After a porn star talked about her violent sex with Josh Duggar and how she hopes his wife leaves him, I guess he's finally ready to hang up his penis for good until this blows over.

Selfie game and piece-of-sh*t game equally on fleek. (via @joshduggar)

It would perhaps be possible to believe and sympathize with Josh Duggar's tale of sex addiction if he wasn't a child-molesting douchebag espousing a seriously misogynistic version of both Christianity and marriage who attempted to become a player in Republican politics based on the success of that pre-modern worldview (and the female Duggars' famous ability to reproduce constantly). But, y'know, he is. 

So, let's just hope that Anna Duggar wakes up one day. “She doesn’t get mad,” someone close to the Duggars told People. “It is not godly for a woman to get mad. She is not allowed to.” Ugh. Just. Ugh.

Related: Anna Duggar's brother is saying what we're all thinking in epic Facebook thread.

Related: A post about how to raise your daughter so she doesn't end up like Anna Duggar went viral.

Anyway, here's the Duggar family's official statement on their eldest man-child and his inability to restrict himself solely to the woman he treats like property:

His wrong choices have deeply hurt his precious wife and children and have negatively affected so many others. He has also brought great insult to the values and faith we hold dear. Yesterday Josh checked himself into a long-term treatment center. For him it will be a long journey toward wholeness and recovery. We pray that in this he comes to complete repentance and sincere change. In the meantime, we will be offering our love, care and devoted support to Anna and our grandchildren as she also receives counsel and help for her own heart and future.

It's almost like TV executives' decision to go out and find the weirdest families possible to turn into reality stars was a really bad idea. Who would have thought?

See the whole Josh Duggar saga here.

A 'Friends' fan tweeted an idea about how the show could have ended.

The alternate ending takes everything you thought you knew about Friends—mainly, that the six main characters are friends—and turns it upside down. What if Phoebe, the kindest and most appealing member of the clique, was actually a crazy lady? And what if instead of having a lot of friends, she didn't have any friends? Interesting pitch, Xenophon Moscrop. Someone from the network will get back to your agent.

The detailed theory that Phoebe is homeless and that the entire series was her "meth-addled fantasy" about strangers she stares at through the windows of the Central Perk coffee shop makes some bold assumptions about the character. Like, the fan writes that "every episode she made everything about her." Um, are you thinking of Rachel? Hey, I just thought of another amazing idea for a dark alternate ending!

What if the entire series was Rachel's daydream while standing at the altar about what would happen if she left Barry and tracked down her old friend from high school, Monica? And then in the finale, while still at the altar, Rachel realizes that even though she could have a fulfilling life with a wonderful friend group if she ran away right then, she's too scared to take the risk. Then we see her go through with the wedding, live a comfortable but unhappy life, and die feeling lonely. Then at her funeral, a glamorous old lady shows up looking fly as hell, rich, and happy. It's Phoebe, and her life turns out amazing.

Really makes you think, doesn't it?

Guests staying at a lodge in Yellowstone National Park had a helpful idea for how park rangers could have improved their visit.

Here's the text of this gem in case you have trouble reading the handwriting:

Our visit was wonderful but we never saw any bears. Please train your bears to be where guests can see them. This was an expensive trip to not get to see bears.

Whoever wrote this note clearly has a lot to learn about bears, but you have to give them credit for being polite. They made a point to mention how much they enjoyed their visit to Yellowstone, and instead of just leveling criticism at the park's lack of visible bears, they offered a solution. Granted, it's a solution that seems to assume a national park is the same thing as a circus, but hey — at least they're trying.

A user called the_midgetaur posted the note to Reddit along with this caption: "My friend works at Yellowstone and some guests actually left this with the front desk upon checkout this morning." A lot of the comments on Reddit are focused on comparing this scenario to Yogi Bear, and it's a logical connection. Compared to Jellystone, the real national parks come up short. Those bears were exceptionally well-trained: they spoke, walked upright, interacted openly with humans, and even wore some clothes. The only improvements would be if they wore pants and didn't steal pic-a-nic baskets.

I guess there's only one course of action to take: we all must stop visiting national parks until they train their bears to be where you can see them and also to make jokes. It's tough but fair.

He knew she was the one from the second she agreed to be a magician's girlfriend.

London-based magician Neil Henry has performed all over England, and he's well-known for his tricks involving his own body, as well as his comedy. "Neil is a mix of Rowan Atkinson and my iron monger," wrote Stephen Fry in the most indecipherably English review I've ever read. But he'll have a hard time topping the crowd-pleasing effect of this magic trick; namely, the trick of getting a woman named Charlie to fall in love with you and say yes. It's also pretty impressive how he got those letters to string together.

Runner Molly Huddle lost her bronze medal by fist pumping in celebration before crossing the finish line.

Poor lady. She's the fourth fastest woman in the 10,000-meter race at the 2015 Beijing World Championships, but she's going down in history as the woman who was almost third fastest. What's especially crazy is she is not even the first runner this year to be documented ruining their win with pre-celebrations.

There was Ben Payne pointing up at Heaven to thank God instead of pushing through the tape:

And Tanguy Pepiot encouraging the crowd to cheer for his first place win that quickly became second place:

You'd think runners would be the first to know that this kind of thing happens all the time, and to save it for the victory lap. But when the cameras are at the finish line and you feel SO CLOSE and all the blood that should be in your brain is being used to keep your heart pumping, you must lose your head! Hopefully, Molly will bounce back from this on the track before she does on the Internet.

A special effects makeup artist brought a whole new meaning to being a dog person.

Today is National Dog Day! What better way to celebrate than to transform your face into an exact replica of your favorite canine? If that idea sounds like something you want to do, then let the master makeup artist Ilana guide you through this strange adventure. As you can see above, she has literally turned herself into her Siberian husky Ivy. Well, her face at least.

Just so you know there's a person under there, here's a mid-transformation shot:

See! She's a real live human! Here's the full tutorial for becoming your dog:

My main fear was that the bullets would hit "Walt" after passing through the car metal.

Fortunately for me, millions of viewers, and Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan, who was on hand to witness this real-life recreation of perhaps the most famous sequence from the entire series, it turned out [spoilers] to be plausible. On the next episode of Mythbusters: can a high school science teacher really take over the meth trade?

Related: Comic-Con kid asks Bryan Cranston how he liked Albuquerque. Kid immediately regrets it.

Sean Mulryan, the CEO of an Ireland-based property development company, is building a 'sky pool.'

The sky pool will be an 82-foot-long swimming pool 10 stories in the air, connecting two residential buildings in London's fancy Nine Elms district. The design plans required the work of an aquarium designer, so you'll actually feel like you're in a zoo exhibit for rich people as you backstroke above the crowd of plebeian spectators who still swim in holes in the ground like they're goddamn animals. Even though Mulryan's peers thought he was "crackers" (that's the British word for crazy), the first batch of apartments have already sold out, which is saying something because the asking price starts at above $900,000.

Mulryan had the following to say about the plan to Home and Property:

My vision for the sky pool stemmed from a desire to push the boundaries in the capability of construction and engineering. I wanted to do something that had never been done before. [...] It will feel like floating through the air in central London.

This goes to show that when you're rich, you can be like "I want to swim in the sky," and it will actually happen.

And the study is from 'Consumer Reports,' so you know it's not bullsh*t. The study, that is. The sh*t could quite literally be bullsh*t.

Ground beef: it sure can be delicious! And apparently, small amounts of poop can also be delicious when they're mixed in with ground beef. Consumer Reportswent to 103 stores across the United States and bought almost 500 lbs of ground beef, including conventional and "more sustainable" beef. And "all 458 pounds of beef we examined contained bacteria that signified fecal contamination." If you're one of those people who enjoys making the people around you miserable, I suggest waiting until you're at a Labor Day barbecue to bring this up. While eating a veggie burger.

There were other concerns about the content of the beef beyond poop — 20% of samples contained a bacteria that causes food poisoning, and 10% had a toxin-creating bacteria. And while cooking beef properly will help you out with the bacteria, the toxin can't be cooked away. So that's a big ol' meaty pillow of comfort.

Consumer Reports' biggest takeaway from the study isn't that surprising: "One of the most significant findings of our research is that beef from conventionally raised cows was more likely to have bacteria overall, as well as bacteria that are resistant to antibiotics, than beef from sustainably raised cows." Basically, pay more for the organic, sustainably raised beef if you want less poop in your Hamburger Helper.

This is why it's just better to ask cats what they want instead of surprising them with gifts.

When Philo the Cat's owner got him this new cat door, he reacted like I did after I turned 13 and a waiter would still give me a children's menu. "EXCUSE ME," I always wanted to yell, "I AM TOO ADULT FOR A CHILDREN'S MENU." But instead of saying anything, I just resigned myself to ordering off of the adult menu and hoping the waiter understood his heinous error. Similarly, Philo the Cat doesn't complain the cat door that he doesn't need. Instead, he quietly shows that he's too human for a cat door. We get it, Philo: no more cat doors for you.

Oh, those precious moments with your newborn, so full of tenderness and love.

Mark Resnick shared this perfect encapsulation of new fatherhood with the Facebook page Life of Dad, and it's accrued more than 60,000 likes. For some reason, getting shit on by your kids is something parents can relate to? Lots of people have been commenting with their own "you wouldn't believe where MY kid pooped stories" and giving Mark advice about never holding a baby over your face right after they eat.  It sounds like the Resnicks have already been around the block, bodily function-wise, since this is what Mark said:

"During his photo shoot at seven days old, my son puked on me, peed on me and pooped on me twice. I love this life already."

Good, because there's more where that came from, buddy. But also this:

Spam is basically just shady advertising.

Here at Someecards, we can't post anything without getting Facebook comments from an 18-year-old named "Valentine" trying to get us to look at her webcam or a "trusted" loan agency trying to get us to give them all of our personal information. Whenever I see those comments, I always wonder: How do they work? Is a real person actually behind those accounts? And how do people make money off of them? 

Spamming refers to using online platforms to send unsolicited messages (usually advertisements) to people who don't want to seem them, and it has been around as long as online advertising. Your friend from high school posting about his band is spam just as much as an advertisement for sketchy Ukranian penis pills is spam, and they're both as annoying as they are useless.

Spam can be either directly from one person, or from an larger company. In regards to the former, this can be as innocuous as a real person advertising their new mixtape on a page where it is unwanted. This can also take the form of a "419 scam" (also known as the "Nigerian prince" scam), in which a person directly asks you to send them money via a (untraceable and irreversible) wire transfer, which is far less innocuous and has actually caused victims to lose hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years. These types of scams usually happen over e-mail, however, and not Facebook. You also have to be a pretty stupid adult if you actually think wiring money to a person you don't know overseas is a good idea, although a bunch of my friends did this in college to get fake IDs from a shady Chinese site (but that's a story for another time).

Most of the Facebook spam you'll see comes from robots who will do their best to force you to view something and/or click on it. Here's how it works: A third party will contract a spam company because they want to advertise something. Let's take a sock company, for example. The spam company will tell the sock company "we can guarantee that X amount of people to see/click on a post about your socks." The sock company will go into an agreement with the spam company, either through a flat contract or a "money-per-view/click" agreement. The spam company will then post the advertisement on pages that already have a lot of followers (such as Someecards, nbd), or they will create pages solely for the purpose of posting advertisements. They'll make a page that recycles memes, for example (which are guaranteed to get views), accrue a few tens of thousands of followers, and then start blasting them with ads. 

Have you ever been streaming TV on a sketchy Russian website and seen a commercial for a real, legit fast food corporation and wondered why they are advertising there? Well legit companies will buy advertisements across an array of networks via different media companies, and if one of those media companies can't deliver the view/click numbers they promised, they will sometimes cheat and use spam advertising to make up for it. The legit companies don't want to be associated with spam, of course, but once they make the advertising deal, its hard to control how and where their promotions are seen.

On the surface, spam sounds like it's actually a pretty good business deal, since it can get your product a lot of user engagement. In actuality, the numbers are complete b/s. You know how spam companies create fake accounts to post the spam? They also create fake accounts to view and/or click on it. Sure, you could say that spam benefits a brand because having a lot of Facebook or Twitter followers looks good on the surface, but at the end of the day, nothing can replace real, actual people engaging with your product.

Does all of that make sense? If you're feeling very TL;DR, just know this: 1) Don't click on anything involving webcams, Viagra, or foreign dignitaries needing money 2) Don't trust view/share counters 3) Why didn't you read the whole thing? What, are you too busy or something? You can't five minutes of your life to learn about spam? SORRY. Didn't know I was talking to Busy McBusyson over here, too busy to read an article. God. No wonder the written word is dying.

These kiddos responded correctly to the abomination that is dark chocolate.

Elite, an Israeli candy company, created this ad for their Splendid line of dark chocolates. The ad shows a bunch of kids trying dark chocolate for the first time—probably after being fed the lie that dark chocolate is better than milk chocolate—and reacting with slow-mo disgust and horror. How can adults be so wrong about something? What else are they lying about?

Elite isn't all bad though. They also make milk chocolate with pop rocks inside of it, which as you can imagine is the greatest chocolate of all time. 

Trevor Harper and Davis Covin have been dating since 2006 and they decided to take it to the next level.

Since they're very active in the First United Methodist Church of Austin, where they've been members for 2 years, Trevor decided to spring the proposal on his boyfriend in front of everybody. They'd been asked to share their Faith Story, which is like a "how I lost my virginity" story, but it's about Christ penetrating your heart with His huge powerful love. Now their faith stories will encompass their engagement story, which is very sweet.

How did everyone react? Very well! Standing ovation, smiles, tears. If anything, the person acting the weirdest is Davis. He doesn't seem like the public spectacle type and hides his head against his fiancé rather than face the wildly cheering crowd. The First United Methodist Church of Austin is open to members of all sexual orientation. Bad news though: Methodist churches forbid same-sex ceremonies from being conducted in their churches or by their ministers. So, this is the most public church-related acknowledgement of their love they're likely to get. At least it's on YouTube?

It's cuddle time!

You're probably stuck at work while you're reading this, wishing you were back in bed. But what if you had a big soft cheetah to cuddle with? Would that sweeten the deal or motivate you to get up? I guess it depends on if the cheetah is sweet and affectionate like Eden here, or the kind that would kill you.

But Taylor Swift can never make up for inviting Matt LeBlanc onstage first.

Taylor Swift sets impossibly high celebrity guest expectations for herself, yet somehow she always exceeds them. Last night in LA, Taylor Swift was joined onstage by Lisa Kudrow in character as her Friends persona, Phoebe Buffay. Swift introduced her as a singer who had "only ever played in coffeehouses before," and then the pair sang "Smelly Cat." Do teenagers even know what that is? Is Friends the ultimate generation uniter? Phoebe even stopped Taylor in the middle of the song to instruct her to "feel the lyrics."

After the show, Kudrow confirmed via Twitter that Taylor Swift is one of the best people.

The triumphant return of Phoebe could not come at a better time. Yesterday, the Internet got obsessed with a viral Friends alternate ending supposing that the entire show was Phoebe's "meth-addled fantasy." But, see? Phoebe's not crazy. She's in the squad.

Together again.

Stealing someone's dog is an unthinkable crime, but when justice is served, we get to share in the wiggly, spastic, pure joy when the stolen pug is reunited with it's owner. The universe is balanced for them once again, and the thoughtful law enforcement officers had a hunch it would be fantastic so they knew to record it. Watch this, hug your dog, or hug any dog, but don't look like you're attempting to steal it.

This is the cutest reaction to thinking about the Facts of Life for the first time EVER.

OMG, this kid is freaking cute. He is baffled, excited, perplexed, excited, confused about how a baby could be in his mom's belly, excited! The great thing about kids is they're not super amazing actors. Even Dakota Fanning was just "meh," let's be honest. So you know his joyful wonder over having a new sibling coming into the house, to share his bed and to tell his teacher about, is very, very real.

Also, shout-out to mom who confirms fifty times that the baby is in her belly, then skirts the real issue of how it got there. Though that video would probably be adorable, too. Great kid, mom.