Maiya Roi and her husband, Walter Ueligi Mataniu-Faumui, live together in Sydney, Australia, in a state of wedded bliss, except for the fact that Maiya's hobby is jumping out at him and startling him senseless over and over. And she films it every time. Warning: there is some NSFW language in the video—but you're still going to want to keep the sound on.

Maiya posted her video compilation of Walter's Greatest Scares to Facebook, complete with his cursing and her hysterical laughter, where it's been viewed almost half a million times. Hopefully that makes it worth the roughly 600 heart attacks she's given him during the making of the video. Ain't love grand?

A movie is only as a great as its soundtrack. Take the film score of the 1975 film Jaws for example—not only is it iconic, but it will more or less strike the fear of god in you whenever you hear it. One chill dad decided to secretly film his daughter’s reaction as he played the Jaws theme song, and the little girl will probably never be the same again:

From being super scared to laughing hysterically, this innocent tot went through all of the feels:

The sinister soundtrack of Jaws may sound less menacing to an adult, but if there's one thing that can scare the living hell out of adults, it's this.

This bride will remember her wedding day, and the little bugger that ruined it, for the rest of her life. As this woman's father led her to the altar, one tuxedo-clad boy could not hold his peace for even a second longer. He decided to make a mischievous covenant with the bride's dress, consecrating his holy union with a joyful shriek and leap into the fluffy gown.

The only way this kid's apparent lack of impulse control would be justified is if he'd pulled a Graduate, meaning he'd just traveled miles and miles specifically to stop the wedding from happening without letting the gown know his true feelings. You never know! Love makes kids do crazy things to inanimate objects.

Related: Ring bearer and flower girl walk down the aisle in the same church 17 years later.

As if finding a huge spider living in a bag of salad wasn't frightening enough, now Australia brings us the terror of shoe spiders.* On March 7, an Australian dad (and YouTube user Modest Hyperbole) posted a video he filmed of his son's shoe, which he claims his son left out over the weekend. The video shows a very convincing reason to always check your shoes before putting them back on, especially if you live in Australia (or the American Southwest).

Look, you know what? Just don't watch this video. You already know what happens. (The video seems to repeat half-way through, but there's more the second time.)

You watched the video, didn't you?

Well, if you didn't (you did) here's what happens: basically, your worst nightmare. The dad sprays the inside of the shoe (which is filled with a spider's web) several times with what appears to be insect spray, before a large black spider, seemingly unharmed by the poison being applied directly to it, traipses casually out of the shoe and over the side. That spider could probably withstand being punched by a kangaroo and eaten by a shark and still come out unscathed, because that's just how shit is Down Under.

Related: OMG WTF UGH: 4-acre spiderweb blankets warehouse with millions of spiders in urban nightmare.

According to Australian Women's Weekly, the spider appears to be a black house spider, a member of a species of cribellate Australian spider, commonly found in Australia and New Zealand. The spider is venomous, but not considered deadly to humans.

The brave dad ends the video with your standard, "Welcome to Australia." Indeed, mate.

*Yes, denizens of Texas and the American Southwest, we know you have shoe spiders and boot scorpions, too. Good for you.

Donald Trump's mark on political discourse has been... distinctive, and even kids have taken notice. One teacher posted a test to Reddit in which, for extra credit, students were asked what the capital of Canada was. This is one of the answers the teacher received:

It says:

Of course I know the capital of Canada. It's a great country. It's really great. Everyone wants to know what the capital of Canada is. And you know what I tell them? I tell them that we have a foolproof plan for naming the capital of Canada. And that's why we're going to be the best at naming the capital of Canada. #MakeCanadaGreatAgain

The teacher ended up giving the student an extra credit point, even writing on Reddit "this is why I teach." It really is a spot-on impression of Trump, down to the fact that Donald Trump probably also doesn't know that the capital of Canada is Ottawa. 

Booyakasha! Sacha Baron Cohen participated in a Reddit AMA ("Ask Me Anything," for the n00bs) on Wednesday, and it was an exciting, rare moment in which Baron Cohen actually answered questions as himself. As he explains in the AMA, Baron Cohen usually does press in character so it doesn't get boring, but this time, he offered long answers that revealed a lot about his creative process.

1. u/lux514 asked, "Do you regret doing anything at all that you've ever done?"

yes. There was something that I regret not doing, which was, I was on this Australian late night talk show, and the talent booker had made a massive mistake. He booked the Australian Prime Minister on the same talk show. I was doing Bruno, and I had a strip tease routine fully planned, including tearaway pants and this g-string. And my intention was to lap dance the Prime Minister of Australia, and stick my crotch in his face. It would have been an international incident, and probably would have got me barred from Australia. But, unfortunately, I wimped out of doing it, and eventually was also barred by his own security.

2. u/lurker_now_accholder asked, "What was the worst part of filming Borat?"

The worst part filming Borat was the naked fight, because I had a 250 lb. man's ass on my face, and his buttocks was so big that I couldn't actually breathe when I was underneath there. So, I had about 30 seconds of air under there before I had to breathe in. And I had a signal with the director, which was when I thought I was going to pass out, I would hit the mattress three times. If you look at the Borat film now, you will see that I do hit the mattress three times, and the director didn't stop filming, which meant I was faced with this very stark choice, which was either to die, or to breathe in the rancid air from my costar's rectum. And when I was underneath there, I decided to die. Luckily, my co-star moved off and I managed to finish the scene. Otherwise, that would have been a very inglorious end to my life.

3. u/CrazySwayze82 asked, "Out of all of the people you interviewed while doing the Ali G show who was your favorite and if you feel like it your least favorite to interview?" 

There was a guy called Mohamed Al-Fayed whose son, Dodi Al-Fayed, tragically died with the late Lady Diana in Paris. He came on the Ali G show and was hilarious. So he was probably my favorite.

My least favorite was I did an interview with David Duke as Ali G, and it was quite unpleasant because he brought some neo-nazi security with him and my researcher had to spend the evening keeping the security guards away from me. And even though my researcher is Jewish, he had to pretend to be a complete antisemite and neo-nazi in order to keep the body guards attention and let me interview Duke alone. In the end, I never showed the Duke interview, because his views are so extreme and horrifying that giving any publicity to him felt immoral.

4. u/limbodog asked, "Did you catch any flak for your Oscars performance?"

yes the producers of the Oscars were upset, but they've been upset with me before. I assume I will not be invited back.

5. u/PM_me_your_phantasie asked, "How hard (not your penis) was it doing the wrestling scene in Bruno?"

It was very nerve wracking because I almost got killed two nights in a row. We did the first one in Texarkana in Arkansas, and that ended up going very badly. They started throwing metal chairs into the ring and a huge sterioded ultimate fighter ended up jumping into the ring and attempted to beat me up. So I had to escape. We drove through the night to another town in Arkansas and did the cage match again for the second time and it ended up provoking a riot in the stadium. But luckily I had built a trap door in the cage which led to a tunnel that was reinforced, and at the end of the tunnel there was a car that was running with its door open, ran out, and me and my co-star got off scot free.

6. u/darkestrogue asked, "What question would Ali G most like to ask Donald Trump?" 

Drumpf is a misogynist and I think it is disgusting the views he has on bitches.

7. u/iamnotevensorry asked, "Hi Sacha, you have done a lot of crazy things along your way. Is there anything you wouldn't do because it's too gross or freaks you out?"

Yes there are lots of things I would not do. I only ever really do something if I find it hysterically funny. And I have a mental problem, which is, I don't see the consequences of my actions. So, I will often come up with something in the writers room, with me and my colleague, and not really think through how I'll feel when I get to the day when I have to shoot it.

So, case in point, the naked fight seemed very very funny when I started talking about it in the writers room, but it got to the day, and when I was confronted with a naked 260 lb. man, who had not cleaned his asshole for 25 years, the joke suddenly did not seem very funny.

8. u/kc307 asked, "What's the craziest fan experience you've ever had? Have you ever had a fan believe you to always be one of your characters, rather than an actor, due to the style of some of your movies?" 

Well, when I started out doing Ali G, nobody knew what my face looked like. So there were a number of Ali G impersonators who were going around pretending to be me. One of them gave an interview in one of the newspapers saying that if the real Ali G had slept with half as many women as he had, then he'd be a very happy man. Unfortunately at the time I was in a monogamous, very unhappy relationship, so I was particularly resentful of him. It was one thing him pretending to be me, but quite another him sleeping with my groupies. So I met another of these Ali G impersonators, and again people really thought that they were me, and this guy only did gigs with the mafia in London. So there was a notorious family called the Krays, he did one of their funerals, and he did exclusively east end mafia gangs. I was a little bit perturbed by this and he said "Don't worry, they love you. Well me. Who cares." and that led to a few unpleasant encounters with gangland members during the beginning of Ali G who thought that they had been swindled by my Ali G impersonator.

9.​u/nomercymayhem asked, "Have you ever thought of doing a certain character but decided not to because the world isn't ready? Maybe the character was a bit too controversial?"

Yes. I did used to do a comedy character on the circuit who was called the Mujahideen, and he was a very nice fundamentalist terrorist who just wanted to be loved and deliver stand-up comedy lines. In the end the character was too divisive. Fine by me, I then came up with Ali G.

10. u/SimB5 asked, "Which character do you enjoy playing the most?"

I think it's probably Bruno, because his hygiene is the best. When I was in Borat, I wore a suit that hadn't been washed for a dozen years, and I can't wear deodorant, I'm walking around with a staff for a year at a time, and occasionally I even have a 260 lb. man sit on my face. So it's quite unpleasant to play. But with Bruno, he's clean, he smells great, I have at least one or two people shaving off all my body hair every day, and he's very well moisturized. And of course he has a bleached anus, which any man secretly wants.

11. u/rekips asked, "What are your favorite things to do to publicize a movie? Are there anything's the studio has you do that you dread doing?"

I tend to do whatever I want when I'm publicizing a movie. In Cannes, it was my idea to go in a green thong on the beach and surround myself with some girls. And when I was publicizing Borat, the studio did not want me to stand outside the Kazakhstan embassy and deliver a press conference, but because I own the characters, I have the freedom to do whatever I want with them. So, I managed to avoid the normal boring press junkets that other actors are forced to do. And of course, pretend that they enjoy.

Baron Cohen's new movie, The Brothers Grimsby, comes out March 11th. 

Matt McGorry, the actor who plays John Bennet in Orange is the New Black, designed a t-shirt for International Women's Day. The shirt's been dubbed "the greatest feminist t-shirt *ever*" by the good people at Marie Claire, and proceeds from its sale will go to NARAL—an organization that helps support the right to choose. But despite McGorry's good intentions, the shirt will almost definitely reel in some meninists on accident.

The shirt reads:
 

I'm not a feminist because ____

A. I don't understand that it just means believing in gender equality

B. I'm an asshole

The shirt relies on people actually reading the entire text before coming to a conclusion. Unfortunately, most people glance at shirts and draw conclusions immediately. In this case, that conclusion might be—"hey, Matt McGorry's a dick!"

McGorry told Maire Claire that when he was creating the shirt, he "tried to imagine what I would've needed to hear a year ago to flip the switch and make me think about feminism differently; to think about what women go through everyday that I don't."

Regardless of the complicated head-fake, the shirt seems to be a hit, and hats off to McGorry for his newfound political consciousness. If you like, you can buy the shirt here for just shy of $23.

Dorrie Nuttall shared this photo on Facebook to tell how their service dog, a black Labrador named Jedi, saved the life of her 7-year-old son who has type 1 diabetes. According to the caption, Dorrie  said her son Luke's blood sugar dropped to an unsafe level and the diabetes-sniffing service dog jumped on the bed to alert her.

Five minutes this photo of Luke and Jedi was taken, Dorrie said the family was fast asleep. There were “no alarms were going off” and “no one was checking (Luke's) blood.” After Jedi warned her, Dorrie gave her son a glucose tab to increase his blood sugar. 

"We don't rely 100% on Jedi, we have the CGM and still set alarms to check Luke over night," she said. Dorrie added that "Jedi is a living breathing creature" and can sometimes "miss alerts." Luckily for Luke, when the alarms didn't do their job that night, Jedi was there to rescue him.

When Luke's blood sugar goes to the dark side, Jedi will use the force and spring in to action. Check out this video of Jedi catching Luke's low blood sugar, below.

'No Luke's or Jedi's were harmed making this video.'

"[Jedi's] alerts often beat the meters and he saves Luke from lots of the crummy feelings and health issues that go along with each. But Jedi's job goes beyond alerting, he also saves Luke from being alone, from being scared; he is his constant companion," Nuttall wrote on Facebook.

If you’re ever having panic attacks or if you’re inches away from danger, you can always count on a service dog to help you. T-Swizzle knows.

Dos Equis is retiring the actor behind their famed spokesman, "The Most Interesting Man in the World." The Mexican beer brand announced the end of his commercial run on Wednesday.

The campaign ran for nearly nine years with the now 77-year-old Jonathan Goldsmith playing the character; Dos Equis plans to replace him with a younger Most Interesting Man. His tagline "I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis," worked so well that it inspired endless parody catchphrases and Halloween costumes.

His final Dos Equis commercial sent him off with both spectacle and respect (respectacle?):

Inside sources have told The Wrap that Sony Music is planning to end its relationship with producer Lukasz "Dr. Luke" Gottwald a year before his contract is set to expire, after a massive PR headache caused by the inconvenient fact that he's been accused of rape and basically holding performers hostage.

Three weeks ago, a New York judge refused to allow pop singer Kesha out of her contract with Dr. Luke, citing the lack of concrete evidence for her allegations that he had physically and emotionally abused her over a decade-long professional relationship, in addition to drugging and raping her.

After the decision, many people were stunned that Sony declined to drop Dr. Luke. Evidently, the label thought this whole thing would just blow over, proving once again that there's a reason the music industry is dying. Many high-profile artists came forward with their own messages of support for Kesha, including Adele, Lena Dunham, and Kelly Clarkson (who claimed she was blackmailed into working with Dr. Luke). Taylor Swift even gave Kesha a gift of $250,000 to help (despite Demi Lovato's disapproval). The story just kept building and building, making Sony look worse and worse.

Now, Sony has finally pulled the plug on its long, extremely profitable love affair with Dr. Luke. And not a minute too soon. An insider told The Wrap, “The fact that this hasn’t already been taken care of is confusing, especially for people in the building.” They should feel relieved to know that this scandal will no longer tarnish their severely tarnished reputation. On the plus side, it's not like anyone respects music labels to begin with. Except that badass one from Empire.

There are a batch of kids out there right now who have never known a white president, and The Daily Show's Jordan Klepper interviewed eight white children last night to try to figure out how this has affected them. Apparently, not much; they're just as conflicted about Hillary Clinton's emails as most white adults.

Their white self-hatred does ​become apparent, though. "I'm not saying that all white people are bad, but some of them are," one kid points out. He has a point.

Related: 'SNL' says what Trump supporters are really thinking in this tremendously brutal satirical campaign ad.

SeaWorld has just released news that Tilikum, the theme park's resident killer whale performer for the last 23 years, has fallen extremely ill due to what they suspect is a bacterial infection in his lungs, and his vets aren't optimistic about a recovery. A SeaWorld blog post explained the orca's deteriorating health conditions:

We are saddened to report that over the past few weeks, Tilikum's behavior has become increasingly lethargic, and the SeaWorld veterinary and animal care teams are concerned that his health is beginning to deteriorate...

...Despite the best care available, like all aging animals, he battles chronic health issues that are taking a greater toll as he ages.

Our teams are treating him with care and medication for what we believe is a bacterial infection in his lungs. However, the suspected bacteria is very resistant to treatment and a cure for his illness has not been found.

SeaWorld's veterinarians are "focused on managing his illness in a way that makes him comfortable and creates an enriching life," and would love if you watched this behind-the-scenes video of Orca Care that, from a PR standpoint, is successful in making it seem like these animals have a better health plan than most Americans do:

Tilikum's life was chronicled in the 2013 documentary Blackfish, which alleged that captivity's effect on the whale led to his involvement in three human deaths, including that of trainer Dawn Brancheau, who was killed by drowning and blunt force trauma in front of a SeaWorld audience.

For better or worse, Tilikum is guaranteed to live on at SeaWorld due to his heavy involvement in the park's breeding program, which produced 21 calves from his seed. 

If you need to cheer up a little, here's some footage from Free Willy of killer whales frolicking in the ocean to a Michael Jackson song.

Here's everything you need to know for Wednesday, March 9th, 2016.

1. Carly Fiorina has endorsed Ted Cruz.

2. The odds of Marco Rubio getting the GOP nomination have dropped to 1%.

3. 'The Most Interesting Man In The World' is retiring from Dos Equis.

4. Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos says he'll put tourists in space in two years. 

5. North Korea claims to have miniaturized nuclear warheads that can fit on missiles.

6. A Vermont man who was charged with repeatedly entering a home and stealing a cat was found incompetent to stand trial. 

7. The source of a bloodstream infection that may have contributed to 18 deaths in Wisconsin is unknown.

8. Donald Trump got a property tax credit for people who earn less than $500k three years in a row.

9. Rapper 50 Cent must appear in a Connecticut bankruptcy courtroom to explain the photos of him with piles of cash he posted on Instagram. 

10. Obama will skip Nancy Reagan's funeral to attend South by Southwest.

11. Beatles producer George Martin died.

BuzzFeed reports that Jeremy Meeks, the hot felon whose mug shot tore up the Internet, has been released from prison. Meeks was sentenced to 27 months for being a felon in possession of a firearm. His hot mug shot had been reported to have landed him a modeling contract, though that was later refuted.

Here is the picture seen 'round the world:

His agent, Jim Jordan, told BuzzFeed that they are excited for his release:

We’re putting everything in place. We’re in talks with a lot of different agencies. There’s movies on the table. We have a lot of different things happening.

It seems unlikely that Hollywood just hands movie roles to guys that have recently been released from prison. Though he is a felon, he is a married father of three and has a squeaky clean Instagram account. Here's a nice Sears photo with the wife:

Coaching youth basketball:

Always hustling:

The final step on rebooting his image will probably be removing that gangster teardrop from his left eye. 

Earlier this week, the National Republican Senatorial Committee accused Congresswoman Tammy Duckworth of not "standing up" for troops in a tweet, which they quickly deleted—not because she's a veteran, but because she's a veteran who lost both her legs in Iraq. Which seems like something you should remember about your opponent in a Senate race.

The campaign responsible for the tweet was that of Duckworth's Republican opponent in the Illinois senate race, Mark Kirk. His campaign manager, Kevin Artl, refused to apologize, pointing out that there is a pending lawsuit from two of Duckworth's former employees from when she headed the Illinois Department of Veteran's Affairs. That lawsuit has already been dismissed twice, in previous election years, but it is being brought again. Meanwhile, the Duckworth campaign has reported a surge in donations and support on the #TammyStands4Troops hashtag.

You may have heard that George Martin, the legendary Beatles producer, died yesterday at the age of 90. But if you're like some nerdy people, you might have originally misheard the story as news that different George Martin had died:

It's an understandable worry, because while George Martin the producer, long ago finished making Abbey Road, George R. R. Martin the Game of Thrones writer has not even finished The Winds of Winter yet, let alone the final book in the Song of Ice and Fire series, A Dream of Spring. His death would have been a monumental tragedy, because—although the Game of Thrones TV show is theoretically telling his story whether he lives to complete it or not—the show has already left some important plot points out. And, do you want to live in a world where you never find out who Coldhands is?!

Some people don't.

Also, he has a family, and stuff.

Anyway, Martin (the alive one) wrote the following post on his blog to reassure everyone that he's still on this mortal coil:

While it is strangely moving to realize that so many people around the world care so deeply about my life and death, I have to go with Mark Twain and insist that the rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

It was Sir George Martin, of Beatles fame, who has passed away. Not me.

He will be missed. I never met Sir George (I did meet Paul McCartney once, for about a minute, while waiting for the valet to bring my rental car up at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills), but like many millions of others, I loved the Beatles, and Martin's contribution to their music is worthy of recognition and honor. [...]

As for me, I am still here, still writing, still editing, still going to movies and reading books, and I expect to hang around for quite a while yet, thank you very much.

But thank you all for caring.

 No, George. Thank you for not dying.