Just a reminder this holiday season that not all old bearded men living in remote areas care what you do with a man's anus.
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May your birthday and Christmas presents not be combined.
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Wishing you a happy whatever doesn't offend you.
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You always inspire me to try my best once I've stopped crying hysterically.
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This is my favorite time of year to be childless.
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Sending paperless Christmas cards is a great way to feel better about the murdered tree in your living room.
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If I sent Christmas cards, you'd totally be on my list.
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I don't particularly care if you've been naughty or nice.
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Just wanted to help spread hope, peace, joy, and other marketing buzzwords.
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I'm dreaming of a white Christmas at an Asian restaurant.
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I hope you like this present better than I did when I received it.
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The holiday present you got me was absolutely perfect for someone who isn't me.
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Even though it doesn't have a limited-time free shipping offer, yours is my favorite package of the holiday season.
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Remember it's the thought that counts as you finish reading this free ecard.
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'Tis the season to drink too much with the coworkers, family, and friends who are the reason you drink too much.
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I don't exist.
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I am indebted to you and several credit card companies.
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I like to drink enough on Christmas morning that I get to enjoy the revelation of my presents again once I regain consciousness.
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Not having to work on Christmas is the new Christmas bonus.
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I'd have gotten you a more impressive gift if you weren't already sleeping with me.
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