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What-Dog.net tells you what breed of dog you look like, and it really works.

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The important question of what dog does a person most look like can be put to rest because technology has finally advanced to a point where the answer can be discovered within seconds. In conjunction with its newly released app Fetch!, Microsoft created the website What-Dog.net. Both the app and site try to deduce a dog's breed from a photo, but it works for people, too!

As Ryan Reynolds shows, the results are much less cruel than Microsoft's How-Old.net. What-Dog.net is also much faster than submitting a picture and waiting from a response from You Are Dog Now. Here are a few examples of the site's instantaneous results:

"Adorable" and "face of a werewolf" seem at odds, and both are strange descriptors for Donald Trump.

Keeping Up with the Poodles should be an Animal Planet show, narrated by Kim K

Bernie Sanders flaunts his sporty side.

Prince George does have a fox-like face in that, like a fox, he is very cute.

If you squint really hard then look at the picture of the sheepdog, there's still no resemblance to Salma Hayek. Oh well, moving on.

What-Dog.net works on other animals, too!

Goodbye, hours of free time.


Ted Cruz parodied 'Office Space' in a campaign ad attacking Hillary.

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The Ted Cruz campaign released an attack ad on Friday spoofing the movie Office Space and mocking Hillary Clinton for her email server scandal. If you don't remember, last year it was revealed that Clinton used her own email server instead of a government email server, which means that some sensitive emails could have been compromised. It's unclear whether that will get her in trouble, though her released emails revealed she's a fan of The Good Wife.

The commercial is a parody of a famous scene from Office Space in which the main characters deliver a beating to a much-hated office printer. They even use a custom parody of the song "Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta":

https://youtu.be/FECIYlo3KRY

Well-played Senator Cruz. Even though he also seems like the type of guy that might get upset if someone moved his stapler.

The first photos of 'Game of Thrones' season 6 are here. Daenerys looks like she's in trouble.

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HBO released the first photos from season 6 of your favorite fantasy porno TV show yesterday, and they're surprisingly revealing.

https://www.facebook.com/GameOfThrones/photos/a.10153483412757734.1073741880.74133697733/10153485263852734/?type=3&theater

The biggest news is that Daenerys Targaryen (the First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, Mother of Dragons, etc.) is seen with her hands tied up, surrounded by Dothraki soldiers. In the last scene of the 5th season, after escaping a perilous situation on dragonback, Daenerys is surrounded by a Dothraki khalasar, but it isn't clear that she'd necessarily be their captive because she's an OG Dothraki bride and because she has a large and terrifying dragon nearby. But, alas, these photos show that Drogo didn't do sh*t.

(By the way, let's just assume that if you're reading this, you know what all those proper nouns mean. Carrying on.)

Across the narrow sea, Jaime Lannister and his nephew/son King Tommen are mourning the death of Jaime's niece/daughter Princess Myrcella. Jaime Lannister is running out of secret incest children!

https://www.facebook.com/GameOfThrones/photos/a.10153483412757734.1073741880.74133697733/10153483413097734/?type=3&theater

Elsewhere, Sansa Stark and Theon Greyjoy, despite being the two characters with the worst luck in the whole damn series, somehow survived their jump from Winterfell's walls:

https://www.facebook.com/GameOfThrones/photos/a.10153483412757734.1073741880.74133697733/10153483413722734/?type=3&theater

Varys and Tyrion still be scheming:

https://www.facebook.com/GameOfThrones/photos/a.10153483412757734.1073741880.74133697733/10153485264007734/?type=3&theater

Margaery still be imprisoned:

https://www.facebook.com/GameOfThrones/photos/a.10153483412757734.1073741880.74133697733/10153483413607734/?type=3&theater

Brothers and sisters still be doing it:

https://www.facebook.com/GameOfThrones/photos/a.10153483412757734.1073741880.74133697733/10153483413297734/?type=3&theater

Ramsay still be staring psychotically:

https://www.facebook.com/GameOfThrones/photos/a.10153483412757734.1073741880.74133697733/10153483413287734/?type=3&theater

But most intriguingly, Bran, who is paraplegic, is shown standing up next to The Three-Eyed Raven:

https://www.facebook.com/GameOfThrones/photos/a.10153483412757734.1073741880.74133697733/10153483413542734/?type=3&theater

Here are the rest of the 28 photos:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10153483412757734.1073741880.74133697733&type=3

Not shown, of course, is Season 6 "dead" poster boy Jon Snow.

A high school senior bought a Valentine's Day carnation for all 834 girls in his school, even though he has a girlfriend.

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Starting as a freshman, Hayden Godfrey began his tradition of one-upping all the other dudes at school by anonymously sending flowers to dozens of girls as part of the school's Valentine's Day flower exchange, KUTV reported. This year, the Utah senior Godfrey—who has a girlfriend—outdid himself and bought 900 carnations so he could give one to each of the 834 girls at his school. It's an act of kindness reminiscent of Max's proposal in Gilmore Girls. 

https://www.facebook.com/Spacefish7/posts/1126284540715482

"So I did a thing today," he wrote on Facebook. "Today I passed out 900 carnations, one to every girl at SVHS and it was totally worth it. I don't think anything can compare to seeing every girl in your life holding a flower as they walk through the halls."

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1126284437382159&set=a.257526967591248.72197.100000018410559&type=3

Making the story even sweeter, Hayden spent $450 of his own money that he earned working as a cook, dishwasher, and grocery bagger, ABC reported. 20 of his friends helped him pass out the flowers and execute this rom-com style feat.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1126284484048821&set=pcb.1126284540715482&type=3&theater

The recipients loved Hayden's deed. "Thank you so much!! It quite literally made my life this week," Emily Earl commented on Facebook.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1126284400715496&set=pcb.1126284540715482&type=3&theater

Hayden's mom told ABC, "He wanted every girl to feel joy." Every layer of this story is more impossibly endearing than the last.

Alanis Morissette is pregnant with her second child, and you, you, you, oughta know.

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Alanis Morissette revealed today that she's expecting her second child with husband Mario "Souleye" Treadway. The couple already has a 4-year-old son named Ever, because celebrities are required to give their children unique names. Each year, Alanis makes a short animated video to recap and reflect on the events in her life, and this year, she used the video as a chance to let everyone know that she's expecting:

https://youtu.be/NflWAYJgxUc

Maybe they can name this kid "After," so their children are Ever and After. Or they could name it "More." Whatever they choose, congrats to the happy family. Sounds like this was a planned pregnancy and not a result of her forgetting to take a jagged little pill.

Watch these deleted scenes from 'Mrs. Doubtfire' if you feel like crying about Robin Williams.

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Someone posted three dramatic "lost" scenes from the 1993 film Mrs. Doubtfire to YouTube, and they might make you really, really sad about Robin Williams. Look at how good he is at both the dramatic and comedic sides of his performance! It will also make you realize that, deep down, Mrs. Doubtfire is the saddest cross-dressing movie ever. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8Y-uV2wJyM

According to People, there were talks of making a sequel to the movie before Williams' death in 2014 .

Enjoy the most oddly satisfying video ever.

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If there's one thing that you can learn from fast food commercials, it's that people love to be satisfied. The fine folks at Digg also know that, which is why they put together this supercut of visuals that are oddly satisfying. From nicely frosted cookies to an infinitely looping model train, watching this video is like a tiny brain massage, but without having to listen to the creepy whispers of ASMR videos. Enjoy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjeKw0B8PG8

RELATED: The best gross-but-mesmerizing videos of stuff being pulled out of the human body. 

A couple of tortoises had sex at Mathieu Mirano's New York Fashion Week show.

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Fashion designer Ralph Lauren once said, "Fashion is not necessarily about labels. It's not about brands. It's about something else that comes from within you." In the case of the Mathieu Mirano show at New York Fashion Week on Thursday, the "something else that comes" was actually a couple of tortoises that started humping in the middle of the event.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBprZLGjc9w/

According to Page Six, the 200 pound tortoises were there to set the scene for "Mathieu Mirano’s desert-inspired presentation." Well, one male tortoise certainly was inspired, because he (very slowly) chased a female tortoise through the maze of women in gowns, then proceeded to mount her and make the sex that's implied at most fashion shows explicit.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBpzkZiBrnU/

According to one attendee, who posted the Instagram below, the tortoises' handler said "they were happy." Presumably, that entire sentence was "The tortoises? That was not a banana in their pocket. They were happy to see you."

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBp_GpQtX5k/?tagged=mathieumirano

If only Kanye had hired the tortoises to join the models at his Life of Pablo listening party. Although they probably wouldn't have followed the rules.


Valentine's Day

15 Valentine's Day food disasters so bad, you'll stop believing in love.

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If it's true that the way to someone's heart is through their stomach, then these people are really in trouble. That's what they get for trying to be creative in the kitchen on Valentine'sDay. Next year it's going to be nothing but gas station roses and leftover Halloween candy. Here are 15 food catastrophes that are so depressing, they'll make Cupid want to turn those arrows on himself.

1. Maybe the baker got dumped right in the middle of making these?

2. It may not look like a heart, but eating enough of it will still stop your heart.

3. Jell-O products have really gone downhill since the word got out about Cosby.

4. "It's the thought that counts," she screamed into her pillow.

5. Roses are red, violets are blue, these so-called cookies are too bad to be true.

6. Hey Cupid, eat sh*t.

7. These should say "eat me," "shut up," and "at least I tried."

8. This candy heart will break your heart.

9. Hearts pump blood, so this cake looks like it's bleeding. Get it?

10. These cinnamon buns look more like cinnamon b-holes.

11. This is actually a really nice way to tell someone to shut up.

12. Looks more like a Pac Man ghost.

13. Is that a sword on this cake or is it just happy to see you?

14. Someone's gone through one too many breakups.

15. STD Clinics are really going the extra mile these days.

Hey, at least they tried.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day

Article 22

People shared G-rated jokes that always make them laugh (and groan).

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Someone asked the Internet, "What G-rated joke always cracks you up," and to everyone's surprise, the normally filthy denizens of the web delivered the comedic equivalent of high-fructose corn syrup. If the Internet as a whole had a movie rating, it would be one that makes Ryan Reynold's Deadpool blush (not that you could tell under the red suit)—but we already knew they like dad jokes, and now we know they also like grandpa jokes as well. These zingers have been approved for all ages.

1. E.T. groan home.

2. Tell this one over the kitchen mesa.

3. The word for "groan" in Spanish is "gemido."

4. You'll holy-see everyone's eyes rolling after you tell this one.

5. You might have to chew this one over.

6. Your friends will wish they had gone deaf before you told them this musical gem.

7. Military-grade cheese.

8. Beware, this may be the last punchline you ever tell.

9. You might find yourself repeating this one.

10. When particle jokes collide.

11. Your friends will wish they could go back to before they ever heard this.

12. This one will really light up the room.

13. This is what's known in the biz as a shaggy dog story.

14. Hopefully, there's more where this came from.

15. The chicken. The road. Together at last.

16. This one merits a ruler-crack on the knuckles.

17. You've been very good, so here's a bit darker one.

Valentine's Day


Trolls are passing around a fake Apple promotion that kills your device. Don't be fooled.

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Trolls are passing around an image pretending to be a promotion from Apple that promises to give your iPhone a "retro" look if you set your phone's clock back to 1970. To be fair, since there were no cell phones in 1970, you'll feel pretty retro when you suddenly no longer have one, either.

The image, ones like it (see below), and many trolls leaving comments across the Internet are claiming that if you set your phone's clock back to January 1st, 1970, your phone will get an exciting throwback theme. This ignores the fact that if you truly had a retro PC look, you'd suddenly have to learn basic programming just to access your texts from the command line. More importantly, it bricks your phone (makes it basically unusable) and you'll have to go to the Genius Bar to fix it, which won't be fun or free if your warranty is up. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fY-ahR1R6IE

The reason this happens is that 1/1/1970 reads as a zero in UNIX (perhaps due to the chronology of when the computer language was invented). It's sort of like Jesus' birthday, but for computer language—and it was probably put in place by a skinny, long-haired dude with a beard. This brings back memories of how the world almost came to an end because 70s-era programmers only used two digits to express the year, resulting in the "Y2K" crisis when they suddenly realized that computers would think the year 2000 was 1900. Bank accounts would revert to zero, and planes would fall out of the sky, because there were no planes in 1900 (not really, but that would be a funny reason, right?). 

This affects all new iPhones from the iPhone 5S onwards, as well as newer iPads and iPods. Anyway, don't do this. Don't listen to images on the Internet. Unless they're Someecards Valentine's Day cards, of course. (That was a really good segue.)

Big man who just came home from the dentist is endearingly afraid he'll lose his head.

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Just in time for Valentine's Day, here is a demonstration of true love by a woman with a very calming voice assuring her big, burly Bart, who's just come home from dental surgery (and fallen off the couch) that he is safe from his biggest fear: that his head will fall off and no one will hear him call for help. Although nobody should ever want to be this high (and post-dental surgery videos have proven that America's dealers have stiff competition from America's dentists), it's hard not to be jealous of how gentle this woman's brain-tingle-inducing voice is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nB8cp2wNak

Related: Ryan Reynolds hooks 'Deadpool' fan up with tickets to the premiere because of her post-dental-surgery vid.

Valentine's Day

Calling names out of the phonebook led to a 46-year marriage for this happy couple.

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48 years ago, Tomas Yudai moved to Winnipeg, Canada, and after a lonely first week where he saw snow for the first time, looked up Filipino names in the phone book just to find someone to socialize with—and ended up finding his wife, Carrie. Millennials like to complain about how difficult it is to date on Tinder, but swiping right sure beats guessing who in the white pages might be from your country (the first few people he called turned out to be Portuguese). The CBC's Teghan Baudette interviewed the couple, who have a lot of lessons from their 46-year marriage that young people could use today.

Eventually, someone picked up Tomas' cold calls: his future wife's roommate. Tomas must have had a suave phone game, because, as he recalls, "She says, 'Come over, you know, we're having a party.' So I said, 'Great,' you know, 'Thank you,' and I got the address." He forgot to get the time, however, so he showed up early to find Carrie coming out of the bathroom in a towel. Meet cute? Check.

The party involved "a lot of single nurses and doctors," and according to Carrie, Tomas immediately "started flirting with all of the nurses." Tomas claims not to recall that, but to be fair, he also admits to not really noticing Carrie for a while, despite their introduction. According to him, she "didn't even register," which is the kind of thing you can only get away with saying after 46 years of marriage (he also declined to give an opinion on what he originally thought of her appearance). 

Nevertheless, he registered with her. Carrie was dating a doctor at the time and working as a nurse, as many Filipino women did. In fact, she points out, there were many more Filipino women in the city than men (the Philippines is one of the world's leading producer of nurses). Tomas, who had gotten his degree in economics and agriculture in California after growing up in the Philippines, was a catch (no word on what happened to that other doctor).

She kept calling him and inviting Tomas out to parties, and eventually he got the hint. On Dec. 26, 1967, they shared their first kiss. "Well, you know, there's one man for 25 women so you kiss him and that's it," explained Carrie, who admitted to being quite possessive and jealous at times of Tomas. Lock it down, girl.

Fast-forward half a century, and what do they credit for their long marriage? Their individuality. They keep their own hobbies (gardening for Carrie, computers for Tomas) and sometimes they even travel separately. "We have a strong sense of" Tomas said before Carrie finished for him "who we are."

"Yeah," Tomas continued, "who you are as an individual rather than us together." See the full interview with even more anecdotes over at the CBC.

Related: 13 celebrity couples whose marriages are so stable you forgot they were together.

Valentine's Day

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