Article 43
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World's most passive-aggressive couple sends wedding guests a bill for not showing up.
Jessica Baker of Golden Valley, Minnesota was all set to attend a wedding two weeks ago when a last-minute complication forced her and her husband to change their plans. Her mom was supposed to babysit during the wedding, but she called at the last minute and told her she couldn't make it. Because the invitation had specified no children, Baker was forced to miss the wedding. This, she assumed, would be the end of it. How naive.
This week, the offended newlyweds sent her a bill for the two meals she and her husband were supposed to have eaten: herb-crusted walleye (one of those fish that are only served at weddings). Including tax and tip, the bill came to $75.90. A note was included to explain, but it did little to soften the blow:
"This cost reflects the amount paid by the bride and groom for meals that were RSVP'd for, reimbursement and explanation for no show, card, call or text would be appreciated."
This note is a poorly-worded masterpiece of passive aggression. Baker was floored, but she honestly didn't know what was right. After all, she hadn't informed the couple that she wouldn't attend. Having no other option than alerting the media, she sent a copy of the bill to KARE 11 News, who posted it on Facebook. It quickly attracted hundreds of comments from people with very passionate opinions on the issue. It turns out that people feel very strongly about wedding etiquette.
Overwhelmingly, commenters felt that the couple were unjustified in sending the bill. But just to be thorough, KARE 11 consulted an expert: Sarah Baumann Rogers, the editor of Minnesota Bride magazine. While she agreed that the couple had a right to be annoyed at no-shows, she explained that it is very rude to confront them like this:
"Under no circumstances should you choose to follow up after the fact...kind of questioning why they couldn't attend or much less sending a bill… General rule is prepare for about 10 percent of overage or underage when you're planning a big event like that and catering companies are well aware of this."
For her part, Baker agrees. She threw the bill out and has no intention to pay it. And while the identity of the couple hasn't been revealed publicly, she did indicate that they were family. So what appears to already be a pretty tense relationship is only going to get worse. Especially when they find out she told the news.
You smell that? That's the smell of burning bridges.
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Director Paul Feig reveals another awesome actress has been confirmed for 'Ghostbusters.'
The news that another totally sweet cameo by none other than Sigourney Weaver would be happening in the new Ghostbusters movie got leaked last week, so director Paul Feig tried to get ahead of it with a tweet himself:
That means we can expect a whole lot more of this:
Um, yes please!
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Article 40
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This Hollywood couple has the most amazingly tasteless "we're richer than you" Instagram.
A pair of Hollywood "life-coaches"/rich jerks have been so obnoxiously gauche about hosting parties and decorating their garage door with a large mural of themselves, that even the rich snobs who live near them find these people intolerable. Bastian and Maria Yotta constantly post about their lavish lifestyles on their Instagram "Yotta Life." It's mostly boobs and butts, however, they also have a business of some kind, one aspect of which is training yourself to lose weight while you sleep.
No one seems to know how these people have all this money, but once they put what amounts to a billboard advertising that these two live in this home, their rich neighbors decided they were the wrong kind of rich.
Neighbors not only complained about the garage door, but also the parties that clearly aim at making this house the next "Playboy Mansion." But, you know, with less prestige. One party they hosted had over 350 guests and a lion. A real lion.
Here are a few recent Instagram posts to show you what kind of party life the two are maintaining.
The Instagram photos that aren't about money and how much they have, are of, you guessed it, boobs and butts. I threw this one in here because I feel like you deserve it for having read all the way to this part of the article about these wannabe Kardashians.
The above is the apotheosis of Instagram boobs pics. A meta-boob-pic. Let's hope they stick to this and stop annoying their neighbors with parties.
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This transgender teen doesn't need words to express her reaction to starting hormone therapy.
Erica Maison surprised her transgender daughter Corey with something she'd been wanting for a long time—hormone therapy—and describing the 14-year-old as overwhelmed would be an understatement.
Working with insurance providers can make starting hormone therapy a difficult process, and you can feel the mother and daughter's excitement at overcoming this hurdle. It'll leave you wishing your cold dead heart could get this emotional about anything.
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Article 37
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Katy Perry invited a fan onstage. The fan was rolling. So yes, the fan licked Katy Perry.
Katy Perry invited a fan onstage, and the fan licked Katy Perry. This would never happen to Taylor Swift, because Taylor Swift would never allow for so many variables when interacting with pedestrians.
At Perry's concert in Rio, she let a KatyCat (it's an official term, look it up) named Rayane join her for some celebrity chit chat. As the fan approached Perry, it became clear that she was super on drugs. But Perry is a goddamn professional and wasn't going to let a little Molly get in the way of the KP experience, so she tried to play it off with jokes about how the fan was rolling. Meanwhile, the fan immediately went in for neck kissing, boob-groping, licking, and other inappropriate touching. It's surprising she didn't get tackled by Perry's security team (aka KatyGuards).
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Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards shut down an angry congressman at yesterday's hearing.
During the combative congressional hearings over federal funding for Planned Parenthood yesterday, the non-profit's president Cecile Richards was berated and spoken over for hours. On the plus side, she at least got to clap back at the particularly ignorant congressman coming at her with some bullsh*t.
In this video, Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) tried to shove a slide in her face that he claimed showed the increase in abortions vs. the decrease in mammograms at PP. He insisted the data came from Planned Parenthood's own records, but nope:
Richards' says:
Excuse me, my lawyer's informing me that the source of this is actually Americans United for Life, which is an anti-abortion group. So I would check your source.
"Check your source," is the new catch phrase in this debate. If your source is an anti-abortion group, it's probably not going to be the most reliable data set. That's fine for when you're in an all-caps shouting comment match on Facebook, but try to get the facts straight before questioning a witness at a congressional hearing.
If you can't get enough of Republicans being gross to Cecile Richards, here's Rep Trey Gowdy winking at her during the hearing. She objects that he has twisted her words, and he winks while he tells her "It's not always what you say, sometimes it's what you mean." Ew.
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Judge Judy only needs 26 seconds to declare this idiot defendant guilty.
Judge Judy seems to have it all figured out. She's got her own TV show, she understands the law, and she seems to make up her mind about anything in less than half an hour. Sometimes, though, she needs less than half a minute. In this clip, a man tries to explain that he couldn't have stolen a purse because he knows exactly what was in it. Judge Judy seems to enjoy it more than any case she's ever tried:
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A married couple with a huge age difference discussed their relationship.
Catherine and Melvin have been married for over 10 years despite their 40-year age difference. In a video produced by Glamour, they opened up about the ups and downs of their relationship. They talk about the lighthearted stuff like sex and courting each other, but then move on to discussing death and their inability to have kids, at which point things take a more somber turn. Who knew Glamour could get so serious?
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Be prepared.
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A school took away a coughing 9-year-old's inhaler, and they feel good about that decision.
Fourth grader Emma Gonzales had a rough welcome back at school on Monday after a weekend in the hospital, where she was prescribed an inhaler for her coughing fits. Emma's parents have three kids and none of them have ever had any medical issues that required taking medication in school, so they sent her off assuming she'd be able to actually use the inhaler. Psych! Enjoy coughing till you puke, Emma, because that's what your school administrators recommend!
Since her folks didn't fill out the appropriate paperwork confirming the new medicine was Emma's, her inhaler was taken away from her when she pulled it out and she was told to go to the principal. She was made to push through her coughing fit without any medical aid. Emma described what the fits are like, "When I get into the coughing fit, I kind of hurtle up on the ground, can't breathe and then I start to kind of feel a little nauseous.” In the end, she added (sadly), she ended up puking on her pants, which is perhaps the most humiliating thing that a fourth grader can experience in public.
Does Columbia Elementary regret their decision now that the media spotlight has been shined on them? NO. They insist they did it for her safety. The district spokeswoman Sandy Riesgraf says:
“There could be all sorts of problems if children were just allowed to take any medication and we didn't have that verification. Again, this is for the student's safety.”
That does sound like a reasonable precaution. However, Emma's parents are still pretty understandably pissed, since the school called Mr. Gonzales and he verbally confirmed it was her medication and begged them to give it to her. They refused. Her parents have pulled Emma from school until they can get the paperwork figured out, since they don't want her to go through anything so scary again. Meanwhile, Columbia Elementary is like, "No air? Don't care."
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Here’s what Matilda would have been like at Hogwarts, according to Matilda.
Former child actress and current Twitter star Mara Wilson is perhaps best known for having played Matilda in the film version of the eponymous Roald Dahl book. Although there are a lot of questions she gets about her role that she's tired of hearing, there's one question that people all over the world have been asking that she never answered, until today:
This recurring cross-over pitch eventually caught Wilson's eye, and she responded to one fan theory that phrased it particularly well (she's said she doesn't know who first said it, but would like to give credit if anyone knows):
She kept going, speculating what it would have been like at Hogwarts for Matilda. Although she's not a world-bestriding Twitter behemoth like J.K. Rowling (and who is?), Mara is kind of a big deal on the social network, and the Twitterati have been aflutter ever since with her alternate universe slashfic:
Just another reminder that books are so magical that actors who played characters in their film adaptations can take you to a whole new world just by tweeting about them. And that you should follow Mara Wilson on Twitter in her current writer form, because she's pretty fun.
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Someone sent their kid's teacher the perfect gift to make up for their child being a pain in the butt.
These parents know how to get on a teacher's good side when their kid doesn't. Redditor u/martyz shared a gift that was made using the siteEvermine, which lets you make custom labels for sommelier-approved bottles.
Commenters pointed out similar generous gestures they've done. LovableTramp "once gave a teacher a tube of Preparation H and a note apologizing for being a pain in his ass all throughout high school." That's a more affordable option, if you're not willing to shell out $25 for a bottle.
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17 times Tinder users decided making a name pun would be a good opening line.
Oh, the art of the Tinder opener. Many people go for tried-and-true methods like a simple "yes or no" question followed by a clever way to get the phone number. Some guys use emojis, some impersonate Forrest Gump, and others lay out the entire relationship in a single message. With all these different tactics available, it's hard to know which way to go. The latest trend in the seductive arts appears to be making a pun on a girl's name that it is so cheesy it's a Dad Joke. Here are the finest examples of this new trend, with varying degrees of success.
1. He's a monster.
2. It's possible she's named after the NSync song.
3. Dank meme reference, brah.
4. Or Acast, if that's a girl's name.
5. To quote ABBA, "The winner takes it all."
6. Alicia's a bit slow on that one.
7. I don't think Aleta's much of a Supertramp fan.
8. Did you know the Keri-Ann War never officially ended?
9. "Everything makes sense."
10. Is this how Clooney broke the ice with his wife?
11. Loving would be easy if her colors were like his dream.
12. Their son will be Leonie's Son, which sounds kind of like Liam Neeson.
13. Does he have a penis or is he like a Kendall?
14. Can't believe the Madeleine line worked.
15. Better than "Heil, what's up?"
16. That imagery gets one in the mood.
17. This May have worked?
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Store pulls 'Happy Girls Are the Prettiest' shirt after Internet's reaction is extremely unpretty.
Next, a clothing retailer in the UK, is under fire for selling a t-shirt to young girls with a message that some are saying is offensive. The shirt, which is aimed at girls 3-16, features the words "HAPPY GIRLS ARE THE PRETTIEST" written in gold glitter. It's actually an excerpt from a famous quote by Audrey Hepburn:
"I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles."
While it seems like a well-intentioned sentiment, and while people still love Audrey Hepburn, that hasn't stopped online commenters from ripping Next to shreds over this shirt. They say that the quote is offensive on multiple levels, because it shames depression sufferers as well as any girl who isn't happy 100% of the time, and because it tells them that being pretty should be their goal.
If seeing the shirt doesn't make you angry, maybe seeing it on a child model will. Her mind is being warped!
But then again, her mind would probably be warped by being a child model anyway. The Twittersphere quickly jumped on this story, with a multitude of furious tweets the likes of which haven't been seen in a clothing retailer-related scandal since Monday.
Soon, Next was forced to respond. The chain pulled the shirt from all of its stores and issued a number of apologies on Twitter.
Were you offended by Next's shirt? If so, you should be happy that online justice was served. If not, you should snatch it up on eBay before the price gets jacked up. It'll be a collector's item soon.
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Cops beg populace not to call them when Facebook goes down.
When Facebook crashes, most people take to Twitter so they can see if any other addicts are also having trouble getting their fix, but a recent string of Facebook outages prompted concerned citizens across America to call the police. Apparently, Facebook users who can't vent on Twitter or Pinterest can think of no better solution than to call the police, because having your distractions stolen is kind of like getting mugged, if getting mugged was painless and actually gave you back time and brainpower you would have otherwise wasted.
From the Houston Police Officers' Union, who must explain that the police cannot fix Facebook:
Sadly this is not a new phenomenon. The Los Angeles Sheriff's Department made the same request just last year:
You might find this surprising until you think about the ways in which most people actually use Facebook: posting ridiculous statuses and starting comment feuds, or asking questions that are so dumb it's surprising the people posting them even know how to use the Internet. The police are not here to protect and serve Facebook. They're here to engage with us on Twitter instead.
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Jessica Biel, Whitney Cummings, and Joy Bryant get real about condoms.
People think a lot of wrong things about reproductive health. Thankfully, famous people are here to set the record straight. Actress and new mom Jessica Biel created a series of funny videos with a women's health organization to demonstrate the importance of sex education and open communication. In this one, she chats with Friday Night Lights' Joy Bryant and comedian Whitney Cummings about condoms. And how they're always falling off, traveling through a woman's body, and getting coughed out. See why we need to talk about these things?
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Some lucky Harry Potter nerds will get to have Christmas dinner in Hogwarts' Great Hall.
A Christmas dinner at the Great Hall of Hogwarts was announced by The Warner Bros. Studio Tour in London, igniting the hearts and wands of Harry Potter fans everywhere. The dinner uses actual sets and props from the films, plus some fantastic recreations to make everyone feel like they're halfway done with their first year at Hogwarts.
It is a truly authentic experience, which regrettably and not surprisingly sold out very quickly. Tickets cost nearly $350, so hopefully it includes an open bar with a lot of butterbeer.
Here's a taste of what the lucky attendees will get to indulge in at the Great Hall:
The Hogwarts dining room will be dressed for the occasion with the original props used in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, including flaming Christmas puddings and hams studded with cherries. A wand will be waiting for you at your table and you’ll enjoy the first two courses of a delicious Christmas dinner with all the trimmings on the authentic set (vegetarian option also available).
Attendees also get to explore the Gryffindor common room and the Weasley’s kitchen at The Burrrow, which will be dressed as they were for winter scenes from the movies. After butterbeers in the backlot café and a walk up Diagon Alley, the tour ends by checking out the model Hogwarts Castle, which will be covered in stage snow from the movies.
When these types of promotional events sell out, amusement parks and studio tours tend to do them again so they can make truckloads of money. So, there's certainly hope there will be more in the future. As an alternative, you can head to Canada to have a drink at the Harry Potter-themed bar. Let's keep an eye on the orbs for prophecies about when tickets will be released for the next Christmas dinner.
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