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Wonderful old Irish man delivers diatribe against Americans who've ruined St. Patrick's Day.

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Though it's very difficult to understand what he's saying, it's crystal clear just how much American tourists gets this Irish gentleman's blood boiling. He spares no insult, such as "punks and wumps," in his diatribe against Americans who've ruined the local St. Patrick's Day parade. Considering what the day of Irish pride has become in the U.S., you wouldn't be hard pressed to find others who share his sentiments, particularly that long string of bleeping.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Z-dbFhQBmQ

St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland, and now this fellow must drive the Americans out, too. Erin go Bragh, you wonderful old curmudgeon!


Article 82

Chinese women discover the A4 Waist Challenge, a creative new way to hold women to dangerously unrealistic standards.

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A ridiculous (and unhealthy?) body trend is sweeping China and it involves women holding up sheets of A4 paper (roughly 8 ×11 inches) to illustrate just how incredibly tiny their waists are. The entire concept is that if you're able to completely hide your waist behind the A4 paper, you win.

The #A4WaistChallenge started in February, when women began posting photos of their under-eight-inch waists all over Chinese social media network Weibo. According to Mashable, more and more women from all over Asia are flooding social media websites with their own waist challenge photos. Take a look:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDAMzlhvST7/https://www.instagram.com/p/BC_kdbCkncf/

 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BC_w3_imYZR/

As the challenge sweeps across Weibo, people have taken to Twitter to denounce it:

https://twitter.com/klimny/status/710417713575936000https://twitter.com/SanyaHoon/status/710022407465992192

Other folks suggest the female participants turn the A4 paper sideways (landscape mode) for a more accurate, realistic waist measurement. 

https://twitter.com/avivotchka/status/710130043758972928https://twitter.com/healthatworkUK/status/710367665219637248

There's no shortage of beauty trends, so if you want to try one—this one trumps the waist challenge any day.

Jennifer Garner's stories about Oscars corsets and her 'vagine' made Jimmy Fallon squirm.

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Jennifer Garner appeared on The Tonight Show to explain to Jimmy Fallon the ludicrous bodysuit and corset she had to wear for the Oscars. Apparently, having a waist for the red carpet can involve quite a bit of work behind-the-scenes. So much so, that both Garner's internal and external organs were affected. 

https://youtu.be/60XuePC4P6o

The Oscars are very glamorous, right up until your ribs and bladder (sensibly) do not cooperate with a metal corset.

Either way, Garner is a champ and it's hilarious that she chose this story to deliver during a late-night TV interview.

YouTube creators say their original concept was more like a terrible, video version of Tinder.

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Speaking to a crowd at this year's South by Southwest festival, YouTube co-founder Steve Chen said the original intent of YouTube was to be a video dating website. It's difficult to imagine now, but the original vision of YouTube was to digitize the old school VHS video dating services, in which people would record a profile about themselves in hopes of finding a match. Here's what Chen revealed, according to CNET:

We always thought there was something with video there, but what would be the actual practical application? We thought dating would be the obvious choice.

When they launched the site with that purpose, no one was interested. After five days, not one single (single) person had uploaded a video. So Chen said he and the other co-founders, Chad Hurley and Jawed Karim, decided to change course, and that's when they changed history:

Okay, forget the dating aspect. Let’s just open it up to any video.

YouTube co-founders and wealthy nerds Steve Chen and Chad Hurley.

This was the first YouTube video they uploaded, featuring Karim at the zoo:

https://youtu.be/jNQXAC9IVRw

And this is the video dating they were trying to revolutionize, which is the most hilarious thing ever. Treat yourself today by watching this montage of 80's dating service profiles:

https://youtu.be/u4ow3AD9i9w

This montage might be the reason that current dating apps like Tinder do not include video, and why no one would do it for YouTube in 2005. It's a terrible idea.

Here's how close a half million dollars got mom Nannette Hammond to becoming a Barbie doll. Her Ken loves it.

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There's a whole world of Barbie wannabes out there, but Nannette Hammond of Cincinnati, OH might be the new reigning Barbie queen. Hammond, 42, is a wife and mom of five who loves Barbie so much that she's spent over $500,000 getting plastic surgery to look like her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KecdFOuhjTg

She couldn't buy the height (she's only 5'3") but she could buy all of Barbie's other attributes: the breasts (Hammond is now a size 28H bra, after two boob jobs and a breast lift), smile (veneers), pout (lip filler), hair (extensions), face (Botox and semi-permanent makeup—what even is that?), and tan (she tans daily in the tanning salon in her house).

And her family says they're completely on board and very proud of her. In fact, it's her husband and kids who take the pictures and videos for her racy Instagram account, where she has over 32,000 followers.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCp8RK4PugN/

Her husband, Dave, says"I like Nannette's look and I'm always happy to support her. Nannette takes care of the family and puts everyone else first. So we make the most of every moment together."

As a kid, Hammond was "obsessed" (you think?) with Barbie and had over 50 of them. In an interview with News Dog Media, she says: “I loved playing with those Barbies. Growing up, I felt shy and self-conscious about my looks and wanted to be just like the dolls.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCHIAALPug_/

Nannette's husband Dave said he likes "her look" and explains that she's "always been excited to be different." ​Still, he will not be changing his name to Ken.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BB3jaP3vume/

Nannette now has three customized Barbie cars, including a pink Porsche that costs almost $250,000. She also has three walk-in closets (living the dream!) which she calls her "Barbie playrooms." And yes, the family has a private plane, too.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCS39UVPuhP/

But as Nannette tearfully explains, sitting in her Barbie Dream Kitchen (which she actually uses—she does all the cooking and chores in the house), "I'm blessed. My kids are healthy, my husband treats me like a princess every day. When people say I look like Barbie. . . or I live this Barbie life, it's better than Barbie."

You can now buy pre-peeled avocados, so you can destroy the environment in the least efficient way possible.

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The newest way to spit in Mother Nature's face is here, and it comes in the form of pre-peeled avocados. After the Internet freaked out over Whole Foods carrying pre-peeled oranges earlier this month, these avocados brought a second wave of wrath from environmentally conscious shoppers. The pre-peeled avocados are seeded, halved, wrapped in plastic and then boxed. Oh, and they also retail at about $4 per avocado.

The photo was uploaded directly to the Facebook page for Sobeys, a large Canadian grocery chain, by concerned shopper Christine Kizik, along with this caption:

Surprised and disappointed after a friend posted a picture of an avocado for sale at his local Sobeys in Thornhill, ON. It's been precut, then wrapped in plastic and cardboard. Avocado's have their own perfect, compostable, wrapping. Adding packaging to an avocado is strange to say the least. This is wasteful and I'm curious about the reasoning for Sobeys stocking avocado this way? Looking forward to a response. Thank you.

Since it was posted, it has gained a ton of attention, including a comment from Sobeys themselves.

Thanks for sharing this with us Christine. This product was developed for people who might be new to using avocados and for a little more convenience. It eliminates the guess work when it comes to ripeness and any challenges if you are not familiar with peeling and seeing a fresh avocado. The packaging is there to keep the fresh wholesome appearance and quality of the avocado without it browning prior to consumption. Hope this answers your question and if you do have any more you can certainly reach out to our team at customer.care.ontario@sobeys.com

A barrage of comments supporting both sides of the argument followed. Most commenters objected to the use of plastic packaging on something that already comes with its own natural packaging:

Sobeys- It doesn't look fresh or wholesome. It looks like a waste and a farce. There is nothing "new" or "natural" about this product as the unnecessary and excessive packaging suggests. How about a sticker or a little sign on the avocado section with some simple instructions on how to open and avocado for those new to this wonder and well-packaged fruit? This is a shameful and ridiculous step backwards.

But there were some who supported the product, arguing that the plastic-wrapped avocados could be easier to open for people with disabilities or arthritis.

Clearly most of the people here have never had to live with limited manual dexterity of any kind. Pre-cut, peeled, washed and in this cased pitted, food can be incredibly important to someone who doesn't have full manual dexterity. Just a thought.

And, not surprisingly, some chimed in simply to throw shade:

Could you please create another version with avocado cut into bite-size pieces, with each piece wrapped in its own box? Halves are just too much trouble. Thanks.

For now, the boxed avocados are a pilot product available in select Ontario supermarkets, but it's only a matter of time before consumers everywhere are pulling the tops off plastic tubs containing peeled, sliced bananas, oranges, and avocados. So civilized.  

George Lucas was caught eating noodles alone in a food court, because in the end we are all alone.

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Just because you have a net worth of $5.1 billion doesn't mean you're too good for a lunch of noodles, Diet Coke, and the day's newspaper on a plastic tray. Twitter user Gabrielle Fusco saw Star Wars creator George Lucas having a quiet meal to himself in a South Australian food court, and kindly left him alone in person to make fun of him online.

https://twitter.com/GAFAtape/status/709941422258913280?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Note that Fusco provided no evidence she was eating with another person or that her noodles were any warmer.

Poor George made three unpopular movies after making three of the most popular movies ever and now he can't live down the jokes.

https://twitter.com/Bongon69/status/709977261689143296https://twitter.com/jrhennessy/status/709957825116635136https://twitter.com/Dan_Anstey/status/709981281124225024

Leave this humble soul alone. He's given you more than you can take from him.


Husband accidentally throws away wife's $400,000 wedding ring. Luckily, it's enormous.

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Bernie Squitieri threw some paper towels in the kitchen trash of his St. Louis home on March 13, failing to realize that he was dropping hundreds of thousands of dollars in the garbage, he told ABC. His wife Carla had placed her 12.5 carat wedding ring—worth $400,000—and an anniversary band on the paper towels while in the kitchen. Somehow when Squitieri grabbed the towels to throw them out, the massive wedding ring didn't slice his hand open.

No doubt the anniversary band was expensive, too.

Carla only figured out what had happened the next afternoon, at which point she and her husband called Meridian Waste Services, the company who had hauled off their trash and the giant ring earlier that morning. The truck sporting their garbage and precious jewelry was heading for a doomed life at a radioactive landfill.

Bernie managed to halt this process so he and Carla could dig through the trash. They were warned there was likely nothing to be found but disgusting stuff in the 10 tons of garbage they had to sift through.

Carla said finding the rings was like winning the lottery. Fitting since they're worth so much money.

In the end, it was one of the three waste company managers who volunteered to help the couple that found the ring. "It's like a needle in a haystack," Joe Evans, the couple's savior, said. More like a rock in a sandbox.

Bernie said the incident "gave [him and Carla] hope that there are still good honest people." Everyone else is saying, "How is that ring so big?"

Photographer Masika May shoots sexy 'dudeoir' photoshoots for men with lots of confidence.

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Canadian photographer Masika May is getting a lot of Internet attention right now for her continually coy, sexy, boudoir-style photoshoots. Just like traditional boudoir photos, the men are shot striking playful, flirty poses and wearing next to nothing. Naturally, the style is called "dudeoir."

https://www.facebook.com/MasikaMayPhotography/photos/a.230793163631976.61396.214600648584561/1066306130080671/?type=3&theater

May told Design Taxi that the idea was born when her good friend jokingly asked her husband to do a sexy photoshoot as a birthday gift to her, probably not thinking he'd really do it. But he contacted May, a close friend of the theirs, and since she'd already photographed just about every milestone in the couple's relationship, it made sense for her to try this one, too.

In January, May posted the results of her first dudeoir shoot, featuring her good friend's husband, Brendon Williams.

https://www.facebook.com/MasikaMayPhotography/photos/a.230793163631976.61396.214600648584561/1066306000080684/?type=3&theater

May said she posed him just like she'd pose a female client and that Williams' wife was "pretty much ecstatic" about the results.

After her first "sexy husband" photoshoot got popular, May's friend Patrick Barry asked May to shoot some dudeoir pictures for his wife, too.

https://www.facebook.com/MasikaMayPhotography/photos/a.230793163631976.61396.214600648584561/1096191063758844/?type=3&theater

In another interview with Design Taxi, May said “I basically just followed him around while he was doing his daily chores [on his farm], but made him pose in underwear while doing so.”

https://www.facebook.com/MasikaMayPhotography/photos/a.230793163631976.61396.214600648584561/1096190910425526/?type=3&theater

The photos feature a manly, bearded Barry doing things like leaning seductively against his truck and sexily feeding chickens.

https://www.facebook.com/MasikaMayPhotography/photos/a.230793163631976.61396.214600648584561/1096191133758837/?type=3&theater

Awww yeah, so hot and so wet.

https://www.facebook.com/MasikaMayPhotography/photos/a.230793163631976.61396.214600648584561/1096191137092170/?type=3&theater

Riding the momentum of the success of these two photo shoots, May is creating a dudeoir calendar, which promises "Real seductive masculinity, 12 months of the year."

Ladies, you know what to ask for for your birthdays this year.

Article 73

Dog who fell in Pacific Ocean found 5 weeks later, alive and wagging her tail.

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They say all dogs go to heaven, but heaven will have to wait for Luna, a German Shepherd who fell off a fishing boat over a month ago and was presumed drowned, but was discovered alive and healthy Tuesday morning.

Some dogs have nine lives, too.

The one-year-old pup was on a fishing boat two miles away from San Clemente Island, near San Diego, with her owner Nick Hayworth when she went overboard, Public Affairs officer Sandy DeMunnik told ABC News. Police and Hayworth searched for Luna for a week to no avail, and she was considered lost at sea and presumed dead.

Imagine the surprise when Luna showed up to greet Navy Staff on San Clemente Island five weeks after she initially went missing. After being identified as the same dog that fell off the fishing boat over a month earlier, Luna was examined by a wildlife biologist at the San Diego Zoo and was deemed "perfectly healthy other than being a little undernourished." What was Luna's diet when she was away from her kibble for over a month? According to DeMunnik, mice. If that wasn't badass enough, Luna also had to tough out the El Niño storms that have been pounding the West Coast over the last several weeks.

Report do not indicate she had befriended a volleyball decorated with a bloody paw print.

Luna is being picked up by Hayworth's best friend, and dog and owner are to reunite later. No word on if Luna will be back in the boat any time soon, but she sure did prove herself a true sea dog.

Article 71

Cops found a ton of drugs and guns in 'Pawn Stars' star Chumlee's apartment. Uh-oh.

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Police seized a whole lot of incriminating evidence during a raid of Austin 'Chumlee' Russell's home as part of their sexual assault investigation of the Pawn Stars star. According to TMZ, 12 firearms (four of which were registered to Chumlee) and a variety of drugs were found on his property, some of which were in Chumlee's..."Chum Chum room." Here's what they found:

- 1 gallon Ziploc with 116 grams (1/4 pound) of marijuana
- 2 clear jars of marijuana (8.2 grams and 2.8 grams)
- 1 bag with 4.4 grams marijuana
- 7 clear capsules with 1.7 grams of methamphetamine powder
- 17 Xanax bars

Cops also found signs of cocaine use in the “Chum Chum” room, which has a stripper pole. Police say they found a clear plastic baggie with white residue and also a rolled up $1 bill with white residue.

The police say Chumlee's large marijuana stash was not for dealing, but rather for personal consumption, because apparently buying in bulk is more economic for someone like Chumlee who spends copious amounts of Chum Chum time Chum Chumming in the Chum Chum room.

"Welcome to my Chum Chum room. I want to play a game."

When Chumlee was originally arrested, they'd found "methamphetamine, marijuana, and at least one gun." His attorneys told TMZ they'll be "analyzing what was allegedly found and whether the alleged seizure was lawful in a courtroom."

On a brighter note, here's a compilation of Chumlee being Pawn Stars' comic relief:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnWdZTNRvGA

Ariel Winter asked her Instagram followers for bikini advice because she's immune to hate.

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First a new hair color, now a new bikini. Ariel Winter is ready for spring! On Wednesday, the Modern Family actor posted a video on Instagram of her in a string bikini, with a caption asking her followers, "For #springbreak or nah?"

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDCJfWXExfZ/

And, of course, her followers had a lot to say, and not just about the bikini in question, because what's the point on being online if not to shout your meaningless opinion into the gaping abyss that is the Internet?

The comments on the post range from supportive statements like "It looks great on you. Yay!" to negative ones like "You is fat" and "She's trying to bring attention to her self like kyle Jenner." But Ariel doesn't mind, because she's basically immune to trolls. In November, after posting a picture of herself and her young nieces, all in swimsuits, she received a barrage of vitriol from people who thought her bikini was too skimpy. In an Instagram caption of a picture she posted following that, she wrote, "I typically never give power to the mean things people bravely say behind their computer screens on the Internet." Smart girl.


Can you tell if these celebrities are real redheads or fake ones?

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Biologically, redheads are really rare—the trait only occurs in 1-2 percent of the worldwide population, though it's far more common in Ireland, where 10 percent of the population is a natural ginger and nearly half of all Irish people carry the recessive gene for red hair. In Hollywood, though, sometimes it seems like every single actress up for an Oscar has red hair. How could this possibly be?

Dude. Clairol. 

Let's see if you can figure out which celebrities are natural redheads and which ones just have a good hairdresser.

A woman shared photos of herself in clothes that women over 200 lbs 'shouldn't' wear. She looks great.

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Bowling Green State University student Sara Petty (@_spetty on Twitter) recently noticed a lot of people tweeting about what women who weigh over 200 pounds should never wear. The people weren't tweeting to her directly, but she found herself getting fed up with the constant criticism and arbitrary rules for bodies that are not thin. So she took their advice, and then threw it in the garbage where it belonged. Then, on March 9, she put on the very things she was told a person of her size and shape should never wear, took pictures, and tweeted them with the caption: "Girls: Wear whatever the hell you want."

https://twitter.com/_spetty/status/707438926173216768

Hypothesis: "If you're 200 pounds, maybe a bikini isn't for you." — FALSE

Objection: "If ur over 200 pounds don't wear leggings." — OVERRULED

Statement: "It is NOT acceptable to wear booty shorts while being 200+ pounds." — INCORRECT

Opinion: "I'm sorry but if you're like 200 pounds you shouldn't be wearing a crop top…" — BAD OPINION

Petty couldn't help but notice that all the comments came from other women. In a statement she gave to the Huffington Post, she wrote:

I hope women realize how important it is to stop tearing each other down and uplift each other. We have a lot going against us as women, we don’t need other women against us, too.

I also hope that girls are able to separate who they are from the number that shows up on the scale, and realize there is no number, high or low, that dictates if you’re worthy of feeling beautiful. Body-shaming will probably always be there in some way, but I hope my post helps at least some women feel beautiful in spite of it.

In short, haters gonna hate. But don't let 'em get you down.  

Article 66

Felon apologizes to judge to the tune of Adele's 'Hello,' but even that can't save him.

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Grammy-winner and lover of lovers Adele recently inspired a man to apologize for his crimes though song. 21-year-old Brian Taylor was in court, according to Ann Arbor News, for "unlawful imprisonment and carrying a concealed weapon." More specifically, Taylor—who has had prior issues with the law—was one of three men who held another man at gunpoint and forced the victim into a car in order to complete a robbery. Before his sentencing, Taylor delivered a personalized version of "Hello."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N37TIk2puD8

Hello there, Your Honor. I want to say I'm sorry for the things I've done and I'll try and be stronger in this life I chose, but I want you to know that door, I closed. And your honor I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. To my mother I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. To the victim I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Yes you're honor, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Judge Darlene O'Brien reportedly said Taylor was "obviously a talented young man." Then Taylor got 18 months to 15 years for the unlawful imprisonment, on top of two years for the concealed weapon. That adds up to a potential 17 years in prison. Plenty of time to create full-length album. 

Waitress put a napkin over breastfeeding mom to cover her up. It didn't go over well.

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Dylan Downing was enjoying some sushi at Atami Sushi and Steak when her infant son Mason also got hungry and began to cry. As Downing began to breastfeed her son, a waitress came over and put a cloth napkin over the mother and child. Unsurprisingly, mom was pretty pissed.  

"She got a cloth napkin and placed it over me and my infant," Downing told the outlet. "I ripped it off and said why are you touching me and covering my child."

The waitress, identified as Rattana, said she covered up Downing and her son because three men were complaining about her being too exposed. Rattana also said that seeing a breastfeeding mother didn't offend her personally, not that that really matters. Downing retaliated by choosing not to tip her server and sharing photo of her receipt to the Facebook page of her local news station, KHOU11 News.

Nice use of smiley faces.

Of course, the Internet took this opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings on the issue:

Team Breastfeed at Home.
Team Breastfeed Anywhere.

Rattana did apologize to Downing about the whole ordeal.

"She got mad," the server said. "Right away I thought, 'Oh my gosh, I should have asked her first." She went on to say, "I want to say sorry to her. I don't mind if she feed the baby. I just tried to help to cover."

As for Downing, she said she holds no grudges against Rattana or Atami Sushi and Steak and will be eating there again. The real question is whether or not Mason will be.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8I6rXJf55QQ
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