Alan Rickman, who passed away last week, left behind a legacy lush with memorable roles. Part of Rickman's charm was related to his sonorous voice, which helped craft characters like Professor Snape and Hans Gruber. In one of his last roles, Rickman lent his voice for a video that is equal parts serious and comedic, rivaling the complexity of Snape. Let Rickman talk to you about a tortoise eating a strawberry:

As Rickman's unique voice explained, the video's aim is to aid refugees through donating ad revenue to the organizations Save the Children and Refugee Council. The video was conceived and created by Oxford students, according to ABC Australia.

Released in December, the tortoise voiceover is not the last chance fans have to appreciate Rickman in a new role. 

In March, Eye in the Sky will hit theaters. 

In May, Alice Through the Looking Glass will feature Rickman as the voice of the Caterpillar. 

Both films look watchable, which is something positive for 2016. Well, Alice Through the Looking Glass may be better viewed with eyes closed during all Mad Hatter scenes.

A 19-year-old thief was caught in Massachusetts after he used his stolen iPad to take dreamy selfies, and yes, of course he was. If there's one thing that always seems to trip up narcissistic tech thieves, it's selfies. Posted the Wrentham, Mass. Police Department on Facebook:

"This Rookie's Head was in the iClouds for certain," the Wrentham Police Department wrote—along with a lot of football puns, for some reason (they don't care about mixed metaphors. They're cops, not English majors). "Obviously, the suspect wasn't even B Team material as he failed to consider iCloud when he foolishly snapped a few selfies with his newly acquired trophy."

The iPad was stolen from a car, so cops arrested the boy (who is legally, but definitely not actually, an adult) for a motor vehicle break-in and for violation of his probation. Because guess what: he was arrested for being in possession of stolen property before. Go figure. 

If you sold your car back when you had to sell your soul for a gallon of gas, you might want to empty the piggy bank, throw out your bicycle, and get some real wheels. At least that's a viable option for some people in Michigan, who are currently experiencing the beautiful reality of sub-dollar gas.

According to reports from Gasbuddy.com, which provides a "real time gas prices forum," cited by Detroit's local Fox affiliate, a possible price war between stations in Houghton Lake, Michigan is responsible for the basement level prices. Daily Detroit refers to Gas Buddy forums that reflect a $.78 per gallon price at Beacon and Bridge Market and a $.95 per gallon price at another service called the Marathon.

And although the price war probably ensures the rates won't stay quite so low, it's indicative of a global trend that has sent "global oil prices tumbling to more than 11-year lows," according to the Wall Street Journal.

So have fun, everyone. Escalades are finally cool again.

1990s fashion has been making a comeback for a while, so it was only a matter of time before people started wearing JNCOs and trancing out under a black light again. And now there's the perfect hair trend for that: glow in the dark. The effect is produced by all sorts of dye that's actually been around for a while, as BuzzFeed reports. Pravana’s Chromasilk Neons, High Voltage by Manic Panic, temporary dye Iglow, and a UV color rinse from The Glow will all have you glowing. The effect is definitely striking, but whether or not they're designed to look good during the day is questionable:

A lot of these dye jobs are obviously going to glow under a black light, but some are actually really subtle until night rolls around (and according to this photo, the darkness will change your personality, too):

But if you don't have a fancy hair stylist to "collaborate" on your hair with, you can always just spray it right on:

There are many variations on neon hair, basically, and you can choose based on how committed you are to bringing back candy raves:

See you on the dance floor.

There are probably some weird, graphic videos of people watching porn out there on the Internet, but this one from BuzzFeed can be viewed safely at the office because it doesn't show anyone who's actually having a good time. We only see the watchers' reactions, as well as a some blurred out images of what they're viewing. Between their hilarious descriptions of the actors and of items being placed where they don't belong, there's a plenty for these women to react to with discomfort and confusion. 

Chances are these women will not be watching any of that porn again in their free time. Countless people, on the other hand, are probably googling all those titles right now. For reference, they are The Asian babysitter is scared, Sharon Lee - Maid who knows how to please, and Old guy gets a happy ending by Asian massage girl.

But of course you wouldn't need to know those titles, right?

Ted Cruz's college roommate Craig Mazin is at it again on Twitter, delighting Cruz-loathers everywhere with jokes and stories about his time living with Cruz at Princeton in 1988. Mazin, who's had almost 30 years to cultivate and refine his contempt for Cruz, joked on Twitter Thursday night that he's being blamed for not having the foresight to kill the presidential hopeful back then. 

Mazin, now a successful screenwriter responsible for, among other films, both Hangover sequels, has been tweeting about Cruz for years, and it seems that, unsurprisingly, Cruz was no more likable back then than he is now. 

Mazin originally hails from Brooklyn, a fact which may give a bit of insight into how Cruz first developed his disdain for "New York values." 

The Critics' Choice Awards invented the "MVP Award" this year to honor Amy Schumer, not only because she is absolutely deserving but also because the acceptance speech was guaranteed to be awesome. Schumer did not disappoint, giving the audience a preview of her next standup special, with jokes about body image and all the managers she's fired.

Schumer's opener, a lesser-known comedian by the name of Judd Apatow, got the laughs going by sharing his love for Schumer and slamming another famous comedian, Matt Damon.

Among her many roles, like girlfriend to attractive people, Taylor Swift is godmother to Jamie King's adorable six-month-old son, Leo Thames. To commemorate the babe's half-birthday, Swift posted two photos of her and "LT," in which she looks so maternal that the tabloids will probably start pregnancy rumors. Here's Swift posing with LT and his momma. 

That filter is giving everyone baby skin.

And here's T. Swift holding LT while looking at something else.

"Pretty wild that 6 months ago, LT wasn't even born yet and now he chews on my fingers," the singer wrote on Instagram. Careful, LT. Those fingers have the power to enchant millions.

Alan Rickman who tragically passed away last week, played many iconic roles in his career, but the one he's probably most known for is Snape in the Harry Potter franchise. When interviewed about his portrayal, Rickman revealed that author J.K. Rowling, who hand-picked him for the role, gave him a major clue about Snape's character early on in filming.  

The Independent reports that in an interview with RTE, Rickman said, "She gave me one little piece of information, which I always said I would never share with anybody and never have, and never will. It wasn't a plot point, or crucial in any tangible way, but it was crucial to me as a piece of information that made me travel down that road rather than that one or that one or that one."

A fan reached out to Rowling on Twitter today and asked if she would reveal the secret.  

And Rowling, queen of Twitter, replied. 

"Always" refers to a scene in the final Harry Potter book where Snape reveals he was forever in love with Harry's mother, Lily. In other words, Rickman knew early on the importance of his relationship with Lily and how that might make him feel toward Harry. 

Last night Jacob Tremblay, the adorable nine-year-old star of Room, won a Critics' Choice Award for Best Young Actor and gave what has to be the CUTEST acceptance speech at any awards show ever in the history of awards shows.

After hugging and high-fiving his hot dad, Tremblay made his way up to the stage, where presenter Bradley James held the microphone stand at an angle so the little dude could actually speak into it. Tremblay exclaimed "This is super cool! This is the best day of my life!" He thanked the critics who voted for him, acknowledging that "it must be a super hard vote because of all the other great actors," while the camera showed audience members whose wombs were beginning to swell visibly.

He went on to thank "Team Room," and his parents, who he loves very much, and said that he'd put the award on the shelf right next to his Millennium Falcon, at which point every person there became spontaneously pregnant, including the men. Not too shabby, kid.

The Academy Award nominations came out on Thursday and immediately the hashtag #OscarsSoWhite was brought out of retirement. Once again, representation for people of color was low on the list of priorities in Hollywood. In fact, only white people were nominated in all acting categories—even for movies with black leads, like Creed and Straight Out of Compton. (Straight Out of Compton was nominated for screenwriting, but the screenwriters are white.) Amongst the understandably pissed was actress Jada Pinkett Smith, who tweeted about her disappointment on Saturday:

Then on Monday (and not coincidentally, Martin Luther King Day), she shared this video on Facebook:

In it, Pinkett Smith says that she won't be attending or watching the Oscars, and she encourages everyone to rethink how important they are. Instead of banging on the doors of a place that won't acknowledge you, she believes it's better for actors of color to turn their energies towards their community and what they value as artists.

It's somewhat reminiscent of this April 2015 interview with Academy Award winner Mo'Nique, in which she talks about how she never saw women that looked like her winning Oscars. The moment she did was wonderful and surreal, but it couldn't compare to winning the NAACP Image Award:

Of course, one person can't be the whole change, but it's possible others will follow Pinkett Smith's lead. It would be pretty ironic if the Academy Awards stopped meaning something the year Leonardo DiCaprio finally won one.

5. Kim Kardashian, because Kanye is publicly begging her to stop taking him to parties.

Kanye just dropped his latest track on SoundCloud, and it makes one thing very clear: his transformation from messianic rapper/god to grumpy, passive-aggressive husband/dad is complete. If you had any doubt, consider the song's title: "No More Parties in L.A."

The whole song is basically a whiny Kanye's exhausted tirade against Kim Kardashian's social life (featuring Kendrick Lamar). The lyrics include bars like:

I'm 38 years old, a 8-year-old with rich ni**a problems
Tell my wife that I hate the road so I ain't never drivin'

And don't forget the hook:

Please baby no more parties in L.A., uh
Please baby no more parties in L.A., uh
No more parties in L.A.
Please baby no more parties in L.A., uh
No more parties in L.A.
Please baby no more parties in L.A., uh

Which is probably a direct transcript of a conversation he had with Kim. You can't help but feel bad for the guy. Even if he gets elected president, there's no way that woman will ever let him stop going to parties in L.A.

4. Screech, because he's in jail for stabbing someone.

Many people have fond memories of the 1989-1993 sitcom Saved by the Bell and its beloved nerdy character Screech. But one person doesn't: the guy who was stabbed by Screech outside a Wisconsin bar on Christmas Day, 2014.

On the day in question, Screech (lesser-known as actor Dustin Diamond) and his fiancée were hanging out at a bar when his normal experience of being mobbed by fans turned ugly. Driven mad with bloodlust by the nostalgia of seeing Screech in person, the fans started hassling the couple. In an effort to stop the fighting, Diamond whipped out his switchblade and started waving it around. Only when the commotion died down did someone in the crowd realize they had been nicked.

Of course, the wheels of justice grind slowly for celebrities, so it took until May for Diamond to be convicted, and until June for him to be sentenced. But on Friday, he began his four-month sentence in a Wisconsin prison. There is a bright side for the former child star: for once, he won't be mobbed by people asking him if he's Screech. The other inmates know exactly who he is.

3. A woman who lost the Powerball, then lost her GoFundMe to get her money back.

Now that last week's $1.6 billion jackpot has been claimed, Powerball fever is finally subsiding in America. And like any fever, it's leaving its sufferers dazed, confused, and dehydrated. One woman is finding the recovery especially difficult, and her name is Cinnamon Nicole. After spending all her family's money on tickets in an effort to improve her odds of winning from "effectively zero" to "still effectively zero," Nicole started a GoFundMe page to recoup her losses.

The description read:

Please help me and my family as we have exausted [sic] all of our funds. We spent all of our money on lottery tickets (expecting to win the 1.5 billion) and are now in dire need of cash. With your small donation of at least $1.00, a like and one share, I'm certain that we will be able to pick ourselves up from the trenches of this lost and spend another fortune trying to hit it big again! PLEASE, won't you help a family in need. DONATE NOW.

****If you donate now, I will shout you out as my MCM or my WCW.

Please find it in your heart to give to a family in need.

It sounds like a sympathetic plea from a woman who was misled by a poor understanding of probability until you hear how much she was trying to raise: $100,000. Is it likely she bought 50,000 tickets, or was she just trying for another unlikely payday? That must have been the question asked by the GoFundMe bigwigs, who shut down her page within a few hours. It's just as well, because that was long enough for Nicole to be swarmed by haters. She addressed the controversy on Facebook after the incident was over:

I Thank all of you who actually stuck by me and stood up for me, I appreciate it. People are so quick to judge without knowing or even considering anything other than their point of view. But this ain't no serious post.... Continue to bash, scorn/ scandalize my name.

Clearly the page was a joke, with such hilarious lines in it as "PLEASE, won't you help a family in need." Has Cinnamon Nicole learned her lesson? Considering that she raised $800 before the page was shut down, maybe not. She may still find a way to get rich quick.

2. Judge Judy, because El Niño smashed her plane.

Judge Judy is beloved for dishing out no-nonsense justice on TV, but there's one force that's even tougher than her: Mother Earth. The weather tolerates absolutely no nonsense and doesn't want to hear any backtalk. Even Judy isn't immune from its wrath, and neither is her plane.

Judge Judith Sheindlin's private jet was parked at Naples Municipal Airport near her home in Naples, Florida on Saturday when 80 mph winds caused by El Niño lifted its nose, causing the aft section to come crashing to the ground. The underside of the craft was damaged, grounding it temporarily.

What does this mean for Judge Sheindlin? Probably not much. If she can afford a private jet, she can probably afford to have it fixed. In the meantime, she'll have to fly commercial. Those poor flight attendants have no idea what they're in for.

1. The 99%, because the 1% have won.

Here's a cheery story to leave you with. Oxfam International, a global non-profit aimed at ending poverty, reports that the richest 1% of the world's population now holds as much wealth as the other 99% combined. And that gap is only getting wider.

What's more, Oxfam's report claims that the 62 richest people have as much as the bottom half of all people in the world. While the top 1% includes all people with assets totaling $760,000 or more, that elite 62 is made up of the elite billionaires—people like Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, the Koch brothers, and (shudder) Rupert Murdoch.

Oxfam places the blame for the Grand Canyon-sized gulf between the haves and the have-nots with government lobbyists and offshore tax havens. Of course, this report is far from impartial, and some big money think tanks are dismissing its findings as completely made up. Credit Suisse, on the other hand, believes that these figures are "likely to err on the low side," because the super-rich are extremely good at hiding how much they really own. In a secret base under a volcano, for example.

What does this information mean for ordinary, working people? Is the American dream dead? Not quite. But that Powerball GoFundMe scheme is sounding more appealing all the time.

It's tough to leave a lasting mark on the music industry, so the members of Belgian band Tat2noiseact leave lasting marks on themselves. During every performance, the men of Tat2noisact get tattooed live onstage, the designs of which are inspired by the rhythm of their music. Whether the set killed or bombed, they will always have something to remember it by:

The band talked to VICE Netherlands about their origins, performances, and the fact that they do have limits. The guys were tattoo enthusiasts first, and musicians second, but as they started jamming more they tied the two together.

VICE asked how getting tattoos affects their style of playing:

Fyl: It feels very natural to me. Singing and getting inked is a great combination. You don't notice the pain. I actually think I am a better vocalist when I am being tattooed. 
David: I did have to adapt my rhythm techniques, because getting tattooed while drumming is kind of distracting.

The guys even have some body parts they keep off-limits:

Kostek: Yeah, my left hand. My girlfriend wants me to leave that blank. It's the only part of my body that's remained untouched. My face isn't much of a problem, but my left hand stays clean. 
Fyl: Not for me. Sometimes I tattoo my face, sometimes I don't. Looking in the mirror always takes some getting used to the day after a show. But I don't do it because I hate myself, or anything like that – I'm a pretty happy guy. Of course some people look at me like I'm insane, but I just smile back and say hello. This is just who I am and what I look like.

"Is there still a point in doing this after ten years? Aren't your bodies entirely covered in ink by now?
" VICE asked, to which the guys tattoosplained that the shtick can really go on forever:

Fyl: No. My back has over 200 tattoos but there is still plenty of space left. 
Kostek: My arm is getting pretty full. But even if you can't see a new tattoo, that doesn't mean that it isn't there. You will always feel the place the needle touched your skin. 
Joakim: And when your skin is completely covered in black ink, you can always make it darker. Or you could switch to white or colour. There's no end to it, really.

Watch as the frontman, Fyl, sings while literally experiencing a pain in the ass:

On the corner of 28th Street and Fifth Avenue in Manhattan, there is a curtained phone booth that's been seeing quite a bit of activity, despite the advent of cell phones. The booth was put in place by a sex toy company called Hot Octopus. They were inspired by a Time Out survey that deduced that 39% of men masturbate at work (take a moment to look around the office and guess who). So, the booths are for masturbating someplace private when you can't wait to get back from lunch and use a bathroom stall. Yeah, YOU.

The booth includes a folding chair and computer for checking your "email." It opened on Tuesday, and apparently 100 people christened it that afternoon. Hot Octopus co-founder Adam Lewis says:

There’s no denying that working a nine to five job can be stressful on both your mind and body, especially in a non-stop city like Manhattan. It’s really important for guys to look after themselves so that they can stay healthy and focus properly on the task in hand. We’re told time and time again how beneficial it is to have a break away from your desk.

At Hot Octopuss we are all about looking for new solutions to improve everyday life and we feel we’ve done just that with the new GuyFi booth. We hope the city’s men enjoy using the space we’ve created in whatever way they want. It’s completely free of charge… all that we ask is they thank us when they get their promotion!

Whoops, hold up. The booths aren't really for masturbating. That's actually extremely illegal. A representative gave Mashable this ass-covering statement:

We may be insinuating that these booths could be used in whichever way anyone would like to 'self soothe,'...but the brand is not actively encouraging people to masturbate in public as that is an illegal offense.

Of course, that hasn't stopped people from masturbating in phone booths since they were invented. GuyFi isn't really revolutionary except in the way it calls attention to it.

Scholastic announced on Sunday that it was pulling A Birthday Cake For George Washington, a children's picture book about slaves cheerily making a cake for George Washington, from distribution, to which the world responded, "Wait, how did a book about happy slaves baking a cake for their master get published in the first place?" The book, written by Ramin Ganeshram and illustrated by Vanessa Brantley-Newton, was released by Scholastic on January 5 and quickly garnered over 100 one-star reviews on Amazon while also becoming the "#1 Best Seller in Children's Colonial American Historical Fiction." Must not be a whole lot of competition in that category. 

The book, which was deemed "highly problematic" by trade publication School Library Journal, tells the story of George Washington's "head chef," a slave named Hercules, planning to make a cake for Washington's birthday with his daughter Delia, but running into one major problem—they were out of sugar! Which, if you'll remember, was always a huge issue for American slaves, as well as, you know, all the other TERRIBLE, AWFUL, INHUMANE things they routinely endured that the book did not so much go into.

Ganeshram wrote a blog post in which he said the book was based on historical research, and was meant to honor the slaves' resourcefulness and give adults an opening into discussing the complicated topic of slavery with kids. 

The publisher issued a statement saying “While we have great respect for the integrity and scholarship of the author, illustrator, and editor, we believe that, without more historical background on the evils of slavery than this book for younger children can provide, the book may give a false impression of the reality of the lives of slaves and therefore should be withdrawn.” Oh, you think?

For the past 3 years Valerie Parrot hasn't gone anywhere without her service dog Bella, and her wedding was no exception. Dressed in a darling tutu and pearls, Bella escorted Parrott down the aisle and stayed by her side throughout the ceremony, helping prevent panic attacks and anxiety.

When wedding photographer Maddie Peschong captured this touching moment between the bride and her best friend, no one had any idea the pic would go viral. "I think it's had such a positive effect because it captures such an amazing bond between a service dog and her handler," Parrott told USA Today. "Without Bella, my life wouldn't be the same, so it just made sense that she would be a part of mine and my husband's big day."

Let's just hope Bella doesn't have to watch everything that happens on the honeymoon.

Thomas Smith was living with his friend and her two granddaughters when a loud noise woke him up in the middle of the night on Friday. Smith, who spoke with KPRC2, quickly realized the noise was due to a fire that was engulfing the Houston home. Instead of running away and never looking back, Smith turned full-on firefighter.

He went into his longtime friend's bedroom and discovered debris had fallen onto her bed. Smith cleared the debris and brought his friend outside. Then he completed his heroics and re-entered the home to save the woman's sleeping 8- and 10-year-old granddaughters. "I woke them up and took them outside," Smith modestly said. 

The home—where the woman has lived for 40 years—is still standing, but everything inside is ruined.

Smith was apparently anxious over not being able to properly repay his friend for her kindness, but saving the life of her and her family should clear his conscience. 

For some time now, people have been gossiping about John Krasinski's bod. In preparation for his Navy SEAL film 13 Hours, Krasinski hit the gym hard. While most spouses would be pleased if their SO got in fierce shape, Emily Blunt apparently isn't into her husband's new body. According to him, she prefers him "doughy." 

Now everyone can finally weigh in on this matter themselves, as the newly released film includes a shirtless scene. Behold, the new Jim Halpert:

Blunt may not be a fan, but the Internet is:  

The beard has also got people creeping: 

The tribe has spoken. Krasinski is hot now. And he was before. And he will be forever.