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Crack-loving ex-mayor Rob Ford is back and answering questions on Twitter.

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Before Prime Minister Justin Trudeau got Americans into Canadian politics, there was Rob Ford, the crack-smoking mayor of Toronto who brought international attention and pride to the the north. After taking a leave from public life to tend to his health issues, including rehab, Ford is back engaging with fans and Torontonians on Twitter. Perhaps to keep his hands busy so he doesn't reach for the pipe, Ford has been responding to almost all questions directed at him.

With his unique stature and insult-slinging ability, he truly is the Canadian Trump.

Back in black, without crack.

His ongoing Twitter Q&A has covered a lot of important topics. Here are the highlights so far:

1. His opinion on dunk nugz.

https://twitter.com/CityNews/status/684451418116325376?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/TorontoRobFord/status/684757777399431168?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

2. His stance on macaroni.

https://twitter.com/TorontoRobFord/status/685173032055402496

3. His thoughts on Kanye.

https://twitter.com/TorontoRobFord/status/684886171491631104

4. How he relates to Making a Murderer (cough cough).

https://twitter.com/TorontoRobFord/status/684868191261163520

5. The truth of his identity.

https://twitter.com/TorontoRobFord/status/684807306425593857

6. How the current mayor would fare in the zombie apocalypse.

https://twitter.com/TorontoRobFord/status/684780489861812224

7. His thoughts on the Dog Pants meme.

https://twitter.com/TorontoRobFord/status/684765449586896896

8. His sassy views the Leafs.

https://twitter.com/TorontoRobFord/status/684812162003505153

9. His Googling of classic literature.

https://twitter.com/TorontoRobFord/status/684812327770783745https://twitter.com/TorontoRobFord/status/684813583696424961

10. His dependence on BuzzFeed quizzes.

https://twitter.com/TorontoRobFord/status/685174478389772288

11. His favorite view in Toronto.

https://twitter.com/TorontoRobFord/status/685175987055771648

12. His snacks of choice.

https://twitter.com/TorontoRobFord/status/684813967307452416

13. And best of all, his clap-back at a sports radio host, Trump-style.

https://twitter.com/ItsDeanBlundell/status/685126864881451008https://twitter.com/TorontoRobFord/status/685180589377490944

In honor of Nicolas Cage's birthday, here's the story of the narcissistic tomb he built himself.

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Happy birthday, Nicolas Cage! The Internet's favorite actor, secret Coppola relative and punchline (sorry, Chuck Norris), turns 52 today, January 7. To celebrate, here's the story of his final resting place. Don't worry, he's still alive.

He's never been more alive.

Cage's tomb is in New Orleans, in the historic St. Louis Cemetery #1. (Yes, the cemetery is named St. Louis, but it's in New Orleans.) Dating from 1789, St. Louis #1 is the oldest surviving cemetery in the Big Easy, filled with beautiful above-ground marble tombs containing generations of the city's oldest families, as well as mayors, war heroes, musicians, at least one voodoo queen, and other beloved locals. Plus, someday, Nic Cage. I snapped some pictures of the cemetery on a recent vacation to the city.

https://www.instagram.com/p/9Ey0wTLZNC/

As a tour guide explained to my delight, Cage bought his tomb in 2010, paying a rumored $8 million, most of that to the families whose plots he displaced. (Nicholas Cage is, on an unrelated note, not good with money.) After bulldozing those historic structures, he put up a massive 9-foot-tall pyramid to house his bones and immortal hairline once his mortal body is no more.

The tomb doesn't have his name on it (he's modest like that), just a Latin inscription: "Omnia ab uno," which translates to "All from one." That quote, as well as the pyramid symbol, are references to Cage's movie National Treasure.

https://www.instagram.com/p/9EzPiSLZN5/?taken-by=mattnedostup

That's right. This guy built himself a multimillion dollar monument based on a movie he had acted in three years before. That may seems ludicrously egotistical, but remember this: it's an awesome movie. It even contains the greatest line in film history:

https://youtu.be/he2jDZkzgiM?t=1m13s

Epic, no doubt. Clearly this man has a great love of American history. But does that justify bulldozing part of a historic American location almost as old as the Revolution just to make it your own? Ultimately, our opinions don't matter. Only one person is fit to cast judgment on him: Ghost Rider.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BL9kV98kjFY

Note that the burial plot is only one aspect of Cage's fascination with New Orleans and the macabre. He previously owned a lot more property in the city, including its most famous haunted house, the LaLaurie Mansion. Cage owned that house (which was the basis for American Horror Story: Coven) until 2009, when it was seized by the IRS. Nicholas Cage is, again, bad with money.

https://www.instagram.com/p/_RnFxkhNxK/

Legend has it that the tormented spirits in the mansion will find a way to force out any owner of the house who they dislike, so maybe they somehow possessed Cage and made him irresponsible with money and convinced him not to pay his taxes. Or he just has poor foresight, unlike his character in Next:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=us54vk5--jM

This man is the true national treasure. As far as I'm concerned, he can bury himself wherever he wants.

Turns out that the new guy under the Chewbacca suit is super hot.

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Despite the believability of the Star Wars films, it turns out that Chewbacca is not a real creature, and he's actually played by a human in a costume. For years, Peter Mayhew laid sole claim to the role of Chewie.

https://twitter.com/TheWookieeRoars/status/678982032895041536

But for the latest film, the 71-year-old actor, who stands tall at 7'3", had help from a Finnish guy named Joonas Suotamo. As luck would have it, Suotama is really tall, and really good-looking.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAFYj_MxBKt/?taken-by=joonassuotamo

Really tall:

https://www.instagram.com/p/_NADLiRBFZ/?taken-by=joonassuotamo

 And really good-looking:

https://www.instagram.com/p/_25ZJDRBF4/?taken-by=joonassuotamo

Who knew Chewie had that in him? "That" being a handsome blond man, of course.

https://www.instagram.com/p/_6yt61RBBf/?taken-by=joonassuotamo

Suotamo, who played basketball at Penn State and professionally in Finland, can even pull off that Chewie eye make-up.

https://www.instagram.com/p/_61hvgRBHL/?taken-by=joonassuotamo

It's only a matter of time until Poe-Chewie fanfic becomes a thing.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BACUUYjxBIs/

And also Finn-Chewie fic.

https://www.instagram.com/p/_1n6tbxBJH/?taken-by=joonassuotamo

And Finn-Chewie-Poe fic. So many options! 

Reporter gets stabbed live on air during demonstration of a 'knife proof' puffy vest.

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Eitam Lachover is an Israeli reporter who clearly drew the short straw when he was given the "get not stabbed" beat then actually got stabbed, as this video from the BBC shows. Amid higher-than-usual alarm in the country over terrorism and attacks on the West Bank, Lachover on Wednesday filmed this segment about a magical vest that promised to prevent stabbings. The company's vice president, Yaniv Montakyo, takes out a big steel knife and proceeds to ruin his business by loudly puncturing the vest on the third strike. He also punctured Lachover. Mantov can be heard saying he "missed" (which would have been better) before asking the stoic Lachover if he is ok. Then they cut back to the rest of the program. Haha, cut back.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lj6Kga8LMCg

Lachover is fine, and eventually tweeted, "Superficial stab wounds, had some stitches and was released back home. Many thanks to everyone for your concern!"

https://twitter.com/eitam_lachover/status/684746023651131393

He definitely took that knife like a boss, so even if Montakyo's reputation is ruined, Lachover's is now rock solid. You could argue that Lachover would have been stabbed more (one can always be stabbed more) without the vest, but he probably also would have been stabbed harder by a professional stabber. In any case, you'll probably want to go with armor that doesn't disguise itself as a sorority girl's North Face vest.

This snowy owl flew near a traffic camera and into the Internet's heart.

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Beautiful footage of a snowy owl was captured by a traffic camera in Montreal, Quebec earlier this week. It's pretty badass to see a majestic wild owl swoop in for a landing, especially since so much of the footage we see of owls tends to be when they're in captivity, dancing to the "The Monster Mash" at Halloween or upstaging a bride during her wedding. Barbara Frei, the director of the McGill Bird Observatory, explained why the owl was close to a highway:

I think they are attracted specifically to the highway because it has open, grassy fields nearby which is perfect for hunting their favorite prey, which is small rodents.

 
Snowy owl spotted soaring on Montreal traffic camera

This snowy owl photobombed a Montreal traffic camera giving the world stunning images of the majestic bird. Read more: http://www.cbc.ca/1.3393343

Posted by CBC News on Thursday, January 7, 2016

Sometimes owls have to pull over and stop during long a long highway journey, just like humans. But rather than eating fast food, they go for the free-range option instead. 

Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys of 'The Americans’ are hatching something besides a plot.

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The secret's out—those sneaky spies from The Americans are expecting! Yup, Keri Russell and co-star Matthew Rhys are having a baby together on American soil right under our very noses. According to an insider (not the baby, though), Kerri is already more than four months along. 

Matthew Rhys & Keri Russell look like they're hatching a plan at a 2013 FX event. 

Felicity star Russell, 39, has two children from a previous marriage to Shane Deary, whom she divorced in 2014, son River, 8, and daughter Willa, 4. This is her first child with the 41-year-old Welsh actor Rhys, and his first overall.

https://twitter.com/TheAmericansFX/status/584468498757259264

Russell and Rhys, who play a married pair of Russian spies on the FX show, have been together publicly since 2014, and their chemistry is apparently as hot (and full of patiently-built developments) on screen as it is off. 

Adele's gym pic sums up the struggle of New Year's resolutions a week into January.

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Singer and emotional puppet-master Adele took to Instagram yesterday to prove she knows what it feels like to be one week into 2016 with a New Year's resolution that's harder to hold on to than an eel with commitment issues. Of course she understands your pain. She knew how it felt when your ex got married, didn't she?The "Hello" singer posted the most lovable gym pic in history, perfectly summing up how many people are feeling right about now. Stay strong Adele, the world needs you to keep pumpin' out tunes for us to rage cry to!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BANgu3RAfIp/?taken-by=adele

Hello, it's me. I was wondering if I can quit sweating and go eat a doughnut, maybe two or three.  

Childhoods collide as artist combines 'Calvin & Hobbes' and 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens.'

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Brian Kesinger, an artist with Disney and Marvel, made some drawings of characters from Star Wars: The Force Awakensin the style of Bill Watterson's legendary comic strip Calvin & Hobbes. Darth Vader has never been so cuddly (Finn & Rey look exactly the same, though...because they're so cute, you see...like in the actual movie...you get it). Let's begin with BB-8 and Rey sliding down sand dunes, a reference to all the snow sledding Calvin and Hobbes used to do together:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAIE2_ClxHa/?taken-by=briankesinger

There's Finn being a big bad Spaceman:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAKqISzlxOs/?taken-by=briankesinger

There's everyone's Internet boyfriend, Poe Dameron, dealing with Kylo Ren:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAM8v-dFxIP/?taken-by=briankesinger

And there's beautiful, damaged Kylo himself, hanging out with his [redacted]:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAPiR75lxM_/?taken-by=briankesinger

Somehow, this won't end your weird crush on Kylo Ren.


This might be the world's most heartbreakingly honest obituary.

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Whether they're meant to be funny, succinct, or just insulting to the Cleveland Browns, obituaries are usually pretty honest. But one recent obituary, published in The News & Observer on January 7, went beyond honest. The obituary for 94-year-old Wilma Marie Voliva Black didn't just lift the veil off of her life—it lifted the veil and then shined 5,000-Watt klieg lights on the starkness that remained. And oh boy, was it stark. Like, Cormac McCarthy stark. (If Cormac McCarthy ever wrote about women.)

https://twitter.com/RaleighNCRR/status/685186958616702976

You might think, "Hey, maybe the obituary at least starts softly and eases into the darkness." Hell no it doesn't:

Wilma Marie Voliva Black struggled into life over 94 years ago. Alone, Eva realized that her sixth child wasn't crying and unwrapped the umbilical cord from her only daughter's neck on December 11, 1921.

The obituary goes on to detail Black's difficult childhood during the depression, the discovery that her husband only married her to hide an affair, and her eventual move into assisted living. The single quote from Black in the piece is this, which she said to one of her sons about her time in the assisted living facility: "This is not living, it's existing."

Mere minutes before the time this article was finished, the obituary disappeared from Legacy.com for reasons that are unclear. But part of it is available here, and another section here:

While the story of Black's life is heartbreaking, there's also something really gorgeous about the obituary in its bleakness; it's the embodiment of Bauhaus architecture or a Lars von Trier film. And while she may not know it (assuming her ghost isn't checking the Internet right now), Wilma Black gave us that dark and beautiful gift.

Flirting

Man struggling valiantly to take out trash on an iced-over street is the Sisyphus of our age.

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Being doomed like Sisyphus to repeat the same task for all eternity is actually a pretty good description of taking out the trash as it is, but doubly so for this hapless soul whose street was completely iced over. The cars, houses, and accents (to be fair, they're mostly just giggling) of the people filming the poor soul all suggest this incident occurred in Britain, which has been plunged into Arctic temperatures for the past few days. The video is shot vertically, but given the dimensions of the window they're filming through, that may have been the best option. Long story short, this man is having a bad day and you're about to giggle like a British couple enjoying someone else's misfortunes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0CU_uuFLvc

Related: Bernese Mountain Dog gets crash course in the physics of ice.

Fine print.

Beyoncé showed up on 'Lip Sync Battle' to help Channing Tatum Run The World.

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Beyoncé made a surprise appearance during Channing Tatum's lip sync to "Run the World (Girls)," and you better make sure you're ready for this jelly, it is Irreplaceable.

Channing and Jenna Dewan-Tatum took over Lip Sync Battle on Thursday night, which is a creative way to solve any domestic disputes. Jenna paid tribute to her husband's iconic performance of Genuwine's "Pony" from Magic Mike XXL, and it was magical, complete with a painted-on six pack and a husband-and-wife lap dance. Channing knew that to one-up her impression he needed to pull out all the stops, so enlisted the help of Queen Bey herself.

Jenna was a bit surprised.

Warning: This will make you want to get up and dance along. Go for it.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdfMKnJ1y2o

Grandmother births her own granddaughter, and no, it's not one of those logic problems.

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It's pretty much the norm that when women hit menopause, they're done carrying babies. Texas resident Tracey Thompson is an unusual exception. The 53-year-old mother of two, who was post-menopausal for seven years, recently gave birth to her daughter's child.

Surrogate/grandmother/mother and daughter/mother.

Thompson's 28-year-old daughter Kelley McKissack had undergone IVF and suffered three miscarriages. While McKissack's last round of treatment failed and resulted in a miscarriage on Christmas in 2014 (heartbreaking), she had a few fertilized embryos. Thompson willingly stepped up and offered to carry the embryos for McKissack and her husband Aaron. Doing so required Thompson to reverse her menopausal state. 

A mom willing to go through menopause twice for her kid is the best.

On January 6, Thompson successfully gave birth to little Kelcey. 

Tracey + Kelley = Kelcey.

"It is such a blessing that I can do this for my daughter," Thompson said in a press release from The Medical Center of Plano, where she gave birth. Now every year on her birthday Kelcey can hear the slightly confusing, mostly awesome story of how she came to be. 

People can't stop watching this uvula gargling in super slow motion.

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The Slow Mo Guys, a YouTube channel that features ultra slow motion video of cool things like skin jiggling after getting shot by a taser and a huge, human-sized water balloon, used a fancy camera to provide insight into what is happening at the back of your throat.

It's cold season, so you're likely gargling to keep your throat healthy or feeling that tickle in your esophagus more than ever before. This winter, it's time to pay tribute to one of the human body's most underrated organs: the surprisingly majestic uvula. Stay healthy this season by giving it the attention it deserves.

As Slow Mo Guy Gavin says, "It looks like a second tongue going ape."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWgfFYCAsX8

Wendy Williams does not want to see Alyssa Milano breastfeeding, no matter how much the world disagrees.

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Actress Alyssa Milano has become something of an advocate for breastfeeding moms who don't want to hide their baby with a camo blanket when they're eating. When her Instagram photos brought out the haters, Milano found she enjoyed taking a stand on the issue. She also makes breastfeeding look super glam:

https://www.instagram.com/p/_xlYkrPJKC/

On Wednesday, she visited Wendy Williams and talked about clothes, losing weight and the final subject in the trifecta for famous moms, breastfeeding. That's when Wendy Williams straight up told her she does not want to see it. Williams tells Milano that she should go to her car to feed, calls breasts "funbags" and admits that she's fine with Miley Cyrus showing the side boob, but only because it's sexual. The awkwardness all starts at about minute 4:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=WuSyBxzEjA0

Like most people who are anti-public breastfeeding, Williams' main objection is that it makes her uncomfortable, but she can't quite justify why. Williams is a mom herself, and says she tried breastfeeding for 2 weeks with one of her kids, but he was "too ravenous." Maybe seeing women breastfeed gives her flashbacks? People are, of course, upset:

https://twitter.com/FanMomMer/status/685464852601683969https://twitter.com/AlyssaJAshton/status/685157077031989250https://twitter.com/GhanaImani/status/685479178397990912https://twitter.com/FrankSileo/status/685473967705059330https://twitter.com/selamtho/status/685480686921330688https://twitter.com/woley/status/685472814510555137

This is just one of those topics people will not run out of opinions about. Which is actually perfect for Wendy Williams' ratings, so win win.

16 Snapchat puns from people who clearly have too much time on their hands.

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Snapchat: It's not just for unsolicited dick pics anymore! The popular messaging service is also a great way to make dumb visual puns and wordplay jokes. It's like Twitter, with pictures. Or Instagram, with words!

1. Quite a feet.

In Europe, they call it foot-bowl.

2. So fancy (you already know).

Right next to the city's top murder business.

3. Let's face it.

Throwing shade. And eyeliner. And nail polish.

4. Nuthin' but a G-string.

It's like this. And like that. And like this.

5. What a tool.

Its name is Bob. Bob Ratchet.

6. Feelin' crabby.

He said his name was Crawfish and they wrote "Crawford" on the cup.

7. This one is ruff.

"All I see is grey."

8. Take a break.

No bones about it.

9. Now we're on a roll.

If you look closely, you can see Ray J.

10. Reptile dysfunction.

He's just here to fork.

11. Tis the season.

All out of parsley, sage, and rosemary.

12. Are you ready for Chris?

He does an impression, too, because everybody does.

13. Not to go off on a tangent or anything.

We know how much you guys love math jokes, so here you go.

14. Hot juicy pics.

That blue.

15. Purrfect.

Cats off to you, lady. Cats off.

16. A hairy plotter.

Points, Gryffindorks.

This is what a tampon commercial would look like if it was made by an all-male advertising team.

Dream of frolicking like this deer in a woodland puddle while you sit in a plastic chair all day.

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Look at this baby deer jump around in this puddle. Looooook. Baby deer! Have you ever seen anything cuter? No, you haven't, because this is the CUTEST thing ever. The only thing way this could be any cuter would be if the deer put on some little deer galoshes. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67kP_Oh_T50

Except HOLD ON because what's this? Oh, just another little deer splashing around, this time with its Golden Retriever buddy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0UapMLF2UY

It's the pizza boxes, and not all that extra cheese, that are killing you.

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If you're debating whether or not to pile on a few more pizza toppings next time you grab a pie, go for it. It won't be the death of you. The pizza box will be, but fortunately not for long.

A number of groups, including the Center for Food Safety and​ the Breast Cancer Fund, have filed a joint petition to the FDA "proposing that we amend our food additive regulation to no longer provide for the use of three specific perfluoroalkyl ethyl containing food-contact substances (FCSs) as oil and water repellants for paper and paperboard for use in contact with aqueous and fatty foods."

Translation: there's this chemical called perfluoroalkyl ethyl that's used in pizza boxes, and other food packaging, in order to prevent oil and water from seeping everywhere. Perfluoroalkyl ethyl can leech into food, and then it hangs out in your body and raises your risk of cancer.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAOcbiCJ4dS/

This has been known for some time, but the FDA is finally taking steps to do something about it. In response to the Center for Food Safety's petition, the FDA announced a ban on January 4 of the three substances in food packaging that contain perfluoroalkyl ethyl.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA or we) is amending the food additive regulations to no longer provide for the use of three specific perfluoroalkyl ethyl containing food-contact substances (FCSs) as oil and water repellants for paper and paperboard for use in contact with aqueous and fatty foods because new data are available as to the toxicity of substances structurally similar to these compounds that demonstrate there is no longer a reasonable certainty of no harm from the food-contact use of these FCSs.

What this means is that in about a month, when the ban goes into effect, delivery food will probably be even greasier. That is, until a replacement additive can be found.

Happy messy eating!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BASEcBOgKd2/
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