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Police officer kindly responds to noise complaint, immediately helps kids make more noise.

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A resident in Gainesville, Florida called the local police department complaining about the noise a few kids were making in the street playing basketball. Officer White graciously checked out the pressing situation. At first, he sauntered up to a kid in a slightly intimidating way. That cop demeanor faded pretty quickly though, as evidenced in the dashcam video that, besides revealing that White is a chill dude, suggests the neighbor may have very sensitive hearing.

https://www.facebook.com/GainesvillePolice/videos/10153223739347015/?theater

The only situation in which a cop can say, "I might bring some back-up" and not intimidate anyone.


12 perfect baby photos that capture the moment everything went wrong.

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Sometimes the constant stream of baby photos clogging your news feed is annoying, but keep in mind that with this many banal pics being taken of every infant in America, someone is bound to catch something special eventually. For example, the moment when something goes terribly wrong. Here's 12 examples of baby disasters caught on camera, because looking at them feels so right.

1. When you introduce your baby to the dog and a life-long fear of dogs at the same time.


2. When they completely lose it.


3. When everyone thinks you're trying to get revenge (this only happened to one guy).


4. When you don't really know what to do except snap a pic.


5. When you find out your baby is way too suave.


6. When you realize maybe all babies are way too suave.


7. When they don't have the balance to back it up, though.


8. When someone tries to spell a word with the organic material attached to your newborn (eh, this is actually sweet).


9. When she still hasn't realized what's happened.


10. When she wises up.


11. When will people get that un-diapered baby pics are ALWAYS a bad idea?!


12. When the baby tries to clean up after itself.

Snow Penis is dead. Long live the new bigger, longer, wider Snow Penis.

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Earlier this week, the Internet was moved by a public art project in Gothenburg, Sweden — a dick pick in the snow. Some brave Swede slid onto a frozen river to carve out the snow penis, which had since become too dangerous to walk on, leaving the town no choice but to learn to love it.

https://twitter.com/Brosner85/status/689199781940441090?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Park police later acquired a long-ass brush so they could castrate the ice, distorting the image of the once beautiful snow penis.

But, as a testament to the people's commitment to art, a Facebook page was erected to campaign for the return of the snow penis.

Emilian Sava, one of the people behind the removal of the OG Dick Pic, wrote an apology to the people:

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For the non-Swedish speakers, the good people at i100 provided a translation:

I want to say that I am sincerely sorry to see that this many people miss the snow penis. Our thought was to give a hand to the City Council who stand helpless and not try to stop the freedom of art.

For this I want to apologise. To recreate the snow penis in Vallgraven [another area of Gothenburg] is risky but we are thinking about you and at this moment I am trying to figure out the best way to recreate a big and lovely snow penis in the memory of the old one. Please offer suggestions and we will do our best to make this happen.

Sava lived up to his promise, and created an even bigger, longer, more impressive penis on Thursday using professional equipment.

The aerial view is a wonder to behold:

British weathermen take their jobs really seriously, this Twitter feud is a hail of fury.

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Yesterday on Twitter, Liam Dutton, the "weather presenter" (oh, England) from Channel 4 News"took the piss" out of another weather presenter, Nathan Rao from the Daily Express, for what he considered subpar weather reporting.

https://twitter.com/liamdutton/status/690126242419494914/photo/1?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

This isn't a new feud, by the way—they've been at it for years, with Dutton on the offensive. It began in 2012, with Dutton joking about the Express' propensity for putting overwrought snow predictions in huge headlines on their front page. First in May 2012:

https://twitter.com/liamdutton/status/202384067843469312

And then in July 2013:

https://twitter.com/liamdutton/status/358315818544672770

And joking about the Express' weather reporting in general in November 2013. 

https://twitter.com/liamdutton/status/410158897513496576

Other people wanted in on it, of course. 

https://twitter.com/Julian5News/status/410163635487801344

Rao suggested a truce, but Dutton was having none of it.

https://twitter.com/ExpressNathan/status/410439067034476544

And got right back to trolling the Rao and the Express on the regular. 

https://twitter.com/liamdutton/status/412713906625204225https://twitter.com/liamdutton/status/429017455818571777

Rao occasionally fought back.

https://twitter.com/ExpressNathan/status/436077029042040832

But to no avail. 

https://twitter.com/liamdutton/status/475363775869366272

Dutton called Rao's reports "garbage."

https://twitter.com/liamdutton/status/520278969833508865

The ribbing continued in 2015.  

https://twitter.com/liamdutton/status/585071871110078465

And that brings us up to date. 

https://twitter.com/liamdutton/status/685476922726289408

Dutton's still waiting for that reply.

https://twitter.com/liamdutton/status/687227086130548737

It could just be that Rao is very busy listening to Madonna and being the "loving daddy" to his hamster Mrs. Warboys, who, yes, has her own Twitter account

https://twitter.com/WarboysMrs/status/668862957959401472

The world of British weather is a fascinating place.

A woman bled through her pants in public and she has a message for everyone who stared.

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Last Sunday, a young woman named Anushka Dasgupta unexpectedly got her period on her way home and bled through her clothes [writer's note: been there, as have most ladies]. Then she posted about it on Facebook, because she was pissed as hell at all the people who wanted to help her. Not for wanting to help, but for acting like she should be embarrassed beyond recovery.

Dasgupta pointed out the obvious—if menstruation weren't such a cultural taboo, she'd have nothing to be ashamed of, and whispering about it only keeps the taboo in place. Her post has been incredibly popular, and certainly sparked a lot of conversation.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=894843920634228&set=p.894843920634228&type=3&theater

I came home today at four minutes past nine after a long walk, a metro journey and a 10 minute bus ride.

There's nothing unusual about my evening except for the fact that multiple women walked up to me on my way home and asked me to pull my tee shirt down, most men ogled, all the kids I met didn't notice/care. I came to know why I was the centre of attention for the better of my journey when a woman (well meaning, I'm sure) offered me a sanitary napkin. I had stained my pants.

So here I was, well past eight, standing alone at Esplanade with a massive red stain across my butt and a rather artistic red dot under the zipper of my pants.

This post is for all the women who offered to help me hide my womanhood, I AM NOT ASHAMED. I bleed every 28-35 days, it is painful at times, I get moody at times, but I walk into the kitchen and get myself some chocolate biscuits and I'm good to go for the next eight hours come hell or high water because I AM NOT ASHAMED.

This post is for all the men who ogled at me today, I AM NOT ASHAMED. Check out the big red blotch on my pants all you want, check out my butt, check out the way I move, come touch me if you dare, and I will show you that I AM NOT ASHAMED. I will take out a sanitary napkin and show you how it works while you can teach me how to pee in public (because clearly you're not ashamed, and neither am I).

To all the children who didn't give a damn, DO NOT BE ASHAMED. There will be many bloodstains on pants, on skirts, on bedsheets, on cushion covers, on chairs, on tables, against the wall, and on the battlefield where YOU fight the stigma by NOT BEING ASHAMED. Do not whisper when you utter the word "PERIODS", do not subtly offer a woman a sanitary napkin, or a fresh change of clothes. ASK her if she needs one, TELL her she has stained her clothes, DO NOT HELP HER HIDE IT.

I AM NOT ASHAMED.
I AM NOT ON MY *period*.
I AM ON MY PERIOD.

Anushka Dasgupta

Dasgupta told BuzzFeed that she was surprised her words were shared so many times, and that most of the comments she received were supportive. But the best response has been from people in her real life, like her grandmother. She said:

My friends and strangers have written to me appreciating the post. The only thing I wanted to do by putting it up was to start constructive discussion around menstrual stigma, and that’s been happening...

When I showed her the post, my grandmom opened up to me about menstrual stigma in her times, what she thought about it, and how traumatic her experiences were. She’s opening up to me about things she hasn’t ever spoken about in her 71 years thanks to this post. THAT outweighs all the hate. THAT helps me ensure that this post doesn’t become just another internet gimmick.

It's wonderful when the Internet bleeds into reality.

The five most creative lies told by presidential candidates this week.

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At this point, you might be tuning out all the amazing sound bites from a presidential race that already feels like it's lasted decades. That's healthy! But if you have stopped paying attention, here are the five most marvelous candidate lies you really shouldn't miss out on this week, counted down in entertainment value from least to most imaginative.

5. Bernie Sanders: "You may hear me say a word or two about my friend Donald Trump but not my democratic colleagues, who are serious people."

Bernie's first lie was implying that classic third wheel Martin O’Malley and SNLfeatured player Hillary Clinton are always serious candidates. But that's just semantics—obviously Hillary has a real shot at the presidency.

The real lie was Bernie's commitment not to say "a word or two" about his democratic colleagues. Well, that was true of O'Malley. Clearly referring to Hillary’s speaking fees, Sanders said:

By the way, without naming any names, Goldman Sachs also provides very, very generous speaking fees to some unnamed candidates. Very generous. Now I know that some of my opponents are very good speakers, very fine orators, very smart people, but you gotta be really, really, really good to get $225,000 a speech. That's all I'll say.

But come on. Saying you're not gonna say anything about someone and then taking a few shots anyway? Sure, that's technically a lie in the whole "not true" sense, but it's not all that creative. You can do better, Bernie.

4. Chris Christie: Marco Rubio is "a first term senator who's still learning where the men's room is in the Senate."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qT2s4ElMEYk

What?! Come on, the restroom is some first day stuff. Rubio's been in the Senate since 2011. If he still hadn't peed there yet, he'd be a superman and he'd already be president. It would be national, nay, global news if Rubio had not already pooped in the senate, let alone peed!

But man, is that a creative dig (from a Fox news appearance this Monday). Picture Marco Rubio walking around the halls of Congress politely saying, "Sorry, can you point me to the little Rubio's room?" Pretty creative lie. And fun, too!​Good work, governor.

3. John Kasich: 'We have a lot of candidates who like the 'Prince of Darkness,' I consider myself the 'Prince of Light and Hope…'"

Just an unbelievably fun quote from not-as-crazy-Spice.

Now, the latter half of the quote—from Tuesday's interview with radio host Hugh Hewitt—is not technically a lie, because he said "I consider myself the 'Prince of Light and Hope," instead of "I am the chosen, I am the mythical one of whom the prophecies speak, I am the 'Prince of Light and Hope." But by that logic, he could also say, "I consider myself the President of the United States." Doesn't make it true.

Still, there's the beginning of the quote, and Donald Trump would certainly disagree with the claim that he is a candidate who "likes" the Prince of Darkness. Probably. Either way, John Kasich is at least lying to himself, because the only widely acknowledged "Prince of Light and Hope" is Jesus, or Luke Skywalker. Or maybe Harry Potter.

Extremely creative. Major points on this biblical/sci-fi reference.

2. Rand Paul: 'This race should not be about who can grasp the ring. Electing Gollum should not be our objective.'

https://www.facebook.com/notes/rand-paul/electing-gollum-should-not-be-our-objective/10154006377868054?_rdr=p

Hover your cursor over the "Rand Paul" byline on this Facebook post from Wednesday to assure yourself it's verified. Rand Paul says, "One candidate on this national stage wants you to give him power. He tells you he is rich, so he must be smart," before inferring that Donald Trump is Gollum.

Objectively, that is false. Donald Trump is more of an orc than a Sméagol, if only because he's got good posture. Plus, electing Gollum should absolutely be "our objective." He has incredible focus and he helped Frodo drop the ring in Mount Doom. Thank you, Gollum! Please, take the mantle of the free world.

This is so creative. While most of America is thinking about Game of Thrones, Paul's taking it back. BRAVO, SIR RAND.

1. Donald Trump: "I'm honored by the tremendous amount of support I had in the U.K."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaltZRnebac

Trump told the above Sky News reporter on Tuesday of his "very big success in London" (before patting her on the shoulder in a way so uncomfortable the video had to cut away). That success refers to him not getting literallybanned from the country. "I'm honored by the tremendous support I had in the UK, and that whole thing went away," said Trump, "very few people even showed up to talk about it."

If you walk into a Quiznos and you walk out without being barred from ever returning—is that a success? In a small way, sure. But if you're really, really winning, they'll actually give you a free sub. All Trump got was not completely outlawed, after a petition to do that got over half a million signatures.

Trump gets huge points for twisting this embarrassing episode into an "honor." A beautiful spin on reality. Excellent work, Señor Trump, you told this week's most creative lie!

Always safe.

A wild monkey has adopted a stray puppy in India, everyone loves them immediately.

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This tale of two animals finding friendship is all the better because no humans are involved. In New Delhi, India, where monkeys roam the street, one rhesus macaque monkey has found amity with a tiny, stray puppy.

https://www.facebook.com/logical.indian/photos/pb.426895610773497.-2207520000.1453476205./850366921759695/?type=3&theater

The monkey helps feed the puppy.

https://www.facebook.com/logical.indian/photos/pb.426895610773497.-2207520000.1453476205./850366931759694/?type=3&theater

The monkey carries the puppy around.

https://www.facebook.com/logical.indian/photos/pb.426895610773497.-2207520000.1453476205./850366885093032/?type=3&theater

The monkey protects the puppy from scary dogs.

https://www.facebook.com/logical.indian/photos/pb.426895610773497.-2207520000.1453476205./850366895093031/?type=3&theater

The monkey allows humans to admire the puppy.

https://www.facebook.com/logical.indian/photos/pb.426895610773497.-2207520000.1453476205./850366891759698/?type=3&theater

The monkey loves the puppy. And since the puppy has stuck around and looks cute in pictures, the puppy must love the monkey, too.

https://twitter.com/PARITHITAMIL/status/683229931879268352

Fingers crossed the monkey isn't simply fattening up the puppy for later. 


Zac Efron played Snoopy in his real life 'High School Musical,' still not as embarrassing as his MLK tweet.

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Zac Efron has come a long way since he starred in musicals in high school and High School Musical—he is now starring opposite Martin Scorsese's muse, Robert De Niro, in the prestige film Dirty Grandpa. But last night, Jimmy Kimmel unearthed a video he got from Efron's old teacher in which he moonwalks as Snoopy in a production of "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown." Watch Efron sing, back when he was just a little Peanut:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z26hOUeRlEU

Who would have thought that this adorable little theater dork would grow up to make Martin Luther King Day about himself? 

Everybody's loving this Key and Peele movie trailer starring an adorable kitten named Keanu.

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The trailer for Jordan Peele and Keegan Michael-Key's first feature film Keanu hit the Internet yesterday, providing a reason to live for fans still devastated by the news that the Comedy Central sketch show Key & Peele has ended. The fact that the trailer features a kitten named Keanu and two George Michael songs is just icing on the cake. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjEusWO6VPg

The movie looks like a take on the 2014 Keanu Reeves action movie John Wick, but instead of a puppy getting killed (sorry!), a kitten (Keanu) gets kidnapped, leading Clarence (Key) and Rell (Peele) into a bunch of shady situations trying to get the little guy back.

"We in the market right now for like a gangsta pet." 

Along with Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele (and Keanu the kitten), the movie features Will Forte, Method Man, Nia Long, Jason Mitchell, and Darrell​ Britt-Gibson. The director is Peter Atencio, who directed every Key & Peele episode except the final special. That takes care of the comedy and acting part of the movie, and for the action part they enlisted the help of veteran stunt coordinator Bob Brown

Get excited. Keanu opens in theaters on April 29.

Stacey Dash doubles down in blog post, says 'BET lies to American black people.'

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Clueless actress and Fox News correspondent Stacey Dash responded to the backlash she's gotten over her comments about the Oscars and BET, saying that "BET lies to American black people" and that the television channel "promotes segregation." Somehow, you have to doubt that this is going to make people on The View like her any better.

Yes, of course Fox News pays this woman.

Dash wrote on her blog:

That might be hard for the people at BET to understand, especially after I read this quote from a BET exec about the Oscars:

“It would be great if the Oscar nominees represented even closely the percentage of moviegoers who are of different ethnicities, but they don’t,” said Stephen Hill.

Wow. Apparently, Mr. Hill doesn’t understand what an Oscar is.

Oscars are awarded to the actors and actresses who excel… not the audience.

What’s next? Awarding $1 million to the guy sitting in his pajamas on the couch watching Survivor? Giving a blue ribbon to the kid who stayed home from field day? Giving a Nobel Peace Prize to a President who escalated wars in Iraq and Afghanistan?

No, that would be unreasonable.

President Obama is probably thinking, "That was way harsh, Dionne."

"BET lies to American black people by telling them that the rest of America is racist," Dash later writes, "so stick close to your own kind. Anything that promotes segregation is bad!"

You can read the rest of her post on Dash's blog, though you've probably got the gist.

People shared their wildest sexual fantasies on camera and it got real taboo real quick.

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This video produced by The School of Life interviews young people who are in different kinds of relationships and of different sexual orientations about their secret sexual desires. Their answers are incredibly honest, considering that they're on film and not just whispering into a lover's ear in the dark.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7OPc65HdIA

It seems like in most of these fantasies, people either want to dominate others or be dominated by another. The fear for most is what it would mean about them if they forgot about the sexual agency of their partner, or disregarded their own safety.

One man, who essentially fantasizes about raping someone, says, "I don't know why I find something so distasteful, so genuinely distasteful in reality, so appealing in fantasy...I can only presume, again, it's about power." It's an interesting question about the nature of sexual relationships, and very haunting.

Article 31

The behind-the-scenes footage of Adam Driver's best 'SNL' sketch is even funnier than the real thing.

Kate Hudson may have tried to entrap Nick Jonas with an Instagram of her bare ass (NSFW).

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Us Weekly has uncovered a photo of Kate Hudson's bare ass, posted to the Instagram account of her stylist, Sophie Lopez, late last year. The photo in question is remarkable both because of Kate Hudson's bare ass and the ulterior motive behind it.

https://www.instagram.com/p/9tnyhCzglx/

"#JustAnotherDayAtTheOffice," reads Lopez's caption. What a weird job Hollywood stylists have.

Celebuzz reports that shortly before Lopez posted the photo, Nick Jonas had called things off with Hudson.

https://www.instagram.com/p/_azXoiEVfz/?taken-by=nickjonas

Apparently, Hudson posed for the photo in a bid to make her on-off beau Nick Jonas jealous. 36-year-old Hudson added to the charade by commenting on the photo.

Subtle level = zero.

The high school antic panned out, or at least didn't diminish Hudson's standing with the 23-year-old actor/singer. The pair were most recently seen together in early January.

https://www.instagram.com/p/_AC23YJcs-/?taken-by=katehudson

When will these kids grow up?


Chiropractor's obituary has a final message for those who would vote Donald Trump.

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Jeffrey H. Cohen, "Chiropractor to the Stars," died unexpectedly on Sunday at the age of 70, leaving behind a wife, four sons, three grandchildren, three siblings, two dogs, and a request that no one vote for Donald Trump.

The request from Jeffery H. Cohen's obituary.

Cohen's general philosophy was, "The meaning of life is 'OOPS!'" according to his obituary. And he took pride in the being the only Jewish cowboy he knew. He had a successful private practice, treating professional ballet dancers and boxers, Olympic gold medal winners, Fred Rogers, Liza Minnelli, and "Weird Al" Yankovic, among others. And of course he was a fan of jokes of all kinds, but not of Donald Trump

Please no.

Guy flatters girl on Tinder with horror story of previous match and her glow-in-the-dark sex toy.

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Most people are now familiar enough with Tinder that they know its purpose (to get people laid). In a Tinder conversation posted by Imgur user duckingautocucumber, he explained that when he first signed up, he didn't fully understand the app or its potential dangers. Given his naivety, the San Franciscan ended up going out with a woman he dubbed Joeladapus. This is the tale of Joeladapus and her box of dildos.

And thus concludes the epic Joeladapus.

While providing his new match with an entertaining story of another woman that may or may not be true, this guy also managed to compliment his reader. "That's why I'm swiping extra carefully," he messaged her. The Tinder novice has become the Tinder master.

Article 26

A woman is mocking all the shirtless dudes who hate on sexy women, and it's almost too easy.

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A woman named Lindsey is currently making mincemeat of shirtless boys who complain about women posting pics of themselves in scanty clothing. Lindsey is the creator of Cards Against Harassment, an art project about all the street harassment that women face every day. As such, she attracts a fair amount of MRA types online, and now she's found the perfect way to mock them:

https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/688252133280321536?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Lindsey started tweeting little collages of shirtless bros alongside their nasty comments about women showing skin for attention, and they're hilarious. She told Cosmopolitan:

[The hashtag] started after I stumbled across a guy who had a shirtless avi talking about how if women want respect from men, they should cover themselves up and respect themselves, and I thought that was so absurd...Turns out, there is a GLUT of dudes who are either oblivious to the ludicrousness of the double standard, or who are fully aware but embrace that standard as the cost of being a woman.

Either way, the results are incredible:

https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/687452376450482176https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/690589937830400004https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/690549521227616256https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/690173009370320896https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/689820777626075137https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/689449486314110976https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/689093462642290689https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/688883347049689089https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/688806941338947584https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/688806397434187780https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/688531838269128704https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/688522342985646080https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/688515435671633920https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/687791670298062849https://twitter.com/CardsAgstHrsmt/status/687759183760982016

OH, GOD THERE ARE SO MANY. Put on a shirt, bros.

Principal forces humiliated high school student to kneel so he can check if her skirt is too short.

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On Monday, Amanda Durbin, a senior at Edmonson County High in Kentucky, was asked by the Principal Tommy Hodges to get on her knees so he could measure her dress length. It was done in the interest of enforcing a strict dress code, which stipulates that dresses can end no more than six inches above the knee.

Here's the scarlet sweater dress with leggings that the school feels could cause utter mayhem:

Do you see a white dress or a red dress?

She originally passed the dress code, but when Hodges had her raise her arms to see if the dress would ride up, it was measured at 8 inches above the knee. They're really looking for technicalities over at Edmonson High. If that hadn't busted her, they probably would've tickled her nose with a feather to see if a sneeze raised her skirt. Not surprisingly, Durbin was uncomfortable with this procedure:

I didn’t really appreciate having to get down on my knees, especially while I was in a dress.

Durbin requested that her parents be present for this bizarre measurement ritual. The administration agreed and waited until her parents arrived. According to Principal Hodges, the code has existed for some time, but is now being more consistently enforced:

As of a teachers' meeting Wednesday afternoon, we've told the teachers we need to be more consistent and we need to look at the dress code to make sure we're enforcing it.

The principal also noted that several boys have been sent home for dress code violations, often because of ripped jeans. If skirts with leggings and ripped jeans violate the dress code, they should just ban everything from the 80s. This means no popped collars or feathered hair either.

Ultimately, Durbin was sent home, though her parents arrived after the school day had already ended. It's a good thing American high schools are focusing on dress codes instead of catching up with the rest of the world on math skills.

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