At a Senate Armed Services Committee hearing on Tuesday, top Army and Marine Corps officers said they believe women should soon register for the draft now that all combat jobs are open to women. In response to a question on the issue from Sen. Claire McCaskill, (D-Missouri), Gen. Robert B. Neller, the Marine Corps Commandant, said he supports it fully:

Senator, it's my personal view that, based on this lifting of restrictions ... every American who's physically qualified should register for the draft.

Gen. Mark A. Milley, chief of staff of the Army, agreed:

Senator, I think that all eligible and qualified men and women should register for the draft. 

Representative Martha McSally, a retired Air Force colonel and the first American woman to fly a combat mission, told Reuters she agrees with the opinion of the military leaders:

Our country is about treating people as individuals and having a meritocratic approach. ... The debate is over. Women are in combat. Women have been in combat.

While women may one day be required to register, it's highly unlikely they would be drafted for combat, because it's unlikely that anyone is going to be drafted for combat. The draft ended in 1973, though American men between the ages of 18 and 26 are still required to register.

Old Man CDC released a report on Tuesday that shakes a cane at young women who drink when they aren't on birth control. Subtitled "Sexually active women who stop using birth control should stop drinking alcohol, but most keep drinking," the CDC's report focuses on the "estimated 3.3 million women between the ages of 15 and 44 years are at risk of exposing their developing baby to alcohol because they are drinking, sexually active, and not using birth control to prevent pregnancy."

Like many grumpy old men, the CDC means well: fetal alcohol syndrome is a very real danger. Recommending that women who are actively trying to get pregnant shouldn't drink because "Most women don’t know they are pregnant until they are four to six weeks into the pregnancy and could unknowingly be exposing their developing baby to alcohol" is a totally reasonable suggestion. 

What is less reasonable, as many women are pointing out today, is to tell a young woman to never drink because she might accidentally fertilize a child. It's a suggestion that implies several things: that women don't know how to take care of their own reproductive health, that ladies are basically just baby-carriers-to-be, and that women shouldn't be allowed to enjoy the same recreational substances as men.

Women have taken to Twitter to express their displeasure:

Obviously, the CDC has humanity's best interest at heart. But it could be a little less grandfatherly about it.

Anyone who owned a cell phone back in the indestructible Nokia brick days probably spent more than a few hours alleviating boredom by playing 'Snake'—and everyone dreamed of one day playing the perfect game and filling up the screen. Odds are, you never did it, because the game gets incredibly difficult the further you go on.

But one person did. Who, exactly, accomplished this feat is a mystery; the game ends with Cyrillic script, so perhaps it's a bored Russian. It was a bored someone, that's for sure. Nevertheless, this video of a perfect game, posted to Twitter by Nerdist editor Kyle Hill, is mesmerizing people across the Internet today.

Related: Kiss your free time goodbye: you can now play 900 pre-1996 arcade games online for free.

Finally, there's a fashionable feline that truly deserves to be on the catwalk with its line of catsessories. Well, its one catsessory. Jax the cat, which belongs to Redditor Hardin314's friend, recently made a big fashion statement when it put its head in a vase, got stuck, got scared, broke the vase, and was left with this:

Commenter Dizneymagic immediately pointed out the cat's resemblance to a certain historical feline motif:

Don't worry, though: Jax wasn't hurt, Hardin314 left a comment that "Jax is doing well! The vet removed the vase with a wire saw." It's better that way, Jax. Being a fashion icon isn't easy.

That magical time of year is here: the time of the Super Bowl commercial pre-commercial. For its Super Bowl effort, Pantene got football players to do their young daughter's hair, and the results are adorable enough to make you suddenly wish that there was a baby girl growing in your womb (or, if you're a guy, make you wish that you had a womb for a baby girl to grow in).

Steelers running back DeAngelo Williams did both the hair of his older daughter and his younger daughter, the latter of which answered every question she was asked with a straightforward, stoic "yes":

The Saints' Benjamin Watson, meanwhile, gave his daughter braided pigtails:

And Dallas Cowboys tight end Jason Witten struggled to...well, do pretty much anything with his daughter's hair:

You can feel good cheering these guys on, because no matter what football team you root for, everyone's a fan of team Cute Kids and Dads.

Maggie the dog, a guest at Barkers Pet Motel and Grooming in Alberta, Canada, got busted performing a Houdini act and breaking out of her cage at the kennel. But she wasn't using her freedom to enjoy a night on the doggie town, she was just going to sit outside the cage of two scared nine-week-old rescue puppies spending their first night there. 

Pet hotel owner Sandy Aldred let Maggie into the pups' cage, and Maggie spent the whole night cuddling with them.

The pet hotel's office manager Anna Cain told The Huffington Post that Maggie, a recently adopted shelter dog whose own puppies had been adopted out about two weeks earlier, was staying at the pet hotel while her owners were on vacation. The puppies, Hannah and Kari, had just been rescued by Alberta Animal Rescue Crew Society and brought to Barker's. Since posting this sweet love story on Facebook, the whole crew has gotten lots of coverage, with the hotel owners and Maggie's humans even going on the local news. And the best news is that puppies Hannah and Kari already have adoptions pending.

Free dog cuddling on demand is a pretty great hotel amenity—any chance Barkers takes human guests? 

Channing Tatum knows that girls run the world, so Wednesday night on Jimmy Kimmel Live, he celebrated women by becoming a lucky stranger's valentine. Kimmel brought a random lady off the street and onto a love seat with Tatum, who whispered sweet nothings—provided by Candy Hearts—in her ear.

Sometimes talking to strangers on the street can lead to romantic results. 

An Australian man ranted on Kmart's Facebook page that the store's cheap prices and stylish products were driving a wedge between him and his fiancé​e—so the retail giant took him to (gentle, chiding) task. If that sounds like it might be a covert attempt at viral advertising to you, you're not alone, but hey, at over 6,000 shares, it's working!

The post reads:

Hey Kmart , I am a disgruntled fiancé .... I am sick of coming home at least once a week to a new candle holder , frame , pot or pot stand . Along with several other nice yet highly unnecessary items. 
I need to know how many more designs can possibly be released? A man can only take so much and I am at my limit .... (She even suggested putting a light shade in MY garage ) ... I am sure the CEO's are rubbing there hands together along with all the divorce lawyers who would be getting a huge amount of business ever since you guys had a drastic change in the direction and target of your product line ..... I guess I'm not expecting a response nor an answer.... As I understand my relationship issues are not of your concern . Simply a rant that goes unheard here at home . Your products are too appealing and too cheap for her to resist and as a result it's putting immense strain on my life . Thanks for listening .

In response, Kmart posted the following:

That reads:

 Hi Alex, we're so sorry to hear that our highly appealing homewares and everyday low prices are driving a wedge between you and your fiancee. Installing one of our stunning lamps in your garage does seem potentially relationship-ending, and we're pleased to hear it hasn't yet come to this. Unfortunately, we do have new products coming out all the time and the likelihood of them arriving in your home seems high - it may be worth investing in some kind of blindfold before this happens. - Anna

In defense of the idea that this rant spontaneously appeared and wasn't paid for with Kmart bucks, the Australian Kmart genuinely does look pretty stylish:

But don't spend a huge amount of time browsing the Kmart Australia page, because it's summer there right now so most of its ads are for, like, shorts and swimsuits. It's triggering.

Katie Price, an English model with an equestrian clothing line, recently got a lot of attention for pictures of her 18-month-old baby posted to Instagram. In two images, Price's baby girl, Bunny (oh, English people), displays freshly pierced ears.

A lot of people in the comments were not cool with this, claiming piercing a baby's ears is child abuse or a decision the child should make when she's old enough.

Price discussed the matter on her weekly appearance on British panel show Loose Women.

The mother of five first compared her decision to circumcision, then explained the choice was related to her husband Kieran Hayler's Spanish heritage. A number of people on Instagram acknowledged that piercing a baby's ears is indeed a Spanish tradition.

Both Price and Hayler agreed on piercing Bunny's ears before going through with it.

A child of Price's by a different father, eight-year-old daughter Princess, has expressed a desire to pierce her ears. However her father, Peter Andre, refused to consent so Princess is still rocking plain earlobes. Princess is the same child that Price let wear makeup last year, a choice which landed her in another hailstorm of Internet hate. 

Price can't win. Though she must realize that will be the case so long as she's posting public Instagram pictures of her kids. 

Last week, some of the male students at Buchanan High School in Clovis, CA, decided to protest their school's refusal to change its dress code, which hasn't been updated since 1975, by wearing dresses to school. And to show their support, some of the girls wore flannels and button up shirts (that isn't strictly against the dress code, but does help illustrate how stupid it is) as well as shirts and jackets emblazoned with "Dress Code Sucks" (which apparently is very much against the dress code).

The idea for the protest came after the district voted 4-3 in favor of keeping the outdated Clovis Unified School District dress code, which says that boys are not allowed to have long hair that falls "below the mid-point of a standard stand up shirt collar and earlobes must be visible." The dress code also states that those visible boy earlobes must not be pierced because for male students, earrings are "not appropriate or acceptable." Wow, judgmental much, Clovis Unified School District?

Last summer, Buchanan High student William Pleasants published an open letter saying that he couldn't enroll for his senior year because he refused to cut his hair, and wondering why it was fine for girls to have either short or long hair, while boys were still required to keep theirs short.

The CUSD dress code is actually in violation of California law protecting gender expression, according to the ACLU. Attorney Abré Conner issued a statement saying that the ACLU was “shocked that they decided not to comply with the law." She went on to state that they're currently "evaluating [their] next steps," and that they haven't ruled out a lawsuit.

The two girls who wore clothing that said "Dress Code Sucks" got written up, but none of the boys wearing dresses actually got into trouble. Maybe because there's no denying that they just look so damn pretty. Those dresses are a little short, though—hope they didn't have to put up with too much cat-calling.

A group of girls graduating from high school dropped the mic on their way out, in a photo surfacing on Imgur this week. Using the space allotted for a cheesy, inspirational senior quote, they seized the opportunity in their "Year 12" yearbook to send a final message to casual racists and people who didn't get it the first 1,000 times they had to tell them:

"WE ARE NOT RELATED."

Yes, people, Nguyen ≠ Twin.

There is a celebrated history of people named Nguyen collaborating on yearbook quotes. Two years ago, a photo surfaced of eight women named Nguyen at another school who sent the same message in even more words:

We know what you're thinking and no. we're not related

Nguyens win at the yearbook rebuke game. 

Saint Laurent is holding a fashion show this February at the Los Angeles Palladium to show off their new collection. One of their faces is 18-year-old Dylan Jagger Lee, son of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, two very beautiful famous people. On Monday, they shared a teaser for the event that makes it pretty clear the apple didn't fall far from the tree. It fell close, then rolled down to the beach:

He's probably the perfect crush for pre-teens and fans of One Direction:

But one day he'll likely be everyone's crush. Pamela Anderson has aged well, after all:

Kevin Smith's 16-year-old daughter Harley Quinn—yes, she's named after that Harley Quinn—recently had a terrifying encounter with some fake Uber drivers. Young Smith, who co-stars with Lily-Rose Depp in her dad's new film Yoga Hosers, described the incident on Instagram.

PEOPLE OF LOS ANGELES- I was just standing outside a Starbucks in Brentwood, where I was waiting for my uber when a large, beige car drove up to me and tried to get me to think they were my uber. There were two white men (age 20-30) in the driver (blonde hair) and passenger (brown hair) seat with an uber sign on their front window, but they were most definitely not uber drivers. When I asked who they were there to pick up, making sure it was the right car, they wouldn't answer me and said to get in the car. They didn't have the uber app on their phone and were clearly just two disgusting dudes trying to kidnap a girl standing on her own. Protect yourself and never ever get in a car without checking that it's the correct car first!!! I was in too much haze of fear that I wasn't thinking straight enough to think to take a picture of the drivers or the license plate, but if you see a car like this PLEASE report it to the police and stop them from trying to pray on other young girls!!! We have already reported it to the police, but more information would be helpful in finding them. Be careful and look out for yourself/others!!!! 

This near-kidnapping exemplifies why it's okay to obsessively triple-check one's Uber/Lyft car is indeed the correct car. In fact, everyone should always do that. 

In response to his daughter's creepy experience, Smith did an awesome dad thing and purchased her an amazing cake.

Harley Quinn captioned her cake pic, "just when I was about to lose faith in humanity after almost being kidnapped today, my dad got me this cake and made me remember that some people, like himself, make the world a lot better :)."

Cake always restores one's faith in people, though this one is also an excellent reminder of the reality of men. A "Sorry Men Suck" cake is one that every woman should get when they're 16.

Kevin Smith may have started a new father-daughter tradition. Ten times better than any father-daughter dance. 

Jeff Orlick, of Queens, New York, is sick and tired of drivers parking illegally in handicap spaces and blocking fire hydrants. This self proclaimed parking vigilante decided to take matters into his own hands by slapping offending cars with an “I park like an A–HOLE” bumper sticker. “If people park like a–holes, they should know about it,” Orlick told the NY Post on Tuesday.

Putting a bumper sticker on a car is always a bad idea (sorry, no one cares that your son is an honor student, or that your other car is a unicorn), but slapping one on someone else's car can be an even bigger mistake. However, Orlick says he isn't applying stickers willy-nilly.

“I want to be absolutely sure that these guys are a–holes before I put a sticker on their car,” he said, adding that if a driver parks in front of a fire hydrant for more than an hour, “they deserve to be reprimanded,” and to be “treated like an a–hole."

If you hate bad parkers and love destroying private property, you can join Orlick in his quest. He's selling the bumper stickers on Etsy under the alias QueensQustodian. He wisely tells his customers, "Please be prudent because with great power comes great responsibility. These stickers can be removed but not easily. It will ruin someone's day. Use ONLY if they truly deserve it."

Alexandra Svokos, a political writer for Elite Daily, decided to have some fun on Tinder while reporting in Iowa this week. Specifically, she asked guys on the dating app to tell her about their caucuses. You know, whether their belief system hangs a little to the left or a little to the right.

Sometimes people act differently on Tinder than in real life, and the app often leads to legendary nightmares. But this experience lived up to expectations. Svokos kicked it off by letting everyone know it was all in good fun:

First, there was some fun with stamina. This guy gets it:

Caucuses can last a while, and some have reputations:

There was some fun at the expense of both Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders:

Not quite a caucus joke, but fantastic innuendo for a bulge:

True to the character of Tinder, some guys were a little to confident about their caucus:

Tinder always has a few people who just don't know how to roll with a fun prompt or keep a conversation going:

Svokos had so much fun she felt slightly guilty about it:

It's unclear if there are any good puns or innuendos she can ask guys about for the New Hampshire primary next week. But if she can, there are always men on Tinder willing to play along.

Check out all the hilarious responses to Svokos's political Tinder-ing over here.

The eclectic trio of George Clooney, Rihanna, and Ellen DeGeneres played a few rounds of everyone's favorite awkward icebreaker: "Never Have I Ever." It turns out that these very glamorous famous people have done a lot of stuff, from spanking cats to forgetting a hookup's name mid-hookup.

It's especially fun to watch now that Clooney is a tame, married old man.