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Article 16


12 middle children who turned being ignored as kids into adult fame and fortune.

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1. Katy Perry

The international pop star has nine #1 hits, which is more than her older sister and younger brother combined. (via Getty)

2. Abraham Lincoln

He was the President of the United States, and some would say the best one in history. Although, what was the point of it, really, because by the election of 1860 his older sister and younger brother had died and he couldn't rub it in. (via The Telegraph)

3. Bill Gates

His younger and older sisters may have established nice lives for themselves, but did they start Microsoft and nearly eradicate malaria, MOM?!? (via Getty)

4. Joaquin Phoenix

After his parents left the religious collective the Children of God, Phoenix changed his first name to Leaf, to go along with his siblings River, Rain, Liberty, and Summer. He later changed it back to Joaquin and now has three Academy Award nominations, two more than older brother River. (via Getty)

5. Madonna

She got to be the most famous person in the world through sheer tenacity, but first she had to struggle to get noticed in a family of eight children in which she fell right in the middle of the birth order. (via Getty)

6. Chris Hemsworth

He is Thor and is a super-hunk. This beats being the second-choice boyfriend from The Hunger Games (Liam Hemsworth) or the older brother of Thor and the second-choice boyfriend from The Hunger Games (Luke Hemsworth). (via Getty)

7. Jeb Bush 

He may be the third of six Bush children, but if elected president in 2016, he'll easily be at least the second-most popular president named Bush. (via Getty)

8. Judd Apatow

The writer/director of This is 40 and Knocked Up has an older brother and a younger sister. Look for a crudely funny but also surprisingly introspective three-hour movie about this in the next few years. (via Getty)

9. Britney Spears

The definitive pop tart has a younger sister, Jamie Lynn, who starred on Zoey 101 until she got pregnant at 16, and an older brother named Bryan, who co-manages Britney's conservatorship, established after Britney's 2007 public meltdown, y'all. (via Getty)

10. Warren Buffett

The Oracle of Omaha has an older sister, and a younger sister. One of them, Doris, is a multi-millionaire in her own right. Big deal, because her little brother is a billionaire. (via Getty)

11. Jennifer Lopez

The singer/actress/sex symbol is the second of three sisters and says that in her family she was known as "the athletic one" while her sisters were known as "the pretty one" and "the singer." (via Getty)

12. Donald Trump

Certainly the real estate tycoon and presidential candidate's desperate need for attention and propensity for acting out has nothing to do with the fact that he's a middle child(via Getty)

Article 14

This lucky woman found love on Tinder with a guy pretending to be Forrest Gump.

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This guy posing as Forrest Gump on Tinder definitely makes the character seem like boyfriend material.

His eyes listen.(via Paramount)

One way to test a potential love interest's compatibility is to see if they share the same taste in movies as you. Imgur user lieutenant dan (confusing!) tested some poor sympathetic lady on Tinder's knowledge of a certain Academy Award winning movie in a very roundabout way. Listing his interests as "long distance running, football, ping pong, shrimp fishing," the fraud quickly lures this drunk girl in with his down-home charm:

Yup. Great, great guy. (via Imgur)

Just when I think we're out of wonderful(ly cruel) ways to troll unsuspecting potential life partners on Tinder, someone changes the course of history.

Want to see Christina Aguilera's topless selfie? Probably. Right?

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And for all your prudes out there: relax, she's wearing a hat.

Though the bad news for chill perverts is: NO NIPS. Topless photos of mature and lovely women are having something of a moment right now, what with Salma Hayek and...Chelsea Handler? Oh, there was also that awesome lady who flashed Google Street View. She's my fav so far.

I do think Xtina's caption is pretty perfect:

Just so you know with me, it's all real, all the time. Felt like it was time to start sharing some personal stuff with you guys... And it's just the beginning. Night night. X

Very personal. And if it's just the beginning...nipples are forthcoming? We live in hope!

A timeline of the worst bridesmaid experience in history.

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Being asked to be a bridesmaid can be an honor, but depending on who's asking, it can also be an invitation to serfdom.

When one of my close friends asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, I had no reason to say no. She lived across the country, and I knew there’d be some work involved, but a wedding is a big deal, and I was excited to be part of it. And anyway, my friend was a reasonable person, right? Right? 

That was over ten years ago, and I haven’t spoken to her since.

Day 1

1:43 pm: I was picked up at the airport by the bride to be (I'll just refer to her as "Bridezilla)". I’d volunteered to come a few days early to help out with any last minute wedding stuff, like making name cards or labeling gift bags, and to watch Bridezilla's little boy so she could take care of stuff she needed to do before the wedding. What I didn’t realize was that there would be a few other toddlers too, because, oh, hadn’t she mentioned? She was running a small childcare service from her home.

5:18 pm: It didn’t take me long to notice something missing from her house—namely, anything edible. There was baby food and weight loss shakes and not much else. BZ was dieting before the wedding, and we were far enough into the suburbs that I’d need a car to get food.

Recap of Day 1: Relatively normal, if somewhat bereft of food. No idea yet of the disaster that was to come.

Day 2

6:32 am: Awake bright and early thanks to the arrival of a couple of kids who BZ was watching that day. I was sleeping on the couch so it was hard not to notice them. I got  up, ate breakfast (just kidding!) and congratulated myself yet again on my decision to never have kids.

9:41 am: Another close friend of ours (let's call her Bridesmaid 1) arrived from out of town, and I was thrilled to see her (and her car). 

11:48 am: We were given some errands to run for BZ, like shopping for the special gift the bride traditionally gives the groom, which in this case was a pair of flip flops with bottle openers built into the bottoms. They would prove to be the most thoughtful part of the wedding and also the perfect example of the tackiness of things to come.

2:09 pm: We made a quick stop at the dry cleaner's so I could steam iron my bridesmaid dress, a wisp of pink polyester that I'd balled up and thrown into my suitcase. (Fun fact: The bride is legally obligated to assure you that you can wear this dress again at some future event; however, in the history of time, there has never been a bridesmaid dress that’s been worn more than once.)

4:02 pm: We went to the final dress fitting, along with the rest of the bridesmaids (bringing the total bridesmaid count to roughly 75). The dress had been designed and made by our designer/seamstress friend (let's call her Bridesmaid 2) as a wedding gift, and BZ had been extremely happy with the gown. Until she got some unsolicited and decidedly unconstructive criticism from the ever outspoken B1 (Goddammit, B1, shut up!). So now basically everyone was upset.

Recap of Day 2: We were an army of bridesmaids, with no plan of attack and the world's most unprepared general. Troop morale was low but at least I managed to sneak away to get bagels.

Day 3

6:47 am: Up early (surprise!) to help a few of the other bridesmaids decorate the reception room at the banquet hall. 

10:26 am: We showed up to survey what decorations BZ had provided, which turned to be completely none. It was a conspicuously unadorned banquet room with some tables and chairs. We thought it over and decided to go with the truly uninspired theme of "streamers." Most of the day was spent setting tables, blowing up balloons and wrapping pink streamers around the beams, while arguing over who got to take a nap.

7:00 pm: A surprisingly un-catastrophic rehearsal dinner. Finally, food! 

Recap of Day 3: Having spent a little bit of time with BZ and her groom, I couldn't help but notice how tense and uneasy their interactions seemed to be, and I got to witness some of the infamous fighting. Things were going great!

Day 4 - Wedding Day!

Negative a thousand o’clock am: A makeup artist came to do BZ's hair and makeup and then everyone drove to the venue, looking forward to getting this damn wedding over with and maybe finding a table to sleep under for a few hours. We were given a room where we could get BZ ready, which just meant getting her into the dress and keeping her upright (once the drinking started). 

10:13 am: B1 had assured me that there’d be some sort of snacks provided in the "getting ready" room—a tray of fruit and vegetables, or maybe some crackers—for the two hundred bridesmaids to eat. Sadly, there was no food in sight, but there was alcohol. Whiskey, and, to keep it classy, champagne. We spent the next few hours waiting on the bride hand, foot and shot glass.

12:14 pm: Things went from bad to worse. Almost none of the guests showed up on time because there was a mistake in the directions on the wedding invitation. The bridesmaids stood by the road and waved drivers down, like a formal version high school key club car wash. 

2:07 pm: Among the many people who had not yet shown up was the Best Man. Another bridesmaid’s husband was getting ready to stand in for him when he finally rolled in, super casual amidst the panic his lateness had created. I’d heard that one of the groom’s good friends was a white power dude and of course it turned out to be him. None of the bridesmaids wanted to be paired with this idiot, but finally B1, in the interest of just getting it over with, volunteered. He said something derogatory about women with tattoos, she called him an asshole, and we were off down the aisle, the start of the least sincere and driest-eyed wedding ceremony I’ve ever attended.

3:07 pm: The ceremony was quick, unstructured and not very memorable (were there vows? I can't be sure, I couldn't hear much over the noise of a legion of toddlers running rampant at an outdoor ceremony). The reception was basically the same. The DJ ended up being B2's laptop, set on a lone plastic chair. The music was a set list she made during the reception, including the song for the first dance. 

5:10 pm: It was finally time for dinner and we were like 6 am shoppers on Black Friday. I don’t remember what the meal was, just that there was enough of it and we could finally eat. B2 got food-high and started laughing hysterically about renting a hotel room, ordering room service and just rolling around in mashed potatoes on the bed like Indecent Proposal for hungry people.

6:33 pm: We were asked to make a spontaneous toast, all seven thousand bridesmaids. Everyone basically went with some version of "Uhhhhhhh...good luck, I guess?"

7:46 pm: Standing in a bathroom stall along with another bridesmaid, lifting up the heavy dress and trying to pull BZ's underwear up after she peed without making her spill her wine, I thought about the Bridezilla TV show. Up until then, I really thought all the drama was completely fake. There was definitely no way our bride would devolve into a total lunatic bride monster, right? Right?

Then she said, half-jokingly I’m sure (I hope), “This is my day! You have to do what I say because this day is all about me!”  

9:33 pm: The newlyweds had driven away, the grandparents had taken the toddler home, the guests were leaving and the hotel staff handed us brooms and told us to clean up. BZ had not hired a cleaning service, so we, her faithful bridesmaids, spent an hour wiping tables, taking down streamers and sweeping the floor. 

I don’t know what BZ had been planning for an entire year but it certainly wasn’t her wedding. 

Recap of Day 4: A good idea when you've had almost a year to plan a wedding is to PLAN THE WEDDING. 

I could never dislike BZ. She’s not a bad person just because her wedding was bad. She has a good heart; she just had a case of failing to get her shit together on a massive scale. I heard that she got divorced (to the surprise of absolutely no one) and is now quite happily re-married with another kid. I’m genuinely happy for her and wish her the best.

I'm just sort of hurt she didn’t ask me to be in her second wedding. 

(All images via Thinkstock)

This damning exposé is the best advertisement ever made for Planned Parenthood.

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Listening to the testimony of these poor women taken in by Planned Parenthood's divisive tactics may change your position on their government funding:

Powerful stuff. Haunting. It reminds me of my own experiences at Planned Parenthood, where I went for physicals, contraception and family planning services. They never lured me into having an abortion, but that's probably only because the education and medical support they offered prevented me from experiencing any unplanned pregnancies.

The real take-away though, is that even cis dudes can get healthcare at PP. What kind of crazy, whacked-out abortions are being forced on them?! And if the government isn't supporting any of the abortion services at Planned Parenthood–NOT EVEN ONE–then who is? Some kind of cabal of women and men across America who believe pre-natal care, STD testing, and cancer screenings should be made available free or low cost to all our citizens? The world is a truly terrifying place!

Kristen Stewart to reporter asking about her sexuality: let me Google that for you.

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Breaking news: Kristen Stewart was asked about her sexuality and told everyone, essentially, to chill.

https://instagram.com/p/6SNyIcRByh/

Stewart was interviewed for Nylon's fall fashion issue, and the interviewer brought up her sexuality. A lot of articles have come out since June when Stewart's mom confirmed then denied that she was in a relationship with a woman, so the writer asked Stewart if she wanted to proclaim anything. She did:

“Google me, I’m not hiding.”

I think she meant that there are a lot of easily accessible photos of Stewart and her (maybe but come on) girlfriend Alicia Cargile looking romantic and wearing really cool androgynous outfits.

I accept the Google challenge.

No offense to the public, but doy. I didn't need an article to tell me that. Although this article interestingly clarified that Cargile is a visual effects producer, not Stewart's former assistant as she is "often mistakenly referred to as."

Stewart went on:

“If you feel like you really want to define yourself, and you have the ability to articulate those parameters and that in itself defines you, then do it. But I am an actress, man. I live in the fucking ambiguity of this life and I love it. I don’t feel like it would be true for me to be like, ‘I’m coming out!’ No, I do a job. Until I decide that I’m starting a foundation or that I have some perspective or opinion that other people should be receiving…I don’t. I’m just a kid making movies.”

She also was basically like, sexuality is fluid and your questions bore me:

“I think in three or four years, there are going to be a whole lot more people who don’t think it’s necessary to figure out if you’re gay or straight. It’s like, just do your thing.”

With this and calling out Jimmy Fallon for saying everyone is his "bff," Kristen Stewart is killing it today.

And that wasn't even the best part of the article. That was when the writer explained that Stewart flat out refused to do any proposed goofy tasks, saying she preferred not to do "activities."

We have no set plans because she rejected all previously offered suggestions: roller derby, guitar lessons, etc.

You gotta do you!


Hugh Jackman lip-syncs to Katy Perry, and so begins the celeb lip-syncing backlash.

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Is this the beginning of the end for celebrity lip syncing?

https://instagram.com/p/6OxX9mihLz/

Here's Hugh Jackman lip syncing to "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. While I'm definitely amused, at this point in celebrity lip sync history, there are so many offerings out there that you really have to do something impressive to stand out from the crowd. I'm looking for a celebrity lip syncer to really shake things up by, say, doing a Beyoncé group number on a jet or mending a public image gone awry. This was fine, but I think Hugh Jackman should stick to what he's truly good at: being an amazing multi-talented Broadway performer.

Guess which Kardashian who got in trouble for having cornrows has cornrows again?

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Kylie Jenner, what are you up to?

https://instagram.com/p/6OlOSbI1WH/

As evidenced by Instagram and Snapchat, Kylie Jenner is wearing cornrows once again. Let's all take 30 seconds to do a really long sigh.

https://instagram.com/p/6Q2bT4Mw_g/

As you might remember, this is not the first time Kylie has worn cornrows, nor the first time everyone has collectively been like, "Kylie, please, what are you doing and why?"

Last month, when this exact same thing happened, Hunger Games actor and activist (and impressive 16-year-old!) Amandla Stenberg eloquently explained why this type of appropriation is not cool:

A lot of my role models are 16-year-olds, and I don't care. (via Buzzfeed)

But apparently nothing will stop Kylie from sticking up for an offensive thing she wants to do for inexplicable reasons. And she didn't even wait until next week for the Kardashian news hiatus.

This ultrasound of a demon baby is scarier than the thought of having a kid.

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It's a real-life 'The Omen' story.

That's not the demon fetus, but it's pretty damn close. (via Thinkstock)

Redditor _ItsAllRelative went with his wife to get an ultra-high-definition 4D ultrasound of their unborn child. On the way to the procedure, he spotted this picture of another couple's 4D ultrasound posted on the hospital's bulletin board:

Oh god. (via Imgur)
OH GOD! (via Imgur)

Needless to say, the redditor and his wife decided to go with the standard definition option instead.

This teenager gave us all a voice with her song about how Donald Trump is the worst.

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With just a minute and a half and an acoustic guitar, 13-year-old singer-songwriter Molly Bergman has succinctly summed up all of our feelings about President Windbag Hairpiece.


And because she's a blonde and female, Trump might just notice her. (Via YouTube)

For his part, Trump has given Bergman plenty of material. For instance, his name rhymes with "chump," and it's super lucky that "disgrace" rhymes with "pull out of the race":

This nightmare artist had an ear implanted in his arm.

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Stelarc, an Australian artist who teaches at Curtis University, is growing an ear in his arm.

He's not all ears, but he's getting there. (via ABC News AU)

Stelarc came up with the idea in 1996, but it only came to fruition a decade later, when he found doctors who were willing to carry out the experiment. They inserted a metal armature under his skin, and for the next few years, blood vessels and tissue grew in and around it, forming a pretty realistic-looking ear. According to Stelarc, "it's fixed to [his] arm and it has its own blood supply." For the next phase of the experiment, he's planning on making it more three-dimensional by "lifting it up off the arm and growing an ear lobe" using his own stem cells, because if you're put an ear in your arm, you gotta commit. 

Sorry, I should've probably put a warning up top. (via ABC News AU)

Stelarc's ultimate goal is to implant a microphone in the ear and hook it up to the Internet, so people from all around the world can tune in and listen to what he's doing through the ear. It guess it's some kind of statement about how we're plugged in all the time? 

Nah, it's probably a statement on being gross.

Tinder freaked out on Twitter and had a hissy fit at 'Vanity Fair.' Are they dating?

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A journalist wrote one of those lazy "Here's what the young people are doing!" pieces about Tinder and other dating apps, and Tinder had a very young people response: it went on a Twitter rant.

OMG! Tinder! Why u Tweet fightin? (via Thinkstock)

You might remember when we wrote about Nancy Jo Sales's Vanity Fair article on Tinder hook-up culture and the term "pussy affluenza" earlier this week; or you might not remember it because, like us, older people writing about young people's dating habits puts you to sleep faster than taking an Ambien with a Nyquil chaser. Well, not only was that piece ho-hum, but according to Tinder, it was also factually incorrect. And they complained about it in the most Internetty way possible — ranting to Sales and Vanity Fair on Twitter.

It started when Sales tweeted out a fact (or, according to Tinder, "fact") from her article:

https://twitter.com/nancyjosales/status/631131727625371649

Tinder then went on an extended Twitter rant about statistics, journalism, and how dumb it is to write an article about an app without trying to interview the people who made the app. Here's just a selection of what they fired out:

https://twitter.com/Tinder/status/631193352289923072https://twitter.com/Tinder/status/631249084922200064https://twitter.com/Tinder/status/631249101955280896https://twitter.com/Tinder/status/631249125959335936https://twitter.com/Tinder/status/631249156758110208

Tinder's Twitter person made some great points. Good job! That should be about it, right? Ending up on top?

Nope. Tinder then proceeded to ride the high of self-righteousness a little too far: 

https://twitter.com/Tinder/status/631249574926008320

Actually, I bet a good chunk of the people at Tinder work hard because they like having a paycheck. But whatever you wanna think, Tinder.

https://twitter.com/Tinder/status/631249180954996736

Yeah! Cool! The Tinder Generation is gonna be the most important generation since Pepsi's Generation Next! 

https://twitter.com/Tinder/status/631249808766820352

And see? We even have a hashtag for #GenerationTinder! Everyone knows that when you make something into a hashtag, that makes it real.

I do have another generation name suggestion, Tinder, that might be more appropriate — what about the Catty Twitter Fight Generation?

https://twitter.com/Tinder/status/631225194863030272

Zing! You showed 'em, Tinder.

Hillary Clinton: "Tell us how you feel about student debt in 3 emojis or less." The Internet: "No."

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Scream emoji, scream emoji, scream emoji.

https://twitter.com/HillaryClinton/status/631538115514007553

Hillary Clinton, who gave an eloquent graduation address at Wellesley College in 1969 that first propelled her to national attention, asked people on the Internet who are now in debt due to their higher education to sum up their feelings on the matter in three emoji. There are many ways in which the modern economy and world can make people feel like they overpaid for their college and/or technical education, but this has got to rank up there. The fact that "or less" is grammatically incorrect didn't help:

https://twitter.com/catesish/status/631546851989155840

There were plenty of sincere responses, of course:


I'm really impressed with people who took her up on the "or less fewer" part. (via)

But not that many of the 3-emoji responses were noteworthy, or really gained any traction. This could possibly be because very few combinations of three emoji, no matter how whimsical, are that interesting. Well, maybe a few:

https://twitter.com/vmmassie/status/631579637693419520https://twitter.com/FeministaJones/status/631552063814692864

(Hint: That last one is meant to convey being forced to do certain acts for money due to student debt.) For the most part, however, the most substantive responses contained actual, real words:

https://twitter.com/fart/status/631547564597227520https://twitter.com/chloebryan/status/631548757738430465https://twitter.com/Ziweeee/status/631548254208028672https://twitter.com/sarahsourire/status/631581385724002304https://twitter.com/desusnice/status/631546241328001024https://twitter.com/titonka/status/631542997000278016

In conclusion:

https://twitter.com/BklynMiddleton/status/631551905580339200

Flirting

Beautiful, majestic eagle delivers fatal "f*ck you" to annoying drone.

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Please join me in starting the catchphrase "You've been eagle'd!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hr-xBtVU4lg

As you may know from previous pieces on this site, I am not a big fan of the personal drones that are becoming more and more popular. They're like the jock antagonists from 80s teen movies, if those antagonists were small aerial robots — harmless overall, but certainly annoying. Yeah, drones can film seriously cool stuff, but when I'm trying to enjoy a quiet day outside, I don't like 'em clogging up my nature skies.  

Turns out that this eagle filmed by Melbourne Aerial Video doesn't like drones much either.

Don't worry; according to the video, the eagle is "fine." I'd go a step further and say that the eagle is "awesome."

Seasonal

A real life Bambi and Thumper friendship makes that Disney pairing look pretty awkward.

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It's very cute that a deer and a rabbit are playing together, but also it looks pretty weird.

Bunny and Deer frolic together in Colorado

Bambi? This adorable video put a smile on our face! Watch more --> http://on.news10.net/1DKLDa2

Posted by News10 Sacramento on Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Sometimes when my cats are playing together, I can't tell if maybe they're actually trying to murder one another by slow inches. But they both respond to things similarly (yowling), whereas with a deer and a rabbit, what might be fun for one could potentially be terrorizing for the other.

For example, that deer is a baby, but it's so much bigger than the rabbit! How are they working it out? Is the rabbit actually scared and thinks running in circles is the best defense? Is the deer feeling aggressive towards the rabbit and is working up the courage to stomp its face? Even if things in this relationship are as loving as we hope, the sheer mechanics of this friendship viewed in real life makes Bambi into an even weirder, sadder premise than it already was. Still very cute though.

Bic pen company raises awareness of sexism with really sexist ad on Women’s Day.

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They probably wish they had done this in pencil.

"Sorry you were offended, but you put it on your own lady blogs."(via Bic South Africa)

After posting the image on the left for Women's Day, Bic South Africa (why does Bic delineate countries? Don't we all use pens the same way?) wound up on the receiving end of a torrent of Internet rage. That rage was directed at the message that women should "Look like a girl / Act like a lady / Think like a man / Work like a boss." Caving under pressure they issued the following statement:

"We would like to apologise to all our fans who took offense to our recent Women's Day Post. We can assure you that we meant in the most empowering way possible and in no way derogatory towards women. We took the quote from a "Women in Business" blog site."

What is the most empowering way possible for a grown woman to take the advice that she should look like a girl and think like a man? Would that help me use a pen? I've been holding my pen with my boobs and it strains my back. 

The wrongheadedness of this campaign is pretty low-hanging fruit for petty mockery, but the super frustrating part of this is the fact that no one in that ad sales brainstorming session thought, "Hmm, this is f*cked up." This was expressed on Twitter by many:

https://twitter.com/HereBeNabila/status/631121411147337728https://twitter.com/CCriadoPerez/status/631068030064267264https://twitter.com/projectjennifer/status/631035483020226560https://twitter.com/Staedtlersa/status/631088885204951040

This isn't even the first time this decade Bic has been accused of being sexist! In 2012, Bic also introduced a pen "for her" that led to some pretty hilarious Amazon reviews:

That is disappointing.

They promise, though, that THIS time, they really get it:

Hi everyone. Let’s start out by saying we’re incredibly sorry for offending everybody - that was never our intention,...

Posted by Bic South Africa on Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Slowly, but surely, women will explain that they're human beings to every corporation in the world. Then we can start convincing the government!

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