You better hope to god that Santa doesn't see your browser history.

December 17, 2013, 9:31 am

≫ Next: Merry Christmas to someone responsible for my non-immaculate conception.

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Merry Christmas to someone responsible for my non-immaculate conception.

December 17, 2013, 9:36 am

≫ Next: The best thing about your Christmas present is that you thought I was a size small.

≪ Previous: You better hope to god that Santa doesn't see your browser history.

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The best thing about your Christmas present is that you thought I was a size small.

December 17, 2013, 10:48 am

≫ Next: I like you so much that I DVR'd Love Actually.

≪ Previous: Merry Christmas to someone responsible for my non-immaculate conception.

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I like you so much that I DVR'd Love Actually.

December 17, 2013, 11:25 am

≫ Next: I'd brave taking off my gloves in record cold temperatures to text you something inappropriate.

≪ Previous: The best thing about your Christmas present is that you thought I was a size small.

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I'd brave taking off my gloves in record cold temperatures to text you something inappropriate.

December 17, 2013, 5:01 pm

≫ Next: Good luck finding something nice to wear to Christmas at Grandma's from your closet of bar hopping slut-gear.

≪ Previous: I like you so much that I DVR'd Love Actually.

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Good luck finding something nice to wear to Christmas at Grandma's from your closet of bar hopping slut-gear.

December 18, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: I bet your birthday would be a bigger deal this time of year if you were conceived by a virgin.

≪ Previous: I'd brave taking off my gloves in record cold temperatures to text you something inappropriate.

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I bet your birthday would be a bigger deal this time of year if you were conceived by a virgin.

December 18, 2013, 8:23 am

≫ Next: Sorry I can't make it to your holiday party that I'm pretending to attend to get out of going to another holiday party.

≪ Previous: Good luck finding something nice to wear to Christmas at Grandma's from your closet of bar hopping slut-gear.

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Sorry I can't make it to your holiday party that I'm pretending to attend to get out of going to another holiday party.

December 18, 2013, 9:08 am

≫ Next: I'd be much more into the office holiday party if my coworkers weren't invited.

≪ Previous: I bet your birthday would be a bigger deal this time of year if you were conceived by a virgin.

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I'd be much more into the office holiday party if my coworkers weren't invited.

December 18, 2013, 9:27 am

≫ Next: Allow me to apologize in advance for what I'm going to say to you at the office holiday party.

≪ Previous: Sorry I can't make it to your holiday party that I'm pretending to attend to get out of going to another holiday party.

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Allow me to apologize in advance for what I'm going to say to you at the office holiday party.

December 18, 2013, 10:29 am

≫ Next: If your family was disturbingly honest about what they want for Christmas.

≪ Previous: I'd be much more into the office holiday party if my coworkers weren't invited.

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If your family was disturbingly honest about what they want for Christmas.

December 18, 2013, 11:05 am

≫ Next: You mean so much to me that I paid rush delivery charges on your last-minute Christmas gift.

≪ Previous: Allow me to apologize in advance for what I'm going to say to you at the office holiday party.

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You mean so much to me that I paid rush delivery charges on your last-minute Christmas gift.

December 18, 2013, 1:53 pm

≫ Next: Thanks for taking one hand off your cell phone to finger-bang me.

≪ Previous: If your family was disturbingly honest about what they want for Christmas.

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Thanks for taking one hand off your cell phone to finger-bang me.

December 18, 2013, 5:04 pm

≫ Next: I'm dreaming of a nondenominational, gender-neutral, non-discriminatory, eco-friendly, socially-responsible, gluten-free, vegan Christmas.

≪ Previous: You mean so much to me that I paid rush delivery charges on your last-minute Christmas gift.

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I'm dreaming of a nondenominational, gender-neutral, non-discriminatory, eco-friendly, socially-responsible, gluten-free, vegan Christmas.

December 19, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: I'll always be there to support you in my completely pushy way.

≪ Previous: Thanks for taking one hand off your cell phone to finger-bang me.

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I'll always be there to support you in my completely pushy way.

December 19, 2013, 7:16 am

≫ Next: There's no reason for anyone to be alone during the holidays unless everyone else leaves town.

≪ Previous: I'm dreaming of a nondenominational, gender-neutral, non-discriminatory, eco-friendly, socially-responsible, gluten-free, vegan Christmas.

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There's no reason for anyone to be alone during the holidays unless everyone else leaves town.

December 19, 2013, 9:05 am

≫ Next: I can't think of anything gayer than talking graphically about men's anuses in a national magazine.

≪ Previous: I'll always be there to support you in my completely pushy way.

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I can't think of anything gayer than talking graphically about men's anuses in a national magazine.

December 19, 2013, 10:12 am

≫ Next: It concerns me that a man who spends a lot of time around ducks considers himself an expert on bestiality.

≪ Previous: There's no reason for anyone to be alone during the holidays unless everyone else leaves town.

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It concerns me that a man who spends a lot of time around ducks considers himself an expert on bestiality.

December 19, 2013, 11:47 am

≫ Next: Technically, you're not drinking alone if your kids are home.

≪ Previous: I can't think of anything gayer than talking graphically about men's anuses in a national magazine.

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Technically, you're not drinking alone if your kids are home.

December 19, 2013, 5:01 pm

≫ Next: Friday is the beginning of my liver's workweek.

≪ Previous: It concerns me that a man who spends a lot of time around ducks considers himself an expert on bestiality.

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Friday is the beginning of my liver's workweek.

December 20, 2013, 5:01 am

≫ Next: Just a reminder this holiday season that not all old bearded men living in remote areas care what you do with a man's anus.

≪ Previous: Technically, you're not drinking alone if your kids are home.

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