This should make those negative people happy, if they're even capable of that.

Critical malcontents, your prayers have been answered — Facebook is working on a dislike button. Mark Zuckerberg confirmed that it's in the works at a recent Q&A. According to Business Insider, he told the audience:

"I think people have asked about the dislike button for many years. Today is a special day because today is the day I can say we’re working on it and shipping it."

Zuck and co. resisted giving in to the haters for as long as they could, because they didn't want Facebook to become a cutthroat Internet courtroom where millions of arbiters cast steely judgment on every idea, person, and piece of content in existence. You know, like Reddit. But now, they've decided they want to be that after all.

Zuckerberg explained that Facebook users want to be able to express more emotions than just approval:

"What they really want is the ability to express empathy. Not every moment is a good moment."

Now, those bad moments will include looking at Facebook as it's consumed by the hordes of rageful Internet naysayers. Isn't there enough room for negativity in the comments section?

Regardless of anyone's doubts, the dislike button is coming. Facebook engineers are plugging away on it as we speak, and Zuckerberg hopes it will be ready to launch soon. But he's not making any promises:

"It’s surprisingly complicated to make an interaction that will be simple."

Simple? This guy's spent too many years without people saying "no" to him. There's nothing simple about hating.

Nathan Ripperger, a graphic designer from Dubuque, Idaho, turned all the crazy ways he's had to reprimand his kids into a book of illustrations.

It's called Things I've Said to My Children, and it's compiled from years of posting individual designs online. Here are some choice selections:

Having kids sure sounds way more fun when it's in cute illustrated book form. You can see more of Ripperger's designs on his Flickr account.

"And I would've gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you dancing kids." – Prince, who was not actually directly involved with this lawsuit but let's demonize him anyway.

In 2007, Stephanie Lenz uploaded a video to YouTube of her young children dancing to Prince's "Let's Go Crazy." It's about 30 seconds long, and let's be honest: it's cute, but the only reason it's appearing on this blog is because it now has long-lasting legal importance. 

Unbeknownst to her, Universal Music Group had assigned a staffer the full-time job of protecting the online copyright claims of the artist currently known as the music industry's most inexplicable homophobe, Prince. This staffer would send YouTube takedown notices invoking the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) for any clip using more than 1 second of a copyrighted song that wasn't drowned out by background noise. Standard practice.

Because of the way copyright law worked up until this week (heavily in favor of the copyright holder, due to scare campaigns about how hacker kidz were going to ruin nice honest businesses like the record industry), all Universal ever had to do was send YouTube an email saying "this video is in violation," and it would get taken down. Lenz did get her video re-uploaded six weeks later, following an appeal to YouTube, but she felt the burden of proof should have been on Universal to say why her home video of her kids should be taken down, rather than on her to prove to YouTube that she wasn't stealing from Prince.

So, Lenz and the Electronic Frontier Foundation (think of them as the ACLU for the Internet) sued Universal. Much to the surprise of music companies (and film and TV companies), who have been greatly enjoying the power to kill videos with a single email for the past 17 years, the Ninth US Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco ruled this week in her favor, saying copyright holders must first take Fair Use into account before issuing a takedown notice.

This is huge. "Fair Use" is a concept that protects people who want to use copyrighted material for satire, criticism, journalism, education, or purely private creations that have no impact on the commercial market. Lenz's video falls into that last category, but this ruling is great news for home video enthusiasts and everyone who falls into that other categories.

Instead of just spraying takedown notices everywhere and letting the truly determined creators out there fight for the right to exist, now record companies (and others) have to be able to demonstrate that they actually thought about what the video was (in this case, not a video about Prince, but a video about a toddler dancing to what happens to be Prince) and decided it was a blatant violation of copyright. This means you can't just hire a staffer to bully anyone who accidentally captured more than one second of music on an open microphone.

This means I can use any music I want in my new short film. What? That's exactly what it doesn't mean? Stealing music is still stealing music if it's deliberate? What kind of freedom is this if it doesn't include the freedom to crime?

Don't worry; they're OK.

Whoever said whale watching was boring? Pretty much everyone, actually. But that's only true if your life isn't in danger.

This video was taken on an 8 a.m. Sanctuary Cruises whale tour in Monterey Bay, California. A passenger named Larry Plants (lol) was filming some nearby whale breaches when one clumsy cetacean breached right on top of a tandem kayak. There was a terrifying moment when it wasn't clear if the two passengers had been crushed to death, but then it turned out they had escaped unflattened.

That's a relief. It would be terrible if this turned out like the Free Willy director's cut.

Heroin is on the rise again.

Because of the relative ease with which people can now access prescription opiates, they often get abused, and when abusers reach a certain level of tolerance, they often make the jump to heroin, since it gives them a similar high and is cheaper and easier to access than pills. Eva Holland from Cincinnati, Ohio is one of the latest people to lose someone to a heroin addiction borne out of pill abuse — the father of her children. Even though Eva and her partner Mike Settles were never married, she considered him her "best friend," and she was with him through his first addiction and subsequent rehabilitation. When he started using again, however, she lost him. Although the official coroner's report hasn't been released, she is pretty certain she knows what happened.

She decided to send a powerful message to the world concerning Mike's death by posting a Facebook photo of her family standing next to Mike's open casket. It was accompanied by the following message:

I'm sure this photo makes a lot of people uncomfortable it may even piss a few people off but the main reason I took it was to show the reality of addiction. If you don't choose recovery every single day this will be your only way out. No parent should have to bury their child and no child as young as ours should have to bury their parent. This was preventable it didn't have to happen but one wrong choice destroyed his family. I know a lot of people may be upset I'm putting it out in the open like This but hiding the facts is only going to keep this epidemic going. The cold hard truth is heroin kills. You may think it will never happen to you but guess what that's what Mike thought too. We were together 11 years. I was there before it all started. I knew what he wanted out of this life, all his hopes and dreams. He never would've imagined his life would turn out this way. He was once so happy and full of life. He was a great son, brother, friend but most importantly he was a great dad. He loved those kids more than anything. But as we all know sometimes life gets tough and we make some wrong choices. His addiction started off with pain pills then inevitably heroin. He loved us all so much he decided enough was enough and went to rehab at the end of last year. He got out right before Christmas as a brand new man. He had found His purpose for living again, he found his gorgeous smile again, he became the man, the son, the brother, the dad that we all needed him to be again. He did so good for so long but then a couple months ago It started with a single pill for a "tooth ache" which inevitably lead him back down the road of addiction instead of staying the coarse of recovery. He said he could handle it, that he could stop on his own and didn't need to get help again. Well he was wrong, last Wednesday he took his last breath. My kids father, the man I loved since I was a kid, a great son and a great person lost his battle. I just needed to share his story in case it can help anyone else.

It's a pretty confrontational tactic, but it's effective. 

Come on, Matty D. You always seemed like the rational, chill counterpart to your wildcard twin brother Ben Affleck. Why did you have to let us down? 

On Sunday night's episode of Project Greenlight, an HBO reality show where Damon and Affleck produce a budding filmmaker's movie, Matt Damon made some remarks about diversity that immediately lead everyone on Twitter to sigh in perfect unison before getting to work making gifs.

In the clip above, Effie Brown, a veteran film producer who is also a black woman (and the only person of color in the room), urges the other producers to consider how a potential director will treat the lone black character in the movie. Matt Damon responds by interrupting her and teaching her a lesson on diversity. He insists:

When we're talking about diversity, you do it in the casting of the film, not in the casting of the show.

Okay, bro. So the plan is to make a diverse movie by not giving any decision-making power to diverse filmmakers, right? Cool strategy.

The Internet quickly showed support for Brown in the best way the Internet knows how: funny gifs.

Selma filmmaker Ava Du Vernay joined the gif convo:

And Brown thanked everyone for "getting a great conversation started."

Hopefully there will be further interesting discussions and gifs to come.

Remember when people used to talk on the phone?

Burger Fiction, a YouTube account that does a lot of cool movie mash-up things, took a bunch of scenes from movies where people talk on the phone and edited them together to make one mega phone call. What is it about, exactly? At first it seems that someone wants the Ghostbusters to bring them their chapstick? It's hard to tell. But art is subjective, you know?

Be careful of the Minotaur, he probably bites.

A brave pizza delivery person posted the trials and tribulations they faced for one harrowing delivery. This is just good clean fun right here. The hospital employees add a little joy to the night shift, and we get to share that joy on the internet. It inspires me to leave a riddle or warn of a moat next time I order delivery. Henceforth, we should all leave silly delivery instructions that make hilarious receipts.

They're not doing it intentionally (their older siblings are), but apparently alcohol poisoning among young children is a growing and really gross-sounding problem.

Usually, the taste of alcoholic drinks is enough to keep kids away until they're old enough to start thinking it's cool (seriously, do you remember what beer tasted like the first time? I do, and the only thing worse was coffee). But what happens when you take hand sanitizer that's almost pure alcohol, color it pink and make it smell like bubblegum? Kids eat it, that's what. That's what's happened to six-year-old Nhaijah Russell, who ended up in the emergency room slurring her words and unable to walk due to alcohol poisoning after only ingesting "three or four" squirts of the stuff.

As more schools and other institutions install hand sanitizers in bathrooms and hallways (which is dumb for a whole host of drug-resistant bacteria reasons, but I digress), the Georgia Poison Center has recorded a 400% increase in alcohol poisoning among children from sanitizer since 2010. That's an increase from 3,266 cases involving hand sanitizer to 16,117 cases in Georgia alone. Hand sanitizer has an alcohol content ranging from 45% (vodka levels) to 95% (grain alcohol levels), so very, very little will get a kid absolutely blasted. (As mentioned, teens know this and do it intentionally.)

As Dr. Gaylord Lopez, director of the Center, told CNN, "Kids are getting into these products more frequently, and unfortunately, there's a percentage of them going to the emergency room...A lot of the more attractive (hand sanitizers) are the ones that are scented. There are strawberry, grape, orange-flavored hand sanitizers that are very appealing to kids."

So, talk to your kids today about not eating random stuff in the hallway. It's an important talk.

If nothing else, this is a reminder that if civilization collapsed, you'd starve to death in weeks.

YouTuber Andy George has a new channel called How To Make Everything, and he takes it very seriously. So seriously that he dedicated six months of his life and considerable resources to making a sandwich. A chicken sandwich. With mayo (not shown in the video, although he also made that). He grows vegetables. He makes his own salt. He harvests wheat. He makes flour. He kills his own chicken. He...you know what? Just watch the video, and think about how many people work every day so that you can do whatever weird unnecessary job you do in the modern world without having to worry about what you're going to eat (or why it's only potatoes).

Here's the full series on the sandwich (including the mayo that got cut from the shorter version above), which actually shows you how to make everything:

This must be the raccoon version of nails on a chalkboard.

"Rocksy," the very literally named raccoon, has a trick. When the cat food bowl is empty outside, she'll go scratching at the sliding glass door. But she doesn't just use her claws: she picks up a rock and repeatedly rolls it over the glass, making a sound that's about as annoying as dudes claim vocal fry is.

The video's poster isn't angry at Rocksy, at least, despite the fact that the raccoon has scratched up the windows. Rather, she points out that Rocksy is a mama with babies to feed. And sometimes, to feed your babies, you just gotta roll a rock against a window repeatedly until you get more cat food.

I hope there is a hidden code in this Instagram caption. 

True story: One time, I sat on the stoop of an apartment building in front of the Scientology Celebrity Center talking to a dude who turned out to be a paparazzo. Liz and Dick was using the Celebrity Center as a location, and this guy was hovering, hoping to get a snap of Lohan in a window. He hid his camera in a grocery bag under a couple of packages of King's Hawaiian Bread, so nobody would see it if they walked by.

Then, as today, I worry about Lindsay Lohan.

A couple of days ago, she took a break from her usual Instagram posting of sexy pictures with small captions to post a sexy picture with a very large caption. Complete with shout outs to #michaeljackson, @peta, @TMZ, and @oprah, it has the rambling tone of a note that's supposed to look like it's from somebody who's not doing well, but there's actually a hidden code inside. I hope there's a hidden code inside. Maybe it tells us the location of The Holy Grail. Or where she buried all the copies of Herbie: Fully Loaded. Either way, here's the post:

And here's the full text. Well, minus a few emojis:

they always come back. I love you NYC they always come back. I love you NYC  #godblesstheworld#michaeljackson #rip miss you as my real only private friend. For you: god, for all hurts and wrongs, please let me forgive, Allah please let me be forgiven, and all forgive themselves. Please and thank you. (Someone I was with the night before several towers fell, it felt like not a curse, but more like a spell.. What we think in America is not always clear, we don't have @peta commercials / you just kill deer....with this being said, I'm a girl with a reputation mislead... Like a diamond in the rough, you, now, for 25 years have seen me on TV and screen.. So i am programmed to stand tough. Black or white - in life, rather than love we create a fight of an ideal situation of an unexceptional, yet unacceptable future that @TMZ @Eonline@HarveylevinTMZ & #harveyweinstein..couldn't and wouldn't even care to describe any thought of the people we forget to help when a franchise film comes out and, If money means more than freedom- than stay in California. If helping others is a passion, talk to angelina jolie... If you want to be a brilliant actress, work wth Meryl Streep ...at the end of the day- republican or democrats --- BE HERE NOW @oprah and live with integrity. Or go to sleep. The most beautiful life comes cheap. Stop fighting and using artists for distractions. It's boring...  #UnitedNations

It definitely has some moments of truth to it. And maybe also directions to buried treasure.

After famously saying "I Hate America," she pays tribute to Canada as Celine Dion singing The Weeknd. 

Ariana Grande's post-Donutgate redemption tour continues with a visit to The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. Grande showed off her vocal mimicry skills in a game of "Wheel of Musical Impressions," which proved that she is at her most likable when she is pretending to be other people. 

Grande's Xtina-inspired "Wheels on the Bus" is particularly captivating, as she masters the sensual Aguilera belt she grew up singing along to. Plus, her French Canadian accent singing "I Can't Feel My Face" by the other famous Canadian, The Weeknd, is a victory for the neighbors to the north. 

An eye for an eye, a cake for a cake. 

Jake Gyllenhaal, Maggie Gyllenhaal's brother and a successful actor in his own right, is also very generous. Amy Schumer, Senator Chuck Schumer's cousin and a successful comedian/actress/screenwriter herself, once Airbnb-ed his house and naturally, got drunk and had a little fun going through his freezer. While staying in his house, Schumer took a bite right out of a frozen cheesecake from Gyllenhaal's girlfriend's birthday. To pay tribute to this now-famous moment, and to match Schumer with a viral video of his own, Gyllenhaal and Colbert bit into the cake's doppelganger. Neither of them seem to enjoy it that much, but they commit to the bit.

Here's the original video where Schumer tells her side of the story from the original Colbert interview:

How I Met You 

In a truly bizarre sequence of events, Neil Patrick Harris assumed various disguises to stalk a newlywed couple from Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

He followed them to Dallas, Texas, for the Alabama Crimson Tide opening game. Dressed up as Big Al, Alabama Football's mascot, he dry-humped the young, innocent Teresha and Oronde Hamilton.

He secretly attended their wedding back in Alabama, photobombing pictures and taste-testing their wedding cake. And when the Hamiltons arrived in New York City, he dressed as a bellhop to secretly welcome them to the Plaza Hotel. 

Keep this in mind, folks. Regardless of what state or coast you're on, anything or anyone can be Neil Patrick Harris in disguise.

Another lesson from the bit: photobombing wedding photos isn't a dick move, as long as you're a beloved actor from both stage and screen. 

That'll happen when you're shackled under water.

Spencer Horsman, an escape artist and opening act for Criss Angel, was attempting to free himself from a raised water tank when he had to be lowered and removed. Spencer was placed inside a 30-inch Plexiglas tank filled with 100 gallons of water that was sealed with locked bars. He was nearly out while working on the last lock, but had been in the tank too long and was taken to a hospital. Spencer had announced the stunt on Twitter and even mentioned that it has previously almost killed him:

It will be great when Criss Angel visits him at the hospital. If Criss is denied permission to visit because he's not an immediate family member, he can threaten to make the entire hospital disappear. Or he can just vanish into a puff of smoke.