The pronunciation of "Voldemort" seems pretty straightforward. But ever since J.K. Rowling started tweeting, nothing is straightforward anymore.

Voldemort. You remember him. The Dark Lord? He Who Must Not Be Named? Ralph Fiennes plus CGI plus terror? Anyway, he's this evil wizard from the Harry Potter series who ripped out his soul and embedded it in a bunch of different objects, and that's how we got all these horcruxes.

And according to J.K. Rowling, who's been known to stir shit up via Twitter, most of us are pronouncing this scary dude's name incorrectly. Apparently, the "t" is silent.

A fan tweeted about this somehow obscure fact, and J.K. Rowling seemed to confirm it as true.

Well I wish I had known the correct pronunciation before I gave the name to all my sons!

Catfish extraordinaire Gayle Newland stands accused of luring an unnamed plaintiff into a relationship by pretending to be a man. Because she blindfolded them.

To be clear: if Gayle Newland really did lure a woman under false pretenses into have sex with her, that is sexual assault. However, most people seem to be losing sight of this fact, because the story as a whole is so completely WTF. Here are some of the details of the case against Gayle Newland, as reported by The Guardian:

Gayle Newland, 25, has admitted creating a fake Facebook profile in order to meet girls, using a photo of a good-looking Asian man she called Kye Fortune. But she denies misleading a woman who claims she was sexually assaulted by Newman wearing a prosthetic penis after they had intercourse, during which the woman wore a blindfold.

The woman, who cannot be named for legal reasons, had earlier testified to having willingly worn the blindfold during numerous sexual encounters with someone she believed was Kye Fortune. She said Kye told her he was recovering from a brain tumour and did not want her to see his scars.

Gayle Newland's lawyers are claiming that the plaintiff knew all along what was going on, and that the enigmatic "Kye Fortune" was a shared fantasy between the two women. The unnamed woman is denying this, though she admits how insane the whole situation sounds:

“Every time I met up with Kye Fortune, I either had the mask on already or he would wait outside the door and I would put it on. I was so desperate to be loved. It’s pathetic, so desperate for love, so desperate.”

“If I could go back and scream at me, I would. It does look ridiculous on paper.”

Yes. It does. Apparently, "Kye Fortune" said he had this really great friend, Gayle Newland, who would escort the plaintiff back and forth from "Kye's" house, and do the blindfolding, then leave the two lovers to themselves. The plaintiff finally became suspicious and ripped the blindfold off, seeing Newland wearing bandages, a woolen hat and an “ultra cyberskin penis."

As for Newland, why would she go to such extreme lengths in what was surely an untenable situation?

She said she originally created the male persona when she was 13 because she knew she was attracted to girls but found it difficult to talk to them as herself. Newland told the jury: “I’m pretty sure every single person in my school was straight. It’s not a conversation we ever had.”

She broke down in the witness box when asked to explain why she created Kye. “I had never spoken to any gay people and especially in those years you didn’t see gay people on television. It was quite a negative thing. I just felt that speaking to people [in real life] I couldn’t really be myself.”

That is so freaking sad. Unless it's just a huge lie?

From the iguana wearing a toupee. 

Trump recently questioned aloud how anyone could vote for GOP candidate Carly Fiorina because of her face. He later clarified the remark, insisting that he would never say such a terrible thing and that he was referring to her persona. When the Donald says "face", he means "persona." Just like people say "attractiveness" when they mean "identity."

According to Rolling Stone, Trump saw Fiorina on TV and went off:

Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?! I mean, she's a woman, and I'm not s'posedta say bad things, but really, folks, come on. Are we serious?

Trump is still leading the primary GOP polls by a wide margin. Insulting women does not seem to hurt his numbers, despite political polls always including women. If you can withstand financial bankruptcy, you can just as easily rebound from moral bankruptcy. At this point the only thing that could damage his reputation would be if he lit an American flag on fire during a speech. But then he'd smirk and say "you're fired," and his numbers would increase again.

Has Jimmy Fallon ever won a lip-sync battle?

Jimmy tries. He even breaks out all those dance moves: he whipped, did the nae-nae, the stanky leg, then he superman-ed, then he broke his legs. Clearly, Jimmy thought Ellen DeGeneres would show up with some dance moves for this, because she is so well-known for fancy foot work.

But Ellen kept it simple. An intimate, on the floor performance for a crooning Diana Ross ballad, followed by everyone's favorite angry bill collector anthem, "BBHMM." Honestly, she wasn't even that on point with her lip-sync, but Justin Timberlake was judging and he seemed pretty hammered. Sorry, Jimmy. Even greasing palms won't buy the win. You just want it too much.

A woman had to remind a man that LinkedIn is not a dating service, and is she pissed.

Charlotte Proudman is a barrister (fancy U.K. word for lawyer). In her LinkedIn profile, she writes that she is "researching #FGM #fearlessfeminist because rape, prostitution & pornography are problems of male dominance." She received the following message on the maybe-not-so-professional networking site LinkedIn (I kept the original spelling and punctuation of the email intact):

Charlotte, delighted to connected, I appreciate that this is probably horrendously politically incorrect but that is a stunning picture !!!

You definitely win the prize for the best Linked in picture I have ever seen

Always interest to understant people's skills and how we might work together 

Alex

This is the professional email equivalent of someone burping and blowing it in your face. It was sent by a partner at a law firm in London, who apparently moonlights as a top-notch creeper with sub-par editing skills. Maybe since he used three exclamations in the first line he didn't bother with any further punctuation? Charlotte was not happy, so she responded as follows:

 I find your message offensive. I am on linked-in for business purposes not to be approached about my physical appearance or to be objectified by sexist men. The eroticisation of women's physical appearance is a way of exercising power over women. It silences women's professional attributes as their physical appearance becomes the subject.

Unacceptable and misogynistic behaviour. Think twice before sending another woman (half your age) such a sexist message.

Charlotte

Except for the fact that Charlotte also can't spell "LinkedIn," this is an otherwise perfect feminist response. But not everyone thought so, in fact, The Daily Mail decided on this printing-press troll of a headline:

Hopefully, this is just the newspaper version of clickbait and not the true sentiment of the publication. Charlotte's email exchange along with the headline above caused her to realize she probably wasn't alone, so she asked if people had similar experiences. The responses poured in. 

Here are some of the messages women have received on LinkedIn, not Tinder:

@CRProudman read @standardnews this morning. Just received this via LinkedIn! Thinking appt. reply to this man :-/ pic.twitter.com/Fr5HYYi2My

— Jay Virdee (@jay_virdee) September 9, 2015

@CRProudman@LinkedIn@Jessica_Asato@ObjectUpdate"you have a nice smile . . . can give me your email . . . " pic.twitter.com/sOIFxXaaH9

— Jessica Cross (@JFayeSF) September 9, 2015

@CRProudman@LinkedIn@ObjectUpdate I changed my LinkedIn profile photo to an uglier one so I'd get fewer creepy men adding/messaging me

— Mandeer Kataria (@womens_rea) September 8, 2015

Charlotte continued encouraging people to call out sexism with the hashtag #calloutsexism, which was met with even more support along with, you guessed it, a whole heaping pile of misogynist tweets. Here are some of the responses:

@Munchbunchsdad As a parent I would be delighted if my daughter grew up to be like @CRProudman .

— Dan Roper (@Broadland_Dan) September 9, 2015

Charlotte told The Independent, "I am prepared to accept the misogynistic backlash that inevitably accompanies taking a stand in the hope that it empowers at least one other woman to feel she doesn't need to sit back and accept sexist 'banter'. I accept that I’m in a more privileged position than most, so I hope to use that to my advantage. At the end of the day, this may be just a drop in the ocean – but we can’t challenge an entire system of sexism without taking issue with its constituent parts."

One man went to great lengths to retrieve his lost sunglasses. In the end, what he got was worth even more – viral fame.

Imgur user phillyalex had a bad date that ended with him losing his beloved sunglasses to a femme fatale. Here's the story in his own words:

Okay, so. Last summer, I met this girl at a bar. We hit it off, I end up going back to her place, whatever. She gives me her number before I leave and I hit her up to hang out again about a week later. I had gone to a football game earlier that day and then later met up with her at a friend's house before walking to a bar to see a band play. It was a sunny Saturday day game and I was wearing sunglasses, but by the time I met up with her, it's about 7pm and the sun was going down. So on the way to the bar, I asked her to hold my sunglasses in her purse for me. When we get to the bar, I see a few of my friends and I start introducing her while we order drinks. She turns to me and says she's going to go outside real quick to make a phone call and she'll be right back. She never comes back. Which is fine, I wasn't that into her anyway. But what was not fine was that she left with my sunglasses. So over the past year, I've been desperately trying to get my sunglasses back from her with very little success. That was until last week when I finally made a breakthrough... Here it is from the beginning.

True to his word, phillyalex posted the entire string of texts. It's pretty long, but it's all worth it for the surprise at the end. Very gratifying.

If that's not a meet cute, we don't know what is.

(All photos via Imgur)

Performance artist and musician Grace Jones is coming out with an autobiography, and she definitely names names.

If you're unfamiliar with Grace Jones' music, here's a trippy-ass video to familiarize you:

Grace Jones was definitely a breakthrough artist and musician in the 1980s, and she continues to be a cultural icon who is still innovating and performing. And boy, has she got some sh*t to say about pop stars these days. Time Out shared an excerpt from her upcoming autobiography I'll Never Write My Memoirs, and the word "shade" barely begins to describe her tone:

"Trends come along and people say, ‘Follow that trend’. There’s a lot of that around at the moment: ‘Be like Sasha Fierce. Be like Miley Cyrus. Be like Rihanna. Be like Lady Gaga. Be like Rita Ora and Sia. Be like Madonna.’ I cannot be like them – except to the extent that they are already being like me.

"With this one, who I will call Doris, I thought she was trying on other people’s outfits: she’s a baby in a closet full of other people’s clothes, a little girl playing dress-up, putting on shoes that don’t fit. I could see what she wanted to be when I watched her doing something when she started out that was starker and purer. Deep down, she doesn’t want to do all the dressing-up nonsense; she loses herself inside all the play-acting.

"The problem with the Dorises and the Nicki Minajes and Mileys is that they reach their goal very quickly. There is no long-term vision, and they forget that once you get into that whirlpool then you have to fight the system that solidifies around you in order to keep being the outsider you claim you represent.

"There will always be a replacement coming along very soon -– a newer version, a crazier version, a louder version. So if you haven’t got a long-term plan, then you are merely a passing phase, the latest trend, yesterday’s event."

Folks are speculating that "Doris" is actually supposed to be Beyoncé, but it could be Lady Gaga, who really does love dressing up. And, honestly, who would dare kick the Bey Hive by calling their Queen a "passing event?" Grace Jones, that's who. Get off her trippy-ass new wave lawn!

Cops lose the game, set and match.

Retired U.S. tennis star James Blake was waiting for a car outside his hotel when an undercover NYPD officer knocked him to the ground and handcuffed him. This is, I guess, the protocol for arresting someone who's literally standing still. Apparently, he looks like a suspect in an identity theft ring that operates near Blake's hotel. The cops held him for 15 minutes until the one New York cop that follows tennis instead of the Mets finally realized he was not their prized suspect.

Blake has handled the incident with grace, using his status as an athlete to speak for others who aren't so lucky.

"It was definitely scary and definitely crazy. In my mind there’s probably a race factor involved, but no matter what there’s no reason for anybody to do that to anybody. I have resources to get to the bottom of this. I have a voice. But what about someone who doesn't have those resources and doesn’t have a voice?”

The police commissioner and mayor plan to extend apologies to Blake, but no word yet on an apology from the aggressive undercover officer. Hopefully he's being forced to study tennis stars while on desk duty.

These two seem very in love. Or drunk. Both, probably.

Priya and Vincent met at a party, as people do (if they're not too busy Tindering in a corner, avoiding eye contact). According to Priya, Vincent makes very firm eye contact, or so she remembers from their first meeting. We don't get a lot of clear facts out of her in this interview, in which she firmly insists she's a "hard 9" on the 1-10 drunk scale.

It's nice to think that if we're dating someone, their first memories of us are golden hued, every glance and shared laugh a precious premonition of the happy relationship to come. But how do you really know? Ya get drunk and let it all hang out. Thankfully, they both seem to recognize that their first meeting was a special night. That's great. What if only one of them remembered it? Or they remembered a different night, meeting someone else, but confused it with their current partner? Wow, this could really have gone wrong in a lot of ways. Congrats, you wasted lovebirds!

Don't worry, the rest of her still resembles a fake plastic doll.

Thanks to her numerous Instagram selfies, we now have evidence that Valeria Lukyanova, the Ukranian woman known to the world as 'Human Barbie' doesn't always look like a Barbie. When she isn't wearing whatever crazy makeup makes her eyes look gigantic, she just looks like a normal person with totally absurd body proportions!

She goes by the name Amatue, and is sort of a strange lady, according to Cosmo, since she refuses to divulge her age, believes she speaks to aliens, and is able to time travel. Ok, she actually sounds really fun and insane and I would totally hang out with her. Anyway, let's examine this lady's changing Barbie status.

With Barbie makeup:

Without Barbie makeup:

With Barbie makeup:

Without Barbie makeup:

With a cat:

Without a cat (just kidding it's just a different cat):

The only thing we learned here is that this woman can do impressive things with makeup and probably Photoshop, and spends as much time in the gym as I spend thinking about what I'm getting for lunch, which is 4-5 hours a day even though it is always pizza.

What if your twin stranger was your own daughter?

Reese Witherspoon, known primarily for her captivating performance in a banana phone Dubsmash, wished her daughter a happy birthday via Instagram. Ava, who turned 16 yesterday, looks exactly like young Reese to a possible-clone level. (And somehow she also kind of looks like her dad, Ryan Phillippe.) We've found the star of the Cruel Intentions remake we've been praying for. Tick tock, Hollywood. Along with sharing side-by-side images of Ava, Witherspoon wrote, "I am so blessed to have such a kind, compassionate, brilliant, artistic, all-around wonderful daughter who makes me a better person everyday." She also tagged her, and you know she's going to get a ton of followers from this.

Condoms are way more versatile than you thought.

Their uses are practical, culinary, decorative, and just straight-up weird. Here is a collection of all the crazy things the Internet has done with them that does not involve penises.

1. As food cases.

2. As an art installation. 

3. As a Pokémon card holder.

4. As a Mentos and Coke (and Nutella?) incubator.

The fact that he's Italian makes it way funnier.

5. As protection for the Washington Monument.

6. As a weird minion doll.

7. As a windcatcher.

View post on imgur.com

8. As something to snort.

View post on imgur.com

 9. As a balloon hat.

10. As a bunch of crazy but also kind of useful stuff.

11. As a top hat.

View post on imgur.com

12. As a fuck you.

13. As an ice cream cup.

14. As a spaghetti repository.

With sauceFP Edit: SendNudes.gif

Well, FKA Twigs really shows us what she's got. A beautiful face. And voice.

"Elastic Heart" is already a very evocative song that feels wrenched from a deeply emotional place. Yet, FKA Twigs' version manages to sound even more like a ghost haunting the sh*t out of you. She even breaks out a little "dancing" towards the end, similar to Shia LaBeouf in Sia's original video, but somehow even creepier. That seems almost impossible, but there it is.

And here that is, if you need a refresher on how weird music can get:

Perfect. Perfect in every way.

Redditor bensmends integrated his wheelchair into his costume for Dragon Con this week in Atlanta, and a convention attendee who witnessed him put him on the path to Internet Valhalla by snapping this pic. He rides in the front as Mad Max himself, chained to one of Immortan Joe's chariots, serving as a bloodbag. His getup is complete with a chrome warrior joining him along Fury Road. After his awesome creation went viral, bensmends responded, "Thank you all so much for all the support and comments! I am utterly speechless at how this cosplay has been spread, and honestly, all I can say is thank you for making this SO SHINY AND CHROME!" He also supplied another photo of a larger rig he brings to "more spacious cons":

Here are more pics from Ben, including a behind-the-scenes glimpse at the building process. 

Coming this fall to bored rich people.

The trophy husband of Kim Kardashian West will introduce a full fashion line this fall called Yeezy Season 1. It was created in partnership with Adidas, with whom he launched a shoe earlier this year. The full line will hit luxury retailers in October, presumably because Taylor Swift is launching a line and he wishes to interrupt her. Here's a rundown of how one can waste a lot of money:

• Thermal shirt, $405
• Crewneck, $495
• Hoodie $545
• Sweatpants, $585
• Duck boots, $585
• Sweater, $1,560
• Vest, $1,170
• Camo jacket, $2,210
• Flight jacket, $3,250

That's right folks, you can get 1 hoodie for the price of 10. Who knows how many Yeezy seasons we'll get before his presidential run in 2020. 

British kids are officially the cutest.

There's nothing better than see a kid surprised by the news that their parents are having a baby. As long as they're happy about it, anyway. And especially when they're from England.

     Related: This 5-year-old can barely contain his delightfully British excitement about getting to be a big brother.

There's something about that accent that amplifies the cute factor by 1000%. That must have been how they were able to conquer so much of the world.

     Related: This dog had the best reaction to hearing that there'd be a new baby in the house.

Kids are great, right? Especially in two-minute clips.