next you will sell lingerie in the Menswear Dept. I'm sorry Target, I don't support your insanity. I have a Target Credit Card (since 1997) but I will be canceling it first thing tomorrow morning. I will no longer shop at your store or support your twisted agenda."

"Well are the bugs genderless also Target??? Good grief charlie brown.. the world has gone insane including france owned target"

Of course, there were some positive comments too:

"Finally, recognition that kids don't have to be treated differently based on their gender!"

"Good job Target! Your statement of equality and inclusion, instead of hatred, bigotry, and ignorance has made me an even more loyal customer than I already was! Way to go!"

"Thanks for not imposing unrealistic gender roles on innocent children! I love it. You continue to have my loyalty."

"FWIW, Target, you will get MORE of my business now. Thank you for making the lives of kids who don't necessarily conform to gender stereotypes a little bit easier. You did the right thing, regardless of what the boycotters say."

What do you think? Has the PC movement gone too far, or is Target doing the right thing by trying to be more inclusive? Just kidding, don't actually tell us what you think.

He may not have strength or coordination, but he sure as hell has spirit.

This three-year-old karate apprentice from the Peak Taekwondo & Fitness Center in Temecula, California earned his white belt, but not without a true hero's test. Watch as his instructor guides him through the ancient ritual of the board break, where he tries everything from jumping on it to slapping it with both hands. After watching it, you'll beware the tiny iron first.

"Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?" "I do bite my thumb, sir." "Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?" "Nay, I just burned it on my lighter while taking a massive bong hit."

Yeah, who would have thought this scene was dreamt up by a stoner?

Earlier this month, scientists unearthed multiple pipes in the Stratford-upon-Avon area, including several from William Shakespeare's garden. Naturally, the whole world held its breath while the scientists performed gas chromotography-mass spectrometry (they heated them up and looked at them with special instruments) to determine what residues lay within the pipes. In other words, what was William Shakespeare smoking, and did he get his name from the low-quality shake-and-stem weed he was smoking? Well, you can finally exhale now and cough with the joyous knowledge that yes, just like your first drama teacher, William Shakespeare was a pothead. His pipes all tested positive for cannabis. Yes, him. The guy who immortalized "the, like, play within a play, man." The guy who wrote A Midsummer's Night's Dream, the plot of which is so weird (involving a guy named Bottom who gets laid after his head is turned into a donkey's) even the characters don't believe it was real by the time it's over.

Psst - Don't tell anyone, but my tragedies are hilarious.

Here's the really crazy part. While William Shakespeare was likely a stoner (scientists postulated, in a fantastic display of understatement, that he may have liked its "mind-stimulating properties"), his neighbors smoked coca leaves. That's right, while artsy-fartsy Billy Shakes was getting lit behind the Globe, his respectable merchant-class neighbors were living an early 17th-century version of Wolf of Wall Street. Shakespeare, the scientists went on to speculate, "may have been aware of the deleterious effects of cocaine." 

I simultaneously want so much for this to be fake and so much for this to be real.

That's a video of Congresswoman Ann Wagner of Missouri. More specifically, if you believe the "hype," that is Ann Wagner picking her nose and eating the booger live on TV. If it's real, I'm sort of just flabbergasted. Your entire job as an elected representative is basically being trusted to look like an adult in adult situations. But I guess I have to admit: I'm an idealist. I want to believe that our elected representatives have our the public's interest in mind, and I want to believe that they don't eat their own nose pickings. Unfortunately, that's not always the case.

Crossfit relies on "muscle confusion." In this case, getting your deltoids to ask "Why? Why would you do this?"

Memorial to the Murdered Social Media Accounts of Idiots. (via Gawker)

The Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe located in Berlin, Germany is, to say the least, a serious place. It is there as an unsettling reminder of the horrors committed by Nazis in World War II and of the potential in all of us for evil. It is also, unfortunately, a great temptation for people who can never resist taking selfies. Even public figures like NBA players have been caught doing it, and other people have even gone so far as to take selfies at Auschwitz or other very serious places. No one, however, managed to mix this grave insult to the memory of millions with a grave insult to billions of living humans by using the memorial as a platform to brag about their obnoxious health craze.

Until self-described "Inspirerer/Crossfit coach" Dave Driskell, that is. The well-known Crossfit "evangelist" took this very athletic photo at the memorial designed for introspection earlier today, and the response was vicious and swift. I think the best and most concise comment visible in this screengrab is the one reading "Mate, that is so insensitive and makes you look really dumb. I would delete this post." Wise words, and for once, someone on the Internet listened. Driskell took the post down and replaced it with this, accompanied by a shockingly good apology by Internet standards:

 

A photo posted by Dave Driskell (@davedriskell) on Aug 10, 2015 at 4:42pm PDT

Here is Driskell's apology:

I'd like to apologize for any offense the last picture I posted has caused. I had a quick layover in Berlin today with a good friend and we walked all around the city looking at and enjoying all the beauty it has to offer. We walked near this memorial not knowing what it was at the time. People were walking on the pillars. Kids running around. People sitting on them. It was gorgeous and looked visually stunning. As with all things like this I wanted a picture next to it, as I have been doing for years. I took a handstand picture with it as the background. I truly did not know what the structure was. 
I feel completely terrible as I would never purposely offend or disrespect this memorial had I known. I posted the picture using the wifi from a local cafe and then went back to exploring the city. It wasn't until later tonight at the airport that I realized my error in understanding what this structure was. 
I've been doing handstands all over the world since I started this amazing wanderlust adventure that has inspired people all over the world. 
Earlier this year I flew to India to help with a charitable event which raised over $24,000.00 to help the orphans and needy in India. I love to promote fitness and inspire people to do something different than the norm: To be epic. To be fit. To help others. To chase happiness. To show love! I love all and strive to show that through my passions of travel and fitness. 
Again I apologize for this horrible misunderstanding and any offense this might have caused. 
Anyone who knows me, knows this is the complete opposite of what I would want. 
I respectfully ask your forgiveness 
Dave Driskell.

I will say this: unlike most people who do something moronic online, Crossfit seems to have given Driskell the strength to admit he was wrong and the flexibility to deal with it.

With Miley Cyrus added to the pile, we're pretty close to reaching Peak Feud with Taylor Swift.

Miley Cyrus is the cover model/story for the upcoming issue of Marie Claire, a magazine that I always forget exists is TOTALLY relevant to me. They've released some quotes from the interview, in which Miley talks about her hippie lifestyle, gender fluidity, and how she doesn't need bullshit like an outdoor shower in her house (or in her yard....wherever an outdoor shower goes). Anyway, she also thinks that Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood" has a bad message:

I don't get the violence revenge thing. That's supposed to be a good example? And I'm a bad role model because I'm running around with my titties out? I'm not sure how titties are worse than guns.

I can agree with that general statement; I'm much more in support of everyone having breasts than everyone having artillery. Although to be fair, Miley, the "Bad Blood" video has guns and barely covered titties:

So who's going to be the female singer who pushes the T Swift feud thing into Peak Feud? I'm crossing my fingers for Carol Channing, mostly just because I'd watch anything Carol Channing does. 

You might think he's freaking out over Kylie getting a $250,000 car from her 25-year-old boyfriend for turning 18. Nope, turns out there are Kardashian stories so dumb, even we never post them.

Although I must admit, Bruce is pretty cute. He's also the de facto ranking male in the Kardashian clan now that Scott has left the scene and Caitlyn has come into her own. Sorry, Rob.

If you didn't understand that sentence, you're gonna love this news anchor.

"The Daily Mail" published an article wondering why 4-year-old Harper Beckham still uses a pacifier, and David Beckham sure told them.

The caption reads:

Why do people feel they have the right to criticize a parent about their own children without having any facts ?? Everybody who has children knows that when they aren't feeling well or have a fever you do what comforts them best and most of the time it's a pacifier so those who criticize think twice about what you say about other people's children because actually you have no right to criticize me as a parent ...

Yeah, but like, why is she still sucking a pacifier?

Kidding! While according to The Daily Mail, sucking a pacifier well into your childhood can cause "speech or dental issues," a few moments with your binky when you're not feeling well, or when you won't shut up and mommy and daddy need a quiet moment, will do no real harm. I'm much more interested in what happens to children with super hot famous parents. THAT seems like it would have long term consequences.

It was either this or physically assault him, and that's still illegal.

After Republican presidential frontrunner (shudder) Donald Trump's attacks on debate moderator and news anchor Megyn Kelly turned bizarrely personal (and expectedly misogynistic), people were wondering if she'd respond to the presidential hopeful. Well, she did.

Damn, Megyn Kelly! I don't agree with your politics, and it's clear you're dancing around what a ridiculous clown man Donald Trump is to please Fox New's viewing demographic, but your tone drips with all the contempt he deserves. You've chosen not to respond, but that response is on point. She says:

"Apparently Mr. Trump thought the question I asked was unfair and felt I was attacking him. I felt he was asked a tough but fair question. We agreed to disagree... Trump, who is the front runner, will not apologize. And I certainly will not apologize for doing good journalism. So I'll continue doing my job without fear or favor. Mr. Trump, I expect, will continue with what has been a successful campaign thus far. This is a tough business, and it's time now to move forward."

Message: move forward, garbage man, cause I ain't looking back.

If you haven't been paying attention, Donald Trump said many, many things that were very, very bad. There! Now you don't need to read the newspaper.

Last night on The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon dusted off his Trump impression to address some of the bonkers stuff The Donald has said lately, mostly to Megyn Kelly. Regarding Trump's comments that during the GOP debate, Kelly had "blood coming out of her wherever"? Fallon/Donald clarified, "I was not referring to hormones or menstruation. Period." Apparently, we in the media also highly misinterpreted what Trump meant when he said he'd "love to have a foursome with Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, and Nicki Minaj." It turns out there has actually just been a ton of miscommunication lately, and we,not trump, are the deviants.

The Internet came together in bafflement after Marco Rubio tweeted this bizarre pro-life message. (Warning: clicking the link signs the petition).

I've never been asked to sign a petition that a person won't become a donkey or a cat, but on the surface, it seems reasonable. After all, we as a society can never allow shape-shifters amongst our midst. That must have been what presidential candidate and Florida Senator Marco Rubio was thinking when he tweeted this link on Monday afternoon. Clicking the link (which I recommend doing in an incognito window), however, leads you to a petition to agree that all human life begins at conception, which isn't really the same as the "people changing into cats/donkeys" thing.

Rubio's logic is (kinda) explained by an accompanying video, taken from a recent interview with Chris Cuomo on CNN's New Day.

Now I get it! Wait, do I get it? Rubio seems to be saying that life begins at conception because a human fetus can't become a different kind of animal. It's a pretty big leap, but judging from his smile at the end of the interview, he clearly thinks it's rock solid.

The Internet quickly jumped on Rubio's comments with some great responses. Twitterers were all too quick to argue that people can become cats and donkeys.

What do you think? Can people become cats or donkeys? Please say yes. 

According to 72 U.S.C. § 403(c)(2)(C), we must show you new Star Wars trailers as soon as they are released, and breathlessly discuss the implications of the 1.5 seconds of actual new footage.

At the beginning of this trailer, you see what looks like a sci-fi Nuremberg rally full of Stormtroopers. Standing in front of them are a collection of officers, led by one extra-evil seeming guy. One of these officers is (probably) Gwendoline Christie from Game of Thrones, who will be playing Captain Phasma. One of the other officers is General Hux, played by Irish actor Domhnall Gleeson, best known as Bill Weasley from the last Harry Potter films. Standing at center is (again, probably) Andy Serkis playing Supreme Leader Snoke. Collectively, the officers and the soldiers form The First Order, a group that has risen from the ashes of the Empire.

This clip debuted as an ad on South Korean TV.

We have now officially discharged our duties under the United States Blogging Code. Good day.