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11 group text messages that will make your texts seem less dysfunctional.

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The good old group text message: it can be the solution, but it's more often the problem. The power to instantly message (and inevitably annoy) people all at once should not be wielded lightly. Plus, messages can end up going to the wrong person, or the wrong person is sometimes added to the message. Here are 11 great moments in this era of mass communication.

1. The stepdad.

At least he's sorry.

2. The brother.

https://twitter.com/jadaclairee/status/659203928106647552

3. The accidental add.

Heidi seems fun.

4. The old lady who doesn't understand the mistake.

She's Barbara, and don't you forget it.

5. The lawyer.

There's something about Barbaras.

6. The bible study scandal.

https://twitter.com/amy_marks2/status/656928395222118400

7. The dad who can't spell.

https://twitter.com/areanaa_g/status/655424040820187136

8. The mom who throws it down.

https://twitter.com/_mkkirby/status/655110180728930304

 


9. The script of Bee Movie.

https://twitter.com/lindseaaa/status/658483988105838592

10. The ruined surprise. 

https://twitter.com/_itsjustinee_/status/654722926428622848

11. The accidental message to all coworkers.

Good save.

12. The mass text to all Tinder matches.

 

In the movie version, they all meet and become best friends.

Halloween

If the Republican candidates were minions from the Hearthstone game.

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The first #GOPDebate inspired "How not to die if you’re playing a #GOPDebate drinking game tonight." Tonight, as America enters the third round of this battle, it has become clear that this pointless and repetitive clash between an array of bizarre and fantastical creatures with wildly different sizes and powers is reminiscent of a different trendy competition—Hearthstone. It's a new online game that's basically Magic: The Gathering but with Warcraft specifics. If you don't know what it is...I'm surprised you clicked on this. Anyway, without further ado, your #GOPDebate candidates as Hearthstone cards:

'Nutscaping' is the new trend where men ruin pictures of nice scenery with their balls.

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A dark force has been gathering in secret for years, sitting dormant on the Internet, quietly biding its time and waiting for its moment. That dark force is "nutscaping," the practice of taking a photo of lovely scenery with your testicles dipping into the top of the shot like some wrinkly, hair-speckled hell cloud. According to the Nutscapes Tumblr, these "-Selfies for real Men-" actually started all the way back in 2007, but are just now gaining Internet notoriety. That means that, going forward, no nature photo is safe from dudes who think it's a great idea to whip their nuts out. (Warning: The photos below have NSFW amounts of ball in them if that was somehow unclear.)

https://twitter.com/nutscapes/status/657022824301752320

Majestic. Wait, not "majestic." "Kind of gross." That's the phrase.

https://twitter.com/nutscapes/status/492673878766788608

 "Your balls look like they're having a wonderful time."

https://twitter.com/nutscapes/status/489469795666898944

And the trend has arrived just in time for men everywhere to try to sneak testicles into the top of their holiday photo cards.

https://twitter.com/nutscapes/status/485048620098404353

So, it's going to be, what...a month until someone trying to take a nutscape gets arrested for indecent exposure? 

https://twitter.com/nutscapes/status/484702462666739713

You can see more balls encroaching on pretty photos on the Nutscapes Tumblr

The top 29 tweets of the #GOPDebate on CNBC.

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Donni Saphire has favorited over 610,000 tweets on Twitter and he loves them all equally. He reads every tweet so you don't have to. 

Tonight was the third of the #GOPDebates, and America's battle royale of strange and mythical beasts reached levels of verbal violence and cable-news chaos heretofore unseen in the political fracas. The winner of the debate will be determined by pundits, pollsters and people at home, but the winner of Twitter is chosen right here by Donni Sapphire because he doesn't have much else to do tonight.

1. 

https://twitter.com/hsmoghul/status/659511793593749504

2. 

https://twitter.com/tceraulo/status/659521217666244608

3. 

https://twitter.com/puddinstrip/status/659525863541600256

4. 

https://twitter.com/Mobute/status/659525785066323968

5. 

https://twitter.com/rolldiggity/status/659523233511698432

6. 

https://twitter.com/kurtbraunohler/status/659529470915690496

7. 

https://twitter.com/mattytalks/status/659529941407657985

8. 

https://twitter.com/DougHenwood/status/659531200105734145

9. 

https://twitter.com/JAdomian/status/659532643307012096

10. 

https://twitter.com/AaronFullerton/status/659537351899635712

11. 

https://twitter.com/jackburditt/status/659540683804438528

12. 

https://twitter.com/birbigs/status/659555630777266177

13. 

https://twitter.com/BillCorbett/status/659542037520224256

14. 

https://twitter.com/SamGrittner/status/659546013049462784

15. 

https://twitter.com/InternetHippo/status/659547125731082240

16. 

https://twitter.com/SamReidSays/status/659552481190535168

17. 

https://twitter.com/pourmecoffee/status/659547994975510529

18. 

https://twitter.com/swarthyvillain/status/659549789089112064

19. 

https://twitter.com/andylevy/status/659549681635209216

20. 

https://twitter.com/max_read/status/659550961770319873

21. 

https://twitter.com/mikescollins/status/659550499339960320

22. 

https://twitter.com/anylaurie16/status/659551019467079680

23. 

https://twitter.com/jonwurster/status/659550329260912640

24. 

https://twitter.com/MarcoKaye/status/659540872267173888

25. 

https://twitter.com/MattGoldich/status/659552742646685696

26. 

https://twitter.com/carolrhartsell/status/659551531801419780

27. 

https://twitter.com/briangaar/status/659551796554141697

28.

https://twitter.com/GerryDuggan/status/659555001807732736

29.

https://twitter.com/samir/status/659553038718377984

 

Biggest fear.

Watch Kim Pawdashian and others dogs in costumes more elaborate than yours parade on 'Kimmel.'

A D.C. cop was trying to break up a teenage street fight. Then the dancing started.

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This past Monday, police officers in D.C. were trying to break up two groups of fighting teenagers. A female officer was telling the teens to leave when high school senior Aaliyah Taylor walked right up to the officer and started playing "Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)" from her phone. 

The officer, rather than get belligerent, took Silento's instructions, and started doing the Nae Nae dance. The teens began to crack up, as the conflict diffused but the events escalated into a full-on dance-off. 

 

So basically I was trynna get to this girl but the police told me to go home so we made this deal if i win u leave but if u win I step andddddd she step

The cop had really impressive moves, and is an impressive person all around. This story is particularly heartwarming in the wake of growing awareness of police brutality. According to The Washington Post,

For Taylor, she said the dance-off marked her first positive interaction with police officers in her neighborhood. She has six sisters and one brother and, according to Taylor, all have been arrested or detained for non-violent offenses like breaking curfew. Taylor, who said she’s never been arrested, recalls her siblings saying that the officers acted unnecessarily rude and rough during their arrests.

Mayor Muriel Bowser tweeted that she was proud of this creative, non-violent approach.

https://twitter.com/MayorBowser/status/659455479031209985

This isn't the first time that cops and civilians engaged in a dance off. Hopefully this becomes a recurring theme.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5MPICXtTeA

George and Amal Clooney adopted a shelter dog, as if they weren't perfect enough already.

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George and Amal Clooney, highly acclaimed lovebirds, have adopted a cute dog. It's kind of weird because it seemed like they already had reached the maximum level of public adoration, and now they've gone and thrown an adorable pup into the mix. What will happen? Will they reach a certain point when people start liking them so much that it swings back around to hate? Should they let celebrities who need image rehabilitation do the bulk of the dog adopting? How deep is society's capacity to admire celebrities without honing in on some misstep and taking them down? Let's find out.

The Clooneys met Millie, a four-year-old Basset Hound mix, at the San Gabriel Valley Humane Society after seeing her pic on Petfinder. According to the organization, George and Amal brought their other rescue dog, a cocker spaniel named Louie, to meet Millie. Everyone "hit it off" and then "the happy, new family headed home together." Here's a photo, which could also be used as the Clooney's holiday card this year.

Clockwise from top: George, Amal, Louie, Millie

And you know Millie is a cool dog because here she is wearing sunglasses:

Millie wears hip shades, just like her new mom Amal Clooney!

Hope these dogs realize how awesome their parents are.

Chinese people will now be able to fight with their siblings.

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After decades of being spoiled only-children, Chinese kids will finally be able to fight with their siblings, because for the first time in 35 years, they will be allowed to have siblings (only one sibling, but it's a start). The Xinhua News Agency reports that the Chinese government is ending their controversial one-child policy, which was instituted by the Communist Party in 1979

The policy was successful in controlling population growth and is estimated to have prevented 400 million people from existing. 

The more the merrier!

Violating the policy had a whole bunch of scary consequences for parents, including being fined, fired, or forced to get an abortion. The Party started relaxing the policy two years ago, allowing couples in which at least one of the pair was an only child to have a second one. The policy's sexism went beyond controlling reproduction: if people in rural areas gave birth to a girl, they were allowed to have a second child as a "consolation prize." It even led to female infanticide, under-reporting of female births, and national gender imbalance. Eek.

Good riddance, one-child policy! And congratulations to Chinese children on having a new source of competition!

'Star Trek' king William Shatner hates 'Star Wars' and he tweeted about it like a fool.

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Between this and his open hatred of George Takei, William Shatner is really playing fast and loose with his sci-fi loving fandom. There's plenty of nerd love to go around when it comes to movies or TV shows about people flying through space having sex with alien babes, but Shatner apparently thinks if you don't reject Star Wars for Star Trek you're a total turncoat. Adam Horowitz, who is a writer and producer for a lot of things, had a Star Wars commercial air during one of his shows, and it excited his light-saber-loving brain. He tweeted about it, and William Shatner responded.

You made him saaaaaaad.

Uh oh. Horowitz graciously responds how great it is to get attention from one of his heroes, ignoring the implications of William Shatner tweeting his own sad face at him. To which Shatner replies with a snide remark and winky-face emoji, official tool of the insincere:

Because he assumed you had better things to do than police his Twitter, sir.

Fans tried to reason with him, saying that whatever floats your boat is cool! Shatner was having none of it:

"Kissy face" is an escalation.

Then he really dug in, calling Star Wars derivative. Which maybe it is, but it's also got more going on than Star Trek right now:

Aren't those both cylons?
Okay, but Star Wars definitely improved it.
Where did Jar Jar come from?

Looking at his Twitter feed, the fight is still going on, with people announcing their intention of unfollowing him for life and Shatner threatening blockings all around. 

https://twitter.com/WilliamShatner/status/659600365772410880https://twitter.com/WilliamShatner/status/659597606243299329

Shatner also seems to live-tweet episodes of Arrow and Supernatural, so he is cool with other franchises as long as they don't explore the vast reaches of the unknown universe:

https://twitter.com/WilliamShatner/status/659585769950965760

Groom can't just sit and watch bride do choreographed dance number once 'Trap Queen' comes on.

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This husband literally couldn't contain himself when 'Trap Queen' came on during his wife's choreographed wedding performance. Renata Bresciani, a professional dancer, staged a dance performance for her groom, Victor Ruiz, as part of their wedding celebration in Miami. She danced to a medley of different songs, and when Fetty Wap's 'Trap Queen' came on, he got up and started dancing along with her.

https://www.facebook.com/MissRenataBresciani/videos/10102463705526358/

Let's all look forward to the day when 'Trap Queen' becomes as standard of a wedding song as the 'Cha-Cha Slide.'

2-year-old North West rebels against family, tells paparazzi to stop taking her photo.

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North West is a lot more comfortable handling attention than most two-year-olds, which is adorable but also kind of sad when you think about the type of pressure she has to deal with as a toddler who is more famous than most movie stars. Here she is, clad in her signature tutu and a custom Balmain jacket (that according to The Cut costs $2,000!), with a message to the paparazzi: "I said no pictures."

https://twitter.com/TeamKanyeDaily/status/659454864393674752?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

The paps seem to think it's cute and say "aw," not that they stop taking pictures. 

Evil cat looks right in owner's eyes, ignores her pleas to stop knocking stuff off table.

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YouTube user Jennifer Morales titled this video "Gato malo," which means "bad cat" in Spanish. Good call, Jennifer. This is the most malo gato we've ever seen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNWjZcbv2uI

Just look into those eyes.

That's the adorably fuzzy face of el diablo.

Someone edited classic horror movies together to make one extremely haunted house.

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Movie mashups are super cool and super creepy. The people over at the YouTube channel Burger Fiction made this super mashup of horror movies, set in one house with multiple ominous stairwells, cutting your Halloween horror marathon down to 1 minute and 52 seconds. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU7mnXuNJwY

The video is seamlessly edited together and has a punchline that involves John Cusack, like all punchlines should. Here are the movies in order of appearance, as listed in the video description:

The Changeling (1980)
The Haunting (1963)
The Exorcist (1973)
The Amityville Horror (1979)
The Haunting In Connecticut (2009)
Psycho (1960)
The Woman In Black (2012)
Trick R Treat (2008)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Poltergeist (1982)
The Ring (2002)
Donnie Darko (2001)
Psycho (1960)
Drag Me To Hell (2009)
The Sixth Sense (1999)
The Changeling (1980)
The Haunting (1963)
The House Of The Devil (2009)
The Others (2001)
Night Of The Living Dead (1968)
Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)
Friday The 13th (1980)
The Babadook (2014)
The Grudge (2004)
The Ring (2002)
Mama (2013)
Sinister (2012)
Insidious (2010)
Mama (2013)
The Orphanage (2007)
Ils (2006)
The Shining (1980)
The Conjuring (2013)
A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)
It Follows (2014)
The Woman In Black (2012)
The Others (2001)
The Sixth Sense (1999)
The Ring (2002)
The Visitor (1979)
What Lies Beneath (2000)
Halloween (1978)
The Woman In Black (2012)
1408 (2007)
The Babadook (2014)
The Conjuring (2013)


The most hilariously awkward autocorrects of October 2015.

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Autocorrect is truly a gift to the world. Not only has it freed everyone from the responsibility of knowing how to spell basic words, it's also an endless source of free comedy. If you're skeptical, prepare to put that unbelieving foot right in your own cynical mouth. Here are the best autocorrect mistakes of the month, courtesy of Damn You AutocorrectWarning: some NSFW language.

1. Amazon really does have everything.


2. Good cock, bad cock.


3. That's gonna be a lot of names, mom.


4. A little thank you goes a long way.


5. Is that a home remedy?


6. A regional delicacy.


7. How do you get a prescription for that?


8. In case you wondered what happened to the kids who got lost in the ball pit.


9. You can go to the hospital for that?


10. Just another grandma on bath salts.


11. Also the title of a popular Internet video.


12. She learned the recipe from Grandma Em.


13. Who knew autocorrect was in the Tea Party?

Cat pops over to neighbor’s house to ‘borrow’ toy tiger for some important cat business.

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In this brand new viral video, Timmy the cat borrows a plush tiger toy from his neighbors, and it looks like he has no intention of bringing it back. It's his tiger now. Hard to say whether he considers it a friend or a lover, but he really enjoys that tiger. It's probably the most effort a cat has ever put into any endeavor. He may even be better at fetch than this cat who freakishly acts like a dog.

It's fun to watch Timmy celebrate the successful completion of his mission. And it's pretty impressive that he can jump to great heights while holding something that big in his mouth. But not quite as impressive as a cat that skateboards. As long as he didn't take that tiger from a little kid that lives next door, this cat is pretty cool.

A lesbian couple assaulted an officer in a grocery store, but it was his own fault.

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While on a vacation in Honolulu, lesbian couple Courtney Wilson and Taylor Guerrero started getting trailed in a Foodland grocery store by a police officer. They'd been kissing and being generally affectionate. Usually, when strange men start trailing kissing lesbians it's a bad scene, but this was even worse than expected. The guy was a uniformed police officer who shouted at them to cease and desist immediately. Twist!

https://twitter.com/foodowncom/status/659688663081578496

According to Wilson, they'd been holding hands, and she'd kissed her girlfriend's cheek, which was when Harrison yelled at them. Officer Bobby Harrison approached them again at the checkout line, saying, "You girls don't know how to act. You don't know the difference between a motel and a grocery store."

Officer Harrison came between the two women and grabbed Wilson by the wrist, so she attempted to call 911 for reinforcements against one of their own officers. At that point, Guerrero stepped up. The cop shoved her, and as Guerrero fell to the ground, she kicked him. Things escalated even further, and Wilson got punched in the face.

Harrison had no handcuffs, but he ordered the employees to help him subdue and zip tie the ladies, as other customers stood by slack-jawed. Having made this brave arrest of two kissing women, he charged them with felony assault on an officer. They ended up spending 3 days in jail, paid $1,300 each in bail and were forced to stay in Honolulu as a condition of their release. The women ended up working in Honolulu for months, cleaning motels and were at one point worried they'd end up in a Hawaiian homeless shelter, which probably isn't much nicer than homeless shelters anywhere else.

They're home in California again, but obviously, they're suing. The Honolulu Police Department has opened up an internal investigation into Harrison's motives for the assault (cough homophobia cough). He's been on the force for 26 years, but Wilson says she hopes he won't be for much longer:

I just think that what he did was absolutely wrong without a doubt. I just really want an example to be made.

Driver gets pulled over in carpool lane for having creepiest possible plus one in front seat.

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What do you do when the carpool lane's calling your name, but your love of Halloween keeps you from forming any meaningful relationships? Duh, you grab a terrifying zombie-baby from your front yard (or bed, not going to judge) dress it up in a cute outfit, buckle up, and hit the HOV lane together as a family. 

https://twitter.com/wspd1pio/status/659032732987600896

Unfortunately for this driver, cops were not fooled by the undead bundle of joy riding shotgun. Washington State Patrol quickly pulled the driver over and slapped him with a $136 ticket for violating the rules of the carpool lane.

The zombie baby's bloody demented grin wasn't the only smile of the day. Officer Gill had a great sense of humor about the whole thing. He took a picture of the pair and joked about how he let the driver off easy for not having a car seat.  "At least he's in the [Halloween] spirit," Gill tweeted.

In honor of #NationalCatDay, Uber will deliver kittens to you right meow.

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To celebrate National Cat Day, Uber is delivering kittens on-demand in over 50 cities. That's right, when you open up the Uber app today there will be a kittens feature. You can request them just as you would a car, and then a chatty stranger will show up in a black Toyota with kittens. It's $30 for 15 minutes of kitten time, which means these must be some classy, high-end kittens. The best part is that in most of the cities, the kittens will be available for adoption. And to sweeten the deal, Uber is giving them clever little profiles packed with silly cat jokes.

Reggie's hometown is hilarious, and he's a physicist who enjoys "string theory."

https://twitter.com/Uber/status/659508694997168128

 Hunter Byrd somehow does not mention bird hunting as a hobby.

https://twitter.com/Uber/status/659478748652290049

Tabby is a tree-hugger who is concerned about the environment. 

https://twitter.com/Uber/status/659429925519269888

Kitty simply lists "research" as a skill, which means she's probably having a tough time finding a job. 

https://twitter.com/Uber/status/659403001346531328

The promotion is geared towards businesses, to try and help people enjoy 15 minutes of anything other than the personal hell they call their jobs. Kittens are actually very good at being therapeutic. Even gorillas like them, although terrifying robotic spiders do not. So everyone go pester your boss until you get permission to order kittens to the office!

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