Snapchat is the app where the pictures you post disappear after just a few seconds, sort of like a photographic one-night stand. Fittingly, people have started chronicling their experiences in ephemeral, fleeting love by Snapchatting selfies the morning after. Here are some highlights, which were posted to Twitter:
Khloé Kardashian has made her first public statements about Lamar Odom since he was hospitalized last week. Odom spent days in a coma and experienced serious organ damage after he was found unconscious at a brothel in Nevada. He has now woken up and been transported from a Las Vegas hospital to a Los Angeles facility. Khloé Kardashian has been by Odom's side constantly over the past week. The two are in the process of getting divorced, but Khloé is still legally Odom's spouse and responsible for medical decisions while he's incapacitated. She wrote on her website:
The past week has been incredibly difficult. I am so thankful to family, friends and fans, who have sent nothing but prayers and well wishes to Lamar. I also want to take a moment to thank everyone at Sunrise Hospital, including the amazing doctors and nurses for their kindness and diligent work. Under their amazing care, incredible strides have been made. You can never be prepared for an experience like this, but without the outpouring of love and endless prayers that Lamar has received and the strength I was given from my loved ones, it would have been difficult to endure. Thank you for your continued support. God is great!!! XOXO, Khloe
Good luck to Odom on what is already a remarkable recovery considering the grave prognosis he was originally given.
Lovely bride Brelyn Bowman was recently married, and an important part of her wedding day was presenting her father with a "Certificate of Purity." Yes, that's what it sounds like. In her Instagram post below, Brelyn writes about this special moment she shared with her dad:
Another one of my favs! Dancing with my first love! I was able to present a certificate of purity to him signed by my doctor that my hymen was still intact. Also the covenant he gave me when I was 13. When you honor God, your life will automatically honor others! I love you daddy
Cool, cool, cool. Here they are dancing:
Brelyn's dad, Dr. Mike Freeman, is a Maryland pastor, so presumably this is a completely normal(?) aspect of a very religious family's celebration of a binding marriage contract. Here's a post from him with the certificate from a doctor stating Brelyn never engaged in any pre-marital stuff that might have broken her hymen, like horse-back riding or vaginal sex.
As you can see, Dr. Freeman does not understand why the original post is getting so much negativity. He writes in the caption:
Who knew that a pic like this would get so much negativity but a natural man will not understand things of the Spirit for they are foolishness to them!!!#meetthebowmans #readyourbible#prayingforyou
It's not entirely clear, but the term 'natural man' seems to be a bad thing, as if everyone who doesn't "get" the purity certificate is more bestial than the father who makes sure he monitors his daughter's sexual activity. One commenter on Brelyn's Instagram sums up (with imperfect grammar) a lot of reasons why people are weirded out by this, even if they're religious themselves:
Of course, once you're famous for remaining a virgin until you're married, you've got to stand by that. The couple certainly doesn't care about the haters, and they're glowing in this honeymoon pic. You can guess why.
Britney Spears had a wardrobe malfunction at her Piece of Me Las Vegas show last Friday during a clearly lip-synched performance of "3." The zipper on the back of her fishnet leotard thing broke, and it wasn't so bad — that is, until her dancers kept awkwardly trying to fix it. After a painful minute or so, they finally gave up. She finished the song with an exposed back (scandalous!), and that was that. No big deal at all. Things definitely could've been a lot worse.
Forward the video to about a minute in to see the shenanigans.
Channing Tatum: husband, father, hunk, and now... pooh bear. Just when you think the Magic Mike star couldn't get any more lovable, he posts a picture of himself on Instagram dressed as Winnie the Pooh for his daughter's Halloween carnival.
Granted, he looks a little more like Winnie's estranged cousin, Vinnie the Pooh, who's made some questionable life choices and fallen onto hard times—doing whatever it takes to get his paws on a hit of that sweet, sweet honey. But, it's adorable nonetheless.
Amy Schumer recently shot a comedy special for HBO, and several people questioned whether she stole jokes from the late comedian Patrice O'Neal. Structurally, the jokes do appear quite similar. However, many established comedians sided with Amy, noting that the premise of the jokes are identical, and that it does not constitute theft. The jokes are about gross, (hopefully) fictional sexual acts that have been around for a long, long time. In fact, they're not really jokes, it's just describing taboo acts on stage for a crowd that came to laugh in the hands of a skilled comedian. Patrice loved controversial topics, and Amy does as well.
Colin Quinn, a close friend of both Patrice and Schumer, laid out the distinction:
Jim Norton, a very close friend of Patrice, explained in a Facebook post how comedians often use similar pop culture premises in jokes, and that these sexual acts were around long before Patrice or Amy joked about them. Jim also notes that comedians know who the joke thieves are, and assures us that Amy is not one of them:
There have been a rash of tweets sent out today by people questioning whether Amy Schumer stole a bit from Patrice Oneal. The bit in question revolves around describing sex terms like 'The Angry Pirate', 'Dirty Sanchez', etc. Amy did a couple in her special (The Abe Lincoln, The Houdini) that were similar to ones Patrice had done in his act.
So naturally, people just assume that she stole them from him. I think these fans are acting in what they feel is Patrice's defense because they love him, and I can appreciate them feeling protective about anything involving him. But they don't love Patrice more than I do, and I am telling you, without reservation, that she did not steal those jokes from him.
Even comedic geniuses like Patrice would do silly things sometimes onstage. Those terms have been in the Urban Dictionary for years, Patrice did not come up with them (I'm not saying he didn't change any of them to make them original, but they have been around for as long as I can remember). To think that Amy would watch Patrice do something onstage and then decide to close with it on her HBO special is simply ludicrous.
People doing similar bits has been happening in comedy for as long as people have been telling jokes. The comedians know who the joke thieves are. We understand the difference between two people doing a similar bit and one person seeing the bit and stealing it.
Patrice had a lot of respect for Amy. The first time I ever heard her name was when he was talking about how funny she was. There are very few things more repulsive to a comic than joke thief. Which is why accusations of joke stealing should be made with caution, because it's such an ugly thing to accuse a comedian of.
You're certainly allowed to not like Amy Schumer, but to say that she stole this bit from Patrice O'Neal is simply ignorant.
In the environment of today's Internet outrage and vigilantism, it seems everyone wants to catch comedians doing something wrong or saying something offensive. Several prominent comedians have pointed out that this has now gone too far. Everyone should focus more on laughing, and hope that their sexual partner doesn't pull a Houdini or a poltergeist on them.
This gay man had the coolest dad when he was growing up in the 1950s. In celebration of National Coming Out Week, Upworthy animated his story of his father teaching him to be comfortable with himself at an early age. His attitude is pretty amazing for the time period. He compares homosexuality to being a dairy farmer, but in, like, a positive and accepting way.
The guys at Simple Pickups kind of seem like creeps, but they know their audience: dudes who don't know WTF they're doing in the bedroom. The video below would actually border on sweet for them, if they didn't make sure to include equating MILFs with dried-up raisins. In general, it's all pretty good advice if you're having trouble locating the elusive Hooded Clitoris. Unfortunately, watching a bunch of overripe fruits get finger blasted until they explode into pulp might make you feel uncomfortable in your lady parts after awhile, and not in a sexy way.
Anyone else feeling a weird craving for a smoothie?
What is with all you weirdo Friends theorists? Recently, the Internet was taken with a bonkers Friends alternate ending suggesting that Phoebe, the most wonderful friend of the friends on Friends, was actually a meth-addicted homeless person fantasizing that she knew the other characters. Now, from another twisted mind, comes a re-imagining of this classic comedy as a dark and disturbing exploration of human misery. Thankfully, this one only tarnishes Ross, who probably deserves it.
Writer D.F. Lovett has written a blog post pointing to (what you could very, very generously call) clues in Friends suggesting that at some point, Ross lost custody of his child.
Ross has a son, Ben, who plays a fairly important role in the first several seasons of Friends. But then he disappears. Which makes me wonder if it’s possible that Ross’s disturbing antics have caused him to lose custody of Ben?
Friends was on for ten seasons, but Ben doesn’t show up in person after episode twelve of season eight. He’s only mentioned six times in the remaining fifty-four episodes after his last appearance.
But, most troubling, is that it’s during these remaining fifty-four episodes that Ross’s second child is born. Not only does Ben never meet his new half-sister on screen, but a meeting between the two of them is never even mentioned. We never learn about if Ben has met his sister, if he likes her, if he is a good older brother. We simply never see him again.
Which raises a serious question: does Ross still see Ben? Sure, he mentions Ben in these last two and a half season, but does he have any role in Ben’s life? When he references Ben, is he referencing something that once was, a child he no longer sees or knows?
Lovett points out that Ross has exhibited a lot of erratic, aggressive behavior that might have made him seem like an unfit parent. He "tries to kiss his first cousin," he acts "manipulative and disrespectful in his relationships," and he "sleeps with one of his students." He spends all his free time imagining depressing, doom-filled alternate endings to light, happy television programs (probably). Lovett wonders if all of this points to the idea that Ross's ex-wife decided to "take full custody of her son."
As a thought exercise, here's another alternate ending to this alternate ending: maybe the child actor who played Ross's son had to be somewhere else, like school.
In honor of their 60th wedding anniversary, two adorable grandparents lovingly recreated Carl and Ellie's theme from the movie Up with a touching and beautiful duet on the piano. Unlike the famously devastating Pixar opening, this Youtube video doesn't rip out your heart and stomp on it. Everyone here lives forever, and there's even a cute puppy. You will definitely still cry though, unless you're dead inside. If you are, why did you even click on this article? It's really not your style.
This heartwarming video will make you want to believe in love and buy stock in Kleenex.
Correll Stanfield is a barber from Baltimore who has thousands of Twitter followers (and a propensity for re-tweeting graphic porn GIFs on occasion, so beware before checking him out. Or enjoy! It's your life). He certainly seems like a guy who appreciates sexiness, as he acknowledges in this tweet of his hot af dad that's gone insanely viral:
Yes, that's Stanfield and his pop, who had him at 26 and then apparently was frozen in time. The image has certainly touched a nerve in people: specifically, a nerve housed in their underwear, because they all had the same panting response:
Stanfield's friends are seeing him everywhere:
According to BuzzFeed, Stanfield the Elder is happily married, but young Corell is single. And his Twitter account shows pretty much exactly what he's into, so...open season, ladies.
OK, technically the orgasm you can get from this video is a just "brain orgasm," but if you're sitting at work, a brain orgasm is probably better than a messy pants orgasm, right? This is one of those ASMR videos (that stands for autonomous sensory meridian response, if you're unfamiliar), which can cause "a tingling, pleasurable sensation that begins at the head or neck and works its way throughout the body" for some people, aka a "sweet brain O" or a "sexy spidey-sense." Even if you're a cynic who thinks nothing works on you, try it. Best case scenario: you get a very pleasant little experience. Worst case scenario: you get to weird out whoever is sitting next to you on the subway and sees you watching a video of a woman folding towels.
And if it really doesn't work for you, don't worry: you can always watch this meditative corn-eating dog.
We Americans know that Texas is crazy, but apparently the citizens of another country do as well: the Norwegians. But in Norway, they mean that quite literally: Norwegians use "texas" as a slang word for "crazy." Apparently the term came from the shoot-em-up cowboy-movie version of Texas, and it's been in use in Norway at least since the 70s.
"Texas" generally refers to crazy situations, not people. According to Texas Monthly, which looked into the word usage:
Usually, when the word “texas”—as an adjective, most often without capitalization—appears in Norwegian, the context involves the phrase, “det var helt texas,” which translates to, roughly, “it was totally/absolutely/completely bonkers.” You wouldn’t call a person “totally texas”—it usually describes a chaotic atmosphere.
Here's one example Texas Monthly pointed out:
And here it is again as translated by master linguist, Google:
Yeah, Norway? You think Texas is crazy? Well, Texans are going to start using "Norway" as slang now too! To mean, uh... cold! Yeah! That's right. Texas is gonna show you!
Oakley is a young great horned owl. In the video below, he's the one on the right. Pretty sure of that. Because owls in the wild don't usually sing "The Monster Mash," right? They stick more to old standards like "hoot" and "Moon River," yeah? Well, whichever owl is real here, they both seem to enjoy getting into the Halloween spirit.
These days, a wedding isn't a wedding unless it goes viral. Seriously, your marriage contract is null and void unless strangers see your photos. It's hard to go viral now that things like lip syncing vows and actual magic in the first dance have been done, but sometimes you are fortunately gifted with unfortunate circumstances.
Liz Copeland and Harry Stein were married earlier this month, but only after they were shafted by an elevator.
They had to be rescued on their way to being betrothed.
Luckily the photographer was there to capture the moment.
The Alexandria, Virginia Fire Department came to the rescue.
The bride was relieved.
Because of the delay, the sun set during the ceremony and I'm sure there were tears while humming "Sunrise, Sunset."
Mazel tov Mr. and Mrs. Stein! May you never feel trapped in an elevator throughout your marriage!
This week, Jimmy Kimmel is taping his show in New York, the concrete jungle where dreams are made of. Jay-Z, the new Sinatra, stopped by Kimmel's Brooklyn set, which is somewhere between his childhood home of Bed-Stuy and his current TriBeCa loft.
Back in 1990, a young, tiny Jay-Z freestyled on BET's Rap City, riffed on his name, and dropped the phrase "Jay Z's embarrassing." The look on Present Jay-Z's face after seeing Young Jay-Z is priceless, as he says that Young Jay-Z was a prophet to say that it's embarrassing. This throwback is perfect for Back to the Future day.
Zendaya is very beautiful, very good at shutting down trolls, and very good at promoting body positivity as much as a stunningly gorgeous supermodel can. She is a singer, actress, model, star of the Disney Channel show K.C. Undercover and recipient of the racist comments that lead to the demise of Fashion Police.
She appears on the cover of Modeliste Magazine's November issue, because apparently Modeliste is a real magazine and not a joke from Zoolander.
She shared one of the pics from the magazine on Instagram this morning, a side-by-side comparison of the original and Photoshopped versions. Yes, Zendaya, who is so intimidatingly beautiful and is only 19 (NINETEEN!) was edited using image manipulation software. They not only shrunk her hips and thighs, but also made her skin look lighter.
Zendaya called out the magazine, and her response was on point:
Had a new shoot come out today and was shocked when I found my 19 year old hips and torso quite manipulated. These are the things that make women self conscious, that create the unrealistic ideals of beauty that we have. Anyone who knows who I am knows I stand for honest and pure self love. So I took it upon myself to release the real pic (right side) and I love it
What is the worst thing that could happen to you if you were Beyoncé's assistant? Beyoncé telling you to "stop it" while you're in the middle of assisting her, right? That's exactly what happens in this Instagram video, and exactly what this poor girl probably has stress dreams about every night. If you watch closely as the assistant fidgets with Bey's dress on the red carpet, Beyoncé"shuts her down," some might say, while barely moving her lips. It looks like the assistant was just trying to make sure her dress was properly in place. Although maybe that's supposed to be done before the cameras start flashing? Hard to say. It's a high pressure situation.
On the bright side, the assistant has touched Beyoncé, so now she has superpowers.
