Jeb(!) Bush, a man who put an exclamation point on his own name to insert excitement into his campaign, accidentally inserted himself into a Bernie Sanders ad this weekend.
When Jeb(!) was attending a Republican Leadership Conference event on Michigan's Mackinac Island (a popular vacation spot for people in the Great Lakes region), he apparently spotted the group of young people with "Republicans for something-or-other" shirts and posed for a picture with them. Unfortunately for Jeb(!) the "something or others" was Sanders, as in Bernie Sanders.
Is this 2016's October surprise come a year and a week early? Not really, of course, but it doesn't help Jeb(!)'s narrative as a low-energy guy whose heart isn't even in this enough to notice when people are wearing an opponent's t-shirt. In reality, he probably saw the shirts but wasn't about to turn down a bunch of kids who are interested in the political process. Tweets from Jeb(!)'s campaign manager seem to support this theory:
Amy Schumer took home an Emmy last night for Inside Amy Schumer in the outstanding sketch series category, and after giving a hilarious acceptance speech she went backstage and shared the rude text she got from famous friend and Hunger Games actress Jennifer Lawrence.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=3&v=sWOx2bhUAA8
"You looked pretty, but not smart" sounds exactly like something J-Law would say. There are probably plenty of opinions floating around about how Amy Schumer looked last night, but you know your friends will tell you the truth. Considering Amy thanked the lady who gave her a smoky eye, Jennifer Lawrence was happily also telling her exactly what she wanted to hear.
Christian Rudder is the co-founder of OkCupid. He's also the author of a new book full of statistics about how people date online. After doing some serious data mining, he had some interesting findings about male versus female age preferences in a mate.
"When I was your age I still liked women your age."
Women tend to seek out men their own age. From age 20 up to 50, these numbers hold true for women. OK, now brace yourself for the male preference stats. Men aged 20-50 prefer women to fit into the narrow age margin of just 20-24. Here's the breakdown:
The dotted line is as lonely as single women over 24.
The black numbers in the chart represent men's age, and the red number's show the age of women they prefer to date. As in every man between the ages of 20 and 50 wants to be with a woman in her early 20s. More specifically, men's absolute favorite age is 20. The dotted line down the middle of the chart represents age preference parity, which is clearly not happening, like, at all.
"You look good to me, and also to lots of men."
These are statistics you probably already knew were true but hoped were not true. Sorry ladies! Don't get caught dating while over the age of 24, it's a pretty serious crime out there in Internet dating land. And remember, if you're having trouble dating, just try to be younger and all your problems will be solved.
Richard Dawkins expressed some support for the notion that Ahmed Mohamed's clock was a hoax this weekend. He's part of the wave of Ahmed "truthers" who are trying to prove that Ahmed didn't build his own clock and actually had a surreptitious motive to get himself arrested.
If he's right, Ahmed didn't build a clock. He simply took one out of its casing. Did he deliberately want to be suspected of making a bomb? Did he want to be arrested, to be seen as a victim of "Islamophobia"? If so, Texas police played right into his hands and most of us (including me) fell for it.
He then kind of made an apology, but like most old white atheist males, still expresses skepticism towards the concept of Islamophobia and holds fast to the idea that Ahmed didn't actually build that clock:
Jon Hamm won an Emmy last night, finally. It seemed like everyone was hoping he would be a first-time winner for his role in Mad Men, because nothing can unite strangers like rooting for a handsome, talented man to win a trophy.
In his acceptance speech, Hamm kept repeating how "impossible" it felt to win. This was kind of a stretch, because it actually makes a lot of sense and was pretty expected. More believably, he gave a heartfelt thanks to his ex, filmmaker Jennifer Westfeldt, who he was with for 18 years until their recent split. The shout-out was a little hard to miss because he listed a bunch of pairs of names in a row, but he ended by thanking "Cora and Jen." Jen being Jennifer Westfeldt, and Cora being...his dog.
Halloween is only 39 days away, so it's time to start putting your costume together. Parties on or around October 31st are a perfect opportunity to demonstrate your grasp of the zeitgeist, or even who you'll be voting for in the upcoming election. Every election comes with a sexy political Halloween costume: in 2012, it was Mitt Romney's Binders Full of Women, and this time around a lingerie company is already selling a sexy Donald Trump Costume (wig, hat, and wall on the Mexican border not included).
Of course a company already has made a sexy Donald Trump costume for Halloween. pic.twitter.com/DZz3W4vW8Z
The description for the costume, available on Yandy.com,
You'll be "Making America Great!" this Halloween in this limited edition Yandy Donna T. Rumpshaker costume featuring a white sleeveless shirt with an attached collar, an attached red tie, a royal blue faux blazer and royal blue booty shorts. (Hat and wig sold separately.)
As to avoid any possible defamation lawsuits, the costume is branded as "Donna T. Rumpshaker Costume," so it may or may not be Trump.
We O.G. Harry Potter fans are all grown up — though the magic is still alive every time J.K. Rowling tweets— but a new generation is always just beginning their first year at Hogwarts. The fun fan site MuggleNet started an initiative to officially initiate new readers into the wizardry family. Called #PotterItForward, a pun on the best Haley Joel Osment movie (yes, it's better than The Sixth Sense because Kevin Spacey), Pay it Forward. Fans are leaving notes in library and bookshop copies of the books to say what the series has meant to them.
Here is the call to action and some of the many beautiful messages that followed:
Amy Schumer crashed a Game of Thrones cast photo at last night's Emmys, making us all wonder how we even amused ourselves before she showed up to the famous people party. It's hard to remember.
Schumer had an awesome night winning an Emmy for outstanding variety sketch show and exchanging biting texts with her coworker Jennifer Lawrence, but when one is a celebrity rabble-rouser, there's never time to rest. She also made her way into the photo below, which she shared on Instagram with the caption "My real family."
https://instagram.com/p/74Mh0-KUA9/
Related: Andy Samberg said GRRM told him during a commercial break that Jon Snow is—oh, the spoilers!—alive. It was definitely a bit, but it's definitely true.
5. Amy Poehler, because the Emmys snubbed her once again.
They gave her a big fat "Knope."
At last night's 67 Primetime Emmy Awards, Amy Poehler was denied an Emmy for her role as Leslie Knope on Parks and Recreation. Even worse, the show is now over after seven seasons, so now there's no chance for her incredible work as the character to ever be recognized with that winged gold statue that apparently means something.
That level of rejection would have shaken even someone with Leslie Knope's optimism, but Poehler seemed to take it in stride pretty well:
The award for best actress in a leading comedy role went to Julia Louis-Dreyfus for the fourth straight year for her role on Veep. It's an embarrassment of riches for a woman who is already embarrassingly rich, so more than a few Poehlerheads were upset. Even JLD herself seemed apologetic in her acceptance speech:
There's no doubt that Louis-Dreyfus is great on Veep, but she probably could have given up one statue from her golden horde to make the legions of Knope fanatics happy. But Hollywood has never been about being fair, as this next story will prove.
4. A Disney fan whose dumb meth lab joke got him banned from every Disney park for life.
David Swindler, not a meth cook.
David Swindler of St. Augustine, Florida is about as big of a Disney fan as you'll find. He told First Coast News,
My first and foremost love is Jesus Christ, and my family, and then probably Disney.
So if there are bigger Disney fans, that's because they love it more than religion and their families. You probably wouldn't want to meet them. Swindler loves Disney so much, his family even calls him "Grumpy". But now he's really got something to be grumpy about.
Swindler and his family were staying at the Pop Century resort when he called the front desk to ask if they could extend their stay for another night. After being put on hold for 15 minutes, Swindler got all grumped up and told the employee on the phone,
I could've built a meth lab in the time it's taken you guys to answer my question.
It was the wrong thing to say, and not just because you have to be a read pro to be able to build a meth lab in 15 minutes. Disney not only denied his request for another night, they sent police to raid his room and check it for anything even remotely methy. He was kicked out of the resort, and sent a notice that he was banned from all Disney properties for life. That includes Disney World, Disneyland, Disneyland Paris, and even the unconfirmed Pyongyang Cartoon Mouse Fun Center. It was a crushing blow for a lifelong fan whose only crime was not having a filter.
Grumpy's getting disgruntled.
Swindler has filed an appeal with Disney security, and has taken to social media to drum up support. He posted a video called "Done Wrong by Disney," in which he told his story in his own words. But whatever happens, he won't let this incident tarnish his love of Disney. Because some things are more important than being accused of cooking meth.
3. Stephen Baldwin, because he owes $90k in taxes.
"Who, me?"
Bad news for everyone's third-favorite Baldwin brother – we still remember The Flintstones 2: Viva Rock Vegas. Also, you're in serious debt.
The one-time Usual Suspects and Celebrity Apprentice star owes $90,000 in back taxes, according to TMZ– $30,000 to the state of New York and $60,000 to the federal government. You'd think he would have learned his lesson after his last spat with the IRS. In 2012, he was arrested and ordered to pay New York a whopping $300,000.
It's hard to imagine he has much more credit after that incident, but maybe he could borrow some money from his more successful brother. What's Billy up to these days?
2. Kylie Jenner, because a fan pulled her hair at a Chris Brown concert.
She takes her hair as seriously as her boob cream.
You can hate on the Kardashian/Jenner cartel as much as you want for their relentless branding and inane public personas, but that doesn't mean they always have it easy. When you're that much of a hot property, everyone wants a piece of you – literally.
Kylie Jenner (Remember her? The dark-haired one) was attending a Chris Brown concert in Anaheim on Friday night when a fan got a little too close. Before her private army of security could intervene, the crazed admirer reached out and grabbed her newly-green, million-dollar hair. As you can see in TMZ's video, it looked legitimately painful:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwhQZcVDXgQ
From the expression on her face, you can tell she was shocked. Nobody expects to go to a Chris Brown concert and be attacked by anyone but Chris Brown. And you might be wondering why, if this happened on Friday, she's still being featured in "5 people having a worse Monday than you." Well, if you knew her hair care regimen, you wouldn't. She's probably still floating in a vat of scalp repair cream as we speak.
1. A drunk cowboy who rode his horse to avoid a DUI and still got ticketed.
Did you think all the cowboys were gone? Nope, they're just more discreet than they used to be. These days, the real Western stuff doesn't come out until they get a little sauced up.
Take Jake Williams, for example. The Louisiana man drove his truck up to a daiquiri shop outside Baton Rouge last week with his horse trailer in tow. Then, one daiquiri turned into a few too many (cowboys can't resist fruity drinks) and he decided very responsibly that he was too drunk to drive home. But rather than call an Uber, he pulled a straight John Wayne move. Leading his horse Sugar out of the trailer, he started to ride home along the highway. He explained his thinking to WBRZ:
"When you get a little too much to drink, why not ride a horse? It's safer that way. The horse knows the way home."
We have a new hero.
That's some sound logic, but it was lost on the police who spotted him slumped over Sugar's back along Highway 16. They pulled him over and immediately deduced that he was drunk, but of course they couldn't charge him with a DUI. A horse doesn't have a steering wheel (yet).
Instead, he received a lesser change for public intoxication. A family member came to pick him and Sugar up. He promised he wouldn't do it again, and in that moment, the dream of the American West finally died.
Last night, General Hospital "star" Nancy Lee Grahn threw some serious e-shade on Viola Davis' Emmy speech, which she delivered after becoming the first black woman to earn an Emmy. Even though that seems like the one time you should probably not hate on someone, Grahn tweeted a bunch of stuff about how "it's not about race, man!"
I apologize for my earlier tweets and now realize I need to check my own privilege. My intention was not to take this historic and important moment from Viola Davis or other women of color but I realize that my intention doesn't matter here because that is what I ended up doing. I learned a lot tonight and I admit that there are still some things I don't understand but I am trying to and will let this be a learning experience for me
She also tried attempting to individually respond to her detractors, which actually made it worse because she got kind of defensive:
Actress Helen Mirren was at New York Fashion Week during the Badgley Mischka show, when she was interviewed by the NY Daily News. After politely correcting a staffer who passed her the wrong coffee, she went on a tangent about rudeness, with some great advice for all us ladies.
Hard to believe this was a young woman who had trouble cursing at people.
Presumably once that unfortunate coffee jockey's back was turned, Mirren told the reporter"that she wished she could tell people to “f--k off” more often than she does." She explained thusly:
“Unfortunately, at least for my generation, growing up (we didn’t say that) and I love the fact that girls are so much more confident and outspoken than my generation were. We were sort of brought up to be polite and sometimes politeness, in certain circumstances, is not what’s required, you’ve got to have the courage to stand up for yourself occasionally when it’s needed.”
The metal detector in Cumberland County Jail in Portland, Oregon must be tuned to a very high detection level, because women's underwire bras have been setting it off. And for some ill-advised reason, security has decided to deal with this problem by asking women to take their bras off. This has happened to several female attorneys who were visiting the jail to speak to their clients, and preferred to do so while wearing undergarments.
Abandon all underwire brassieres, all ye who enter here.
One of these women was laywer Amy Fairfield, who told Portland Press Herald about her experience at Cumberland County a/k/a "no-bra-zone."
Security Guard: Are you wearing an underwire bra? Might I suggest you go to the bathroom and take that off?
Amy: I will not. I am completely offended at that notion.
When Amy refused to take off her bra, she was barred from entering the jail, violating both her civil rights and her client's constitutional right to an attorney. Basically, this jail is asking for these underwired women to throw a lawsuit at them.
Apparently, this guilty-until-proven-braless rule is a new policy implemented by jail administrator Maj. John Costello. Hopefully, he'll figure out it's harassment before the jail gets served. Maybe public defenders giving criminals their bra wires for jail murder is a real problem. Maybe he's having a hard time on the dating scene and wants to see some bra-free breasts through ladies business suits to get through the day. Who can say?
Astute Emmy viewers might have noticed something on winner and presenter Bradley Whitford's head: a hat. Yes, everyone noticed that the Transparent actor (who will forever be known to many fans as The West Wing's Josh Lyman) had on a fedora. Celebrities can't keep any aspects of their lives private anymore, can they?
He wore the hat on the red carpet. He wore it on the podium. And he wore it in photos.
And you can't blame Twitter for taking advantage of the opportunity to make a good celebrity hat joke. This kind of chance doesn't come by very often, especially not in combination with peak award show Twitter traffic. Even Whitford's West Wing costar Joshua Malina made a jab.
Well, it turns out there is actually a reason for this unconventional fashion move. And surprisingly, it really does justify the choice to wear a huge fedora to one of the fanciest events of the year. The Hollywood Reporter got the explanation directly from Whitford at a pre-Emmys party:
Transparent guest-actor winner Bradley Whitford, who took home gold last weekend at the Creative Arts Emmy Awards, wanted to make sure people knew why he was sporting a slightly incognito look under a large-brimmed fedora. "I'm playing vice president Hubert Humphrey in All the Way for HBO," said Whitford of the Bryan Cranston-starring movie adaptation of the hit Broadway play. "They've thinned and darkened my hair for the role, so wearing a hat is just best for everybody right now."
Sometimes to follow your dreams, you have to make a difficult choice between showing America your thinned, darkened Hubert Humphrey 'do or wearing a fedora to the Emmys. Luckily, most of us will never have to make that kind of decision.
Sure, you could worry that the prevalence of CCTV cameras are rapidly bringing us to a Black Mirror-style future full of constant surveillance. Or you could just be grateful that these security cameras sometimes bring us footage of the most batsh*t stuff to ever happen to humans. Like this poor man who was walking down the street when a pane of glass fell from the heavens above, as if dropped by god himself (or, more likely, some handymen who were working for god). It cuts close enough that it takes off his headwear, but (as far as we can tell) doesn't actually hurt him. And now, thanks to CCTVs, we can all watch this and live in fear of glass falling on us sometime. Thanks, CCTV!
Temperatures at yesterday's Emmys reached 100 degrees, and we've got pictures of sweaty stars to prove it. First off, Mario Lopez sweat through his shirt:
Ariana Grande, famed donut-licker and former America-hater (oh and also singer), has a signature hairstyle. She always wears her long hair up in a full, high ponytail that kind of looks like a cheerleader by way of Taylor Swift's girl squad and a cat. And — not that it matters — the look is achieved by wearing extensions.
Leave Ariana Grande's ponytail alone!
Apparently, people give her a lot of shit about this. (But probably not as much shit as she got about licking the donut. Just guessing.) She's previously responded to the haters by explaining that her hair has gotten extremely damaged because of the dye she's had to put in it for acting roles, and that everyone can mind their own goddamn business (paraphrasing).
That was a year-and-a-half ago. And yesterday, she finally showed her natural hair on Instagram. She shared a photo and wrote in the caption "peekaboo healthy curls" and "long time no see" along with some highly appropriate emojis.
https://instagram.com/p/73WZJmSWXu/
She also shared a video explaining what motivated her to post the photo: her dad told her to!
https://instagram.com/p/73XJuASWZx/
Famous families show their love in different, but no less valid, ways than us.
A woman in Troup, Texas posted a message on Facebook that has dog lovers fuming the world over. She had an adorable three-year-old Saint Bernard/English bulldog mix named Cinnamon, and she wanted someone to rub her out. Here's the post:
She didn't get any likes on that?
The post read:
I need someone to come shoot my dog. No one here has the heart to do it. We will provide the gun.
While it is thoughtful to provide the gun, the general reaction this request got was pure outrage. Dog owners, who are famously touchy about the subject of assassinating dogs, were quick to jump on this story. Local animal control was notified, and officers quickly showed up at the Troup home to collect Cinnamon.
Who could put a hit out on that face?
Cinnamon's owner told police that she had to get rid of her because she couldn't take care of her anymore, and because she kept getting in the garbage. There's no word, however, on why she thought a gunshot was the only solution. KHOU sent a reporter to her house to get some answers, but the woman wouldn't speak to her. Her son, however, had some choice words:
I'm not gonna talk s&%t, like… just go. I know how the media works. You people are the f#@king devil.
The media may be the f#@king devil, but they're not the ones who wanted to have a dog shot. The woman in question won't be charged with a crime, because she gave Cinnamon up to Animal Control willingly. Now she's free to adopt another dog – hopefully one that will stay out of the trash, for its own sake.
As for Cinnamon, she's currently staying with a foster family. She'll be going up for adoption soon. Let's hope she finds a loving, non-murderous family to take her in. Or at least one that won't provide the gun.
