"I am having a great day at the ocean, and it's made better by the fact that this stranger's drone is filming me," said no one ever.

I went to the beach last weekend. While I was laying out in my bathing suit, not one, but two goddamned drones kept making sweeps of the beach, filming everyone there. I was really happy about this, because my favorite thing about enjoying the natural beauty of the ocean is when it's interrupted by a buzzing peeping-tom robot flying above my head like I'm in a Phillip K. Dick novel.

That's why I was pleased to come into work on Monday and see this video of a man in San Diego getting fed up with a drone and hooking it with his fishing pole. Yes, it's a dick move that could have hurt an expesnive piece of machinery. No, I don't support ruining someone else's property, even if they're being rude. And, as Gizmodo points out, it's actually illegal in San Diego to "Cast any fishing line or pole overhead or allow any lure or hook to pass inboard of the pier railing while casting,” while there are currently no anti-drone ordinances on the books. So this fisherman was definitely in the wrong.

But, with all of that said, the grumpy old man in me that just wants all of the robots to get off my beach-lawn was pleased to see someone fighting back against the drones. Hopefully, when Skynet actually goes online, all we'll need to be armed with is fishing poles.

Man, all the Internet has helped me find is pizza. I wish I had a doppelganger.

Left: Meredith Pond (I think). Right: Amanda Fisher (I'm pretty sure). (via Imgur)

Amanda Fisher is a 23-year-old from Frisco, TX. One day last week, she was out running errands when a friend texted her that they'd found someone online who looks exactly like her. Fisher didn't think anything of it, at first, since she and many other big-eyed, dark haired girls across America often hear this, usually in reference to two particular celebrities. "I get told quite often that I look like Zooey Deschanel or Katy Perry, so I figured it was probably someone that had a slight resemblance like I do with them," she told BuzzFeed.

But lo, it was not just some random manic pixie dream girl. It was a real live human mirror. Amanda's friend had already found her non-biological twin's Instagram page, but besides the name "mere_dith" and the fact that she's a tortoise-owning Etsy weaver from Indiana, nothing else could be discovered. At the time this story began, Amanda had dark hair, but her new twin was a dead ringer for Amanda when she had been blonde.

Weird. Also, someone is trying to chat you, person who doesn't know how to take a screenshot. (via Facebook)

Meredith wasn't answering any of Amanda's messages, so Amanda figured she doesn't use Instagram on a daily basis (shocking, I know). Knowing how the world solves (very minor) problems in 2015, Amanda turned to the Internet for help:

They found her in Instagram but it doesn't seem like she uses it very much. I have a feeling she uses imgur judging by the pictures she has posted. I'm hoping she will see this so she can be just as weirded out as me!

FP Edit: In response to all the messages, yes I will update everyone if I find her! Also, I'm cracking up because half of you say "Both of these pictures are you" and the other half says "You look nothing alike". Thanks for the updoots in hopes of finding her. I'm hoping she didn't cease to exist after I saw her.

FP Edit #2: A lovely Imgurian knows her and sent me her FB page, waiting on a response...

After days and days (five, to be exact) of Imgur, reddit, and everyone else online holding their breath, contact was made when someone who visits the same hair salon as Meredith in Indiana saw the post. This allowed them to make contact through Facebook. It came as a bit of a shock to Meredith Pond, reclusive Midwest weaver. According to Fisher (although she didn't want to put words in Pond's mouth), her non-evil twin was "initially frightened and confused." Fisher went on to say that the really eerie resemblence isn't with her, but with her mom:

"The biggest difference between us that I’ve noticed is our noses — hers isn’t as snubby as mine and looks more like my mom’s nose than mine does." (via BuzzFeed)

Will this lead to the most perfect yet creepy IRL friendship ever? That remains to be seen. The two have no plans to meet, but if they do they will have to take pictures to prove it. As for the rest of us, Amanda says she read somewhere that everyone has "six or seven" people in the world who look exactly like them. Since I'm too lazy to Google that and she's literally as close to an expert on the subject as they come, I believe her. One change has come out of this in the real world. Amanda has updated her profile picture to announce that she has gone back to being blonde. 

Or is this actually Meredith, and they're just messing with everyone?!(via Facebook)

Now they're really twinsies.

Even dogs need to cross the street, and this traffic cop helped one get where it was going.

All those jokes about animals crossing the road have a grain of truth, apparently. It's hard to tell if this is a daily occurence, or if the dog just senses it's in the presence of someone kind who is trying to help it. Who cares? That puppy stand there patiently waiting for the traffic cop to do his thing is the cutest!

If they're not actually long term buds, then I wonder if the traffic cop does the same for every animal who comes by. That sounds stressful, if so. Eventually, a chicken is gonna get by you. 

And it's going to be on TV, so you can watch it privately (wink wink).

That's just a sample of what you can expect from "kissing scenes" in The Notebook. Probably. Hopefully. It's going to be on The CW, so there are likely some restrictions on explicit sex, but there will still be torsos and mouth-mashing galore. But will there be an older couple, one of whom is slowly succumbing to the ravages of Alzheimer's? According to CW president Mark Pedowitz, um, no:

"I don’t believe we’re going to see the older couple—what they become."

No bummers! Just hot loving and eternal youth, like they do on The CW. This is the official logline for you to repeat over and over in your head until the season premiere:

This series will follow the romantic journey of the two beloved central characters Noah and Allie, at the outset of their blossoming relationship as they build their lives and their future together against the backdrop of the racial politics, economic inequities, and social mores of post-World War II of the late 1940s in North Carolina.

Oh, no! Social mores? I want kissing in the rain! Well, guess I'm gonna learn something against my will, in between the heavy petting stuff. Wait...these two characters can't possibly be played by Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams again. Nooooo! Throw this idea in the trash, we're done.

Not safe for work, wink wink wink.

The trailer for the upcoming Jason Sudeikis-Alison Brie romantic comedy Sleeping With Other People is red band. You know what that means...it's a sexy trailer! The movie is about a woman who runs into the first guy she ever slept with at a meeting for sex addicts. Sounds awkward...and sexy! It was written and directed by power-woman playwright-filmmaker Leslye Headland so it should also be thought-provoking. Thought-provoking and sexy!

Today, Sam Smith posted a screengrab of the homophobic 'gaysamsmith' Instagram account.

The account, made by an unknown Instagram user, featured the following poem as its bio:

In response, Sam wrote the following:

This genuinely doesn't offend me, coz I'm way too thick skinned when it comes to this kind of shit. BUT I just wanted to share this with everyone, so you can see how homophobia is still SO PRESENT in our society!!

What a great response. Parody accounts are supposed to be funny. This account is the equivalent of an 11-year-old boy seeing someone on the bus listening to Sam Smith, screaming "ha ha Sam Smith is gaaaay!!!," and giving them a purple nurple. Let's be reall, though: it was probably made by a grown man, sadly enough. 

Really old. I’m talking ninety plus.   

We all have those friends who say “If I ever get to be that age, just kill me.” Not me. There are some perks to that decrepit life style and I say bring it on.

1. They are finally done buying new clothes. 

When was the last time you saw an old person with new shoes? Your grandfather is still wearing the same pair of off-brand sneakers you remember from your childhood. He’s fine with it. I want that type of freedom. Buying new clothes is expensive and exhausting. I would love to know I never have to step foot in another Old Navy to find a new polo shirt. 

2. They get credit for extremely minor accomplishments.   

I’m talking about the smallest of not-even-achievement achievements. Like having an email account or never missing an episode of Jeopardy. I’ve heard older people touted for such acts. “She even has an iPad and she just loves it.” That’s a sentence people will actually use to brag about their grandmother. I currently accomplish so little, it would be nice to receive recognition for basic Internet competence.

3. They never feel obligated to make a phone call.  

The very elderly are never expected to make any phone calls ever. This sounds great. I hate having to remember to call my family. It would be so much easier to just sit around and wait them to call me.  In fact, they’d have to call me. They'd HAVE to. If they didn’t, they’d be assholes. That’s one of the few lessons I’ve learned in life: you get in trouble if you don’t call your grandparents enough.  

4. Farts away! 

You’re not allowed to call out old people if you smell something terrible. It might be a medical condition and you don’t want to embarrass them. I can’t tell you how many family gatherings I’ve sat through while uncomfortably holding in a massive plume of butt gas. Think how joyous it would be to just let rip and sit back in un-judged comfort. Oh man, that really does sound like the good life.  

5. They get away with racism/sexism/homophobia. 

As long as they don’t own a basketball team, old people seem to get a free pass on these issues. I wouldn’t mind that kind of safety net. They can say the most horrific things imaginable and the worst repercussion they face is a “c’mon, Pop” with an eye roll. I don’t have a particular desire to practice any of these things, but as time goes by, I’m becoming increasing concerned I might slip up and say something offensive by accident.

Something like, "I'm really jealous of super old people because no one expects anything of them." That kind of thing.

They are never ever getting back into this restaurant.

Over the weekend, some New York City Taylor Swift fans who do not understand the spirit of Taylor Swift were caught making trouble. (I wasn't even thinking of the Taylor Swift song 'I Knew You Were Trouble' when I typed that, but maybe subconsciously I was). A group of 15 people dining at the East Villiage wine bar Ballaró demanded that owner Denyse Santoro play Taylor Swift. She played two songs, even though it seems like it's not really the kind of venue where you can scream song requests. Then, even after she accomodated their obnoxious request, the crowd of jerks told Santoro, "Go back to your country with that fucking immigrant face." Ugh, stop pitting bar owners against yourself!

Santoro kicked the "patrons" out, and according to Gawker, someone scrawled a message in sidewalk chalk outside Ballaró that said, "WE DO NOT PLAY TAYLOR SWIFT HERE YOU CUNTS GRAZIE."

It's been a while since I've heard some good old-fashioned Italian bashing. (via Gawker)

Santoro wrote a letter to the community and posted it on Facebook explaining what happened, and calmly asking everyone to shake it off (sorry). It is, after all, what Taylor Swift would want.

Here's the full text of the letter:

Dear Neighbors, 
As one of the owners of Ballaro, I wanted to shed some light on the events that took place at my establishment this last Sunday night. In my eyes, it was extremely ridiculous. It’s easy to talk shit and to make snap judgements without ever knowing what truly took place, which is why I wanted to write this letter.

To start, I do not know who wrote that sentence on the floor outside of our place, but it was not me or anyone who works at Ballaro. That’s not who I am - I grew up in a family that taught me how to respect people the same... their skin color, race, religion, sexual orientation and age is never taken into consideration when I’m serving customers. I treat everyone with the upmost respect.

I know that I was offended, degraded and treated like shit by a group of 15 drunk people without any valid reason. They were screaming “BOO, YOU SUCK!” at me and my wait staff because Taylor Swift wasn’t playing on our sound system. I then played two Taylor Swift songs for them to placate them and they were dancing and singing all together so I assumed I had made my customers happy. However, after the two songs ended and the playlist moved on to other artists, they started complaining even more and it escalated. They started screaming that the songs I played weren’t the right one and I was told that, “this place is shit, the music and the people here suck.” I was then told to, “go back to your country with that fucking immigrant face.” 
This was the point that I lost control and I finally broke under the consistent barrage of snarky comments to myself and my staff. We had done nothing but serve them and try to make their time as enjoyable as possible and we were all being treated poorly. I yelled at them to leave and asked them all to go.

One of the women in the group took out her phone and said that she was going to make a viral video so no one would come to Ballaro anymore. Now this, more than anything, upsets me because Ballaro is a gathering place for neighbors, friends, lovers and strangers alike. We have a community that gathers in Ballaro and we all love and support each other and welcome anyone in our restaurant and bar. To possibly lose all that because of someone’s tainted point of view on social media, would be the worst thing.

My mission is to make everyone who enters through the front door feel like they are at home, because sometimes New York hardens even the best of us and we forget the true values in life: community and peace.

I’m a dreamer, and as a dreamer I would love to change the world, starting even in the smallest ways. So please, let’s make LOVE VIRAL and not hate! If anyone is bothered at the way I run my wine bar, I’d love to have a calm conversation with them face-to-face. If you truly dislike Ballaro, than luckily there are a million other places in New York that you can go to. I can’t allow groups of belligerent drunk people to insult my bar, myself or my staff. This place is my heart and soul, and I need to protect that.

I’ve learned that everybody deserves a second chance and I have learned the importance of always responding in love, no matter what insults or hurt is thrown at me.

East Village, I hope you will be safe and sound, Taylor Swift or no Taylor Swift. 
Sincerely, 
BALLARO

PS - You know where to find me if you feel the need to come apologize and pay your $500 check, as you left without paying.

Twitter's reaction wasn't so pretty.

I don't watch Pretty Little Liars, but here's is some context for what happened last night, based off my extensive Wikipedia research: The show is about a group of girlfriends who become estranged after the death of their friend Alison. One year later, they reunite after receiving letters from a mysterious entity who goes by "A," who threatens to expose secrets about their past. Up until last night, they had been tormented by A throughout the entire, 129-episode-long series, without knowing A's identity. During last night's episode, the season six half-season finale, A's identity was finally revealed! It turned out to be *SPOILER ALERT* Charlotte DiLaurentis! Charlotte, in turn, was also revealed to be Alison's transgender sister, who turned out to be—okay I give up trying to understand this show.

Anyways, it was a huge deal, but a lot of people on Twitter were pissed, criticizing the ending for being unrealistic and convoluted:

I can't stop laughing, this is hilarious

There's so much pressure on today's young women to blurt words.

Kristen Stewart was on The Tonight Show last night, where she played a game of "Word Blurt" with Jimmy Fallon. A lotofheadlines are calling out Stewart for being "awkward" during the game, but you know what's actually awkward? Being asked to shout out words as they pop into your head on television in a competition with the most experienced celebrity game-player of all time. But such is the price of fame. And at the very end of the game, Stewart and Fallon achieve a hilariously biting mind meld.

We were all the bright-eyed new hire at one point or another.

Being the youngest in the office is tough. You want to impress, but at the same time, you don't want to come off as too eager. You want to fit in, but there's always the age gap and the experience gap. You want to show everyone your true self, but you don't want them to think you're weird right off the bat. Here are some tips for easing the transition into your first or second job, and making life as the workplace baby slightly less awkward.

1. Unconditionally hate weddings.

Aww, it's so cute when two people choose to express their love and devotion for one another, right? WRONG!!! F*ck those people. Even if they're nice people, they suck. They make you spend money on trips, or make you feel lonely, or something like that—I don't know, I'm not old enough to get invited to my friends' weddings yet—but just be pissed whenever you hear that someone is getting married.

2. Get up-to-date on company lore.

After you work at a place for a few weeks, someone's gonna say something like, "Oh man, remember Niles?" and then everyone's gonna collectively "Oooooooooohhhhhhh mannnnn Nillessss" and you're going to be like "Who is Niles?" Get someone to fill you in on all of the company stories and/or drama that happened in the past, so you can pretend to be a part of your office's institutional memory. 

3. Don't go to the bathroom when your co-workers are in there. 

It's just weird when you see someone else you work with in the bathroom. Why do you think everyone gets up at different times to pee? It isn't just statsitics; there is some subconscious phenomenon that prevents people from getting up at the same time. If you do happen to run into someone else while in the loo, just make some quick eye contact, perhaps with a nod of acknowledge, and then GTFO as fast as you can. 

4. Joining in a conversation can be a risk, but it's a rewarding one. 

All of a sudden, the people sitting around you will start talking about something you know about, I don't know, let's say welding, for example. In your head, you'll have some interesting fact about welding to add to the conversation, but you don't speak much since you're new, so you're nervous. There's a strong chance that you'll speak up, everyone will look at you in confusion, and then promptly stop talking. You'll maybe get a pity nod or something, but that's it—you're intrusion has effectively killed the conversation. On the other hand, there's a chance you'll join in and seamlessly become part of the conversation, and thus be one step closer to not being the awkward new guy. It's up to you to decide if it's a risk you're willing to take.

5. You can talk about college.

I always thought that talking about college would make me seem too young and in turn, people wouldn't take me seriously. That is definitely not the case. People talk about college all the time. It's not weird at all, since you know, talking about a place we all spent four years of our lives is actually a completely normal thing to do.

6. Eat the same thing for lunch everyday but complain about how you hate it.

Everyone around you has settled into an irreversible lunch routine and the sooner you can do that, the sooner you'll be a part of the gang. There is no room for bringing lunch from home or trying something new. Just find some places that are okay and frequently lament how they're just okay and you're bored with them.

7. You can still play video games. 

A lot of adults still play video games.

8. Whenever you say something naive, just pretend like you were being ironic.

9. It's cool to talk shit about whatever you want, as long as you say you say "just kidding I love X" when you're done. 

When you start working as a young graduate, you'll think, "Wow, with my degree and in this troubled job market, it's so awesome to have a job that I like. I'm gonna make sure to do my best to show my appreciation." You'll be surprised when you start working, though, when you notice co-workers nonchalantly shitting on stuff. Should you also be "over it," in order to fit in? If so, pay attention to the golden rule: No matter what you say, at the end, assure everyone you were kidding the whole time and that you actually love that person/thing/Niles. It'll give you a blank check to pretty much say whatever you want without any reprecussions.

10. You can probably say the f-word.

Just saying, adults curse.

11. After drinking with your coworkers, you'll kind of feel closer to them but not really.

Everyone always talks about how drinking with your coworker is a big step. It's really not. Everyone is pretty much the same after two beers. 

12. Immediately treat employees who get hired after you as inferior. 

History has shown time and time again that human beings most easily bond at the expense of others, so just start shitting on the other new guy/girl and you'll be a seasoned company man/woman in no time. 

(All GIFs via Giphy)

He's like a reverse Joan of Arc, or another, more accurate metaphor. 

Keith Wilson, the 28-year-old owner of Exclusive Vibes Contemporary Dance Center, recently auditioned for the all-female Miami Heat dance team, and his slay-tastic audition video is blowing up. In addition to being a great dancer, people are praising him for trying to break gender boudaries in dance.

He made it to the third round but was then cut, a decision he attributes to his gender. He considers the Heat a progressive organization, though, and has hope that they will admit him in due time.

As Wilson told his local ABC affiliate in an interview (see below), "Dance [...] has no gender, it has no sexuality, it's just dance. It's an art." Watch part of his audition below:

And check out his interview with the local news:

We're rooting for you, Keith.

Um, dude. You've got some lion on your chest.

Ed Sheeran posted a photo of a new tattoo he's in the process of having inked. As you can see, it's a crazy gigantic lion across his whole chest. Interesting choice.

According to E! News, the tattoo is in honor of the English National Team and Sheeran selling out three shows at Wembley Stadium. But also, maybe, he just wanted to tattoo a crazy gigantic lion across his whole chest?

Sheeran captioned the photo, "Halfway and ouch." And now that song about people falling in love in mysterious ways is stuck in my head for the next two weeks. Sheeran, Sheeran, Sheeran. You were fun when you surprised a fan singing your song at a mall. When are you going to do that again?

Rest in peace, Uggie.

Bad news: A celebrity dog has died. Uggie, who you might know from starring in Oscar-winning film The Artist or from his appearances in Key & Peele or Water for Elephants, has passed away. According to TMZ, the 13-year-old dog was put down after battling a tumor.

This dog was so famous he had his own IMDb page, and he will be remembered by many. His trainer, Sarah Clifford, said, "I will forever hold him dearly in my heart and never forget his infinite love for chicken and hotdogs." I hope that people say the exact same thing about me when I die.